"Don't look at me like that," Reid said, wrapping his arms around himself protectively and retreating back to the far end of the living room.
J.J couldn't help but notice how much the unkempt apartment personified their friend. His hair, though still shorter than it had been in recent years, looked unwashed. His skin was pale and dark circles coated the bottom of his eyes. But it was the look in his eyes that really made her understood how much he was struggling. They were doe-like and filled with fear of a predator.
"I'm sorry, Reid. It's just… you're obviously not coping," Emily said. J.J could tell she was trying not to sound overtly blunt, but at the same time she had to remain honest.
Reid let out a dry laugh that could have easily morphed into a sob.
"Coping… right. Well, it's never been my strong suit has it?" he asked, looking to Emily and then to J.J. His eyes now reflected agitation.
"Spence, we get it. We're right here with you. What happened… what we all went through. No one expects us to just bounce back right away," J.J tried.
God, she couldn't stand to see him like this. It was true that they had all suffered, but Reid's past made it all the more precarious. There was only so much a person could take until… well, she didn't know what, but she knew it wasn't good.
"Really… you guys look like you're doing just fine," he said cuttingly.
J.J knew what he was doing. He had tried it many times before. He was trying to get them to leave in anger. He was a phenomenal profiler, but so were they.
"Reid, please… you know everyone deals with these things differently," J.J said, walking toward him. He turned away again.
"If you think that we just got over what happened in a month than you're not the profiler I thought you were," Emily said, matching Reid's tone, as she walked to the other side of him to look him square in the eye.
"I saw what they did to you," she started, her voice beginning to crack and her eyes beginning to water. "And you saw what they did to us. It was inhuman. Those bastards are the epitome of the scum we've put behind bars. But Reid, we can't let them win. We got out. We're alive and they're going to rot in jail for the rest of their lives. You can't let them take anything else from you."
J.J felt a warm stream of tears run down her face. Emily was right, but she couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt for escaping most of the abuse they suffered. Sure, her escape enabled them to get rescued, but she couldn't ignore the guilt she felt knowing what had happened in her absence. Emily had told her everything those monsters did to her. How they scarred her insides – so much so that the doctors told her she would never be able to have children. To preserve his privacy she did not speak much about what they did to Reid specifically, but it was clear they had abused him on every level – physically, mentally and sexually.
Reid remained silent, but his face gave away his emotions. Their words were reaching him.
"We need you back. And we don't care how long it takes. But you have to try," Emily continued, easing into an embrace with her friend.
At her touch he seemed to break – going limp like a marionette with cut strings. His face was buried in her shoulder and he was sobbing heavily. She gripped him close.
"I'm so sorry," he cried. He repeated himself over and over.
"It's okay, it's okay," Emily told him gently.
Finally, Emily was able to get him to regulate his breathing. She sat him down on the couch, but gripped his hand in continued support. J.J sat next to them and put her hand on Reid's shoulder.
"I just can't stop seeing it… them… that place," he said, now calm. "It keeps coming on in flashes. I'll see something – a shirt, a shadow… and I'm back there."
Emily and J.J glanced at one another knowingly. They too had experienced the symptoms of PTSD over the last few weeks. But Emily had confided in Morgan and J.J had Will. Reid had kept it bottled up and it was obviously killing him.
"We understand, Spence. Better than anyone could," said J.J. "I have to have Will lock up at night and double check every entrance."
"Morgan stayed with me the first week I got out of the hospital," Emily admitted. "I kept having these night terrors. I was back in the ground… it was terrible. But I talked to him and the psychologist they assigned me and it's gotten better. It will get better."
Reid nodded, taking in their words, and wiped away his tears.
"I just… I keep replaying it and it just feels like I could have done something differently," he said.
J.J and Emily quickly exchanged a glance. They knew he blamed himself.
"None of this was your fault. We were all there. We all missed the signs," Emily said, gripping his hand tighter now.
"Reid, we probably wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you," J.J said, tears still flowing. "You got me out of there... you got me back to Henry."
Reid nodded through his tears, trying to take in what they were saying – the truth.
His two friends embraced him from both sides. And for the first time in a long time he did not flinch at their touch. He was ready to heal.