The door creaked open and Adam stood there quietly, stepping aside to let them in. Danny and Austin exchanged worried glances and ushered the kids inside the house, no one brave enough to ask Adam what was going on. The entire house was eerily silent and the six of them stood in the entry way for a long moment before Danny finally cleared his throat.

"What happened?"

Adam's head shook gently before he gazed down at the floor. Austin was reminded of the feeling, being berated by her father, having nowhere to look but as low as she felt.

"All adoptions have been permanently suspended," he said after a moment. "Files thrown out. Approvals gone. Rebecca's not coming home."

It was if they were all frozen in the moment, standing there still, letting the words sink in. Isa was the first to surge forward and hug Adam, keeping her arms tightly about him until he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry."

"It'll be okay."

Sarah joined them after a moment, tears spilling down her cheeks. She'd never felt a hurt like this before and all she could think of was the fact that her best friend was upstairs, upset and probably crying.

"Well this isn't fair!" Junior said finally, stomping his foot. "She is our seventh musketeer, didn't anyone tell anyone that? I gotta go see Ben."

He started up the stairs and his sisters followed behind, arms crossed over their chests.

"You guys gonna be alright?" Danny asked, clapping a hand on Adam's shoulder and pushing him into the other room.

Adam didn't say anything, just shrugged his shoulders.

"Where's Linds?"

"Upstairs," he replied. "Avery's room."

Austin reached over to hug him, trying to put as much hope into it as she could before letting him go and heading upstairs. She was scared of the state she might find Lindsay in and she took a deep breath before opening the bedroom door.

Lindsay was laying almost folded up on the toddler bed that was meant to be Rebecca's, her eyes staring blankly out at something.

"Hey Lin."

"Hey."

Austin moved gracefully and sat on the floor next to the bed, reaching up to run her fingers through Lindsay's hair. She had no idea what to say, there was nothing that would make it better and she couldn't even say she understood.

"We tried so hard," Lindsay whispered after several minutes. "We did everything we could. We just wanted her to be okay."

"I know."

"She's not going to be okay. She's going to have a birthday and instead of a cake and a party with her new family, she's going to be sent to a mental institution. Austin she could… she's going to die there."

"Linds-"

"Don't tell me she'll be okay."

"I'm not going to. I can't because I don't know."

"Why did we do this?"

"Because you fell in love with her. Because you wanted to give her all she needed. Because you have to try, no matter what happens, you have to give it a shot when you love someone."

"We should have started sooner."

Austin didn't say anything; she couldn't agree with the statement and make Lindsay feel as if it was her fault, but she couldn't very honestly say that time wouldn't have made a difference either.

"I'm so sorry, Lin."

"Where's Adam?"

"Downstairs. Danny's with him."

"Kids?"

"Across the hall."

Lindsay nodded and sat up, rubbing her eyes and breathing away the tears that threatened to fall.

"Avery can't stop crying," she said after a moment. "Ben is just quiet, quieter than I've ever known him to be. I don't think he's said one word. And Colton… Aust, he broke the mirror in the bathroom and kicked a hole in the wall."

"What?"

"He was so mad. I can't blame him. He got mad and let it out and then he took the kids in the other room and we've checked on them all day but they just sit there cuddled up together, not saying anything."

"Has anyone eaten?"

"No."

"Want me to make something…" she trailed off at the small smile that crept to Lindsay's face, then disappeared.

"No, it's okay. I need to check on the kids again."

"I'll come with you."

They shuffled across the hallway and Lindsay opened the door gently. Sarah was sitting on the floor with a sleeping Avery in her lap, Ben and Junior were sitting on Ben's bed with their arms around each other and Colton and Isa were silently holding hands.

"Hey kids," Lindsay said quietly, sitting down next to Sarah. "How's everyone doing?"

The silence was long and Ben was the first to break it, sighing heavily.

"I'm mad, mama. Upset too. And real sad. And confused."

"I think that about sums it up," Lindsay replied, reaching up to pat his knee.

"We waited for so long," he continued, taking his glasses off to scrub at his eyes.

"I know."

"I hate everything."

"I do too."

Avery stirred slightly, opening her eyes but keeping her head resting on Sarah's shoulder.

"Mama?"

"Hey baby."

"It was true?"

"What was true?"

"Becca is not coming to us?"

"No sweetie, she's not."

"I want to cry again but all my tears is gone!" Avery sniffled, squeezing Sarah tighter.

"Mine are too."

"This is a most awful day of my life. An' it is a even more awfuller day for Becca, only she does not even know it."

Lindsay nodded, choking back tears while Colton slid off of his bed and down to the floor, reaching his hands out for Avery.

"I'm really mad," he said, once she'd settled into his lap. "I feel a lot of anger inside me."

"Is that why you broke stuff?"

"Yeah. And that wasn't okay. I shouldn't have done it, Aves."

"Colton," Lindsay started, reaching over for his hand. "Maybe it wasn't the best decision, but you have every right to feel however you feel. I don't want you to forget that."

"Right now I feel like I just want to hug Aves because I am only going to have one sister and I just need to love her a lot."

"Yeah, me too," Ben agreed, joining them on the floor. Soon all six kids were huddled together, their mothers on either side of the group.

"I think we need the daddies to mush us all together," Avery decided after a moment.

"I think I hear them coming."

Sure enough Adam and Danny stepped through the door a second later, needing no prompting to join their family on the floor.

"I was going to go shopping this morning but…" Lindsay trailed off, looking into the fridge. "I just have bits and pieces of things."

"Let's just order pizza then, hmm?" Austin suggested, going for the phone.

"No!"

"Lin."

"No, I need to do something, I need to fix something, I need… I don't know I just need to do this."

"Okay. Let's just heat up everything you've got."

Lindsay nodded and started pulling things out of the fridge and freezer, partial bags of chicken breasts and meatballs, leftover chili and soup, random vegetables and supplies for sandwiches. Austin started up the oven and watched her best friend out of the corner of her eye, wishing there was something she could say or do to soothe the hurt.

"I didn't plan for this," Lindsay said after a while, chopping violently through a carrot. "We knew it was a possibility but I tried not to think about what would happen, I tried not to prepare for that because I didn't want to jinx it. How am I supposed to take care of my family? What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to fix it."

"Lin, you can't fix it."

"I know that. I know I can't bring her home but I can't make it hurt less for everyone else. That's what I'm supposed to do. I'm the mom, I'm supposed to make things safe. I'm supposed to protect them and I can't."

"Lin, listen to me," Austin started, carefully pulling the knife out of her hand. "Listen. All you can do is be there. That's all. The rest will come to you just as it always does."

"You're acting like it's so easy. You have no idea."

"Look, I don't know specifically, exactly what you're feeling right now, but Lin, I understand what it feels like to lose a child you never got to meet."

Lindsay's face fell even further; the two of them hardly ever spoke of Austin's miscarriage or her subsequent run to California and the honest words were striking.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't think."

"Lin, it's okay. It's fine."

"Everything is just so… Austin, she was coming home! Everything was ready, we had her bed and her clothes, we had doctors picked out and were looking at therapists and schools. We were figuring out our work schedules and our budget was all in place. We'd talked about our wills, what would happen to the kids if something happened to us, we took her special needs into account. Everything was ready for her. Everything. Why wasn't that enough?"

"No one said it wasn't enough. It just… the world is cruel and sometimes there's not a good answer. I guess all we can do is believe that the adoption ban accomplishes what it's set out to, that she'll be adopted in-country, that she'll have a home."

"I know. I want her to be safe and happy and loved, even if it's not with us. But she was supposed to be ours and it's hard to let go of that. It's hard to just trust that she'll be okay. That's my daughter over there, Austin. I can't just forget her."

"None of us ever will, Lin. I promise you. She's a part of our family whether she's here or not. Okay?"

"Thank you."

They stood silently for a few seconds before Austin shook her head and pulled Lindsay in for a hug, holding her tightly.

"I love you, Lin."

"I love you too."

"I can't say everything will be alright and I don't want to remind you that at least we all have each other because that sounds horrible right now, and I don't really know what else to day, so excuse my lack of advice?"

"I'll excuse anything, as long as you're here."

"Wouldn't be anywhere else."

They stayed like that for a minute more before Lindsay sniffled and moved away, starting up with the vegetables again. It felt good to get some things out, but what she really wanted was some privacy so she could just be with Adam, mourn with him instead of worrying about everyone else.

Maybe that was selfish. She wasn't sure, and she didn't really want to think about it right now.

"I'm sorry."

The crisp sheets rustled as Adam turned over on his side, reaching over to tuck Lindsay's hair behind her ear.

"You're sorry?"

"I kept pushing for the adoption, even when you weren't ready. And then as soon as you were ready I backed off. We're in this position because of me, and if I hadn't freaked out, we would have gotten to her sooner and she'd be home."

"Babe, you could just as easily say it was my hesitance too. We made the decision together. The timing is no one's fault."

"She's gonna die over there," she whispered, threading her fingers through his. "She's barely hanging on as it is but when they move her out of the baby house… she's not going to make it."

"We don't know that."

"Stop being optimistic, okay? It's not likely. No one wanted her before us, I can't believe that someone from her own country will want her sometime in the next four months. We were her chance and we failed her."

"A lot of people failed her," he agreed after a moment.

"Why did we do this?"

"Because we love her. We didn't think it would end like this."

"I wish we hadn't."

"Today you wish that. Later you won't."

"I never thought this would happen. I knew the seriousness of the ban but I really didn't believe that things wouldn't work out. How do we go on from this? How do we keep living our lives knowing that she's…"

"I don't know babe."

Tears began to course down her cheeks and she turned towards him, burying her face in his chest. She hadn't cried much yet, instead being in a sniffly state of shock the entire day. But now it was if everything was bursting out, blasting through the carefully constructed façade, and it seemed to get worse when she felt his tears wetting her hair.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know."

"We know she's there and we can't do anything."

He sighed and pressed a kiss into her hair, running one hand up and down her back for a long time until they were both better able to breathe.

"Babe, I don't know where we go from here. I don't know what we do or think or feel. I don't think either one of us will ever have that answer."

"I don't like not having an answer. I need to have a plan."

"I know you do. But I can't do that for you."

"It's okay."

"We've always been able to fix everything before. And this time we can't even try."

"I'm so sorry, Adam."

"Neither one of us did anything wrong."

"I'm still sorry."

"How are we going to help the kids through this?"

She shook her head gently and looked up at him, eyes round.

"I rocked Avery for an hour before she stopped crying tonight and even then she couldn't fall asleep. She told me to take the other bed out of her room because it makes her sad."

"Are you okay with that?"

"I have no idea. It's not fair to her to keep the room waiting for Rebecca, but I don't know if I can let go yet. It feels like we're giving up on her."

"We never gave up, Linds. I know it's going to feel like it, but there's no fight left."

"I don't want to feel anything. Is it wrong to say I want to forget her?"

"I feel like I do too. Just for a minute at least. Just so I can blink without seeing her face."

Another sob departed from her lips and she burrowed even closer to him, marveling for a moment at the deep love she could have for a child that she never met.

"Do you think she knows that no one's ever come for her? Or do her days all blend together because of the drugs? Does she even want someone to love her?"

"Stop," Adam whispered, pressing his finger to her lips. "I can't do this."

"I just want it to go away."

He was quiet for a moment, smoothing her hair back and kissing her forehead, hearing a suggestion present itself but not sure if he should say it out loud or not.

"How… uh, how do you want to do that?"

She glanced up at him, certain that what she was about to say would shock him for a moment.

"I want to get drunk."

He didn't say anything and she closed her eyes, not wanting to see the look of judgment on his face.

"I'm sorry Adam, I just want it all to be gone. Just for tonight, until I can process it all."

"I know. I do too."

"I don't want to feel it."

"You can't make it go away. You can't just stop loving her. We have to hurt, babe. We have to hurt because she's our daughter, whether it's legal or not. The sting is going to lessen and we'll just have to live on the idea that someone else wanted her. We'll have to trust that things will be okay for her, that she'll get that chance and live that life. There's nothing else to do."

"It's going to take me a long time."

"I know. Me too."

"I can feel how mad you are."

"What?" he asked, immediately worrying about what that meant. He didn't want to be his father, didn't want to be defined or even thought of in the same realm as anger that coursed through one's body.

"You're tense," she replied, running her free hand over his chest and shoulders. "You're angry and you're trying not to be."

He was quiet, dropping a kiss to her hair and letting a deep breath in and out, trying to push all the negative emotions out as well. He didn't want this, he wanted to be able to be sad, but he didn't want to be angry and he didn't want to close off to his family either.

"I think we're going to need some help, babe."

"I know. I'd rather that she had it, but…"

He scooted them down further in the bed and pulled the blankets up a little more, trying to cocoon them together as much as possible. If they didn't start together now, they may never reach each other again.

A/N: I know, and I'm sorry. I originally had this ending even worse but I decided I do not hate my characters or my readers, so I had to find a middle.