Author's notes: This part takes place during 2x19 & 2x20.

Additionally, if you are still reading this and not understanding that this fic is a collection of missing scenes amidst of a canon roundup, I cannot help you. I have explained this many times and still I'm getting comments about people not understanding. The plot is going to continue to be the same as the show and my updates will continue to be missing scenes. If you like that? Thank you for reading. So much. If you can't or won't understand that there are different ways to approach fic writing than this is probably not for you and I'm sorry for that. We could have had some fun together.

10. Casualties

"In every war there will be casualties." | Unknown

"I'm still amazed by how you stuck by me all that time."

The guilt landed like an anvil on a piano, painful and true. She had stuck by her for five long years and then Bo… She sighed. It didn't matter who or what caused her to cheat or why she did it, the fact was, she had. It would be easy to say that it was lust that broke her and it would be so easy to blame it all on Bo and her gifts but, truthfully, Lauren had fallen for her long before she ever was invited to touch her. And maybe that was the worst of it-the affair of her heart.

She loved Nadia in that safe, comfortable way. It was something that was just there and she didn't question why it was still there after so many years of being untended. But Nadia was the last vestige of Lauren's life before the Fae and that seemed reason enough. And then there was what she was only beginning to realize that she felt for Bo: A white hot deluge of excitement and fire coursing through her veins. It was this exhilaration that fueled her love for Bo. It was unlike any Human connection that she had ever made. It was Fae and it was fate.

She felt like a defector for swapping allegiances so easily but things were different since Nadia awoke. Lauren was no prude when it came to sex but since waking from her coma, Nadia was noticeably crass. She felt unfamiliar-a stranger-which Lauren attributed to the five years that had passed. Confusing things further was that Nadia had grown increasingly aggressive over the past few days and Lauren felt less and less like she was the woman she remembered from five long years ago.

She should have done something the night before when Nadia had thrown her syringe against the wall and refused her doctoring. Now Lauren was naked and cowering in in the shower after narrowly escaping a few manic swipes of a chef's knife. Afterwards, Nadia had run away and Lauren was worried when she would return. She was terrified and she had no idea what to do so she called Bo whose phone went straight to voicemail.

Nadia was gone for hours, for which Lauren was grateful as horrible as that made her feel. She phoned Bo again and left two more messages before Nadia stumbled in, holding her head. She was a doctor first and foremost and even if she didn't trust who or what Nadia had become, Lauren felt compelled to heal her. And when she asked for the truth, Lauren gave it to her, unabridged. She was even going to tell her about Bo but she didn't want to hear about her dalliances, she wanted to hear about the Fae's secrets, and the bottom dropped out of her stomach. What had she done?

The next five minutes would be viewed under a lens of scrutiny for the rest of her life. Nadia attacked them both. Her pain was unbearable and Lauren felt helpless, so when she begged to be killed, Lauren was horrified but as the situation escalated she gave herself over to Nadia's wailing and pain and she too begged Bo to end it for her, for Nadia.

And when it happened, it was an instinct. Bo ran her through to protect Lauren. They stood there in shock as the life drained from Nadia's face and she crumpled to the floor. The devastation in Lauren's tears reverberated in Bo's chest as she left Lauren's loft.

She just left.

She left Lauren alone with her unsolvable grief. And for every bit of grief Lauren was feeling it was now matched by Bo's guilt. She had killed Nadia. And she had killed her not because Lauren and even Nadia had begged her to do it and certainly not for any selfish reason but for the simple primal need to protect. Always the heroine, right? She wasn't feeling the heroism now, Kenzi snuggled up next to her in bed. She couldn't talk about it and she sure as hell couldn't sleep. She took comfort in Kenzi's warmth and the even cadence of her breathing. Her friend was the calm Bo needed when matters of the heart, or somewhere south of there, troubled her. But tonight, Kenzi had her own worries and Bo played the heroine once more.

When her friend had overtaken her pillow and pushed her back to the edge of the bed, Bo took the opportunity to slip away and before she knew it she was driving with the windows down in the dead of night. She was running from her thoughts, speeding toward her fate, and returning to the scene of her most recent crime.

She pushed inside silently, boldly. Her eyes went immediately to the spot on the floor where Nadia had lay bleeding out. She shut the door behind her and climbed the stairs without inciting a creak or groan from the wood. When she reached the top of the stairs, Lauren's bedroom door glowed invitingly. Taking a deep breath, she turned the knob and then she was standing at the foot of Lauren's bed. Her lamp cast shadows on the wall, shining far too brightly for the early hour. Lauren was dabbing her face with tissue when she recognized the movement at the foot of her bed.

"Jesus, Bo!" She gasped.

She held up her hands. "Don't shoot." As soon as she said it she realized it was too early for don't-kill-me jokes.

"Why are you here, Bo?"

"I thought you might be up…"

"And what, you thought slumber party?"

"Lauren, it's not like that."

"What happened today? Can you tell me that?"

"Lauren…"

"Just say it, Bo."

"Well, there was screaming, and confusion, and Lauren…"

"She's dead, Bo." Tears rolled down her cheeks again and she reached for another tissue. "And I asked you to do it." She shook her head and dissolved into another crying jag.

"Lauren…" Bo moved to the side of the bed and sat on the edge.

"I told you to do it." Her chin wrinkled, expressing her internal agony.

Bo wanted to reach out and touch her but she was tip-toeing through a mine field of emotions, afraid to start off a chain reaction that would ruin them both. "She was going to hurt you, Lauren."

"You should go." Her voice was cold and distant.

"Lauren, I think we should talk about this."

"Her blood is still staining my floor, I think it can wait." She closed her eyes and Bo took the opportunity to leave her side, throwing a concerned glance over her shoulder as she crossed the threshold of her bedroom and retreated.

It would be another three days before Bo would see her again, walking into her loft to find a sprawling mess and a Lauren that was obviously worse for the wear of the past week. It was a short conversation, if you could call it that, and Lauren could barely look at her. It was a crushing blow and she left Lauren as she found her-destroyed.

They saw each other shortly in the Dal when Lauren came to tend to Hale and the reception wasn't much better so Bo tried to move past it enough to do what she needed to do for Trick and Lachlan but it niggled in the back of her brain and thoughts of Lauren were ever-present. So when Lauren showed up at the clubhouse all smiles, smelling incredible, having changed her clothes and her hair since she saw her earlier, Bo didn't quite understand.

"Can I sleep with you?"

Bo's heart was in her throat. Watching Lauren explain how sex can help someone grieve all the while fully expecting to be that outlet for her, it was a serious swipe at the desire she felt. They sat in the living room for another twenty minutes-enough time for Lauren to down two more shots-barely speaking before climbing onto the big four-poster bed upstairs. There was an awkward moment when they were trying to decide how to lay together. Truth was, they didn't cuddle much. There was never a lot of time and their stolen moments were short. And it was never a dull party when they were together for however long they could manage. But the urge to sit on her own hands right then was overwhelming. Look but don't touch. Touch but don't touch.

Lauren's head was on her breast and the silence was deafening but Bo waited for her to open up. She knew it would come in time but she was incredibly uncomfortable in the silence that kept her waiting. When Lauren finally spoke, she was on the verge of tears and wanting to run away from the Fae once and for all and inside all Bo could feel was despair but she knew Lauren's plight was more important than the big ball of emotional crap Bo found herself caught up in. She held her breath and did the impossible: without putting her feelings aside, she encouraged Lauren.

"Whatever you decide, whatever happens, we are in this together. Let's just hope Dyson really is the chosen one."

"Bo, its always been you, why would it be Dyson now?"

"The Wolf Spirit said-"

"The last Naga has also said you are the one."

"Did Lachlan put you up to this?"

Lauren smirked. "No…" She reached up and stroked Bo's face. "This is all me."

Bo sighed. "Lauren…"

Her eyes were bright and shining with unspent tears but the expression on her face told the story. She was there to transfer the pain, she was there to reunite, and she was there to begin again. She crawled over Bo and overwhelmed her with a kiss. Bo played at being reluctant but once Lauren sat straddling her hips, hands cupping her face, and a bliss-bringing kiss that made her feel things she never wanted to stop feeling. She was tearing at Bo's clothes now, the pace of their encounter quickly getting out of hand.

Bo pulled away and sucked in a breath. "Lauren… don't you think we should talk?" Her lips were full and pink and Bo only wanted to continue kissing her.

"I need you." Her words came out in a rush, desperate and hushed. "Please."

Bo needed no further encouragement, she reached up and pulled Lauren's shirt over her head. She had been waiting, wanting and now she was warring with herself over whether or not she should be so lucky to be with Lauren again. For whatever guilt Bo felt, her desire was a thousand times more telling, and as long as she wasn't taking advantage of a grief-stricken Lauren, Bo was more than willing to help her redistribute the pain.

Lauren reached behind her back and unfastened her bra, Bo's hands laying claim to her breasts as soon as the fabric was pulled away. Leaning over her, Lauren's hair shrouded her face momentarily before she flipped it over her shoulder. Bo smiled at the sight of her face and kissed her again. "Lauren, I-"

She shook her head. "Shhh…" She hushed her with another kiss and scooted down until she was straddling Bo's thighs, laying on top of her.

Bo knew she was being used, not maliciously, just that Lauren sought comfort in her embrace and release in her bed and Bo received her first as her friend and second as her lover. She only wanted to ease her pain and if Bo could do that with her body than she was happy to oblige. She gripped Lauren's hips and rolled on top of her. Bo pulled back and removed her top before returning to Lauren's mouth. She held her face in her hands, her blonde hair splayed across the pillowcase like a halo, and pressed her forehead against Lauren's, their breath mingling. They laid like that for a time before the gravity of what they were doing seemed to hit Lauren and tears welled up in her eyes as she began to sob.

Bo rolled them onto their sides and brushed the hair from her eyes. "Hey… we don't have to do this," Bo whispered.

"No." She shook her head and touched Bo's cheek with a finger. "I need you."

Brushing the back of her hand against Lauren's cheek and a glow spread across her face. Lauren sighed and reached for Bo, wrapping her arms around Bo's neck. She kissed her and relaxed into Bo. She had used her touch on Lauren, not for control, but to ease her pain and one look at her blissed out expression and Bo knew it had worked.

Lauren fumbled with the waistband of Bo's pants and stripped them away before helping Bo slide the jeans from her own hips. In a flurry they were undressed and the heat from their skin was pressed together at last. And that's is where things got foggy for Bo. She was overwhelmed, by Lauren, who climbed on top of her and took her time, She was making love to Bo and whatever she was feeling about Nadia, it was hidden. She coveted Bo, kissing her everywhere.

Bo was aware of how ridiculous it sounded for a succubus to be outmatched by a human sexually, and truth be told-she wasn't, but her emotions were in uncharted waters. To have Lauren touch her so honestly, as an expression of her emotions, it was an honor and a privilege; she was amazing. Bo knew about sex and love-making from one end of the spectrum and back again and she knew what Lauren was sharing with her then was unsurpassed by any experience she had ever had.

Her kisses reached Bo's thigh as she nudged her legs apart and settled between them. The first glance across her skin was like catching fire, the flames chasing her finger's trail as Bo's hips chased them both. Her featherlike touch caressed her thighs as her mouth took pleasure in taking its time at her center.

She was sublime and Bo was at her mercy. She touched the top of Lauren's head tentatively and sighed as her touch influenced Lauren's next move. It felt like hours had passed, her body was warm, her limbs vibrated and her toes curled. She was poised to rock the foundation of the clubhouse when Lauren expertly released her from her holding pattern.

Bo's hips lifted off the bed as Lauren gripped them and dazzled her, bringing a release that rattled the slats on the windows. The smile on her face as she crawled up Bo's body was unrivaled and Bo was on her immediately. With a yearning that had plenty of time to mature, Bo covered her with her body with her own and kissed her with a force so rare and beautiful that it took Lauren's breath away. Bo pulled away and hovered above her, hands planted on either side of Lauren's head. With eyes ablaze, she looked her over, appreciating every triumph and every flaw for its beauty. Her hands moved so swiftly and so expertly that she caught Lauren off-guard.

It was Bo's turn to overwhelm. Her hands roamed with purpose, teasing her and leaving her breathless. Her mouth tempted and her body moved like quicksilver; the fluid motion of her hips and the sheen covering her body as she encouraged Lauren with a slow and compassionate care. Bo matched the attention Lauren had shown her and raised the stakes.

If there was one thing Bo knew, it was pleasure, and she made the critical acknowledgment of their relationship despite the obstacles they face and opened her heart again. She made love to Lauren, luring her out of hiding and enticing her to stay. The chase was real and even as Bo slid a hand between their bodies, she knew Lauren was still coming to terms with her relationship with Nadia and, of course, her death, and Bo's role in all of it. But they both let go of the restrictions of reality and Lauren succumbed to Bo's sexual acuity, and Bo did not let her down.

Lauren's hips rocked helplessly as Bo slipped into her. Her gasp elicited a smile from Bo and she began to move. Her head tossed against the pillow as Bo took her Succubus game to the majors. Slowly building speed, Bo kissed her on the neck, shoulder, and breast before capturing her mouth again. The kiss was a super-charged testament to the feelings flowing between them and Bo felt it in her chest, swelling whenever Lauren whimpered.

Fingernails scraped across Bo's back and dug in. Lauren buried her face in her neck as she pressed deeper. Holding Lauren against her, Bo increased the tempo between her legs, her thumb sweeping out to tempt her further. She was moving against Bo, moaning in her ear and clutching at her skin. She was losing her pain and her fear and steamrolling over them as she careened toward not just release but a full-on purge of the things she was feeling.

"Bo," she half-whispered, half-moaned and Bo had to bite her lip to keep from moaning herself.

She was close now, so close that Bo began to rock against her. And when Lauren found release, Bo was not far behind and together they moved as one, the push and the pull, the intrinsic natural attraction between them like fire in their blood, an alchemy that could no longer be denied. They were at peace, breath heavy, sweat's shine covering their bodies and warm hearts aware of one another once again.

Bo held Lauren, hugged her tightly against her body as their breathing slowed and Lauren held on to her, slowly kissing Bo's shoulder as their bodies began to cool. Untangling herself, Lauren pulled Bo back toward the headboard with her and flopped on her back. She sighed and looked pointedly at Bo. "I didn't mean for that to happen."

Bo's laugh wasn't harsh, but it conveyed her amusement that Lauren thought she had accidentally slept with her. "Maybe just a little?" Bo said.

Bo held her hand in hers and watched as Lauren played with their fingers absentmindedly. "I feel crazy. I haven't slept, I lashed out at you…This isn't why I came here, I swear to you."

"Lauren… You're grieving. Give yourself a break."

She looked at their hands. "It was all my fault."

"It's a little late in the game to start that." Bo nudged her with her knee.

"I'm serious."

"Lauren, I'm really sorry."

"Bo…" Lauren's chin wobbled with emotion.

"I did this," Bo admitted. "And I left you to clean up. I'm so sorry, Lauren. Nadia deserved better."

Lauren closed her eyes and sucked in a breath. "She deserved better than me. I let her down."

"Don't say that."

"I couldn't even stay faithful."

"You loved her."

"Once… but she wasn't the same person I knew before the Fae put their hooks into us."

"That's because the Garuda was using her as his puppet."

"No, Bo… It's me. I'm the one that's different."

Lauren fell silent and Bo could tell there was more to that thought but it was becoming apparent that there would be no revelations tonight. She craned her neck to kiss Bo suddenly. Her hand held Bo's cheek as she moved closer. The contact was insistent and Bo did not need any other encouragement. Maybe she was wrong about the revelations…

TBC