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As Color Fades Away
Chapter Sixteen
"I'm going to be sick," Hunk announced as the video feed went dark.
Pidge scrambled from her spot in Hunk's lap and joined Keith on the other side of the couch while Hunk made a mad dash for the adjoined restroom of the lounge. Both winced as the sound of retching began and Keith felt his own stomach twist. He pressed a hand to it, swallowing thickly.
Watching that had been a mistake.
He should have listened to Shiro.
And yet if he had then Pidge would have watched it by herself and...
He glanced down at the auburn head, bowed over the laptop screen with the barest tremble to her form. He lifted a hand up and then lowered it back to his side.
He didn't know how to comfort her.
He wasn't sure anything could.
What they had seen... He shuddered himself. The Galrans had been... ruthless. What they called justice was just an excuse to torture and the fact they had all been so... so eager to see someone in pain.
Not just someone.
Lance.
Keith couldn't ever believe he'd doubted Lance's strength, his commitment. Guilt anew added to his churning stomach.
Lance had... had endured Keith settled on. He'd held his head high, refused to give into the no doubt taunts that had been hissed out to him, and kept most of his suffering locked inside. And even when he had screamed... Keith winced, the sound even now echoing in his mind and he wasn't sure it would ever leave, so badly was it imprinted. Even when he had screamed and cried he had been strong in that moment.
Keith felt even more sick that this was what it took for him to admire that inner strength of his teammate that had been there all along.
Keith had been the one too weak, too stupid, to see it.
He needed to apologize, to take back all of the biting, cruel words that he couldn't believe he'd ever thought were the words of a leader, let alone a teammate. He'd been trying to fix Lance when the only one who really needed fixed was himself.
And if the last part of the transmission was correct... he'd be getting the opportunity to apologize sooner than he thought.
Assuming, that was, that they made it in time.
After the video feed had ended, screen going dark, Pidge had nudged Hunk and removed the headphones when that hadn't gotten the reaction she'd wanted. It was no surprise; the two of them had spent a good chunk of the transmission cringing backwards and digging hands into Hunk's vest and shirt. Keith had honestly had only gotten through it by having Hunk's steady support around his shoulder and the grounding his tangled hand in Hunk's vest had offered.
Once Hunk had realized that yes, it was over, he'd found his arms full of Pidge and Keith had delicately shifted aside, rubbing at his own arms instead. Pidge needed Hunk more, even though it had been she who had insisted on watching. That, and Keith felt that he didn't deserve any more than he had been offered. Not when he had caused Lance such pain. It was fitting that he suffered too, even if it couldn't even compare to what Lance was going through.
So when Haggar had suddenly popped up on the screen, still open on Pidge's lap, they had all given starts and Hunk had yelped. The Druid was clearly holding a conversation with the others, but Pidge wasn't able to access a microphone on the bridge (it displayed an error message and Hunk quietly suggested that Allura may have wrecked the console again) so they were forced to hear only one-side.
What they heard was not good.
Apparently Haggar had offered a chance for them to speak with Lance, but that was no longer possible. Keith's blood boiled. He knew they had ways of foribly waking Lance up; he'd seen it. And although it seemed as though it hurt he had no doubt Lance wouldn't have minded the forced consciousness if he'd known it could lead to being able to speak with the team.
The next part of the conversation had been choppy, clearly between Allura and Haggar, although the part they had heard had made them all exchange uncomfortable glances. Pawns? Death sentence? A facade of caring?
"That's not true," Hunk had whispered, shaking his head. "She's not like that." Allura he would admit was not the friendliest, but he didn't think she was unkind. She had a lot of expectations placed upon her, both from her royal upbringing and what the Galra had done to the universe in her ten thousand year stasis. That didn't mean she didn't care.
Hunk had believed so, but he was still relieved when Haggar had seemed to confirm the same, seeming surprised and amused at whatever Allura's answer had been to what the Blue Paladin was to her. Hunk wondered what her answer had been.
And then all of the relief had vanished at Haggar's next words.
"I want the Blue Paladin."
What?
Haggar had gone on then, a possessive quality to her voice, as she described how she no longer wished to continue the trade, referenced how she had known they would be attempting some sort of rescue, had never planned to uphold their own end of the trade of the Black Lion.
"She can't," Pidge had gasped. "She can't do that."
That seemed to be the sentiment on the bridge as Haggar's amusement had fallen away and she had reoutlined the terms of the original trade. Only now it had a deadline of twenty hours.
Twenty hours was impossible.
Haggar had ended the transmission with the same calling she had forced Lance to speak on the recording, and that was when Hunk had lost the battle with his twisting stomach and now here they were.
"I don't understand," Pidge murmured, twisting her hands in her lap. She looked to Keith. "What does she want with Lance?"
Keith shook his head. He had no idea.
He wasn't sure he wanted to know.
The way Haggar had spoken about Lance was more than a little disturbing.
"What do we do?" she asked, voice small.
Keith realized she was looking to him for an answer, for a reassurance.
He shook his head, unsure.
He didn't have any to give.
He didn't know what to do.
Pidge's eyes filled with the onset of tears.
Hunk arrived back then and Keith let out a shuddering breath, relieved.
Hunk settled onto the couch and Pidge moved immediately back to his side, leaving Keith alone again in the corner. He pushed down the pang of loss he didn't quite understand. It was his own fault. She had reached out and he hadn't been able to do anything.
He always just made things worse.
"Hey, hey," Hunk murmured, draping an arm over Pidge's shoulders and rubbing gently.
"What do we do?" she asked him and Keith tensed, waiting for the answer he couldn't find.
"I don't know," Hunk said quietly. "But we'll figure something out. We're..." he swallowed thickly. "We're going to rescue Lance."
And although Keith knew that Hunk could not promise that, could not guarantee anything, he found his own shoulders loosening from the tension and Pidge too gave a small nod, uncurling slightly. No matter how unsure, how scared, Hunk had sounded when he said it, he had said it and believed it.
Keith felt guilt flare again. All he'd done was scare Pidge.
He really did always just make things worse.
"Keith?" Hunk called gently and Keith startled, catching dark honey eyes looking at him over Pidge's head and an inclination of his own, an invitation to come sit with them again. Keith gave the barest shake of his head. He couldn't. Not again.
He didn't deserve it.
He hated the hurt that flashed in Hunk's eyes, but the larger boy mustered a small smile and nod.
The lounge fell into quiet, broken only by Pidge's soft sniffles.
She didn't regret her decision though, she told herself. As horrific as that had been, she knew not knowing would have been worse.
Maybe.
She sniffled again. Maybe Keith had been right.
Even with her eyes closed she could still see the torture playing out. Still hear Lance's shrieks and the cheering of the crowd. She wasn't sure honestly if her imagination would have been the worst case scenario in this incident.
But there was no use in dwelling on if it had been right or wrong. It had happened and it was over now.
She peeked her head out from where she'd tucked it against Hunk's chest, turning to catch sight of Keith.
He looked pale. And for Keith...
He looked scared, his eyes a little too wide, his arms clutching onto his opposite shoulders and grip whitening what was visible of his fingers.
She'd done that.
"Sorry," she whispered, the word barely audible.
"Hm? You say something?" Hunk asked.
Pidge straightened up although she didn't disentangle herself from Hunk's hold.
"Keith," she whispered and bright purple eyes turned to her. "'m sorry."
His eyes widened further. "...what?"
"You didn't want to watch it," she said, forcing herself to hold his gaze. "And... and you did. For me. So... I'm sorry. And... thank you."
He gave a slow inclination of his head, something unreadable on his face.
Hurried footsteps sounded then and all looked up as Shiro burst into the lounge. A look of surprise washed over his face as he spotted Pidge and Hunk too and then... then his eyes narrowed in on the laptop.
Keith's shoulders curled.
"You saw?" Shiro's voice was almost flat and Keith ducked his head down.
He couldn't bear to see the disappointment there.
"They saw?" came a breathless echo as Allura entered, followed by Coran.
"It was me," Pidge said, speaking as she saw Shiro's expression zero in on Keith, who looked... looked so small. Guilt roiled in her again. "I wanted to watch it. I had to watch it, Shiro. Keith... he tried to talk me out of it."
She met Shiro's eyes straight on, trying to generate both an apology and truth.
"You saw it then?" he asked, frown giving way to concern. "Pidge..."
"Me and Keith," she said. "He... he wouldn't let me watch it alone. Hunk tried, but... but after," she shook her head. She was relieved though when Shiro's softened gaze turned to Keith and he crossed the room in a few strides, placing a hand on the curved shoulder and giving it a squeeze.
Allura was not so quick to forgive, her expression still hard. "Shiro issued that order to protect you," she said, jeweled eyes boring into Pidge so hard that the young girl had to look away. "Someone your age should not bear witness to such atrocities."
"That's... that's not fair," Keith said, raising his head. He had not forgotten Haggar's words about the use of Paladins by the Alteans. "Someone our age? When you put us into this war?" His gaze narrowed. "What are we to you, Princess?"
"Keith!" Shiro admonished but Keith didn't take back his words.
Allura met his eyes, expression solemn rather than the ire Keith had honestly expected from the tone. "As I told Haggar," she said softly, "I would like to consider you as friends. I know I have not been the most... approachable, in your time here, but..." She wrung her hands together. "I do care about you all. I do not know what all you heard but you are not just soldiers to me." Not anymore, she added silently. "Please, I implore you to believe me."
"Tell us what else was said," Keith said instead. "We only heard Haggar's half of the conversation. Why is she altering the trade?" Depending on what he heard he would make his decision.
Allura inclined her head. "Very well. That is fair."
Allura and Coran took turns with Shiro remaining quiet, hand resting on Keith's shoulder although whether it was to comfort Keith, ground himself or a bit of both Keith wasn't entirely certain, explaining what had been discussed and what their suspicions were.
"She's a parasite," Pidge said faintly as Coran came to a close. "To just use his quintessence over and over and... It won't ever run out?"
"It may indeed get weaker over time," Coran said quietly, "as eventually his spirit will no doubt break under such conditions. But disappear? No. It will remain as long as he lives and the Druids have ways of making sure death is not obtainable."
"So what are we doing?" Keith asked, looking to Allura.
"We will rescue Lance," she said, his name rolling off her tongue with a strange accent that sounded both foreign and yet familiar.
It sounded right.
Keith inclined his head back to her and he could hear Hunk's breath of relief at the action and Allura gave him a small, sincere smile.
A soft beep echoed in the lounge from both Pidge's laptop and Coran's always present tablet. Both reacted immediately and were followed by matching frowns.
"Trade instructions," Coran said, the message having been sent on the same transmission channel. He looked up from the datapad. "Princess, we may have another complication."
"All of the Lions have to be present," Pidge read. "Except Blue." She scowled. "They know we have cloaking abilities. It's their way of making sure we're all there. Assholes."
Shiro didn't even call her on the language as he read the laptop from over Keith's shoulder.
"The Black Lion is to be piloted by Number One," Coran continued, "and carry the shuttle. He is then to disembark, retrieve Lance, leave the Black Lion, and return via the shuttle to space. We will be escorted by Galra ships both to the trade platform and from it."
"No mention of a perimeter," Pidge scowled. "Just 'when we arrive,' which could be anywhere, anytime." At that her face fell. "About that. The time. How are we going to make it?"
"I do not know," Allura said softly. "I had hoped that you or the Yell– Hunk," she corrected herself and Hunk's eyes widened at the actual use of his name, "would have some ideas."
Pidge looked to Hunk and saw the same troubled expression staring back at her.
"I can't think of anything," Hunk admitted quietly. "The thrusters physically can't be increased anymore without literally blowing up. They're straining already as is."
"What if we just too the Lions?" Pidge asked. "They're smaller, they could travel faster through the quadrant."
"The Red Lion may be able to do so, and that is a strong may," Coran said, "but the rest of the Lions? No chance. That would also leave all of you Paladins flying at breakneck speeds for the next twenty varga with no rest whatsoever."
"So that's their plan," Keith said quietly. "We all rush in, exhausted, with no time for a rescue plan and fall right into their hands." He looked up at Allura. "They'll take all of our Lions and we'll be too weak to do anything about it."
"It would be too much of an opportunity for Zarkon to pass up," Pidge murmured. "All of the Lions except Blue and their Paladins too?"
"I fear that Zarkon no longer has honor to speak of," Allura admitted softly. "This may indeed be their plan and... and I will not lose anyone else."
Hunk swallowed. "What are you saying?"
"We need a new plan of our own."
Her words brought hope but also despair. Because while they were not giving up... they had no idea how to beat the deadline imposed and sitting around in the lounge thinking was only sending more precious minutes ticking by.
"We're positive we can't wormhole?" Shiro asked.
"That would be correct," Coran sighed. "We have no way of knowing what debris has entered our path and should it be anything larger than say the Green Lion, clipping it at that speed would result in instant death for us all. But," Coran straightened from where he'd seated himself on the opposite couch. "You may be on to something, lad."
Pidge frowned. "But you just said..."
"A half jump," Coran put in. "It's risky and I admit I've only seen it done successfully one time many, many, many, many deca-phoebs ago. But," he looked to Keith and Shiro. "We have in our presence the two most remarkable pilots I have ever witnessed in my many years. It could be possible."
"What does that mean?" Keith asked, willing the color trying to come to his cheeks at Coran's words away. "Half-jump?"
"Short version, we can put the castle into half of the jump speed it uses when navigating a wormhole," Coran explained. "To pilot at such a speed… it would be catastrophic if we were to clip even the smallest asteroid, let alone run headlong into one. You'd have a nano, no, half of a nano-tick, to comprehend."
"But it can be done," Shiro said slowly, hope rising.
"Yes... In theory."
"Coran, what would our time look like if we pursued this half jump? Allura asked.
Coran counted on his fingers. "If we were to engage in a half jump right now we would be within the coordinates in... the next twelve varga."
Eyes lit up around the room. Twelve hours? That left a nearly eight hour window in which the Galra would not be expecting them, more than enough time to stage a rescue mission and get out before they even know what was happening.
"But," Coran held up a hand. "We cannot do that."
"Why not?" Allura demanded.
"We cannot do that because such a feat would mean asking Numbers One and Four to pilot the castle non-stop at that speed for the next twelve varga straight," Coran said. His voice became more solemn. "They would die, Princess. The strain placed upon their bodies from such a venture would kill them."
That...
That put a damper on the idea.
"However," Coran continued, "if they were to pilot the castle at half jump for say... five varga, that would decrease our timeline by another five varga, placing us at around nineteen varga until destination and within the deadline."
"Five?" Keith repeated, shaking his head. "Coran, I can do more. We can–"
"No," Coran's voice was sharp. "I admire your determination, lad, but your body physically cannot handle more than that. It is not just the piloting. You are connecting to the castle; it will drain you in ways you cannot imagine."
"We'll do it," Shiro said, squeezing Keith's shoulder. "We'll do whatever we can."
"That doesn't leave us much time for the rescue," Hunk put in, worrying his hands. "And we don't know where the Galra are going to be or when they'll spot us or how we can get the Green Lion away to rescue Lance if all of the Lions have to be present and–"
"Hunk, buddy, breathe," Shiro reached over the back of the couch and put a heavy metal arm on Hunk's shoulder. "We'll figure it out."
"What if we could trick the Galra?" Pidge asked, tapping her chin, a familiar look in her eyes she got whenever one of her mad (genius) ideas came to her. "I can create holographic projections with my bayard, right? What if I could hook it up to Green and project the image of... Oh, wait." Pidge flushed. "I can't project the Green Lion from the Green Lion. That would be stupid."
"But could you project a different Lion?" Hunk asked, sitting forward excitedly. His stomach was turning with nerves but this time that energy had an outlet and it was taking all he had to not word vomit his idea.
"Yeah, but if we need Green for the rescue mission then she can't be in two places at once."
"What if Green didn't go?" Hunk turned to look at Keith. "Red is the fastest Lion, right? And we'll barely be making it in time. What if Green projects an image of Red and then the Red Lion goes to retrieve Lance instead? You could wait until we've been spotted and then take off and you'd still beat us there. Pidge!" He turned to her without waiting for a response. "You can make cloaking for the Red Lion, right? If we don't have to waste any of it on scouting out a perimeter that'll give the Red Lion like a whole hour to get in and out. And then Keith," he flipped back around, "you and Shiro can rescue Lance while the rest of us pretend to do the trade and then bam!" he smashed his hands into a clap, "we all hightail it out of there!"
Everyone stared.
Hunk felt his cheeks darken. "Or, um, I mean–"
"I think it is an excellent idea," Allura inputted.
"It has merit," Pidge agreed. "But one big hold up. I'm the hacker. If Keith goes instead then we can't access the cameras and you'll be walking around the base blind. I've been working on the suit camouflage and I have it up to about half a varga, but that's nowhere near enough time to search an entire ship for Lance."
"Is there some other way to track him?" Shiro asked.
"I... could probably rig up a DNA scanner," Hunk said with a nod. "It'll take me a couple varga and it won't be very specific, but... but maybe?"
"Sounds great to me, buddy," Shiro smiled. "Everyone?"
"One more thing," Pidge held up a finger. "We're all assuming Lance is going to be in lockup of some sort. What... what if he isn't? What if he really is out there for the trade?"
"Then we'll need a way to retrieve him that the Galrans won't be expecting," Shiro mused.
"What about the Blue Lion?" Allura asked quietly.
All eyes turned to her.
"She allowed me to pilot her once before," Allura continued. "Perhaps she will allow me to do so again. If the Blue Lion could also have a cloaking feature applied then she and I could remain on standby and intervene if it is determined that Lance is indeed being traded."
"And the Black Lion?" Hunk asked. "Who's going to pilot her?"
"I'll talk to her," Shiro said. "I think she may be able to fly this one solo."
"Is that wise?" Allura frowned. "Zarkon will be there and he still has a connection to the Black Lion, like it or not."
"Do you have a better idea?" Keith challenged. Shiro let out a soft sigh but Allura lowered her eyes.
"No. I do not."
"Pidge," Shiro looked to the small girl still wrapped up in Hunk's arms. "Can you do all of that? We'll need cloaking on the Red and Blue Lions, your holographic projector, the cloaking on the suits."
"I... Y-yes. I can. I will."
But even with the determined look in her eye Shiro could see the exhaustion at the Herculean task already setting in.
He was asking so much of her. Of all of them.
But they would do it.
For Lance.
They were all tired, Allura realized as she took in the humans all gathered together on the one couch. Physical exhaustion, yes, but their spirits were tired too. They had been operating non-stop trying to reach Lance and it was starting to show. They were expecting too much out of too little. There was no possible way for just the six of them to carry out the magnitude of work that needed to be done in the short timeframe.
A soothing presence touched her mind then and her eyes widened at the projections that were filling her. "The mice," she whispered, drawing everyone's attention. "They wish to help us."
"Uh, no offense to the little guys, but how?" Hunk asked.
Pidge however brightened. "If you gave them instructions, Allura, could they assemble the wiring for Red's cloaking? It's all of the interior paneling that takes the most time and they'd be able to go right in there while I updated the specs. And then I could concentrate on the holographic projector. It would cut it down to eight, no, seven hours!"
"Yes," Allura said, receiving the affirmative from the mice.
"I can take care of the cloaking for Blue if you give me a base model," Hunk volunteered. "If I can get your schematics I'm sure I can figure it out within the varga. Oh, wait, the scanner…"
"I will do the cloaking for the Blue Lion," Coran said. "Number Two, you focus on that scanner."
"What can we do?" Keith asked.
"Rest," Coran answered immediately.
Keith frowned. That wasn't helping.
"You need rest, my boy," he said gently. "You as well, Number One. Rest and nutrients to allow your bodies to operate at their fullest potential for the half jump. If you flag even for a moment it will spell all of our deaths."
Both shot him incredulous looks.
"No pressure, right?" Pidge said in the sudden silence.
"There is no way I can sleep right now," Keith said, crossing his arms and Shiro echoed his sentiment. His mind was racing with all of the plans, the torture, the screams. He wasn't sure he'd be sleeping for the next week let alone in the next hour.
"It is not a request," Allura said. "Piloting the castle is no easy task and it takes a toll on the body. I have spent deca-phoebs practicing and training and even this idea is daunting to me. I will do what I can to sustain your bodies while you fly, but you must help me to do so. Please, rest. At least eight varga."
"Eight varga?" Keith repeated, shaking his head in protest.
"I will pilot the castle in the interim at our current speed," Allura continued. "That shall bring us down to about sixteen varga and then once you are able to pilot another ten. That will leave us with approximately six varga in which for you to rest and recuperate from the half jump and I will pilot the castle the rest of the way."
"Are you going to make it?" Pidge asked, raising an eyebrow at the princess. "Because correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like a hell of a lot on you."
"I will assist in piloting as well for the latter half," Coran said, "so the Princess may rest and convene with the Blue Lion." He held up his arm, flexing a bicep beneath his jacket. "Us Alteans are hardy folk. We're up for this undertaking."
"All right," Shiro said slowly. His mind was thrumming but he could feel the exhaustion lingering behind it. He was about to be responsible for the lives of everyone on board attempting to pilot in a way that was practically impossible. If this was what it took to get Lance back he would do it, and if that meant forcing his body to try and sleep he would do that too. He placed a warm hand on Keith's shoulder. "Let's go."
"I don't think I can sleep," Keith murmured as the two left the room and headed for their personal quarters. "I am tired," he said, raising his hand to ward off any protest, "but…" He trailed off, shaking his head.
Shiro looked down at the dark head next to him, shoulders hunched in again and a lips pressed thin.
Keith was scared, he realized.
"Keith," he murmured, placing a hand on the stiff back. It did not release in the slightest. "Keith," he said a bit louder but no less gently. Keith finally looked up at him then and Shiro's stomach clenched at how young Keith looked then.
It was reminding him of when the two had first met all over again.
It was also reminding him that Keith had barely spoken to him, not really, since they'd been reunited. The hug, the tears, as they cleaned out the Blue Lion's cockpit had been the closest he'd come to seeing the emotions Keith seemed dead-set on hiding.
"Hey," he stopped them from walking, pivoting himself to stand in front of Keith, arms heavy on his shoulders. "Buddy, talk to me." Please.
Keith's throat bobbed and purple eyes, with a sheen to them Shiro was not expecting, lifted to meet his charcoal.
"Is... Is Lance going to be okay?" Keith whispered. "After this?"
Because Keith had seen a lot growing up, bouncing around from foster home to foster home. He had seen abuse in all its forms; the physical pain, the biting words, the parents who thought they had known best and had insisted "it's for your own good." He'd seen the ways kids had shut down, curled in on themselves. He'd watched them fade as their happiness and dreams were stripped away as cold-reality and sometimes the hiss of a leather belt sunk in.
He knew of a couple kids who hadn't made it out. They'd crashed and burned and had either disappeared into the night or left bloody scars behind. If it hadn't been for Shiro's appearance in his life and his subsequent enrollment in the Garrison he might not have made it either. He'd have become another statistic, another case swept into a pile of discarded kids who had never meant a thing to anyone.
And although being a prisoner of Galra was so much different than being an unwanted kid in the foster system, they were alike in a way. And Keith didn't want Lance — the beacon of innocence and optimism and life — to burn out like he'd seen happen to so many. And what he had seen from the recordings... he knew now why he had felt so disturbed by Haggar's words. She was the worst of all of his foster families rolled into one – abusive and cruel and greedy and only in it for herself.
And Lance was with her. Alone. And in such pain that Keith didn't even want to think about it anymore.
Shiro's eyes widened and then softened. "You're really worried about him," he observed.
Keith nodded, not trusting himself to speak as he swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat.
"I'm worried too," Shiro admitted quietly, hands tightening on Keith's shoulders. "But Lance is strong. Stronger than most give him credit for."
"Like me," Keith muttered, alarmed to feel tears starting to sting his eyes. "I was so… so mean to him, Shiro. I never meant to be. I just," Keith tried to swallow back his sob. "He must hate me and thinks I hate him and I don't but—"
He was cut off as Shiro pulled him into one of the tightest hugs of his life and after a few seconds he brought his own arms up and clung to Shiro, burying his face into the broad chest.
"Lance doesn't hate you," Shiro reassured quietly, relieved beyond measure that it was all finally coming out. That Keith was talking and feeling again and allowing himself to do so.
"But—"
"He doesn't," Shiro interrupted gently, thumb rubbing a soothing circle out against Keith's shoulder. "I know you two have had your differences, but it sounds like you're trying to put them behind you and be a better friend. Lance is really going to need that when we get him back."
Keith nodded his head against Shiro's chest.
"He will be okay," Shiro continued. "It might take some time, but he's got all of us behind him and we won't let him forget it. Okay? Everything is going to turn out all right."
Shiro believed that too. He had seen time and again now Lance's resilience, his courage. If any of them could get through this with their heart and soul still intact he knew without a doubt it was Lance.
That didn't make him any less frightened though for what he could only imagine Haggar was putting him through now that he had drawn her personal interest.
"Thanks, Shiro," Keith said quietly, breaking him from his spriraling thoughts and he gave the smaller boy another squeeze, grateful for the interruption. "But I—"
"Still can't sleep," Shiro finished with a sigh. "I know. Come with me, I have an idea."
He led Keith past the Red Paladin's room and to his own. It was furnished the same as Keith's, but in a black and white color scheme. Shiro bustled over to the small closet and pulled down some extra blankets and pillows.
"What are you doing?" Keith asked as Shiro laid them out on the floor next to his bed.
"We're going to have a sleepover. A throwback to old times, right?"
The barest smile turned up Keith's face. "I don't see a cot."
"It was the comfiest bed I've ever slept on indeed," Shiro smirked, recalling the small, creaky cot he'd set up on when Keith had first moved into the Garrison. He'd forced Keith to take his bed despite the boy's protests as the doctor had ordered him to sleep sitting upright due to his bruised ribs, one of the many injuries he'd sustained in the foster situation Shiro had helped to remove him from. "Two whole nights of pure bliss."
Keith rolled his eyes. Shiro felt his heart lift at the familiar, exasperated gesture.
"Besides, this way we can both hold each other accountable to actually attempting to sleep," Shiro continued. And, although he didn't say it, to wake each other up if they had a nightmare. "We've got eight varga to go, princess' orders. Go ahead and take the bed, I'll be good here."
"I can't take your bed!" Keith exclaimed.
"And now why does that argument sound familiar?"
"Shiro, I can't," Keith protested. Shiro fixed him with a look that brokered no argument. Keith let out a put upon sigh and kicked off his boots with a low curse.
Shiro smirked. "I should say, this is my own selfish comfort. That bed? Not half as comfy as the cot and definitely not as comfortable as the floor."
"You're such a liar," came the laugh.
"I take offense to that," Shiro said, already settling down in his blanket nest. "This definitely beats the gravel and rocks that we had at the…" he trailed off, eyes widening and a flush darkening his cheeks.
What had he just said?
He was more tired than he'd thought.
Keith's eyes were wide too and he whispered out Shiro's name.
"Bed," Shiro ordered, voice not at all thick. "Now."
Keith obeyed, if only because Shiro looked shaken by the slip.
Shaken and ashamed.
That wasn't okay.
"Shiro?" Keith whispered as the lights turned off above them, leaving only faint outlines around the door.
"Not now, Keith."
Shiro's voice was flat with the faintest border of something else below it.
"Yes, now," Keith insisted, sitting up. "Shiro, please. You... you've always looked out for me. Maybe... maybe I can finally look out for you."
Shiro let out a heavy sigh. "I... thanks, buddy. But..."
"I'm not a kid anymore, Shiro," Keith protested. "Tell me! Talk to me! You..." he swallowed thickly. "You used to. Before. R-remember?" Keith rubbed a hand across his eyes, hating the tears cropping up but unable to stop them or the words spilling from his mouth. "You haven't talked to me at all, Shiro, about anything up here. You just... just keep it all inside and I know you're hurting. And I... did I do something wr-wrong? Is that why? I'm sorry if I did. I know you're mad I got kicked out. I'm sorry. But I just... and they said..."
There was the rustling of blankets and Shiro's silhouette showed he was sitting up now too. "Keith, buddy, no, no." He was getting up then, struggling out of his nest and pulling himself onto the bed next to Keith, wrapping up the shuddering form in a hug.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I'm sorry. It's not you buddy, it's not. I promise. I just..." It was his turn to swallow thickly. "I don't remember most of it," he said quietly, breathing in the harsh scent of the Altean soap that Keith insisted worked just fine as shampoo. "And what I do remember I wish I didn't. They're... they're not good memories, Keith. At all. I don't want to burden anyone else with them."
Keith gently shifted, his hand coming up to clutch in Shiro's shirt. "I'll listen. If... if you want to talk about it. If it'll help."
Shiro let out a sigh. He knew, ultimately, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to do so. The memories he had regained — mostly from nightmares — haunted him even more now; snippets and flashes of a bigger picture of horror that he couldn't follow. They scared him just as much as not knowing and they festered, coming out at the worst times and sending him from his bed at night. Even more recently he'd felt them trying to break free from where he'd locked them away, Haggar's very presence and voice summoning many, but he forced himself to keep them away.
He couldn't afford to fall into them now. He couldn't afford to be anything but strong. Not when the team was looking to him for guidance.
But maybe...
Maybe Keith was right.
This could help.
"I remember sleeping in the arena," Shiro said quietly, voice barely audible even to him. Keith stiffened in his arms and his grip tightened on Shiro's shirt. "Not... not most nights, I don't think. But... tournaments, maybe. I remember a lot of fighting. Exhaustion. The ground wasn't comfortable; a lot of rocks and... and other things.
"I got hurt," Shiro continued. "My arm. It was... it was bad." The prosthetic twinged. "I... I think I slept on it. Or, well, lied on it. I don't remember sleeping much. I remember feeling it just... bleeding. All night." He shook his head. "I... don't remember anything I think past that with it. So I think," he swallowed, "I think that was my last night of... of having it. Before Haggar..."
"Shiro..." Keith's hand tightened and he pressed his forehead against Shiro's chest.
"It's fine—"
"No it's not!" Keith jerked his head up, nearly clipping Shiro's chin. "It's not fine, Shiro. I'm... I'm so sorry."
"Thanks, buddy," Shiro murmured after a moment. "For listening. I... thank you." Shiro's chest felt tighter from giving voice to the memory, but at the same time his head felt a little clearer.
It had been a good idea.
He still wasn't sure he wanted to do it again. Keith didn't need to hear those sorts of horrors, not when they were over and done with and there was nothing to gain from dwelling on them.
"Anytime," Keith whispered. "Just... please don't shut me out, Shiro. I... I missed you. I can't lose you again."
"I missed you too," Shiro murmured. He couldn't remember but he had no doubt he'd thought of Keith every day when he was with the Galra. "And I'm not going anywhere."
Keith gave a nod against his chest, knowing better than to ask for a promise that could all too easily be broken, and the pulled out of the embrace. Shiro let him go.
"We do need to get some sleep," Shiro said gently as Keith laid back down, one hand sliding beneath the pillow and the other pressed against his stomach, cuddling the blanket to him in a way that was so familiar Shiro found himself smiling despite the still heavy feeling in his chest.
"I know," came the soft response. "I'll try."
Shiro laid a hand atop Keith's head, gently ruffling the dark locks. "Good." Keith didn't even try to swat him away, leaning instead into the touch.
Shiro felt like he could finally draw a breath.
He retreated back to his own blanket nest, snuggling down into it and comforted by Keith's steady breaths, which after a few dobashes deepened further into sleep.
Shiro lied awake for a while longer, trying to empty his mind from the screams and cries of Lance that were merging with his own. He concentrated instead on Keith's slumbering form, peaceful and safe and so, so relieved that at least if all of this had to happen he would have his brother by his side.
And for the first time that Shiro could remember, he slept without nightmares.
Author's Notes:
Hi y'all, sorry this is a little later than planned. All of my plans this week seem to be going awry like that =p But we did manage a Friday update, whoot!
I'm tickled pink by how many of you enjoyed Coran last chapter. I absolutely adore that gorgeous man too! This chapter I eased off on the Langst a bit and instead we got some... fluffy-angst with Shiro and Keith. Is fluffy-angst a thing? I'm making it a thing. I'm also apparently going more into Keith's backstory than originally planned, but I can't help myself. I have a headcanon with the foster system and it might make a few more appearances throughout. In addition to all that hug-inducing goodness I also got to (hopefully not too much) bore you with planning. But it's good planning that rescues Lance so that makes it awesome :D
I've had a few inquires into this topic from anonymous reviewers, so I shall answer it here. YES, this story will absolutely carry on past the rescue. We need many doses of comfort for Lance and I would be a terrible author if I just left off there and didn't sort him all out after. So never fear, there will be plenty of opportunities for y'all to shower Lance with love and hugs.
Big thanks to the amazing reviewers who kept me motivated to get this chapter out in the shortened deadline! Y'all are awesome. Thanks to: JinsTales, LishaChan, vickydd, Guest, Alexa, wingedflowe, cookiebook322, Jadegem02, Maluth, WhiteWolf100101, Swirly Rainbow, DoctorMerlinReid, Guest, PaintedWings45, PersonaBailey, Guest, Bryler, BlueCookiesforRick, GryffindorkofOz, FanaticFangirl2602, briangela01, Lady Zephyr, Briarfrost, Death Jump, sally3015, StrawberryFever3, sally3015, Eeveecat1248, Melody, Wolf of the Demise, Lance McClain.45 and TacosFromEarth! Seriously, I love you all so much!
I do have a note of bad news. I've got a bunch of conventions coming up (with Anime Midwest next weekend) so next week we'll likely only have one update. If y'all completely blow me away though AND I manage to prep enough maybe we'll do two, but at the moment it's looking like just one. Sorry bout that!
I'd love, love, love to hear your thoughts on the chapter: the rescue plan, the "baby" Paladins' reactions, the Shiro or Keith moments... What was your favorite? What are you looking forward to? What would you like to see? Can't wait to see what y'all thought!