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As Color Fades Away

Chapter Thirty-Five

After Lance's approval to begin, there was a flurry of movement for preparations.

Hunk remained at his side and Pidge on the bed next to him, but Keith was forced to sit back in his chair by Allura. Lance didn't miss the way Keith practically sank into the cushion without protest and felt another pang of guilt that Keith been hurt.

Hurt because of his failures.

Allura gently settled the light blanket over Lance's torso and although it did little to warm him – because his body had decided to settle on freezing – he appreciated the gesture even as he couldn't help but stare at how... strange it was to see Allura in casual clothes, to see her hovering almost nervously about the bed because that was not the Allura he remembered. He... he wasn't sure how to feel but he felt comforted as she smoothed the blanket down on the corner, meeting his eyes with a small smile.

Coran and Shiro had disappeared for a fwe minutes and returned with a few small towels and what looked like some sort of pliers that had drawn Lance's attention.

Dios.

He shuddered. He'd seen a pair of pliers on Haggar's tray that first time, but... but he didn't think she'd used them. He didn't think she ahd but she had hurt him with so many other—

"Are you ready, Lance?" Coran asked gently. "We'll go over every step so you know what is happening, all right?"

Lance didn't trust himself to speak so he just nodded, eyes wide and he tried to get his trembling under control.

They weren't going to torture him. They were going to help him.

But as Coran settled his supplies atop the bed Lance found his attention dragged down towards his feet, taking in the bloodied bandages that he'd curled up at some point towards him.

The blood was so, so red against the white bandages.'

He could almost feel the first slice and the loud cheering of the crowd and he flinched.

"First, we need to bring your legs down to us," Coran said, drawing his attention. "It isn't good to have them tucked up like that. Can you maneuver them yourself or would you like some assistance?"

Lance tried to shift, knowing that in his panic he'd brought them up into a curl in the first place. But the movement sent a sharp stab through his chest and he gasped, hunching over instead. Pathetic, he heard Haggar scoff.

She was right. How could he not even manage this?

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Hunk said. "Don't push yourself, hermano. Would you be okay if I lifted you up, just a little? It'll be easier to straighten them that way."

If it were anyone else Lance would have said no. The thought of any arms, any extra touch, made him stiffen. But this was Hunk. And Hunk's arms were safe. He inclined his head the smallest bit.

"Okay, here we go then." One of Hunk's arms slid behind his back while the other managed to slide right under the base of his spine. With almost no effort Hunk raised him just slightly from the bed, freeing Lance's legs from where he'd pinned them. He tried to stretch them out, hissing in pain, but then Coran was there, his touch feather-light, guiding his legs in the correct direction.

When all was done he was left panting, his face half-buried in the pillow while Hunk kept his one hand on his back and was tracing soft circles with his thumb.

"Very good," Coran smiled. "We're going to start with removing the two on your ankles first, all right? Number One is going to remove the first using his hand." Unsaid was that Shiro really needed the practice before he tried on the much harder and deadlier operation.

"It might be a little warm," Coran continued, "but we've got some towels here to keep the worst of the heat away." Saying so he carefully tucked one between the manacle and the bandages and placed others above and below before he looked up to Lance's face, which he'd rotated out of the pillow so he could breathe easier. "How are we doing so far?"

"F-fine."

"While Shiro is cutting you must remain perfectly still. Would you be all right if I held your leg, right here?" Coran pointed to just below Lance's calf.

Lance really didn't want anyone else touching him, but he recognized the reason. And if it had to be anyone other than Hunk… well, Coran was his next choice. He'd felt a pull to the older Altean from their first meeting because just like Lance, behind the jokes and quirkiness there was a kindred spirit whose sole mission was to protect.

So he nodded and moments later Coran's hand was there. It was just as light as before, but Lance knew well the strength of Alteans. If needed Coran would be able to hold down the limb with ease.

Lance hoped it didn't come to that. He could see them, see what they were doing. He was going to be fine. They were helping him. They weren't hurting him. He just needed to convince the rest of him of that logic, which seemed to continually escape him.

"I'm… I'm ready," he said voice small as Shiro moved into position.

"It'll be just a few ticks," Shiro comforted. "Here I go."

Shiro's face scrunched up as he worked to once more bring power to only a single finger. He was so focused on the task that he nearly missed the gasp of terror and the faint sounds of a struggle, but after all the time in the battlefield he was attuned to everything, and especially now with Lance after his last failure in the cell.

He powered down immediately to a scene of chaos as Lance had tried to propel himself away from Shiro, eyes blown wide, while Coran's grip was effectively holding his lower half down and Hunk was murmuring and trying to calm Lance, who was muttering something beneath his breath that none could catch.

He hadn't even touched him this time, nor gotten close enough for there to even be a wash of heat. Everyone else looked just as confused, save Keith who was watching the scene with calculating if exhausted eyes.

"Keith?" Shiro asked, leaving Lance to Hunk right now.

"It's purple," he said simply.

Shiro stared at his arm with horror. They had all gotten used to the enemy color when Shiro fought; the bright Altean teal of his uniform often offsetting any minor confusion. And despite the rate at which the Galrans employed the color, it had never been a source of fear.

But Shiro knew all too clearly what the inside of Galran ships looked like. And he recalled that every room they'd tracked Lance's blood too had been lit solely by purple-toned lights. It was likely the only color light Lance had seen during his entire time there and now an association for not just Galra but for the pain he endured.

"Shit," he cursed, drawing everyone's attention, too upset to even blush at the language he was all-too often scolding Pidge to watch. "Lance… I'm so sorry. I didn't even think…"

"'s not your fault," came the quiet reply. Not said but heard was "it's mine."

"And it's not yours either," Shiro countered.

Lance said nothing but dropped his head.

"I have a grand idea," Coran bobbed to his feet in the heavy silence that followed. "Be back in a tick."

Hunk rearranged the mused blanket in the meantime, his face growing even more concerned as Lance shivered violently and his eyes slipped closed. The flush of fever had grown even darker, staining mocha skin with its color and beads of sweat dotting Lance's forehead.

The Glornack seed did not seem to be reducing it as Coran had hoped and Hunk wondered if it were safe to give Lance a second dose. He eyed the fluids bag that was still feeding into Lance's body. The second bag was nearly empty. Hunk decided to let Coran be the judge when he came back.

And the advisor returned bearing what appeared to be a pair of glasses in a garish shade of orange.

"Lance, lad, I've got something for you." Coran held out the item. "These glasses are used when watching the Cryptan Nebula every twenty decafebes to save our eyes from the bright glare. They tint everything a glorious shade of orange." He stroked his moustache with his other hand. "If Number One's hand were to appear as a different color would that perhaps help?"

Lance tiredly peered at the glasses hovering in front of him. His insides were still roiling from his reaction to Shiro's hand – scared of a color? He could hear Theodek's laughter, this is a Paladin of Voltron? Pathetic.

He was pathetic.

He was also willing to try anything. He wanted them off.

So he whispered an, "okay," and allowed Coran to place the too-large glasses on the bridge of his nose, hating that he flinched from the Altean's hands encroaching near his face, but unable to stop the reaction. Coran gave him a soft, sad smile of understanding. But as soon as the glasses were placed everything was awash with shades or orange and umber and Lance let out a tiny breath.

That hadn't been so bad.

"All right," Shiro said, swallowing back his nerves. "Let's try again. I'll stop though if you need me to, okay?"

This time he kept his eyes on Lance's face, seeing the exact moment the fear returned to his eyes. But he held steady, only turning slightly more into Hunk's arm and Shiro was infinitely grateful that Lance had someone like Hunk by his side.

"Here I go," he repeated, having to tear his gaze from Lance so he could concentrate on the manacle in front of him. Coran was once more holding Lance's leg down.

Shiro's finger touched against the metal with a sharp whine and everyone collectively winced. Shiro took a steadying breath and pressed harder against the metal. Coran had confirmed that the manacles were not made of the near indestructible material of the collar and so Shiro knew that they were going to give quicker. He forced himself to go slow and steady even though he wished he could speed through it and spare Lance any more pain and fear.

He cut through the manacle a few ticks later, relieved beyond measure when he did not even come close to touching Lance's skin underneath. He repeated the process on the other side and deactivated his finger as the two halves freed themselves.

"All done," he muttered, retrieving both pieces and putting them out of sight on the floor. "How are you doing, Lance?"

"Oh-okay."

"Excellent job, lad," Coran said. "We've got three more to go. Number One can cut through them or I have a pair of sturdy plarnaks" – he held up the pliers –"that should be able to clip those off."

Lance stared at them, stomach rolling.

"Let's do the plarnaks," Hunk said quietly when Lance did not answer. "Assuming they won't hurt?"

"Not at all. Just a quick twist."

Lance tensed but did not voice an objection, sinking just a little more against Hunk and squeezing his eyes shut tight. Coran took charge then, the remaining ankle cuff off in a few short ticks.

Lance trembled the entire time but did not pull away.

For the wrists Coran opted to start with the left, which was significantly less injured. He instructed Pidge to keep her hand resting on top of Lance's fingers and Hunk moved to gently brace Lance's forearm, being very careful to not touch any of the inner arm where he knew a deep, ragged wound lay beneath the stained bandages.

That one came off with little trouble. But the right was trickier. Lance's wrist and arm had swollen around the broken limb and the manacle was practically flush with his flesh, making the pliers useless. And it wasn't a normal wound hidden beneath swathes of bandages. The skin here had been cauterized – and clearly without any particular care – and would be especially sensitive to heat.

But they hadn't much choice. The pliers weren't going to work.

"Lance, are you okay with this?" Shiro asked as Coran quietly informed Lance they would need to cut through the manacle rather than twisting it free.

And those ocean blue eyes, so filled with fear and pain but still somehow held trust and hope, focused on him.

"I… I trust you," Lance murmured. He meant it too even if he was still scared.

"I'll make it quick," Shiro promised. Hunk re-adjusted Lance's glasses and Shiro got to work, trying to ignore the way he heard a muffled cry behind him, the way Lance's arm tried to twist away but was held in place by Coran and then the trembling that echoed throughout the entire body.

"All done, I'm all done," Shiro said, powering down as soon as both pieces were sliced through. Unfortunately they were nearly embedded and it took a bit of prying to get them over the swollen limb. Lance just silently shook behind them and it pierced Shiro's heart to realize that such pain was not even worth crying out for anymore.

"There's just the collar left now," Coran sighed heavily. He could feel his own limbs starting to shake and he knew he was almost at his limit. But he'd made a promise that he would not rest until Lance was safely in a cryo-pod. He had to hold out until then.

"You're doing so good, buddy," Shiro said. "Think we can do this last one now?"

Lance raised a shaking hand to his neck, flinching as the metal brushed his fingers even though he knew it was there.

He wanted it off. He wanted it off so much.

But just the thought of anyone touching it and the pain that was sure to come left him quaking. It was going to hurt. No matter how gentle Shiro was it was going to hurt. He didn't want to go back to that hazy world of memory bleeding into reality, didn't want to forget that he was amongst his friends and not in some Galra cell. He knew he would. He just wasn't that strong.

Theodek was right when he called him weak. He was.

"We'll all be right here," Hunk assured. "I know you can do this, Lance. We believe in you."

Lance squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. He could try, right? He at least owed them all that.

"Okay, we're just going to lower you back down to the bed," Hunk said. "Are you ready for me and Coran to lift you?" He nodded again.

The world tilted alarmingly beneath closed eyelids and Lance hurriedly opened them. He was lying flat on the bed now and the change immediately had a new cough swarming his lungs. He gasped weakly as it exited.

"It's okay, you're okay," Hunk murmured above him. "Can you turn your head towards me? There you go. Perfect."

Lance felt oddly exposed like this, but Hunk's warm eyes calmed him and he stared into those bright orbs, trying to slow his chest from heaving. His head was angled on the pillow now while his back was flat on the mattress. The glasses were still firmly in place, keeping everything a warm, calming orange.

"I'm going to need to make two cuts," Shiro explained gently, his face appearing right next to Hunk's. He looked confident and Lance felt the knot inside him release slightly. This was Shiro. Shiro was not going to hurt him. Or, well… as little as he could. "One on this side and then we'll have you turn your head and I'll make the second one."

Shiro's voice grew lower, softer. "I know it's scary, buddy. But we're going to get through it, together. Just bear with me for a little longer, all right?" He longed to reach up a hand, brush away the new tears trying to free themselves from Lance's eyes and offer him what little comfort he could.

But he couldn't.

Because Haggar had turned that comfort into a cruelty.

He would never forgive her.

At Lance's barely whispered affirmative, Shiro straightened. "Hunk?"

"Lance, I'm going to put a hand on your head," Hunk said. "We just need to make sure you don't move while Shiro is cutting. Is... is that okay?"

Lance swallowed. He didn't want any hands on or near his head, already feeling Haggar's hand descending in her distorted pets, Theodek's twisting in his hair.

But he knew there was no other choice. They had to do that, to make sure he didn't hurt himself more. It was for his own good. And so he shuddered out a sí and Hunk's hand descended. It did not card or caress or do anything except press gently down. Lance still trembled.

"Here we go," Shiro said, as much to alert Lance as to encourage himself. He felt a hand descend on his shoulder and Coran gave him a quick squeeze. It was what he needed. A few ticks later he had his finger activated once again.

He lowered it as carefully as he could, not surprised when instead of the soft metal of the cuff the collar did not immediately accept the cut. Just like the chains. He pressed harder, small sparks flying off at the contact and he was grateful they'd placed a towel above and below the collar to protect Lance's skin. Still, the boy flinched and only Hunk's hand kept him from jerking away.

Shiro continued, sweat beading on his own forehead at the delicate process. It was slow going, much slower than he'd like. But he was chipping away.

Unfortunately as they'd predicted the metal had fused with Lance's flesh. And it was only Lance's shriek that alerted him that he'd made it through the band and had touched upon burnt flesh.

It had all felt the same to his metal finger.

Lance was crying and shuddering and trying without luck to pull away as Coran had descended somewhere during the time and had a hand pressed against Lance's chest to keep him from turning while Hunk still had his head pinned against the pillow.

Blood was trickling up between the metal chasm and Shiro felt sick. The boy was saying something in between his cries, Spanish again, Shiro recognized. Por Favor. No más. Lo siento.

His stomach heaved. He did this. He promised he wouldn't hurt him and he'd…

He'd...

More blood gushed, trickling down Lance's neck now and staining the towels a rich scarlet.

Shiro barely made it from the room to Allura's bathroom before he lost the contents of his stomach, energy bars tasting just as bad coming up as they had going in. Shame and regret warred in equal measure as he hunched over the toilet bowl, Lance's sharp cries and pleas sounding even here.

He vomited again.

Light footsteps echoed on the tile. Allura said nothing as she sank down beside him, but one of her hands went to rub his back while the other combed sweaty bangs from his forehead.

They remained there in silence, Lance's sobs growing softer in the other room until there were only hushed murmurs.

"I can't do this."

Shiro's whispered confession echoed about the chamber and Allura's hand stilled.

"I can't," he repeated. "I… I hurt him."

After he'd promised.

"Shiro…"

"I… I'm such a mess. I can't… I can't be the leader. I—"

"Shiro." Allura's voice was sharper now.

"He trusted me," Shiro said brokenly. He turned overbright eyes to Allura. "And I… I hurt him."

"Shiro," she repeated, tone still hard but underlying it was worry. He kept her gaze and for that she was grateful. "You have done nothing wrong."

"I—"

"We all knew there was a good chance removing the collar would hurt him," Allura continued, her own expression pained. "Lance knew that too. But it needs to come off, Shiro. And you are the only one who can do it."

Her hands moved to his face, cupping his jaw that in any other situation would likely have had Shiro blushing. All he did now was hiccup back another sob and lean into her touch, accepting the comfort that Allura was offering.

Her voice was soft as she spoke, but her words were firm. "You are the only one who can lead this team, Shiro. And Lance believes in you. We all do. You have not failed Lance. He understands. He knows that you would never willingly harm him. He knows it is an accident." She released him from her hold, brushing her hand one last time against his cheek. "Now go to him. He needs you."

"I..." Shiro swallowed thickly. "I... thank you."

Allura gave him a gentle smile.

Shiro paused only to flush the toilet and wash out his mouth and then headed back out to the bedroom portion, shoulders squared and more nervous than he wanted to let on. This was the second time now he'd had had some type of retreat in the last few hours.

But his team was more than he deserved. There was no judgment in their eyes as he approached the bed. Just concern.

"You okay?" Pidge asked, still seated on the bed but her hands occupied with the mice instead of Lance.

"I'm good," he answered. "Sorry for the worry."

His eyes met Keith's who stared back with such open fear and concern and understanding that Shiro's heart ached. He said nothing but offered up a small smile and it gave Shiro the last boost of courage he needed to look to Lance.

Lance had not so much as looked in his direction. In fact, his eyes were shut tight and he was curled on his side towards Hunk, still trembling although it may have been more of shivering at this point. They hadn't been able to treat the newest injury, hidden beneath the collar still, but a towel had been jammed into the space to help the cut clot for now. Seeing it just made the guilt flare hotter.

"Talk to him," Hunk instructed gently, drawing Shiro's eyes from the injury he had made.

Shiro swallowed. "Hey, buddy. It's me. Shiro." No eyes cracked open but Lance tilted his head ever so slightly. "I'm… I'm really sorry. You trusted me and…"

Lance opened his eyes then and locked gazes with Shiro. He was still scared, Shiro could see. But there was a strength there too. "Shiro… I trust you."

Shiro's breath caught at how sincere Lance was, how brave. "I... I might hurt you again." He didn't want to. God, he didn't want to. But it was a rather realistic possibility.

"I know," came Lance's barely there whisper. "But... please. I... I want it off."

Lance was still terribly frightened. When Shiro had connected with abused flesh his mind had thrown him back without mercy to a small dark cell and husky laughter. I'm going to enjoy this Theodek had told him before there was even more pain, his neck alighting with pure agony. And the hands. So many hands holding him down and forcing him to endure the never-ending pain.

Over the noise of his own screams and pleas though he heard other voices - Hunk and Coran, Pidge and Keith - calling for him. Telling him he was safe. That it was okay. And he'd allowed them to lead him back to real pain, but nothing so bad as his memory could conjure.

Once he'd calmed down, Hunk humming and keeping a solid, warm hand on top of his own, he realized what had happened and he'd flushed hot with shame at his reaction. Pathetic.

And then Shiro was there, apologizing. And there was such sorrow, such guilt in his words that Lance ached to take it away. Shiro shouldn't be sorry. It wasn't his fault. He didn't do it on purpose. He needed to know that.

"Okay," Shiro agreed after a few ticks. "Let's… let's try again."

This time he had to turn his head the other direction, meaning Hunk disappeared from view. But Pidge was right there and she lied down so their heads were level.

"Hey," she whispered. "Just focus on me, okay?"

She wasn't Hunk. She wasn't Coran. But she was the one he considered as a little sister. The one who listened to his stories about his siblings and home with a soft smile and an always ready hug. The one who poured her heart out to him about her own family; her hopes and fears for their future. He trusted Pidge too.

"Kay," he whispered back.

He felt Hunk's hand settle gently on his head again and then the hiss as Shiro's hand charged up. He couldn't help the tremble that that caused.

"Hey, eyes on me," Pidge coaxed and he realized he'd closed them again. He was just so tired. He struggled to open them though because Pidge had asked and the light was better than the dark. "That's it. It's... It's almost over."

There was a whine of metal on metal and Lance flinched at the noise as much as the sudden heat that bathed his neck and cheek.

"It's almost over," Pidge repeated, blinking back her own tears as Lance tried his best to keep his eyes on her. "Almost done."

And this time there was no stab of pain. Shiro sat back, panting with a small smile of victory. He'd deactivated the prosthetic earlier than last and the thin layer of metal that was still there should be easy enough to break now. The whole thing was rather anti-climatic in a good way this time around.

"All right, time to sit up again," Coran said gently.

And Lance felt himself being carefully lifted back to sitting. The change was an immediate relief for his lungs and he took a careful, deep breath. Hunk reached forward and plucked the glasses off, returning his world to full color again.

The collar was still there though. It wasn't quite as tight, but it was still there. Why was it still there? Hadn't all of this been so they could remove it? Why was it… why was it…

"Lance, it's okay, Estás bien. Respirar. Breathe. We still have to pull it off. It's going to come off. It's okay." Lance forced himself to take another breath as Hunk had asked of him, the words and the air quelling the newest panic.

It didn't look good though.

As they'd expected the collar had been used so much that it had burned itself into Lance's neck, fusing in places with skin. They were going to have to pull the two halves off from where they'd embedded themselves. It was going to hurt and Shiro was silently cursing that this still wasn't over.

How much more did he have to suffer?

"You're doing an excellent job, lad," Coran said. "We've just got to pull the confounded thing off. It's going to hurt a tad."

"Off," Lance insisted, closing his eyes again this time out of tiredness. Keeping them open was taking too much effort now. He dimly heard the beep of the scanner go off overhead and Coran mumble something under his breath.

"Then let's get it off," Coran agreed. "We'll remove the front first and then the back. Ready?"

Coran took on the task of pulling the collar free. He could see the tremors that were wracking Shiro and he would not force the young man to go through such a trial again. Even though he'd come back and had managed to make the second cut it was clear that he was still upset that he'd hurt Lance at all.

With a deep inhalation of his own, Coran gripped the collar on both ends and pulled. On the plus, the entire thing came off with a sick sounding squelch in just under a tick. Everything else was a negative. A terrible, terrible negative.

The grievous wound was now exposed to light. The flesh was darkened brown in places, red in others. Parts were raised in a ropy burn, others indented from where rivets had cut in. Fresh blood was starting to flow from the separation, making Lance's neck into a crimson waterfall.

And the smell. Oh, Alaraan. It was the scent of burnt flesh, the hot tang of blood and the sickness of infection all rolled into one and now freed.

It was awful.

Pidge barely managed to roll off the bed before she was emptying the contents of her stomach on the floor. Hunk's own weak stomach got the best of him and he was vomiting on the other side of the bed. Shiro had frozen, eyes wide, head pulsing and frozen in his own memories trying to press in as burnt flesh and this hurts me more than it hurts you wafted across his mind.

Keith and Allura were the ones who came to assist. Despite his own wounds and exhaustion, Keith practically threw himself forward even though he wasn't sure what he could do but he could not just sit there.

Lance's scream had died down to a soft keen that was almost worse. His eyes were scrunched closed although that didn't prevent tears from dripping down his cheeks .

Coran had both of his hands on Lance's head, trying to keep him from hunching forward and making it any worse, all the while murmuring nonsense to try and calm him. Allura made the decision for herself and Keith, handing him one of the towels and pressing her own to Lance's neck to stem the bloodflow.

"Allura," Coran said, voice tight. "Remove the other half."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

"We can't do this again." Lance let out another soft cry as Keith dabbed at the wound, his own stomach roiling but under control and doing his best to ignore the dancing black spots that had popped into his vision as his back screamed at the sudden movement and posture. "It needs to go. Now."

Coran did not generally give orders, which only highlighted how serious he was about this. Allura pressed her lips into a thin line and gave a nod.

"I am so sorry," she murmured, even though Lance did not seem to be able to hear her. To Coran she instructed, "Turn his head slightly, please."

He did so, bringing more of Lance's back into her sights and the other half of the shock collar. It would be easier to grab, her hands able to lie on the rough edges Shiro had made now that it was separated. She hesitated for a moment, swallowing back her own nausea.

And before she could overthink it anymore she did as Coran had and pulled the entire piece of metal out in one fell swoop. Her eyes watered at the next wave of infection that resulted in her actions, but she held firm, even as Lance screamed anew and writhed beneath her hand. Scooping up her towel she pressed it to the back of Lance's neck while Keith kept his on the front.

Hunk had come back now and had his own hand on Lance's shoulder, keeping him from twisting as much while he murmured in Spanish, words garbled due to his own tears.

Shiro too had broken out of his memory, but he did not approach Lance although his heart ached. He knew that right now there was nothing he could do and any more people encroaching would only lead to more panic. So he made his way to Pidge, who was pale and shaking, curled up on the floor.

Effortlessly he scooped her into his arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, voice heavy with tears. "I… I…."

"Shh, it's okay," he soothed, straightening up. He met Allura's eyes and inclined his head towards her bathroom and she managed a nod before she her attention returned to Lance.

He brought both himself and Pidge to the bathroom and closed the door. It didn't block the noise, but it muffled it significantly. He set her on the closed toilet seat and knelt in front of her. "You okay?"

"I'm such a coward. I—"

"Katie," Shiro said, drawing her gaze immediately at the tone and name. "You are many, many things but a coward is not one of them. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

He closed his eyes then, feeling that same shame hit him. He'd frozen like a deer in headlights. Again.

The smell had thrown him right back into a memory; curled up in the corner of a cell with a piece of foreign metal affixed to his arm fresh from surgery while the scent of burnt flesh, metal and infection filled the small space.

He'd let a memory override him. Again. When Lance needed him he'd been useless. What kind of leader was he?

A small hand gently touched his arm and Shiro's eyes flew open. "Are you okay?" Pidge asked gently.

Shiro choked back the sob that was trying to escape in the face of her concern and the still too fresh memory. He should say he was fine, deny any problems. He was the leader. He needed to lead. But his body apparently had other ideas because he found himself shaking his head before he could stop.

And then Pidge was leaning forward, wrapping both of her arms about his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. Her glasses pressed uncomfortably against him, but Shiro welcomed it. It was grounding.

He brought up his flesh arm to wrap about her while his prosthetic balanced them from the floor. They didn't say anything. There was no need for words. Shiro allowed the hot sting of tears to finally unleash and he felt Pidge's own soaking into his underarmour.

It was... cathartic.

Shiro couldn't recall the last time he'd allowed himself to cry. Even when he'd opened up to Keith he had tried his best to remain strong, to not give into that gut-wrenching fear and terror clawing at him because he did not want to fall back into that.

But he had needed this.

He let out another sob and clutched Pidge tighter.

Shiro's legs started cramping somewhere around five minutes in, but he refrained from moving, not sure he wanted this to end. It wasn't until Pidge sat back a minute after that, wiping her nose on her shoulder, that he shifted to relieve the pins and needles creeping up his calves.

"Thank you," Shiro said softly, rubbing at his own eyes. "I guess I... I needed that." It was the understatement of the century but it felt freeing, just as his tears had.

"Me too."

Pidge was straightening now and eyeing the bathroom door. "Can we… can we go back to Lance now?"

Shiro stood. "Let's go."

The bedroom was much quieter than when they'd left and Shiro was almost relieved to see that Lance had fallen unconscious. Coran was in the process of applying some type of salve - it looked almost like the same one Shiro had put on Keith's burns - to Lance's neck while Hunk was ready and waiting with a strip of bandages. Under the cream it was hard to even tell that Lance's neck was injured, but the bloodied towels still over his shoulders and chest told a different story.

Allura was murmuring something to Keith, who she was in the process of settling back into his chair. Even from here Shiro could make out a few faint red splotches on his bandages and he winced.

"Number One, Number Five," Coran turned to them, worry dancing in his eyes. "Are we all right?"

Shiro gave Pidge's shoulder a squeeze as she cast her gaze down. "We're all right, Coran, Thank you. Is… is there anything we can do?"

"Could you fetch the ice packs? There should be some in the cooling unit in the kitchen."

"I'll get them," Pidge said quickly. And she zipped from the room before anyone could blink.

Allura joined them, hands twisted together. "Is Pidge all right?"

"Yeah," Shiro said quietly. "She's just... tired." Mentally, physically... it was hard to watch a loved one continue to be in pain, to be the cause of some of it. Shiro just wanted to close his eyes and when he woke up for this nightmare to be over.

"We all are," Allura said, shooting a pointed look at Shiro and then Coran, the latter of who shook his head.

"I made a promise, Princess, and I intend to see it through. It shouldn't be much longer until the crystal is fully charged and once Lance's fever drops a little we can get him into a pod and get those injuries treated. Now that the collar is off he should be breathing easier and he is... unconsious now which may help as well." He cast a look over his shoulder to where Hunk was sitting at Lance's side. "Poor boy knocked himself out smashing his head against Number Two's, but I think it was for the best."

"Hunk?" Shiro turned to the larger boy who was now replacing the cool cloth on Lance's forehead. He knew Hunk could take a hit, but a force strong enough to knock Lance out was more than just a little bump.

"I'm okay, Shiro," Hunk said quietly.

Shiro hummed and made a note to make sure Hunk got one of the ice packs when Pidge came back.

"I'm going to pop down to the crystal and take a quick looksie," Coran said in the ensuing silence. "I'll be back with a status update in just a few dobashes."

Shiro took it upon himself to clean up the mess that Pidge and Hunk had left while Allura settled herself next to Hunk and to Shiro's surprise rested her head upon his shoulder. Hunk managed a real smile at that although he kept his eyes trained solely on Lance.

After he'd disposed of the mess, Shiro made his way over to Keith who was fighting a losing battle with his eyelids but forced them open when Shiro approached. "Hey," Shiro greeted softly, kneeling down next to the chair.

"Hey," came the mumbled response.

"You did really good back there."

Purple eyes widened while a light blush formed on each cheek. "Really?"

"Really." Shiro adjusted the blanket covering Keith, giving his shoulder a squeeze, careful to avoid the burns. "Lance is lucky to have you." The pink darkened and Keith ducked his head.

Shiro chuckled. "Now get some rest. I'll wake you when it's time for you to go in a cryo-pod."

"'m not tired."

Shiro's eyebrow quirked. "Is that so? You do a very good impression then of a tired person."

Keith managed a tired sort of glare that had all the strength of a baby duckling. His face was serious though and Shiro's smirk turned into a frown. "What is it?"

"What if…" his eyes darted between Shiro's face and the bed where Lance was.

"Lance is going to be fine," Shiro assured. "He's in the best hands possible." Keith still did not look convinced.

"I'll wake you if anything drastic changes," Shiro promised. "Okay? But he's going to be all right."

"Okay," Keith finally sighed, slumping down under his blanket.

But he still looked upset.

"Hey," Shiro called gently and Keith lifted tired eyes up.

Shiro bent over and pressed a kiss atop the dark head. It was a familiar gesture once upon a time, a reassurance that everything was all right, that Keith was safe, that Shiro loved him and he would always be there for him.

The last time Shiro had done so... had been right before he boarded the ship for Kerberos.

They may have been reunited for several months now but there had been a distance, a chasm, between them that had ever so slowly begun to close in the past week. Shiro had been taking small steps back towards this, not wanting to overwhelm Keith who had reverted back to the more touch-shy version of himself Shiro had not seen since he was fourteen-years-old and sitting huddled in the gymnasium awaiting a meeting neither had any idea was going to change their lives forever.

Keith's eyes widened, cheeks darkening even as a small smile graced his lips.

"I love you," Shiro murmured.

Keith let out a wet sounding sob. "I love you too."

Shiro pressed a second kiss to the dark locks and then stepped back. "Sleep," Shiro said gently.

Keith gave a little hum of acknowledgement and within the dobash his breathing had deepened. Shiro stayed for another minute, making sure he was well and fully asleep, before he rejoined the others.

Allura had seen the entire thing and her eyes were soft. She had known since the humans had arrived that Shiro would make an excellent leader. He was strong and kind and had a deep sense of justice that they needed to complete their objective. And it was not that she had not previously observed his bonds with his teammates, but watching the way he had been interacting with not just Keith, but Pidge and Lance just made her heart swell with something she could not quite describe.

She knew that Lance had jokingly coined the term "Space Dad" to describe Shiro, but it was not until now that she realized how much of a father figure he had actually become to them. Brother, yes, but they looked to him for a guidance that no one else could give, for reassurance that only he could provide. They were all truly blessed to have Shiro as a part of their family. She reached out and placed a slender hand against Shiro's arm as he sat down on one of the ottomans by her and he returned the smile.

Pidge arrived a moment later, a satchel of ice packs in hand and looking a little winded from her trip. "I grabbed as many as I could," she said, holding up the pack.

"Good job, Pidge," Shiro said, accepting the bag. "Where did you say the best places were again?"

Pidge and Shiro ended up wrapping the packs in towels while Hunk carefully placed them around Lance; one on each side of his neck, a set on his inner elbows and one very gently up against his left wrist. He didn't dare put any extra pressure on the right. The final one was forced upon the Hunk and he gingerly pressed it to his forehead where Lance had solidly collided with it while he tried to thrash free.

Hunk was grateful that it had happened, despite the ache that was throbbing in his head now. Seeing Lance the first time so panicked and scared when he tried to lower him into the water had broke his heart. This… this shattered it. Lance had been in so much pain and absolutely terrified, eyes blown wide but seeing nothing that they could see and there was nothing he could do to help. He hated it. He hated it so much.

All he could do was try and calm Lance with words, distorted due to his own tears, and hold him still so he didn't hurt himself more. He'd witnessed Lance recoil as his hands rested on his shoulders and all of the minor progress they'd made was thrown out. He prayed it was temporary, that Lance was so lost to the agony and memories that when he came back to them he'd remember them and that he was safe.

It would be better once his injuries were at least healed. He might still be a little confused with the fever, but if he wasn't in such anguish and he could breathe that would help so much.

As if summoned, Coran strode back into the room, moustache twitching with excitement. "The crystal is just about ready to go," he announced. "No more than twenty dobashes and we should be at full power."

"That is excellent news, Coran," Allura beamed.

"Indeed. We'll get Lance and Keith moved into cryo-pods shortly thereafter. So long as this fever of Lance's has come down some, of course. How's it looking, Number Two?"

Hunk activated the Altean medical scanner with a beep. Downcast eyes brightened at the number. "It's gone down almost a whole degree," he grinned. "Just above one hundred and two."

"The Glornack seed and ice must be working," the Altean advisor smiled. "Let's give it a little more time, hmm? For the best pod result we'll want his temperature no higher than one hundred point six, according to my calculations. That is still high I know for humans, but it should be enough for the cryo-pod to work without delay."

"Almost there," Hunk murmured, adjusting the cold cloth on his head. "Come on Lance, you can do it."

"So we shall wait?" Allura clarified.

"We wait," Coran said, sinking down onto the ottoman puff and Shiro joined him on the matching one and Pidge and the mice curled up on the far side of the bed.

And with all eyes trained on Lance, they waited.

Author's Notes:

And chapter thirty-five steals the title of longest chapter yet in this fic by nearly 1,000 words to its predecessor, chapter twenty-five. And to think, this was originally all one chapter with thirty-four. Yikes!

All major obstacles have been overcome! Now it's time to pop Lance in a pod and get him all fixed up. So far he's still got all limbs attached; do you think he'll end up that way? Or is one of the injuries going to be so severe that not even the pod can heal it? And because I can, a little h/c for some other characters too. Shiro needed a good cry, methinks. I keep torturing the poor thing with memory flashes. So sorry, sweetie.

I am so, so, so blown away with the love from last chapter. It was definitely one of my favorite scenes too! And we've got so much bonding and h/c still to come it makes me die a little bit with happiness inside.

All the love to lovely reviewers of: geekyglamour413, Alexa, CrispyFics, Neko Noire, Guest, WindGemini, Skiewrites 2.0, sierra steinbrecher, Rookblonkorules, imaginationoverload97, Sirrius The Moonblade, Guest, Jadegem02, DoctorMerlinReid, TheTheoryofFangirling, Jennyfish26, FanaticFangirl2602, dragoscilvio, Spacenerd7, G0DOFHYPERDEATH, wingedflower, lovemelau, Zero, HetaRosFangirl, Finnesotan, IceAurora, Adrianna Agray, Shadow Gray, Cynthia of the Wallflowers, PlayWithFire18, Wolf of the Demise, Lasagna, Cats and violin, WhiteTails, Pfeh, cindy mack3, Stargirl720, StrawberryFever3, Justanangryfangirl, JustADamFrenchFry, fakeyourdecaf, Fireflame159, White Space Lion, rwbygirl, Star, Guest, migrane, PaintedWings45 LishaChan, imagine forevermore, Eeveecat1248, and Berrybanana05!

I know this was a bit of a long chapter to get through (so sorry, no good place to chop it xD) but if you're still with me I'd love hear your reactions to it! I know this was a pretty big moment that's been building for a while and I'm curious how you all felt it went. Thanks so much everyone for the support and encouragement!