Chapter Eleven
There was nothing. No sound, no light, no feeling. It was disorienting. Winter couldn't hold onto a thought. Everything she grasped onto slipped through her fingers like a ghost. She was losing herself, and there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't know what was wrong, what was happening. She didn't know where she was, why she couldn't see or hear. She didn't know what had happened to her. Everything was slipping away, and though she desperately tried to hold on, to form a single thought, it all kept being pulled farther from her. Slowly, she began to feel something, though her sluggish brain failed to recognize it at first. After a few moments, it finally clicked. It was the first thought that she had successfully held onto; warmth. She clung to it, holding on tight as if it was the answer to her current state. Along with the warmth, hesitantly, came light. Both sensations were dim, but they were something. They reassured Winter that she wasn't lost, she was safe. It took ages, but suddenly the dim light was becoming brighter, and the slight warmth was a cozy heat. She began to feel something soft surrounding her, and as the comfort of her surroundings grew, so did a faint discomfort. She heard a faint hum, which began to grow into something of a roar. Her discomfort quickly transformed into pain, and suddenly Winter longed to go back. She wanted to be nowhere, in the dark, feeling nothing. Anything to relieve her of this pain. Anything. She could vaguely feel her limbs thrashing, hear the alarmed shouts of other people, and she shut her eyes tightly against the now blinding light. Every moment that passed brought on more pain, and she screamed. It was hoarse and pathetic, she barely even recognized it as her own. She felt a sharp pinch in her arm, and after a moment, felt a calming numb flow through her body, soothing her pain. Her body stilled, the noise and light receded, and Winter slipped back into the darkness.
Her eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light in the room. The walls were white, the ceiling was white, her bed was white. The room was empty of people, except for her. Panic slowly rose, where am I? What happened? She moved to sit up, but found herself tied to the bed. Holding back a groan, Winter settled back down, waiting for someone to check on her. Only a few minutes went by before her door opened, and a nurse walked in. Her hair was just past her shoulders, and she wore a white lab coat. Too much white. When the nurse noticed she was awake, her eyes widened and she rushed over. "You're awake! How are you feeling?" Winter went to reply, her voice hoarse, "I feel fine, what happened?" "You were injured pretty badly, cracked skull and broken ribs, it's a miracle you survived." Winter just stared, "How did that happen? Who are you? Where's Phil?" The nurse stiffened, hand frozen where she had been checking the IV in her arm, "Winter… you don't remember?" "Remember what?!" She was frustrated, she couldn't remember this girl's name, though she was sure she knew her. She couldn't remember what had happened to her, everything seemed just out of reach. It was torture. The girl looked worriedly at Winter, before walking back towards the door, "I'm going to go get Dr. Banner, I'll be right back." Winter burst into tears as the girl opened the door, wailing "Don't leave me! Please don't leave!" The girl stopped for a moment, looking back at Winter sadly, before she door shut, leaving her alone.
Winter quickly tried to calm herself down. She couldn't panic like this, Hydra had trained her to handle any situation. The last thing she remembered was Phil coming to get her in the warehouse, but they hadn't taken her forcefully, so how did she end up here? She hoped she hadn't blown her cover, she would be killed if she didn't accomplish this task. Pushing the thought away, Winter mentally went through her injuries. Her head and chest killed, and the nurse had said that her skull was cracked and ribs broken. What happened to me? Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. had figured out that she was working for Hydra and had tortured her, taking it a little too far. That seemed unlikely though. She may have been strapped to the bed but it wasn't secure, it was only enough to keep her from thrashing. She could escape if she wanted to. But she decided against it, if they didn't suspect her now they certainly would if she tried to run away. Her contemplation was interrupted as the door opened, and the nurse walked in again, this time accompanied by a man. He was older, around his mid-forties, and he looked almost hesitant with every move that he made. He looked at her curiously, before approaching her slowly. "Hello Winter," he said softly, "My name is Bruce, you can call me Dr. Banner." The nurse behind him started to say something, but Bruce shot her a look and she stayed quiet. Winter didn't say anything, she didn't know what to say. She had a hard time trusting new people. Sensing she wasn't going to answer, he spoke again, voice just as soft as before, "Can you tell me what you remember?" Winter shook her head, wincing when she felt dizziness and pain, "I don't remember anything! Phil found me in that warehouse and said he was going to give me a home! Where's Phil! What did you guys do to me!" Tears burned in Winter's eyes, but the doctor stayed calm, even though she could see a flash of panic cross his face. Bruce looked back at the nurse, and gave her a small nod, before turning back to Winter, "We don't know what happened to you, we were hoping you could tell us." It was a lie and everyone in the room knew it. "Why are you lying to me! Just tell me what happened! I want to see Phil, where is he?" Bruce sighed, "It seems that you've suffered some pretty major memory loss, we don't want to overwhelm you." Winter just stared, is this why everything feels so wrong? She held down panic, "How major…." Bruce sighed again, "I have to run some tests, but it seems to be about four years." Winter gasped, the world around her beginning to spin. She tried to calm down, but she couldn't. She couldn't comprehend what was happening, the doctor had to be lying! She suddenly felt very tired, a heaviness travelling through her body, making her sink back into the bed and close her eyes.
When she awoke next, there were more people in the room. Dr. Banner and the nurse were still there, but they were accompanied by three men, and two women. She didn't recognize any of them, and recoiled back, trying to hide. One of the men noticed she was awake, and before she knew it everyone was looking at her with varying levels of worry. She didn't say anything, she was too busy panicking and hoping all of this was some sort of sick dream. One of the men approached her slowly, "Hey Winter, my name's Steve, how are you?" The words came out awkwardly, and Winter was struck with the thought that he probably already knew her, and that she probably already knew him. She forced a small smile, this whole thing was awkward, and she hated it. One of the woman stepped forward, "I'm Natasha." She said stiffly, and the man beside her added, "I'm Clint." It was slightly overwhelming, but Winter tried her best to remain calm. The nurse who had first found her introduced herself next, "My name's Megan." The girl next to her went next, her voice strained, "I'm Natalie." These women seemed to be having a harder time than anyone else, and Winter wondered if they were close. There was one man left, and everyone turned to look at him expectantly. His eyes widened, "What? She should know who I am!" Bruce spoke up, "She doesn't know any of us." But the man laughed, "Yeah but I've kind of been a big deal for a long time, she knows who I am." He looked over at her, and his confident smirk fell away, "You do know who I am right?" Heat rushed to Winter's face, and she shook her head slowly. He seemed to really grasp the severity of the situation, because he added sadly, "Oh, well I'm Tony." Everyone in this room knew her, and she didn't recognize a single one of them. She hadn't spoken yet, and she realized she should, "Dr. Banner?" She asked quietly. Bruce looked over at her, "Yes?" She swallowed, taking a breath, "Did you find out what happened to me?" He waited a moment, and everyone in the room turned to him expectantly. "I have confirmed that you lost your memory due to head trauma, what I can't tell is whether or not it's temporary. There is really no way to tell other than to just wait it out." Winter let that sink in, this could be permanent, but it could also be temporary. She wanted to cry, "Uhm, can you tell me what's happened in the last four years?" Everyone looked hesitant, but one of the men, Steve, nodded. "I can't tell you much other than the past few weeks, but even that might overwhelm you." Winter laughed harshly, "Well apparently I'm like 20 so I think I can handle it." Steve sighed, "Well I do know that you have been training with S.H.I.E.L.D. for about four years, and that two weeks ago was your first mission. Technically Phil was only bringing you out so you could experience it all without any responsibility, but you left one night to try and complete the mission yourself. The man we were after was strong, and was able to take control over you. We took him in, but we didn't know that he had a hold on you, or that you were even there. The next day, when his friends were breaking him out, he… killed someone that you loved, and you snapped. You were able to break free of his hold on you, but he was still able to take you and three of your friends. We don't know exactly what happened when you were there, but when you escaped and came back, it was just you and two friends, he had killed the third. You were the one that decided we had to fight him, that we had to be ready. You made us train for days, until he struck. You got there first, and tried to talk him down, but he wouldn't listen. One of our guys didn't know you were there, and in an attempt to disable him, you were hit hard and thrown into a wall. It's pretty patchy but that's all we know." Everyone was silent as Winter absorbed everything. It was a crappy summary, with so many holes that it only confused Winter even more. After a moment she had a few questions, "Who did he kill?" It was one of the other men, Clint, who answered, "He killed your friend Dianna." Winter didn't know who that was, and she felt bad about her lack of feeling, "Who else? You mentioned he killed two people I knew." This time no body moved to answer, and with every second Winter became more anxious. Finally, Steve broke the silence, "He killed Phil." It took a second for the words to register, she barely knew Phil, but she had already started to see him as a father, "Oh." was all she could say. The weight of all this information was making her tired, and Bruce noticed immediately, "Alright everyone, Winter must be exhausted, lets give her some room to rest." She was asleep before the door closed.
Something was off, but she couldn't place what it was. She felt distant from her body, awake but asleep at the same time. Everything was white, there was nothing around her. Slowly, a room started to take shape. Two walls were white, but the other two were a translucent energy. There was a couch and a table in the room, but other than that it was empty. No, not empty, there was a man. He was sitting on the couch, staring up at her, his face blank. His eyes burned with emotion, even though his expression showed nothing. At once everything snapped into focus, and Winter almost fell over with the intensity of it all. The man looked at her, trying to maintain his expression of indifference, "You're alive?" The question shocked her, was she alive? "Honestly, I'm not that sure right now." He almost smiled, but kept it reigned in. This man seemed to know her, but she had no idea who he was. He tried to look annoyed, "What are you doing here?" Winter shrugged, "Again, I'm not sure. I have no idea who you are or how I got here…" His eyes widened a fraction, the only indication of any reaction to her words, "What do you mean?" She sighed, "Well apparently I hit my head really hard, lost my memory of the last four years. The doctor doesn't know if it's permanent or temporary. So I have no idea if you're a stranger, but you seem to know me." He looked appalled, or as appalled as he could look while keeping a straight face. He stayed quiet a moment, thinking, before gesturing for her to come over. She stayed still, she didn't know who this man was or what he wanted. This time his annoyance was real, "Come here I need to check something." When she remained still, he stood up, walking over to her. She had meant to take a step back but he was too fast. He reached out and put his hands on both sides of her head, closing his eyes. A weird tingle rushed through her head, but it was faint. It was gone a second later, and he pulled away, eyes opening slowly to look at her, "It's permanent." He said softly, it like it was his fault. She turned away, not wanting him to see how much those words stung. She was never going to get the past four years back. People could tell her what happened, but she would never know for sure, never know any details. A second later she began crying, and before she knew it she was on the ground sobbing. She never cried, so she didn't know what to do, she just let it overtake her. After many long minutes, the tears slowed to a stop, and she was laying on the ground, staring at the wall blankly. The man's voice startled her from her daze, "Are you done?" Irritation flared up inside her, and she sat up to glare at him, "I've just lost four years of my life, I'm sorry if that's a bit overwhelming." He smirked, and her irritation was turning into anger, "Who are you anyways, you act like you know me, but I can't imagine being friends with someone like you." If he was hurt he didn't show it, "My name is Loki. You tried to save me but I still ended up here. You may have been naïve, but you were right about one thing, they didn't kill me. No, they only sentenced me to life in this cell." His name didn't ring any bells, but the cell... She looked around, just noticing now that it was indeed a cell. If she had got him sentenced…. That made him…. "You…" she said, eyes finding his, "You killed Phil… you got me hurt… you're the reason I lost my memory!" She was really mad now, and his lack of emotion was angering her further. He scoffed, "It wasn't my fault, Thor shouldn't have thrown Mjolnir without ensuring that no one else was around." The statement only confused her further, and he must have noticed because he sighed, exasperated, "It wasn't my fault." She didn't believe him, "I don't know where I am, but I want to go back, take me back!" He shook his head, "I didn't bring you here." She almost screamed with frustration. She closed her eyes, hoping she could wish herself back home. Slowly, she began to feel dizzy. Opening her eyes she saw that everything around her was losing focus. Loki noticed, and waited a moment, before meeting her eyes with such intensity she almost gasped, "I can get your memories back." She wanted to respond, but she couldn't. Everything faded to a blinding light, before the light vanished, leaving Winter consumed in darkness.