Spellbound
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Once she'd showered, Sookie put on her nightgown and looked around her empty bedroom. It was 3:00 AM and she wasn't sleepy. She also wasn't in the mood for being alone but she had no choice. Claudette was out doing her own thing as she usual. She surely wasn't going to call Lafayette or Kennedy. It was too late for the humans and they are more than likely asleep. Her only option was to watch a little TV. She didn't want to sleep alone and she didn't want to sleep with Eric so she decided to sleep with a good movie. Maybe a good comedy was on. She liked laughing herself to sleep. It was a hell of a lot better than crying herself to sleep. So she grabbed an extra blanket from her closet and a pillow from her bed and headed downstairs to the TV room.
As she began flipping through the TV stations, just as before, she wasn't alone. Eric came into the room to join her. It made her feel uneasy. She felt that he was up to something. She hated to be cynical but after six years of being married to him, she knew when something wasn't right. He'd complimented her all night long. He held her hand in front of other supes. He stared at her like some love struck teenager and he watched her every move. He was doing too much to have done nothing in the last few years.
"So," he said as he flopped down on the couch opposite hers. "What did you do this morning?"
"Why?" She didn't try to hide the suspicion from her voice or her eyes. "Why do you care about what I did today?"
"I want to share your day with you." He said that as if it was a regular routine; wanting to share her day.
"Why? Do you think that because we said goodnight to your guests together that I am going to just magically forget about everything you've done to me?" She had a frown on her face as she questioned him.
Eric almost looked surprised. "I only asked because I am interested in how you spent your time. You're quite suspicious of me."
She was no longer frowning. She was wide and surprised at the response that he gave to her. "Don't I have reason to be? You've never cared enough to ask me about my day; especially since we've been married."
"I know but I want to know."
"It's because of Godric, isn't it?" she asked with a smirk on her face. "It took another vampire to make you notice me. The very idea of you losing something that you never considered worthy of your time or love has made you more attentive."
That wasn't true at all … not exactly. He didn't like seeing Godric with her but that wasn't the only reason. He doesn't want to lose her. They could work things out. They could have a new beginning.
"No, it's not because of Godric. You usually leave me a note to let me know where you're going or when you'll be back. I figured that since you didn't leave me a note, you'd want to share your adventures with me; verbally." He looked at her and smiled as he nodded.
"I don't want to share my day with you. Don't you get it? Things aren't the same, Eric. And anyway," she added, "you go out without leaving me notes or giving me explanations. What's the big deal about me doing what you do?"
Eric sat a little straighter in his seat. "We're talking about you, not me."
Sookie agreed. "That's true but maybe we should talk about you and your fangbangers and Freyda. Maybe we should talk about your blatant disregard for me and our marriage. Do you want to talk about that? If you do, then I'm more than ready."
Though she had every reason to doubt him, her accusations angered him. And the anger wasn't directed at her. He could blame no one but himself. "I told you that I've never cheated on you," Eric replied. "I have never fed from or been with another woman; not since we've been together. Not since the first time I met you," he added silently.
Sookie chuckled nervously. "Yeah, right," she retorted.
He'd soon blurred in front of her. He took her face in his hands. "You know when I'm lying, Sookie." He looked deeply into her eyes and repeated it. "I've never cheated on you."
She'd believed in the bond in the past and she was let down by it. She couldn't trust it but she could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth. She didn't want to see it. She didn't want to let her guard down to only be made a fool of once more.
"I've never cheated on you," he repeated. "I swear to you, Sookie. Not once."
She ignored him and continued on as if he'd said nothing of substance. "Why didn't Freyda come to the party?"
"I don't know and I don't care. Freyda is of no consequence to me right now. I only want to talk about you and your day." He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.
She pushed his hand away. "You don't have to do that. You don't have to pretend to care about me anymore. We're at home now. There's no one here to see you pretending to be the loving husband that I've always wanted."
Eric was hurt but concealed his pain as only he can. "I just wanted to …"
"I know what you wanted," Sookie said. "You wanted 'everyone' to see how attentive you are to me. You wanted to confuse me yet again. You didn't care about my day at all. You wanted to be nosy. You don't care about me or my day."
He shook his head no. "That's not what I wanted at all."
In order to get him to leave her alone, Sookie decided that she would tell him how she'd spent her day. "I went to the salon to get my hair styled. I got a mani/pedi. I chose a dress to wear to your party. I went to the party in the hopes of meeting Freyda, Godric, and Stan. I met Godric and Stan but I didn't get to meet Freyda. Are you satisfied now? Did I give you what you wanted?"
Eric stood tall. He didn't hear any of what she said before the statement about Godric and Stan. She went to meet them. That was all that he'd heard. "You went in the hopes of spending time with Godric and Stan?"
"No. I went in the hopes of meeting them," she said. "If I decide to end this marriage, I was looking into my options."
He stood tall; his back was straight and his eyes were cold. "And what have you decided?"
"I've decided that I'm going to keep my options open," she answered coolly.
"Did Godric or Stan help you decide?"
Sookie shook her head no. "I helped me to decide. Stan was too self-centered and Godric … I don't know. There's something about him. He hates you and anything that' associated with you … well, anything that's not me. I don't think he's really interested in me. It's like he wanted revenge against you because I'm yours."
Eric perked up a little. "You're mine?"
"Only in public," she replied.
"You don't mean that."
Using his line against him, she said, "Look into my eyes and tell me if I don't mean it."
He did as she asked and he saw what he didn't want to see. He quickly turned away. "Tell me what I can do to make things better with us."
"Do you really want to know?"
"I do, Sookie."
"Did you have the party for Freyda?"
"Yes."
"Is that why you didn't tell me?"
"Yes."
"Why throw a party for her?"
"She's moving here."
His other woman was moving in their state to be closer to him. He was going to allow it. "To be closer to you?" she asked.
Eric didn't want to talk about Freyda. Sookie wouldn't understand. She wouldn't understand the history. "Sookie, we can talk about Freyda later. We need to discuss us. We need to talk about our chances."
Sookie didn't want to discuss their relationship. She didn't want to talk about their chances. She wanted to know why this Freyda was so important that she deserved a party. "There aren't going to be any chances if you can't be honest with me. What is Freyda to you?"
Eric fell silent.
Sookie waited.
Still, he said nothing.
"And you say that you want to make this better? You can't even answer a simple question. Leave me alone, Eric. Get out of here and leave me alone." She rolled her eyes and turned away from him.
Eric's eyes were pleading with Sookie. "I do want to make things work. I want to show you that I am not what you think I am. Tell me what I can do to make things better."
When she faced him, her eyes and face were filled with anger. "It's simple. Tell me about Freyda. Who is Freyda? What is she to you and why is so important that she deserves a party in her honor?"
He returned to the kneeling position and took Sookie's hands into his. "I can't tell you right now. There's a lot that you don't understand … you won't understand."
Sadness filled her eyes. "Just stop it, Eric," she whispered. "Just stop it. There's nothing that you can do. Obviously you have been playing games with me since the very beginning. Contrary to what you've said in the past, you led me to believe that you loved me. You said that this union wasn't just an arrangement, Eric. Do you remember saying those words to me? Last night when you said those hateful things to me, it was as if the past never happened."
He remembered exactly when he said them. "I do."
"The bond would be flooded with everything that you said that you felt for me. You told me that we were meant to be and then suddenly, without warning, you take it away. One day, you decided that you didn't have feelings for me. It was nothing more than a political marriage. You decided that you were going to make my life with you a living hell. The fangbangers, the anonymous trips; I let it all slide because I loved you, Eric. I wanted to be strong and let the nature of the supes prevail. I was wrong. I can't do it any longer."
Eric moved in closer to her in the hopes of making her understand. "Sookie, there are some things that you may not understand."
She looked at him and chuckled. "How did I know that you were going to say that? I'm tired and I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to be in this marriage anymore than you do."
A flash of pain ran across Eric's face. He didn't respond. Instead he stared at Sookie's unhappy face. He wanted to go back to the days when she loved him and believed in him. He wanted to go back to the days of laughter. He knew that words wouldn't work with her. He knew that if he was going to get her back, it wasn't going to be based on what he said but what he did. He wanted a second chance but he needed to see it in her eyes. He needed to see. He needed to know that Fintan's words were no more than lies.
"Why did you marry me?"
"You know why," she said as she stood up.
"Tell me," he said as he stepped in front of her.
Sookie exhaled shakily. She had to build up her strength in order to remain strong. She was going to tell him that she married him because she used to love him. She was going to tell him that it was because she believed him to be made just for her. She was going to tell him everything but she couldn't.
She was hit with a wave of nausea. Her head began to spin and she began to lose her balance. Eric caught her before she fell to the floor. He cradled her in his arms.
"Sookie," Eric's voice was trembling. "What's wrong?"
She almost leaned her head against his chest. "Put me down," she said. "I just haven't had much to eat today. I was busy getting ready for the party."
Eric reluctantly set her down on her feet. "Are sure that you're okay?"
"I'm fine."
"If you can't walk, I can carry you up to your room. It's no problem."
"I'm fine. Goodnight," Sookie said as she walked past him.
"Wait," he called out to her. "You didn't answer my question."
"Don't be stupid," she spat at him.
"Why did you marry me?"
Sookie spun around and looked at him. She wanted to throw a ball of light at him and hit him square in the chest; sending him flying across the room. If he couldn't see it then, how in the hell was he going to see it now. There was nothing left for her to say.
When she didn't answer him, he answered his own question. "You really loved me. You still love me," he said it as if the words surprised him. He took a step towards her. She took a step back.
"Are you serious?" she yelled at him. "Tell me that you're playing dumb. Tell me that you've been hit with a bout of amnesia or something like that. You didn't just say that to me."
Eric had a blank look on his face.
With her back straightened and her eyes wide, Sookie responded to his statement. "Did you think that because you were playing games that I was? You're gonna stand there and tell me that you've never known that I love you? That I truly love you? Did the bond lie? Did my eyes lie to you … my kiss … my touch? You couldn't feel what I felt for you? When you looked into my eyes or when we kissed you couldn't see it? Feel it?"
What was he supposed to tell her? He couldn't tell her that he was led to believe that she could manipulate the bond. She had the ability to make him feel what she wanted him to feel. He thought that she was making a mockery of him when he fell for her. He didn't know. He honestly didn't know.
Sookie walked over to him and slapped him hard across his face. "I did everything for you!" she yelled at him through tears. "Everything and you stand there and act like you didn't know! Well, I promise you this, Eric Northman, whatever I felt for you is no longer an issue! I'm done with you! There is nothing that you can say or do that's going to change my mind!"
For the first time since her rant, Eric was able to answer her. "I'm sorry that I mocked you."
"Now, you answer me the same question. Why did you marry me? Did you ever feel anything for me?"
Last night he told her that it wasn't in his nature to love. He told her that she didn't go blindly into this arranged marriage. She knew what she was getting into when they married. He was right but things weren't as they appeared. It wasn't in his nature to share and talk with her. It wasn't in his nature to take moonlit walks around her grandparent's gardens and ponds. The gifts, the hand holding; it was real. The sweet delicate kisses, the simple brush of his hand across her cheek; none of it was in his nature but he did it. And it was real. It wasn't a dream when he'd told her that they were more than an arrangement. It wasn't in her imagination. It was real.
Silently, she asked him again. "Did you ever really love me?"
"Sookie, I …"
She closed her eyes and winced once more and her heart continued to break. "You what, Eric … you didn't mean to make me feel the feelings that I had for you? You didn't mean to share and talk with me as we walked through the gardens of Faery and sat by the pond?" Her bottom lip began to tremble but she stopped that quickly. She refused to cry over him again. "I wish that those nights had never happened! If I could give it all back to you, I would!"
"You don't mean that," he said.
"Like hell I don't," she said through clenched teeth.
Eric then took Sookie into his arms and pulled her to him and kissed her. She pulled herself from his arms and stared at him in amazement. She wiped her mouth with the back of her arm. She was mortified at what he'd just done.
"Did you think that kissing me would make things better? Did you believe that one kiss was going to make me fall at your feet? If that's what you thought, then you are sorely mistaken. You don't know me at all."
Eric knew that there was only one thing left for him to do. He had to tell her the truth. She'd have to believe him. Just like earlier, he knew that when she looked into his eyes, she'd see the truth.
"Don't leave me, Sookie. I love you."
She didn't believe him for a second. He was only saying it so that things would be the way they used to be. No; she wasn't going to do that. She wasn't going to fall for another line.
"Fuck you, Eric Northman!"
Sookie spun around and left the room. Though her head was held high and her dignity and self-respect were still intact, her heart was broken. It made her sick to think that he would say that he loved her to keep her around. She knew that he didn't mean it. They were nothing more than words.