The mayor made a habit of working late most evenings. In a desperate attempt to avoid her empty reality, she occupied her mind with matters of the town. Unfortunately for her, the town had very few unresolved issues. Once Storybrooke's occupants had regained their memories, they became extremely resourceful. Distracting herself turned out to be quite the challenge. At the very least, her office provided an unsuspecting sanctuary.
Shortly after five, an all too familiar wave of dread overcomes the anxious woman when she is startled by the sound of her cell phone alerting her to a new call. The queen laments how she had regressed from a confident and fearless woman to a jumpy nerve-ending. Fully expecting to see Robin appear on her screen, she is surprised to discover Mary Margaret instead. Normally the queen would not be so eager to talk to her former adversary. However, considering the alternative, Regina eagerly greets, "Mary Margaret."
"Regina." The younger woman is obviously upset. "I'm sorry to bother you."
If only Mary Margaret knew how relieved the queen is to be hearing from her. Until recently, Mary Margaret had been her sole connection to Emma. Maybe it's absurd, Regina thinks, but hearing Mary Margaret's voice makes her feel closer to the blonde woman. "It's okay," she assures. "What's going on?"
"Is Emma there?"
Simply hearing the blonde woman's name activates the butterflies in Regina's stomach. But why would Mary Margaret think that Emma was at city hall? The queen casually expresses her confusion. "What? No."
Becoming desperate, Mary Margaret asks more specifically, "Have you seen her?"
The queen hesitates before answering. This question catches her completely off guard and she needs a minute to formulate a response. "I haven't seen Emma in over a month." This was the truth. Should I have? "Why do you ask?"
"Her ultrasound was this afternoon and she's still not home. I tried calling her several times, but I only got her voicemail. I'm starting to worry." Apparently, that explanation required a great deal of effort. Mary Margaret had worked herself into an absolute tizzy waiting to hear from her daughter.
The mere mention of an ultrasound is a painful reminder for Regina that she has forever lost her chance to be with Emma. "She's probably with the baby's father," the queen flatly states, a hint of bitterness in her delivery.
"She's not," the younger woman informs. "I checked."
At that, Regina is suddenly more invested in the conversation.
"She still hasn't told him." Mary Margaret knows she should stop there, but she cannot deny the comfort she feels by talking with a trusted ally. "Honestly, I don't think she wants anything more to do with him."
Regina gulps back the tears threatening her vision. She attempts to appear neutral. But internally she is practically bursting with hope. "Okay, well, what time was her appointment?"
Regina's support is undeniably a great source of comfort at a time like this. The younger woman delivers a noticeably calmer response. "By the time we left the hospital, it was almost one."
The queen is immediately fearful at the realization. It's been more than four hours!
Mary Margaret continues, "When she said she wanted to walk, I should've known something was wrong."
Trying her best to mask the panic she is currently experiencing, Regina attempts to gain more information. "Did she seem upset?
"I shouldn't have left her alone," the desperate younger woman cries.
The queen understands that Snow White is useless in such a worked up state. Therefore, she accepts the responsibility for taking control of the situation. "Alright, Mary Margaret, let's think about where she might be."
This is no time for pretense. The young mother honestly admits, "I thought maybe she'd come see you."
That touches a nerve. The queen accepts that she is the one who chose to end the affair. She pushed Emma away time and time again. And why? Was it worth it? None of that matters now. The only thing that matters is Emma's safety and well-being. However, the queen cannot contain her own curiosity. "Why me?"
Mary Margaret takes Regina by surprise, professing what she knows to be true. "I know everything that you and my daughter have been though. No matter what happens, there's no denying that you are an important part of her life."
Even though this woman may never be her mother-in-law, Snow White certainly knows how to lay on the guilt.
Putting her own interests aside, the queen is determined to not only help Mary Margaret, but, more importantly, to help Emma. "What happened at the ultra-sound? Something must've upset her."
Searching her memory of that afternoon, Mary Margaret can only remember one specific. "She saw her baby for the first time."
She knows she shouldn't. But, Regina feels an overwhelming connection to the unborn child. How is this possible? The baby isn't hers after all, she mourns. But, it's Emma's baby. How could she not love Emma's baby? This child is a part of her. Snapping out of her daydream, once again, Regina focuses on Mary Margaret's reasoning for Emma's absence.
"It probably brought back memories of when she was pregnant with Henry. I don't think she's ever forgiven herself for giving him up."
The last thing Regina wants Emma to feel is shame for giving up her son. She admits that she had judged Emma when they first met. But as she has come to know the undignified woman, she understands what led her to make such a decision.
"But where would she have gone?"
Regina voices the helplessness she feels. "I don't know."
Being Snow White, the younger woman responds with hope. "You know her Regina. You know her better than anyone. Please. I need your help."
For whatever reason, Regina decides to accept what Mary Margaret is telling her. With the strength of this conviction, the queen fearlessly searches her heart. "She obviously needs this time to herself. That's why she wouldn't let you give her a ride. She wants to be alone."
Regina doesn't know why she is surprised when Mary Margaret questions this assertion.
"Why, on Earth, would she want to be alone at a time like this?!"
Her confidence returning, Regina explains, "Emma's very self-reliant. She's had to be. Her whole life people abandon her and let her down. She is used to not having anyone to turn to."
"She has me!"
Of course Mary Margaret would take offense! She thinks everything is about her. Regina has to take a deep breath before she lashes out at Snow White for her stupidity. Restraining her aggressive nature, she takes a non-threatening approach and calmly elaborates. "But for twenty-eight years, she didn't. This is what she's used to. This is how she copes. I don't agree with it, but I understand. I do it too and it's dangerous." She feels Emma's loneliness and despair. "She's isolating," is barely audible. The queen is utterly downhearted.
"Can you talk to her? Please. Please help her, Regina. I beg you!"
Thankfully, Mary Margaret's pleading is enough to keep Regina from caving in on herself. Renewed by this charge, the queen vows, "I'll find her. I promise."
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She doesn't know why she went there. She just kept walking, as if she was being drawn. She had been there for over two hours, outside Regina's vault. Even with the temperature dropping, she is reluctant to leave the steps of the burial chamber. She feels closer to Regina by being there.
As she is lost in thought of what to do about her current predicament, she suddenly registers her phone vibrating in her pocket. Glancing at the screen for what is probably the fifth time within one hour, Emma is perplexed when she sees Regina's face instead of her mother's. Normally, the vision would activate butterflies in her stomach. But now, the young woman feels nothing. She realizes that she has finally reached the point of complete hopelessness about her current situation. Mostly, she is exhausted. Void of emotion, she answers, "My mother called you. Didn't she?"
The queen doesn't know how to react. Though she is filled with relief and gratitude, she brings a safer emotion to the surface and expresses her annoyance at having to worry about the infuriating blonde. "You wouldn't answer your phone."
"I don't want to talk to anyone," the younger woman bites back.
"You're talking to me." The queen doesn't understand what exactly compels her to constantly challenge this woman. In truth, she has always seen Emma's potential and only wants her to be the very best that she can be. However, when she is met with silence, Regina switches tactics. Softening her tone, she voices her concern. "What happened?"
A multitude of thoughts fill the blonde woman's mind, though she is unable to voice a single one. Accepting defeat, Emma expresses the all-consuming hopelessness. "I can't do this, Regina!"
Despite her confusion at the sudden outburst, Regina calmly vocalizes what she knows to be true. "Yes, you can. You are the strongest person I know. And you already are an amazing mother." She should've known that it wouldn't be so easy to get through to Emma when she's this closed off.
"I didn't raise my son, you did. I have no idea what I'm doing."
Determined to break through the younger woman's brusque exterior, Regina speaks of a particularly vulnerable time in her life. "I had no idea what I was doing when I adopted Henry. But the moment I saw him I knew that I needed him; we needed each other. I never felt more out of control in my entire life than when I brought an infant home for the first time. It was terrifying." Normally, the queen would not speak so candidly. Her son's mother has always been the exception. "There were times when I wanted to give up. But my love for my son kept me going." Regina only hopes that by sharing her own experience, Emma might be ready to hear what she says next. "It's okay to be scared, Emma, and to feel overwhelmed. This is a first for you." Normally this would be Snow White's job, but Regina accepts the task of instilling hope in the younger woman. "You get to raise this child."
Regina always did have the ability to reach Emma in a way that no one else could. For a brief period, the blonde woman lets go of her anger and resentment and accepts Regina's comforting words. This leads her to expresses her greatest insecurity. "I have no idea what it takes to be a mother."
Though Regina considers herself unsympathetic, by nature, she has a tremendous amount of compassion where the younger woman's insecurities are concerned. "You are a mother. You became a mother the moment you found out you were expecting. From then on, you put him first. When you learned that you were pregnant with Henry you were eighteen, in a jail cell, and before that you were living out of your car. You had nothing. You gave him up, to give him his best chance." The older woman continues to surprise Emma when she does what no one else could do. She put herself in Emma's place. "And, you carried him. You carried him, knowing every day of your pregnancy that you would have to give him up." The queen decides not to push her luck. She realizes that she could never fully understand Emma's experience because she has never, nor would she ever carry a child. "I have no idea what you must've gone through...or what you're feeling right now."
That did it. The suffocating depression releases its hold on the blonde woman. In that moment, the queen's white knight puts her own insecurities aside and rescues the woman she loves from self-deprecation. "You gave him up too. You do know what I went through." She would not allow her queen to think so little of herself, just because she cannot do what most women can do naturally.
"I felt like I was being ripped apart," Regina confesses. She is noticeably crying now, but she doesn't care. Emma Swan knows her heart.
Inspired by Regina's honesty, Emma makes an admission of her own. "When I first took the potion that Hook brought me when I was living in New York, the one that made me remember. I was so angry." The queen understands anger. "I remembered the choices that I made and the regret I felt. The life that I knew, I discovered, was all a beautiful lie." It was a lie, Regina recognizes. She didn't mean to hurt Emma. She only wanted her to have a good life, the life she deserved. The younger woman continues the painful admission, something Regina already knew in her heart. "I didn't want to give him up."
"I know." The queen can only manage a whisper.
"For one year I was able to live a life that I was proud of. You did that for me." Emma is once again reliving the incident at the town line, when Regina gave her the greatest gift anyone could give her. That is the moment she realized that she was in love. "Henry and I were together and we were happy." The blonde woman immediately grows concerned when she is met with silence. How long had she been talking? "Regina?"
Only Emma had the ability to affect the queen this deeply. She is instantly consumed by remorse and regret. If only she had known of the filthy pirate's plan to bring the potion to Emma and destroy her happiness. She would have stopped him! She should have stopped him! If she is being honest with herself, she wouldn't have stopped him. She wanted her son back. She wanted them both back. The queen wonders, how she could be so selfish. "I'm still here."
"I miss that life. I wish I could've hung on to the memories you gave me, but I know they aren't real."
How much deeper is she going to drive this sword?
"Since then I feel like I've lost…" The younger woman hesitates before continuing. She has to stifle a sob. "…my best-friend."
That's all it took for Regina to register just how much damage she had done to the blonde woman by pushing her away. "I'm sorry." Now is her chance to tell Emma the truth. "You gave me the greatest gift, Emma. You gave me a chance to be Henry's mother. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am a better person, because of our son." And, because of you. Only she couldn't voice that last part. For some reason, she is still holding on to foolish pride.
Though Regina is still not ready to remove that barrier that remains between them, the younger woman is grateful for the vulnerability that Regina has shown tonight. "I'm glad he found you."
Thankfully, the queen reacts before she has a chance to filter her thoughts. "Where are you? Let me pick you up."
"No. I'm fine. I'm fine." Honestly, Emma would be mortified if Regina discovered her whereabouts. She looks pathetic, loitering outside her ex-girlfriend's crypt, in the middle of a cemetery.
The queen understands why Emma is not enthusiastic about letting down all of her defenses just yet. She maintains a respectful distance. "Will you at least call your mother? Otherwise I'm going to worry."
"I will. I think I'm ready to go home now." The conversation did help. Though she wasn't able to tell Regina about her child, she realizes that they had taken a step tonight; together. "Thank you for calling me."
Without missing a beat, Regina reciprocates, "Thank you for answering your phone."
Not yet ready to lose the connection, Emma gets the other woman's attention. "Regina?"
"Yes?" The queen only hopes that Emma reconsidered her offer to pick her up.
"Would you give Henry an extra kiss, from me?"
Regina smiles contentedly. Their son, the most important person in their world, will always connect them. "I will."
Recognizing what they both need, Emma suggests, "And, maybe, hug him just a little tighter tonight…"
"I will," the queen promises. Emma truly knows her heart.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Emma."
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Only seconds after losing contact with her favorite blonde, the hold that this woman has on the queen's heart is stronger than ever. Regina mulls over in her mind every missed opportunity to tell Emma the truth that she has been too afraid to admit to herself until now. I'm in love with Emma Swan.
How could she have been so stupid? How could she just let this amazing woman go?! But these questions are pointless, Regina recognizes. It's too late. A baby changes everything.
Mercifully, her mental anguish is interrupted by the queen of hope.
She answers after the first ring. "Mary Margaret?"
"Regina. Thank you! Thank you for talking to Emma. I knew she'd listen to you."
If only this woman had heard the conversation that took place only minutes ago. "Did she call you?"
"Yes! I'm on my way to pick her up now."
Regina doesn't know why, but this woman's child-like excitement that would normally be irritating, she suddenly finds endearing. Soon the queen can rest comfortably in the knowledge that her favorite blonde is safe and not alone. That should be enough. Still, Regina's curiosity gets the best of her. "Where is she?"
"She didn't tell you?"
Regina wonders why this information comes as such a surprise. Why should Emma have told me? It's not as if we're in a relationship. Just thinking about it, nauseates the queen. This is the woman she loves and it was she, herself, who protested the relationship. Emma was ready to commit herself fully, but the queen chose to embrace fear rather than trust the one person who has never let her down, who has always had her back, always believed in her, encouraged her, and… A terrifying realization strikes. I broke her heart. She is immediately nauseated.
The silence prompts Mary Margaret to inquire, "Are you still there?"
"Yes, I'm still here." The queen pulls herself together. Sniffling slightly, she answers, "I offered to pick her up, but she wouldn't tell me where she is."
This news saddens the younger woman. She wonders what would make her daughter reject Regina's offer. She would've expected the opposite reaction and doesn't hesitate to disclose Emma's whereabouts.
"She's at the cemetery. She said she needed to be somewhere quiet."
Instantly, the queen is once again sick with guilt at the thought of the woman she loves alone in the cemetery; plagued by fear. "At least, she's alright."
"I don't know what you said to her, Regina. I just wanted to thank you."
Mary Margaret's sincerity is almost too much for Regina. In her mind, she did nothing to deserve this gratitude. After how much she had hurt Emma, she is determined to do all within her power to right things between them.
For now, Regina accepts the thanks. "You're welcome." Hopefully that suffices. "I'm sorry, Mary Margaret, I have to go."
"Of course. I didn't mean to keep you."
"It's alright. I'm glad Emma called you."
"Have a good night Regina."
"You too."