"Mama?" Avery started, pushing the bedroom door open and letting Thomas in beside her. "I brought your coffee."

"Thank you baby," Lindsay smiled, taking the offered commuter mug.

"Daddy made it. Are you going to come have breakfast?"

"Yes, I'll be down in a few minutes."

"You know," she started, eyes brightening. "I could always skip school and come to work with you. I would make things funnier!"

"No honey, you need to go to school."

"Okay, but you remember that I offered. So if you want to pick me up at lunchtime, you could do that too."

"I'll be just fine, Averylin. I'm sad, and I'm probably always going to carry that with me, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy too."

"That's confusing," Avery decided with a shake of her head. "But whatever you say, mama."

Lindsay chuckled and pulled her daughter into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too. But my breakfast is gettin' cold!"

Laughing, she broke away and ran downstairs while Lindsay chuckled and finished getting ready. She wasn't ready to go back to work, but she was ready to be working, and she figured she could always pull back again if she needed to. Losing her father had hit her hard, though they knew it was coming, and while she was still in mourning, most of her mind was occupied with thoughts of her mother, and if she was being taken care of. Most times on the phone, Anne sounded alright, not too bad, but not her normal teasing self either. Other times neither one of them could stop crying. They were sure it was something that would either fade in intensity with time, or would become a new normal. Either way, Lindsay was certain that there was a loneliness that her mother dwelt in, which she herself would not understand for many, many years.

The stairs creaked beneath her as she made her way down into the kitchen. The kids were shoveling in their breakfasts while Adam tried to finish up packing lunches and clean up the dishes. Lindsay chuckled to herself at the chaos and what a comforting effect it had on her heart, then jumped in to help.

"I think I decided where I want to do my career project," Ben announced, rinsing his plate. "I think it's a great idea."

"You want us to guess?" Adam queried.

"No, I just want you to keep an open mind."

They exchanged looks and Ben beamed happily.

"I decided that I want to job shadow at a night club!"

"What?"

"One with stand up comedians! That's what I want to be, for sure!"

"Ben, you can't stay out when it is dark!" Avery sighed. "And there are bad things at places like that. Sometimes people… drink beer!"

"Don't worry Tink, he's not going."

"What?!" Ben hollered, outraged. "But I have to! It's for school!"

"We'll figure something out bud, but you're not going to a night club."

"It's because of the beer," Avery nodded, carefully putting her spoon into the dishwasher.

"It's not like I would be drinking it," Ben groused. "I can't believe you would squelch my dreams."

"No one said you couldn't be a comedian, Benjamin. We're just saying this might not be the best way to get into it right now."

"Yeah," Colton agreed. "Maybe you need to hang out with a comedian who hasn't made it big yet. You'd spend a day trying to pay bills and work and still write a set and find somewhere to perform it. Meanwhile all you would have to eat would be stale pop-tarts and ramen noodles."

"You people are so negative," Ben sighed. "You're harshing my vibe."

"We're what?" Lindsay asked, bursting into laughter and leaning against the fridge.

"You know! Being a wet sheet!"

"Wet blanket," Adam corrected.

"Well whatever! You know, Daniel gets to do something fun! He gets to go hang out at Yankee Stadium! Meanwhile I'm just getting laughed at!"

"But isn't that what you want? Being a comedian and all."

"Shut up Cole!"

"Benjamin."

"I mean, could you kindly shut your gigantic mouth?"

"Benjamin Ryan."

"Way to bring me down, guys. Ironically, the only thing that could make me feel better would be to go to a comedy club. Unfortunately, that's been forbidden."

He turned and stalked out of the room, still grumbling to himself.

"Perhaps we were too harsh on the poor fellow," Avery surmised which only sent Lindsay and Colton into fresh laughter.

"He just wants to make people happy!" Avery continued, defending her big brother, even if she didn't agree with his plans. "What is so wrong with that?"

"Nothing sweetheart," Lindsay giggled. "I'll go talk to him."

Patting her daughter reassuringly on the arm, she made her way back upstairs where Ben was stewing in the bedroom.

"Hey buddy-"

"I'm not cooled off yet."

"That's alright. We shouldn't have laughed at you."

"I just want to do something that will make people happy!"

"I know you do. And I'm proud of you for that. If you want to be a comedian, then we'll support you. But sweetie, your job shadow can't be at a comedy club, okay? We'll figure something out, I promise."

"Like what?"

"I don't know just yet, but I promise we'll come up with something."

He was still frowning and she sat down on the bed, putting her arm around him and giving him a little squeeze.

"What's the matter?"

"It's just… well mama, Cole and sissy both know what they want to do with their lives. They've always known! And I don't really, really know for sure. I don't want to be a disappointment, you know? And I'm worried that if I don't know and don't know then when I have to go to college I still won't know. And then I'll end up doing something I hate because I had to pick!"

"Ben, let me tell you a little secret. Most people don't know what they want to do, even when they start college. It takes time to figure it out. Colton and Avery have been lucky to find their passions early, I agree, but they could still change their minds. Not knowing isn't a bad thing, buddy. I didn't know until I was older and daddy had totally different ideas of what he wanted to do. And if you're still unsure, you don't have to go to college right out of high school."

"I don't?"

"Of course not. I know you want to make other people happy, Ben. But the most important part of that is making sure you're happy too."

"Do you think it's important? Making people laugh? As important as making them well?"

"They say laughter is the best medicine."

"Maybe me and Cole could go into business together!" he joked, finally smiling. "You could get surgery and a show!"

Lindsay chuckled and pulled him close to kiss the top of his head.

"Benjamin, you make me happy."

"I know!"

"Good. Go brush your teeth so we can head to school."

"Hey Lin. You still have time for coffee?"

Lindsay looked up from the stack of papers that Adam had just brought to her and scowled slightly at her best friend.

"I don't know."

"Good thing I thought ahead."

Austin produced two to-go cups from behind her back, then moved into the office and shut the door behind her. Life had gotten in the way of a check-in, and Austin wasn't really interested in waiting until a more opportune time.

"You want to tell me what's on the tip of your tongue?"

Lindsay took the offered cup and leaned back in her chair.

"Besides everything?"

"What am I for if not to unload upon?"

"There's a lot, Austin. Everything with my dad, worrying about my mom. And then I… I don't know why I didn't tell you right away, you could have calmed the freak out."

"Freak out over what?"

"I took a pregnancy test last week."

"What? Why? I mean, not why, but…"

"I had all the symptoms. The test was positive but it was also expired. I managed to get an appointment for a blood test, but the results weren't in until this morning. I'm not pregnant, but my doctor wants to talk about menopause."

"Wow."

"I went from wondering if I was going to start over, to knowing I'm definitely done. It's not bad really. It's just… I was so worried about what it would mean if I was pregnant and I kept hoping I wasn't and then when I found out, it was like I had actually wanted it. I don't know, Aust. It's like everything in my life is in upheaval. Everything."

"Talk about every major life milestone hitting at once."

"Yeah."

"Are you… I'd ask if you're okay but I think I know the answer to that."

"I'm okay, Austin. Just… off."

"Can I do anything to help?"

"Coffee helps. Family dinner tomorrow?"

"Yeah. You guys come over, I'll cook."

"Austin I love you-"

"I mean I'll order."

"Safer."

"I'm telling you that recipe was written wrong."

"I believe you," Lindsay grinned over the top of her cup. "And I know you're not as inept as I make you sound."

"It's not that I can't cook, it's just that I can't do it without injury most of the time."

"I think you've been hurt more in the kitchen in the last year than you have at work in the last five."

"Close race."

Lindsay smiled into her cup and Austin pulled Adam's desk chair over, curling up into it and pulling her best friend into a hug.

"I know you know this but you tend to forget when it's most important. But you've got me, okay?"

"I know. You've got me too."

"Eh, I know. But I mean, I am so well adjusted, I rarely need you-"

Lindsay laughed and pushed Austin away.

"You're an idiot."

"I'm your idiot."

"I guess so."

"It'll get better, Lin. Maybe not for a long time, but it's not going to be like this forever."

Later that afternoon, Lindsay began to worry that Ben's deep desire to enter into the world of comedy was only going to lead to heartache for him. The school had called just after lunchtime, informing her that Ben had taken quite a spill at recess and needed medical attention. After the moment of panic that had washed over her, she had asked to speak to Ben, who had reluctantly told her that he had been "doing stand up" on the monkey bars and suddenly he wasn't standing up anymore.

Though she had been called down to the school several times for one thing or another, this time she was nervous at what she would find. She would definitely be advising her son against risky behavior, but she didn't want to break his spirit either. Ben was always a positive child, but also extremely tender hearted, and she worried that he would start to question his own passions.

Lindsay was met in the office by the school nurse, who stated that Ben's left arm was probably broken, but it could also just be a fracture, and a trip to urgent care was a good idea.

"Hey Aunt Lin!" Daniel greeted from his chair next to the cot that Ben was laying in. "I saw the whole thing. Wanna hear about it?"

"Maybe later, guy. I need to take Ben to the doctor."

"Do you need me to go with you?"

"No, you should go back to class."

Daniel wrinkled his nose, but leaned over and patted Ben's shoulder.

"You were doing a great job before you slipped," he assured with sympathy. "And hey, at least it's your left arm. So you can still write out some more sets while you're recuperating."

Ben nodded and gave is best friend a half smile.

"I'll go back to class now. Bye, Aunt Lin."

"See you later, guy."

"And I'll make sure to tell Aves that Ben is okay. She's probably very emotional right now."

"Probably," Lindsay grinned.

Daniel nodded and left the small room, while Lindsay sat down in the chair he had vacated.

"Are you going to be able to walk, or does the pain make you dizzy?"

"I can walk," Ben whispered. "Long as no one sees me."

"No one will see you."

"Can I keep the ice pack?"

"Of course."

She helped him up and made sure he was leaning on her before they slowly made their way to the car.

"I feel sick."

"I know honey. It's from the pain. Just take some deep breaths, alright?"

"I'm an idiot. Falling down didn't even add to the punch line of my joke!"

"Ben, it's going to be alright."

He groaned and leaned his head against the window while keeping his arm tucked in close.

"Mama?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you ever do anything this stupid and embarrassing?"

"Of course."

"What was it?"

"Uh… I can't remember…"

"Because it didn't happen?"

"No honey, it's just that now I'm older it really doesn't matter."

"Oh. So you're trying to tell me that this will not affect my life."

"Kind of."

"Well it's affectin' it now!"

Lindsay glanced up at him in the rearview mirror and frowned. He was pale and sweaty, and she was glad that urgent care was so close. He was either going to pass out or throw up, and she wasn't sure if she could pull the car over safely to tend to him if it happened.

"Honey, I'm going to put your window down so you can get some fresh air."

He nodded against the seat and closed his eyes, moaning slightly every time she turned or went over a bump.

"You know, one time I bet my brothers I could jump further into the lake from the rope swing than they could."

"Were you wrong?"

"Not so much wrong as incapable of doing it correctly. I didn't jump right and I forgot to hold the rope above the knot. I fell into the lake where it was only about a foot deep. Knocked the wind out of me, covered me in mud, and made me feel stupid for about two weeks after."

"Did they laugh at you?"

"They do now. When it happened they were just worried I was really hurt, and then they were worried they were going to get into trouble for encouraging me to do it."

"Guess bad decisions run in the family huh?"

"A little."

"You know, I can probably turn this into a joke. After the pain has worn off. And I move schools. And change my identity."

"Will you take me with you?"

"Of course!"

Lindsay smiled and reached back to pat his knee.

"Almost there, Ben Ry."

"Could I sign your cast, Ben?" Avery asked excitedly. "I will do my best handwriting."

"You can sign it tomorrow. Daniel said that Sarah will do a really good drawing on it for me, and then people can sign afterwards."

"Oh, alright. So how do you feel? Can I get you anything? A glass of water or some medicine? Cheese?"

Ben chuckled and used his free hand to tug on one of her curls.

"No thanks, sissy."

"I was really scared when I seen you fall. I'm glad you're okay. Do you get to stay home from school tomorrow?"

"Mama said I can if I feel crummy, but I feel just fine now so I'll probably go."

Avery nodded and frowned slightly.

"What if you hurt it more?"

"You mean if I do something dumb like climbing up on top of the monkey bars when it's raining?"

"I suppose."

"I won't. Scouts honor."

"Okay. That brings me great relief."

Colton snorted from his spot on the other end of the couch where he was examining Ben's X-Ray.

"Why do you always laugh at me, Coley?"

"I'm not laughing at you Aves. You just use phrases that amuse me."

"Oh. Well whatever, I'm going to go help daddy cook dinner."

She skipped off into the kitchen and Ben rested his head on the back of the couch. The pain wasn't too bad if he didn't think about it, but he'd be more than happy to take another Tylenol and go to bed right about now.

"So I did some thinking," Colton started. "And I think there are some ways to go about this comedian thing. Ways that don't involve beer."

Ben chuckled.

"I found this place where you can take acting classes. And I know that's not exactly what you want, but they do train you in stand up comedy, and you get to put on plays and stuff. It's a children's theater and it might be hard or expensive to get into but I thought we could tell dad and mama and maybe work something out."

"Really? But you were laughing at me before."

"I know I was. I shouldn't have. You're right. Comedy is really important and if that's your passion I think you should go for it. I may not understand but I want you to be happy."

Ben nodded.

"Thanks Cole. The way I've been doing things isn't exactly the most… well, it's been painful to say the least."

"And that's no joke."

Ben cracked up and reached over to clap his brother on the shoulder.

"That was a good one. I must be rubbing off on you."

"Must be."

"Hey, if I get famous one day, promise not to tell the press any embarrassing stories about me?"

"Promise," Colton laughed. "But mortifying stories are fair game."