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As Color Fades Away
Chapter Twenty-Three
"It's over?" Keith mumbled, slumping over the console.
"It's over?" Shiro repeated, not daring to believe it.
"It is over! You did it!" Allura cheered, near giddy that it had actually worked.
It was all the confirmation Keith needed, sliding off the chair completely and hitting the ground with a thump, completely unconscious.
"Keith!" Shiro exclaimed, pivoting in his own chair and then moaning as the world spun around him and nausea churned his stomach.
The food goo he'd eaten at the fourth hour threatened to come back up and he swallowed thickly, bending over and resting his head against the console.
It had been a grueling near five and a half varga. Shiro and Keith had maintained the trajectory as long as they could, exiting when they began to feel each other's consciousness starting to pull away from the meld. They'd been treated to water and food goo and the last few bites of bread Shiro had brought up earlier by a very attentive Coran and Allura, who would not take no for an answer. Allura had at one point even tried to spoon feed Keith when his hand, shaking so badly, had dropped the utensil.
Keith's embarrassed flush and snap had not even phased Allura but Shiro had gently caught her about the wrist and shaken his head and she had nodded and backed away.
Shiro understood her concern though. Keith did not look well and he was sure he looked the same; drenched in sweat and pale and shaking with a set of dark circles becoming embedded below their eyes, which were bright red and watering from the strain of constantly peering into space and reacting to every single bit of danger.
Allura came over then, crouching down next to Keith and laying a dark hand on his head. She frowned and then scooped him into her arms as though he weighed nothing and rose, heading for Pidge and Hunk who had remained in a dead sleep the entire duration of the half-jump. Shiro again was not surprised; the two had been working non-stop and even the five hours would not be near enough to give them adequate rest.
It was all they had could rest once Lance was safe.
Shiro shakily stood up, intending to follow Allura, but his legs had other plans and he gasped as he leaned forward, catching himself on the console.
"Shiro, sit down before you fall down too," Allura ordered, settling Keith next to Hunk. "Coran, would you assist him please?"
"I'm all right," Shiro muttered.
He took a shaky step away from the console and then another. On the third step he misjudged and went crashing to the floor.
"I told you to sit."
Shiro just groaned.
"Stay there," she commanded. "I shall retrieve some nunvil. That will perk you right back up."
"Or throw up," Shiro mumbled into the ground.
Allura pointedly ignore that remark while Coran let out a low chuckle.
"Here lad," Coran said, bending down and easily lifting Shiro back to his feet.
The world spun again.
"Let's get you sitting, hmm?" the Altean suggested, guiding Shiro over to the wall and helping him to sit back against it on Pidge's other side.
"Thanks, Coran," Shiro managed a small smile, tilting his head back on the cool surface.
"Rest up, my boy. I'll be just over here," he nodded his chin in the direction of the main console, "inputting the mapping coordinates for our exit."
Shiro let out a hum of acknowledgement.
Allura returned a few moments later but it was not nunvil she presented "Here," she said softly, handing him a cup of something that smelled faintly of mint. "It will help."
Shiro accepted the cup but his hand was shaking so badly again it sloshed over the rim. Allura hummed and took it back, holding it up towards his mouth instead.
"Please," she insisted as he felt his cheeks heat and he shook his head against the wall. "Allow me to assist you."
She pressed the cup back to his lips and Shiro drained it, the taste pleasing and the liquid soothing to his throat.
"Thanks," he murmured. Allura beamed at him.
"And now for something to eat," she said, sticking something into his mouth before he could protest. Shiro gagged at the taste as it landed on his tongue and as weak as his limbs felt now he found strength enough to remove the offending item.
"What the fuck?" he gasped, eyes watering and not even mentally able to scold himself for his own language.
"They are Altean energy bars and very good for you," she retorted. "Eat it."
"You can't be serious."
"Eat it."
"No." Shiro was well aware he sounded like a child at this point.
He did not care.
"Eat it, Shiro."
"You can't make me."
Allura looked a second away from debating just that when there was a loud groan next to them and Pidge sat up, rubbing her eyes.
Allura immediately looked chagrined. "I am very sorry, Pidge. We did not mean to disturb you. You still have several varga to sleep, please, do so."
Pidge's gaze was clearing, although there were still too dark of circles beneath her eyes for Shiro's liking, and she looked between Shiro and Allura with a small smirk pulling up her lips before she peered closer at Shiro.
"You look awful. But," she gave him a shoulder punch that was deceptively strong for her figure, "looks like you guys did it." Her smile softened. "I knew you could."
"Pidge, I leave you in charge," Allura said, straightening to her feet. "I trust you to act like the adult here." Pidge's smirk was back full force and Shiro let out a groan. He was almost starting to miss the more diplomatic Allura. "We have about five varga before we will be in the approximate perimeter zone. I request that you return to sleep as best you are able and I will wake you when we are a varga out. Once then please make sure everyone eats the energy bars and then it will be time to suit up."
"Roger that, Princess," Pidge said, giving a sloppy salute.
As soon as Allura had hurried away, joining Coran at the console, Pidge picked up the tray of energy bars and gave them a sniff, nose wrinkling comically.
She looked to Shiro. "I'm not adult enough to do this. We're not eating the energy bars."
"I knew I liked you," Shiro teased and Pidge gave him a small grin. He then braced his prosthetic on the floor and pushed himself to standing, the room swaying ever so but not as badly as before.
"Where do you think you're going?" she demanded, leaping to her feet and reaching out a hand to steady him. "Fuck, Shiro, you can barely stand."
"Language."
"You just said it too! Shiro!" Pidge protested as Shiro took another step.
"Shiro, where do you think you are going?" Allura was back and with all of the simmering authority of a princess used to being obeyed. "You are supposed to be resting, your body—"
"I have to talk to Black."
That brought her up short, eyes widening. "Yes, of course. I cannot believe I did realize you had not yet spoken to the Black Lion."
"You've had a lot on your mind," Shiro offered. "I won't be long. Promise."
He made his way as quick as he could down to the Black Lion's hangar, guilt churning his stomach even more than the energy bar.
He'd been so caught up with everything that the last time he'd even spoken to his Lion was when he'd disembarked from Xinsthes with barely a good bye, his thoughts centered on retrieving Lance and the Blue Lion. She was his normal confidant when he was troubled. The two never really spoke but she soothed away the fear with her presence, a brush against his mind that assured him he was safe. No nightmares could reach him from her cockpit. Visiting Black was the closest he got to addressing his memories and even then he held himself back, trying not to think on them.
But besides that he spoke with her about the team, relayed his concerns or frustrations and it had been she who had urged him to speak with Allura about Keith and Lance's more recent interactions, to share the burden of being the leader. He trusted her in a way he trusted almost no one else and for such a bond to have happened in so short a time spoke volumes to him about how much the Black Lion meant to him.
Which made him feel even worse now. He had not once gone to her about the current situation and considering that she was at the center of it he should have. This should be her decision too.
He must have been projecting his thoughts very loudly, as before he even opened the hangar door he was bombarded with the warm feeling of reassurance. She had already lowered her jaw for him to enter the cockpit and he sank into the familiar chair, closing his eyes as he melded with her.
"I'm sorry I've been away so long," he said softly.
She mentally projected a picture of the Blue Lion followed by Lance and then of all of the Lions gathered in the circle. She always spoke in pictures of memory when the shared feelings were not quite enough.
"Blue filled the other Lions in?" Shiro interpreted, receiving an affirmation. Sadness and concern then and she projected another picture of Lance, this one of him limping towards her following one of their missions, with blood staining his hairline.
"So you know Zarkon's plan," Shiro confirmed and there was a roar of sheer anger, making his head rattle and he gripped the armrests tightly. Black immediately quieted, a wave of concern washing over him.
"I'm all right," he assured quietly. "Promise. And... and you're going to be okay too. I won't let anything happen to you."
He felt her trust flow down their link, a gentle warmth that buoyed him.
"I do need your help though... and it will be risky."
He got equivalent of a mental eye roll. For all her regality the Black Lion had her own playful side.
Shiro outlined their plan then as quick as he could. He and Keith would be sneaking aboard the Galra base while the other Paladins and Lions, with Black, would go with the Galra escort as though they were participating in the trade. Once the trade team received word that Shiro and Keith had rescued Lance then all of the Lions would leave, blasting their way out if the needed to. Black had shared a dark delight at that part. The Blue Lion would be on standby in case of complications, such as Lance actually being traded or as additional half varga of cloaked firepower to further cause chaos.
In the case Lance was actually there then Black would need to allow herself to be tractor beamed in. Just for a moment, Shiro assured, enough so that Zarkon felt he had won and lowered his guard. Then the Blue Lion would attack the tractor beam and they would all get out of there.
There was still a lot of risk involved but it was the best plan they had and Black sent her agreement. She would do it.
"I knew I could count on you," Shiro murmured. "Thank you. And... thank you." For talking with her had released a weight bearing down on his shoulders, her reassurance strong and confidence in him more so.
Black pressed upon him then the sensation of rest and Shiro shook his head. "I can't. There's still a lot I have to do."
Rest the feeling came again, stronger and Shiro swore there was a pressure in the cabin as though trying to keep him there.
He sighed, leaning back in the chair. Allura had ordered him to sleep again and he would admit he felt more than tired, limbs still shaky and a headache brewing. "Four varga," he told the Black Lion. "Not a minute more." He felt her approval and acknowledgement.
He was asleep before he could even think to recline the chair.
When Black woke him up, mentally nudging him until he came to, he did not say good bye, as that felt too final given their mission. He settled for one last pat on her console before he made his way back to the bridge. He still felt a little shaky from the piloting trip, but he felt stronger too, the rest indeed helping. Black had their backs and she was fully onboard with their plan. They could do this.
They had to do this.
When he reached the bridge the other Paladins and Coran were all awake and undergoing the same briefing courtesy of the Alteans he had just given to his Lion. The Yellow, Green and Black Lions were to disembark shortly and be visible along with the holographic projection of the Red Lion and be picked up by the Galran escort. The Red Lion with Shiro and Keith would then go full steam ahead, beating the others to the base and hopefully locating Lance while the others stalled as much as they could in both travel and then during the trade. Pidge had been given lead of the mission there and was to act as Shiro for all intents and purposes. Hunk had not argued, looking green.
Allura and the Blue Lion were to set out last, hiding themselves on the outskirts of the base and to await word from Pidge and Hunk on how to proceed and when based upon what happened with the trade. There were still a lot of factors and variables but it was a solid plan.
Shiro prayed it was enough.
Allura caught his eye as he strode in. "Everything is all right?"
"We're good," he nodded. He looked to his team then. "Everyone ready?" Three decisive nods came at him. "Good. Suit up."
"Wait, wait," Hunk said. "There's something we need to do first."
Shiro cocked his head. "Did we forget something?"
"A group hug," Hunk solemnly replied. And before Keith could even try to back up Hunk pulled pulled him and Pidge against his chest and Coran enthusiastically sandwiched Allura and Shiro between his arms and smushed them into a circle.
Shiro managed to get his right arm free and brought it around Pidge while Allura did the same about Keith, who while still looking a little pale from their piloting had the softest smile Shiro had seen on him in a long, long time.
He felt his own lips turn up at the sight. There was Keith.
His smile dimmed a moment later though.
There was someone missing from this moment.
The others seemed to realize it too.
"Chins up, Paladins," Coran said, squeezing Allura and Shiro, the latter of who wheezed at the grip. "We will all be having another group hug with Lance soon enough."
Shiro sent the Altean a grateful look.
"If I may say something as well," Allura said. She met each pair of eyes about the circle. "These last four quintants have been hard upon us all, but you have all more than risen to the occasion. You have shown a courage and determination that goes beyond the call of Paladin of Voltron. You have... we have," she corrected, "come together as never before and I could not be prouder. We will get Lance back and we will all be reunited."
"Well said, Princess," Shiro said quietly, murmurs of agreement. He agreed wholeheartedly. As terrible as these past few days had been he felt closer to the team than he had in all of the months they had been in space, rebuilding his relationship with Keith and forging a new and more familiar one with Allura.
Lance had done that. Even when he was not here he was bringing them together.
It made everything seem even more bittersweet.
"Suit up now," Shiro said. "We could be hailed at any time."
They broke apart then, each Paladin heading for their hangar to don their armor and board their Lions. Shiro had stored his own armor in his room ahead of time and changed quickly after a quick stop at the bathroom to wipe away the worst of the dried sweat on his skin, still beating Keith to the Red Lion's hangar. He waited outside of it.
Keith appeared a minute later, steps heavy. When he saw Shiro he straightened but Shiro could not miss the exhaustion, the flash of fear, that had been on his face.
"You okay?" Shiro asked gently, stepping off the wall.
"I'm fine."
"Keith—"
"I said I'm fine, Shiro," he snapped, eyes flashing. A moment later though he shook his head and breathed out a "sorry."
Shiro carefully laid a hand on Keith's shoulder, relieved when Keith didn't pull away, actually leaning into the touch. "You don't have to apologize.
"What if we're too late?" Keith said quietly, not meeting his eyes.
He didn't think Lance was going to be dead. No, that he was certain of. But despite Shiro's sort of pep talk earlier Keith could not shake the feeling that something really, really bad was going to or had already happened. He was leaning towards the latter.
He knew Lance was strong. Well, he knew that now. His stomach still turned unpleasantly.
But even strong things could break.
It had been almost twenty hours since they had last seen him, and that last glimpse had been of Lance being dragged away in chains by a mob of Galrans.
Keith didn't want to imagine what could have happened since then. What they could have done to Lance.
There were so many ways to hurt a person.
"Hey, hey," Shiro's hand came up behind his neck, tilting Keith's head up while he tilted his down, pressing their foreheads together as he used to do whenever Keith was upset. "Buddy, look at me."
Keith desperately blinked back the sudden tears that were threatening his eyes but kept his gaze downcast.
"Keith," the hand at the base of his neck gave a tender squeeze. "Look at me."
Shiro's charcoal gaze was warm when Keith finally met it, intimately close.
He'd missed this.
He'd missed his brother so much.
He hated what had had to transpire to bring him back.
"We won't be too late," Shiro promised. "We will rescue Lance. And we will be there for him and we will help him get through this. You... you trust me, right?"
"Always," Keith whispered. He trusted Shiro with his life. That would never change.
"Then trust me now. It is going to be okay."
"...okay."
And although he knew Shiro couldn't actually promise that, was just as in the dark as Keith, he felt comforted.
Felt ready again to do this.
He and Shiro boarded the Red Lion, Shiro strapping himself into the low seat in the back of the cockpit. Red rumbled in his mind, impatient to go.
Keith understood her feelings quite clearly. But they had to wait.
He took a deep breath.
Patience yields focus.
He spent the next few minutes familiarizing himself with the cloaking controls on both the Red Lion and the ones Pidge and Hunk had installed into his armor. A half hour, she had warned, for their armor. They were going to have to get in and get out with Lance in that timeframe or they would be exposed and have to no doubt battle their way out.
Keith already knew those odds would not be in their favor.
"Paladins," Coran's voice sounded over the comms, more serious than normal. "We have been hailed."
Shiro sucked in a breath and Keith's hands tightened on the controls.
Coran was speaking again, coordinating with Pidge and Hunk and opening the Black Lion's hangar door. Pidge radioed back the hologram was operational and she and Pink, their codename for Red hologram, were coming out and Hunk radioed that he had already been surrounded by three Galra cruisers who were holding fire.
This was it.
"Ready girl?" Keith asked quietly, his hangar door opening to reveal the star-studded sky.
Red gave a silent roar in his mind.
"We're going in," Keith said into the comms, switching the cloaking to on.
"Mend a leg, Paladins," Coran sounded, voice thick. "Bring Lance home."
The Red Lion jumped into the sky, melding seamlessly with the landscape.
Keith's gaze narrowed with determination.
They were going to do just that.
xxx
It was hard to think. He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to be focusing on.
Pain? That consumed him, making his thoughts fade in and out without any semblance of order.
He wasn't sure if they were real or not.
Blood rain, real or not real?
Hide and go seek, real or not real?
Fire in his throat, real or not real?
Food goo fights, real or not real?
He felt that they were all real, but some of the memories were too horrifying to focus on to find out.
The only constant was that he was in so much pain.
Every breath felt like a knife was being wedged into his chest, any movement sent tongues of flames licking over his body. He whimpered as another icy stab took what little breath he had away.
He couldn't breathe.
A shaky exhale shook his chest and he moaned.
It was dark.
It was so dark and he hated it, but no matter how many times he blinked or moved his head it remained that way. He would forget too, only reminded when he realized he could not see and that until he tried to see again and that same dark panic started over and over.
He knew pain though. He remembered that.
He wanted to escape the pain. But no matter how much he prayed and wished and pleaded, cracked lips begging for it to end, it did not. There was no welcome unconsciousness. No ceasefire. He was in too much pain, but yet not enough to black him out. It was ironic, really. If he could remember what ironic meant.
Was anyone coming? Why was he alone? Where was he?
He'd ask questions and receive parting answers from his mind. Galrans. Haggar. Paladins. They weren't coming. They'd already come? Then why was he here? Did they leave him? There was a trick. Someone was lying. Who was lying?
What did they want with him?
Water? Water sounded good. But it also sounded bad. There was too much of it. He was...he was...
His throat hurt. He wanted water. He didn't want water. But he couldn't ask for it. They wouldn't give it to him. He remembered that. No water. Just pain. He knew pain.
Another word, a color, swam to mind. Blue? It evoked a feeling of safety and love. But sadness. And remorse. Why was that?
He concentrated on the word, the first thing he had been able to in who knew how long, reforming its letters into shapes. And he made a … lion?
Clarity struck him and the pang of remorse only grew. Blue. His Lion. How could he have forgotten her? He whispered her name like a prayer. But just like every thought this one too drifted off and he was left feeling a sense of emptiness, like he had lost something.
But lost what?
Pain again. A soft keening noise sounded from his ravaged throat and he swallowed, which only made it worse. His eyes stung but he had no tears left to soothe them.
He just hurt so much. Why? What had happened? He couldn't remember. He couldn't concentrate. There'd been fire, maybe. Water?
Pain though. He remembered that. He knew pain.
He knew nothing else.
Author's Notes:
I am a bad person. I had wanted the Paladins to rescue Lance this chapter, but then other stuff got in the way. I am very sorry. I've sent our poor baby into delusions again from pain. But help is almost there. Assuming I do not get sidetracked again. Although y'all might came after me with pitchforks in that case so I think I'll err on the side of caution. Hopefully.
I will not post any season three spoilers here, but I am abuzz from it. To be honest, I felt that a lot was left unsaid/unexplained even for VLD (which often forces us to fill in some blanks ourselves) so I am hoping season four patches up some of those unknowns. The only other thing I'll say is for Lotor's grop, was anyone else getting an Avatar the Last Airbender vibe of Ozai's Angels between three of them? Just me?
A little self promotion before we move further along. I uploaded a Pidge and Lance friendship one-shot (which, as many of my stories tend to have involves some lovely whump) called Over the Edge. If friendship/bonding fics are your thing please do check it out and drop a comment! It's entered for my yearly fanfiction contest over at Geek Kon so I'm really hoping y'all like it.
And since I've had a couple questions on it, the reason Lance is in so much pain right now and having trouble with his thoughts/memories is he was just injected with a vial of saliidda by Haggar, which you may remember is the touch sensory enhancement drug. After that session with Theodek he is just one big ball of agony and literally the only thing he can process is pain. Everything else is just fleeting thoughts that he stumbles upon as he tries to figure out the pain. Hope that helps explain it! I know (unfortunately from real experience) that when you are in a lot of pain it's super hard to think straight. And Lance is most definitely in a lot of it.
Enough with my rambling, let's get to the best part of the notes: the thank yous! Thank you so much to all of you amazing reviewers. Seriously. You guys make me cry (happy, happy tears).
Shout outs to; PurpleSkyHorizons, Wolf of the Demise, Oliviadbell, Guest, LishaChan, luminoslight1313, Violinworld, Jennyfish26, dragoscilvio, Lycinder, Gemini, SonoSvegliato, Alexa, galacticgallows, vickydd, Olivia K, Jadegem02, Eeveecat1248, WhiteWolf100101, wingedflower, unicornpie, StrawberryFever3, Guest, cookiebook322, Arrowshaft, Spacenerd7, The-Angst-Chronicles, Lasagna, Death Jump, 0WolfFaerie0, SamTheShortyMan, FanaticFangirl2602, sally3015, Guest, JinsTales, Merlin's Knight, Sgt. Anime, Rookblonkorules, Stargirl720, deaththecripple, PaintedWings45, marvel1015, Katie, 3, angelicana1230, Guest and Binario!
Hopefully we shall see an update Friday so we can really get this rescue mission rolling. Please do drop a comment below if you enjoyed the chapter/story (for all you fellow crazy binge-readers out there!) Thanks so much!