Hello my lovelies! You are all very brave for sticking with me during this journey. The prequel has been excruciating to write, and, I imagine, read, at times. I appreciate the support and encouragement, even though I am torturing you :)
Nearly twenty minutes had passed as Storybrooke's sheriff anxiously watches the clock on the dashboard of her yellow bug, outside City Hall, debating whether to go inside or not. 4:49, it reads. She can't put this off any longer. She had been avoiding this all day after finally making the decision to tell the woman she loves about their child.
"Okay, Swan, you can do this." She turns her attention to the growing baby inside her. "What do you say kiddo? Are you ready to see Mommy?" She feels an unmistakable flutter of excitement. Regina is her little girl's mommy. They are having a little girl. She is their child. This knowledge is what gives her the strength to exit her vehicle.
She quietly knocks on the door before poking her head inside the mayor's office. "Hey."
The unsuspecting queen rises to welcome the young sheriff. "Hey."
"I'm sorry to just barge in like this," Emma acknowledges, sheepishly stepping across the threshold.
Normally the queen would not compromise her status and keep visitors at a distance. But, Emma Swan is an exception.
"You're not barging. Please come in," she invites, gesturing and walking toward the seating area opposite her desk.
"Thanks." It's amazing, Emma muses, that she feels so comfortable in the mayor's office. Unfortunately, her stomach is telling a different story. Oh no, not now.
Fighting her natural instinct to embrace the younger woman, Regina maintains a respectable, yet familiar, distance. "How are you?" she asks sincerely.
Suppressing the urge to vomit, the younger woman responds. "Good." But, that is a lie. "I'm—"
Before finishing her thought, Emma bolts up from the couch. She covers her mouth in an effort to keep the vomit at bay until she reaches the trash can, conveniently located beside Regina's desk, just in time to release the contents of her stomach.
"It's okay. Emma, it's okay," the normally aloof mayor soothes, while carefully gathering blonde hairs out of the younger woman's face.
The young sheriff reflects how she had never felt more serene in her entire life. Just one touch from her children's mother and everything else dissolves around her. The only thing that matters is the love passing between them, even though this situation is less than romantic.
In a weak voice, the vulnerable young woman acknowledges the awkward situation. "I'm sorry." She is positively mortified. Her goal was to win the mayor over, not completely gross her out.
"It's okay. I've cleaned up my share of vomit over the years." She recalls a specific time when her son ate so much on his eighth birthday that he threw up in a shrub outside Granny's. Granny, herself, was so sympathetic that she sent Henry home with a piece of cake, with the instructions not to eat until he was feeling better.
"I remember," Emma remarks. She knows it's not her memory, but it doesn't make it any less real for her. She remembers that time she took Henry to his favorite restaurant on his eight birthday. The kid ate so much that he made himself sick. She should have said "no" to that second dessert, at least.
Their eyes meet and, for a moment, what remains unspoken between them is understood. Fortunately for Emma, the mayor is the first to break the comfortable silence.
Speaking softly, she expresses her concern. "Are you alright?"
But Emma is completely lost in Regina's gaze. In that moment, she could swear that she saw love behind the brunette woman's eyes and can only manage to nod her response.
"I'm really sorry about that. I should have known it was coming."
Regina smiles to herself. If Emma didn't know better, she would think that the mayor found the entire event rather endearing.
"At least you made it to the trash can," she jokes.
A timid laugh escapes the young sheriff. She is grateful to Regina for making light of such an embarrassing situation.
"Yeah. I never know with this one," Emma comments, resting a hand over her abdomen. "It can hit me at any time of the day, especially if she doesn't like what I've eaten." It's already too late by the time she realizes that she used a gender specific pronoun. Maybe Regina won't notice.
"You're having a girl?" The queen's face automatically brightens. Even though, she still believes, this child is not hers, she already loves her because she is Emma's. And the fact that she is a little girl only amplifies the queen's protective nature.
"Yeah, I am," Emma confirms. Her happiness is unmistakable as she shares this news with her child's mother.
After a brief lull in their conversation and far too much gazing, both women decide to speak.
"Emma—"
"Regina—"
Smiling warmly, Regina encourages, "You go first."
"I just," Emma hesitantly begins. "I came here to—"
But she is interrupted when both women are startled by an overly confident knock at the door.
"Are you expecting someone?" the startled sheriff inquires.
When Regina doesn't respond, the blonde woman hastily struggles to return to an upright position.
Regina knows that Emma Swan is too proud to ask for help and offers her support. "Let me help you."
"I'm fine," Emma insists, attempting to discourage the older woman. "You have a visitor."
Reluctantly Regina strides toward persistent knocking. Upon opening the door, the regal woman flatly greets, "Hi."
Emma watches helplessly and any reclaimed hope is shattered in an instant, as the woodsman wraps his arms around Regina's waist and greets her with eager lips.
If only Emma knew that this display of affection made the queen as uncomfortable as it made her. The younger woman considers how she might throw up in front of both of them if she has to endure this display much longer.
Regina struggles to get in a word between smothering kisses. "Robin," she discourages. "I have company."
Catching sight of the blonde sheriff, the satisfied and out of breath woodsman greets, "Emma."
"Hey Rob," the deflated woman half-heartedly acknowledges. She is too disgusted by Robin's palms resting on Regina's ass to be pleasant.
The humiliated queen notices that her guest has suddenly grown pale and frees herself from the oblivious man's eager grasp, ready to spring into action, should Emma need her.
"What's that smell?" Robin remarks.
"That was me," the anxious young woman volunteers.
The queen abhors seeing Emma put on the spot and gracefully intervenes. "Emma's stomach is a little upset."
Robin states his presumption. "Too much fun at the Rabbit Hole last night."
"Yeah, that must be it," she robotically replies.
Emma cannot stand another minute of small talk. She has to get far away from this place and the, she imagines, happy couple. Unfortunately her body is paralyzed. Only minutes ago she was determined to tell Regina the truth about their daughter. But how can she tell her now?
Regina frowns in realization. She was finally ready to profess her undying love for this woman. Now she is terrified that Emma will walk out the door thinking that her heart belongs to someone else.
The loaded silence prompts Robin. "If I'm interrupting, I can wait outside."
Before Regina has a chance to speak, Emma claims the floor. "You're not interrupting anything. I was just leaving," she announces, unsteadily regaining use of her legs.
Regina pleads with her eyes, desperately begging the younger woman not to leave. "It was good to see you, Emma." It's the only thing she can say without causing a scene.
"Yeah," the young sheriff concedes, without meeting the brunette's eyes. "It was good to see you too."
"Let's talk again soon. We could go to Granny's one evening," Regina suggests.
But all words are empty now. Emma has seen them together, for herself. She and Regina will never be. "Yeah. I'd like that." Her response is void of emotion.
"Maybe later this week." The queen is noticeably growing more desperate.
Still unable to meet the older woman's eye, Emma blankly replies. "Sure. That sounds good."
Regina's voice follows Emma down the hall. "I'll see you soon."
But there is no hope. Emma has seen them together. What she feared most has been confirmed today. They will never be a family.
For the first time in two months, the queen feels the associated nausea that occurs any time she and her sheriff part ways.
Completely unaware of Regina's current breakdown and closing the space between them, Robin casually informs, "I just thought I'd drop by to see how things are going or if you need me to start dinner." "Or, if you'd like me to keep you company," he adds, seductively claiming the queen's neck.
"Robin, please…" she discourages.
Backing off immediately, he shouts, "Or we could go out for dinner, whatever you want."
Admittedly, the sudden outburst catches the queen off guard.
The insulted man voices his frustration about constantly being shot down by his fiancée. "I was just looking forward to having you home for a change. You at least make an effort to be home at a decent hour when Henry's staying with us."
That word, home, doesn't even have the same meaning anymore. As of late, Regina has come to associate home with prison. It might as well be, she thinks. There she is not free to be herself. But that is her own fault, she realizes. The queen wonders how she could have been so stupid.
She had put it off long enough. Now that Robin has dragged Henry into the conversation, Regina decides to set the record straight.
"I need to talk to you."
"Okay." The out-of-place man bitterly obliges and takes a seat on the nearby couch. "Could you do something about that smell?"
Regina had failed to notice the looming odor. Her mind is preoccupied with thoughts of the the woman she loves and the unpleasant task at hand. She whisks away all evidence of her visitor's morning sickness and proceeds to bring an end to a false relationship.
"Robin I need to tell you something."
The freeloader had been clueless about their relationship in the past. But, as of late, he had begun to anticipate Regina's confession, though not the full disclosure.
"And I'm afraid if I don't tell you now, I never will." She is unable to pinpoint exactly what makes this whole confession so terrifying. She's in love with Emma, this is a good thing. Still, she cannot shake the overriding sense of guilt. She had been lying to this man for, at least, the past three months. And the lie had only increased in size as she dug herself deeper into the misery she had created for herself. She realizes that she is in no condition to produce a rational thought, so she speaks instead.
"I can't marry you."
She thought that saying it would finally bring her some relief. Instead, the sick feeling only intensifies as she waits for Robin's response.
"I'm sorry," she adds.
The naturally mild man suddenly becomes aggressive as he begins to shed some light on his perspective. "I can't say this is a surprise. You've been sleeping on the couch almost every night for the last week."
She understands that this is already a sensitive subject and attempts to lighten the blow by keeping the focus on herself. "I didn't want to keep you awake because I couldn't sleep."
But Robin is already in too deep and perceives this situation as a personal attack. "How do you think that makes me feel?!"
Regina understands that this man is rightfully angry. She did lead him on for quite some time. For that reason, she does not attempt to justify her actions.
He inhales a deep breath before continuing the interrogation. "How long have you felt this way?"
"I don't know."
But he is not going to let Regina off that easy. "I think you do."
"I couldn't sleep next to you once I admitted to myself that I'm in love. I'm in love with my son's mother."
When she is met with stunned silence the queen fears that she may have said too much.
Coming out of the sudden shock, Robin names the source of all their problems. "Emma." He begins to piece together the evidence. "So that's why she was here," he asserts.
Simply talking about the woman she loves flusters the queen. "I don't know why she came here. We didn't have a chance to talk."
Without missing a beat, Robin bluntly questions, "Are you fucking her?"
She had been caught and debates lying again. But after some consideration, she realizes that her efforts would be futile at this point. "We were having an affair," she admits. "But I broke it off."
"You ended it." He is still noticeably seething. "When?"
When Regina doesn't answer, he increases the volume of his voice to an uncomfortable level for the brunette woman. "How long ago did you end your affair?"
"Over a month ago," she resentfully responds.
"You continued the affair after asking me to marry you," the wounded man realizes.
"Robin—"
"Save it," he barks. "I don't want to hear your excuses or any more of your lies!"
Despite his anger, the dishonored man is still affected by Regina's losing battle with self-loathing. He had loved her, after all.
Reducing the volume of his voice to an approachable level, he asks, "Why did you end it?"
"I was afraid," the queen confesses. "I've never felt this way about anyone."
For a moment, Robin empathizes with Regina and actually feels sorry for her, until she adds, "I love her."
The bitterness returns and Robin is determined to break the manipulative woman down. "What do you know about love? All you do is use people, in order to make yourself feel better."
"No!"
"Yes."
In her heart, she knows that this is true. But the scariest realization of all is that she used the woman she loves, the person she was never supposed to hurt. By the time she finally accepted her feelings for this incredible woman the damage had already been done. She broke her heart. Emma offered every bit of herself to Regina and all she desired was to be loved in return, the love that Regina so often denied.
The disgusted man continues his verbal attack as he watches the normally confident woman unravel in front of him. "Why did you ask me to marry you?"
The queen cannot respond, she only proceeds to weep. The reality of how much damage she had done to Emma threatens to consume her whole.
"You can't even say it, because you know exactly what you are."
He had always considered himself an honorable man. But he currently finds himself fueled by Regina's heartbroken sobs. "If Emma had any sense, she would stay as far away from you as I am going to."
Before exiting the office, he turns back to address the crumpled heap of the fallen queen. "I was wrong about you. You're still the Evil Queen." He adds, "You never deserved either of us."