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As Color Fades Away

Chapter Forty-Three

Shiro wasn't sure how long he held Lance. Time didn't matter here in this safe space and Shiro honestly would have been happy to remain right there for however long forever was.

But he knew he'd left Hunk in quite a state and word had likely traveled to the other occupants of the ship. It wasn't fair for him to be so peacefully content while they were likely worrying themselves sick.

So despite what he really wanted, Shiro shifted sleeping limbs ever so slightly and Lance stirred where he'd fallen into not quite sleep but a very restful state bundled against Shiro's chest as Blue's quintessence continued to envelop both of them with feelings of love and safety.

"Hey, buddy," Shiro whispered as dark ocean eyes blinked open. "I've gotta go check on the others. Do you want to stay here with Blue or come to the common room with me?"

"Blue," Lance mumbled, although made no effort to move from his spot and cuddled the plush toy Allura had found for him closer.

Shiro grinned at how adorable it was.

He relented and let Lance have another minute, but now that he was awake his legs were trying to do the same and the pins and needles racing up them were anything but comfortable. He really did have to get up.

"Can I move you to the pilot chair?" Shiro asked.

"Mhm."

That was close enough to a yes. Shiro still wasn't quite sure how, but he got his feet underneath himself under and pulled Lance more firmly into his arms and awkwardly stood, Lance leaning against him.

Sort of swaying over to the front of the chair, he shifted Lance into it and the boy brooked no protest. Shiro then tucked Lance's bare feet up next to his body on the chair, the boy's head pillowed on one of the arm rests. He caught the briefest glimpse of long pink scars on the bottoms of the feet and forced down the sudden burn of anger at the sight, instead focusing on making sure Lance was comfortable.

Shiro was honestly surprised at how complacent Lance had become, knowing that just a couple hours before any extra touch had been unwelcome and he'd practically just manhandled him into the chair.

Safe Blue murmured to him, Black's Paladin safe. Shiro could actually feel her nuzzle the both of them and Lance gave a tiny hum of appreciation, still nearly asleep. Black's Paladin protect Cub. Cub safe.

Shiro felt the warmth grow in his chest at the Lion's declaration. Perhaps… perhaps Lance being able to share his own kindness and love, which he had done so to comfort Shiro, was another way to help him heal from Haggar's distorted version of comfort. Shiro dearly hoped so.

Still though, the ex-slave knew well that there were limits and he would be progressing at whatever pace Lance allowed. Right now though if that meant gentle hugs and light contact he would do it. He would do whatever he could to make sure Lance knew he was loved and safe.

"Alright buddy, I'm going to go. I'll send Hunk over in a little bit, okay?"

Lance gave another sleepy hum and with one last smile, Shiro exited the Blue Lion in much less of a hurry than he had arrived.

He half-expected to find the whole group hovering outside the hall doors, but the way was clear. Shiro turned towards the kitchens, knowing that that was where Hunk would go when he was upset. His hunch was rewarded as Hunk was indeed cooking, swirling up a batter with such vigor that Keith, standing a few paces away, was actually looking a little concerned.

Everyone was there actually; Pidge at the bar counter with one of the quintessence books and Chuchule keeping her company while Coran and Allura sat at the kitchen table heads bent over a diagram that Coran was moving around while Allura nodded.

Shiro rapped on the door frame with his prosthetic and every head shot up and Hunk nearly dropped the batter bowl.

"Lance is fine," he got in before anyone could ask. Hunk wilted with relief. "Blue's with him now and I told him I'd send Hunk by in a little bit." He turned his attention to Hunk then. "How are you doing, buddy?"

"Me?" Guilt crossed Hunk's face. "I screwed up bad, Shiro. I'm so sorry. We went to see Blue and I didn't even think about the cockpit until we were already there and then I kind of hoped it would still be okay since Blue was there but then Lance had a relapse and he started freaking out and—"

"Breathe, big guy," Keith cut him off as Hunk started turn a light shade of purple with his ramble. "We already told you. It's not your fault."

Shiro's chest was going to burst open from pride if this kept up. "Keith is right," he added in. "It might not have been the best idea in execution, but the intention was good. That's what matters. And…" he trailed off. "It might have been good actually, in the end."

"Good?"sputtered Hunk. Lance had been scared. And in pain. How was that good?

Hunk was going to give Shiro a piece of his mind, but the clear expression on their leader's face gave him pause. Something had changed. Shiro didn't look any different, but at the same time he seemed to be standing just a little taller, his eyes lighter.

Shiro huffed out a soft laugh. "I went there to comfort Lance and he… he ended up comforting me."

Understanding dawned around the room.

"He is the Blue Paladin," Allura murmured, a soft smile playing on her face. "I should not have expected anything but."

"Are you okay?" Keith asked more bluntly.

"I'm all right," Shiro said honestly. He knew he still had plenty of inner demons and nightmares and horrors that he had not yet had the courage to remember and face. Haggar still sent chills down his spine. But somehow… somehow talking with Lance and hearing that reassurance that he had not realized he needed had made things better. Bearable.

Shiro wasn't an idiot. He was well aware that he'd likely get lost in memories or break down again, especially with how closely Lance's situation paralleled his own horrors. He might do so for the rest of his life.

But he'd come to the realization that his history did not change the way his team, his family, saw him. They would support him and love him and look still to him for guidance. They would not hold what he had been forced to do to survive against him.

They had told him so multiple times and he had believed. But a simple insistence and a hug, which he knew had taken a lot of courage on Lance's part, had made it real.

"You're crying," Pidge pointed out and Shiro blinked, surprised to indeed feel a tear trekking down his cheek.

"I am," he acknowledged, wiping it away although his smile did not waver and Pidge it with a small one of her own.

"I'd better get back to the hall then," Hunk said, passing off his batter bowl to Keith, who gave the mixture an odd look. Were there chunks of sausage in there?

"Wait," Coran said as Hunk shrugged off his apron. "Before that the Princess and I have something we'd like to share." He looked about the group, expression serious. "Between myself and Number Five's research into quintessence and the Princess' abilities to channel it we believe we may have a solution to stopping Haggar from obtaining it from Lance."

"Really?" Shiro and Keith asked at the same time, while Hunk uttered out a "wow" and Pidge beamed, adjusting her glasses and hopping off the stool.

"Coran and I found multiple various rituals for quintessence gathering," Pidge explained. "There were ones for obtaining crystals from the Balmera, for sort of a transfusion to a fellow Alteans if they used up too much, and a bunch of other purposes too."

"Our alchemy texts provided the most insight," Coran picked up. "Granted, neither myself nor the Princess are gifted in such a form and given our deadline it is not logical to study it to the degree we would require for such a delicate process. That said, we found in the texts an experiment performed by some of our greatest Altean alchemists that went to creating a barrier if you will that they adhered to a crystal. The barrier essentially prevented any tampering and was made entirely up of donated quintessence."

"What we think," Pidge hurried on, "is that if all of us were to give some of our own quintessence – which Coran said we can replenish naturally with sleep – and follow the outline with some minor changes, since Lance is living and not an object," – and Keith snorted out "minor" with a shake of his head – "that we could make a barrier around Lance."

"The barrier would be able to repel any attempts at taking quintessence permanently," Coran added. "His quintessence would be lost to Haggar and she will no longer be a threat in this regard."

Hunk frowned though. "How does that work though for bonding with the Lions? And forming Voltron? Don't we do that by combining ourselves and our quintessence?"

"We're not sure," Pidge admitted. "We're thinking that because the crystal's energy in the alchemist's version was still able to be used through the barrier that it would function the same way."

"It seems like an awfully big gamble," Keith frowned. "If it doesn't work and you cut Lance off from being able to bond with Blue…" He paused, thinking back to those moments where Lance had still been blind and had awoken thinking he was being tricked. Only Blue - not even Hunk - had been able to calm him down and make him believe. Allura had even said that the bond the two shared was greater than anything the Alteans had witnessed in history. Lance's connection with Blue meant so much to Lance, that Keith knew. And if they were to remove that, to cut that tie and leave Lance alone without his Lion... "We may as well just kill him ourselves," Keith finished.

"Keith!" Allura admonished but Keith held her stare without flinching. He would not take back what he said. Their bonds with their Lions meant too much. Lance had suffered unimaginable horrors to protect them. He would not allow them to now take away the one thing that brought Lance peace and happiness.

"No, he's right," Coran said, tugging at his moustache. "We're playing with fire, Princess. There are risks and we do not know entirely how it will work." He looked more solemn. "I too would never wish to do anything that could sever Lance's connection with the Blue Lion and Voltron."

"I spoke with Green," Pidge added. "She couldn't really give an exact answer, but based on our calculations she said we had about an eighty percent chance of complete success."

"And twenty percent of failure," Keith countered.

"I'm with Keith," Hunk said. "It's too dangerous. Lance needs to be able to reach out to Blue. If it went wrong and he couldn't…"

"It's his life though," Pidge argued. "If we don't do this and Haggar comes after him... She'll take it by force and that will kill Lance." Tears cropped up in her eyes. "I can't just stand by and let her do that!"

"So you'd cripple him instead?" Keith snarled. "That's what would happen, Pidge. Forget his hand, you'd be ripping out his heart!"

"I—"

"Enough," Shiro cut in, inserting himself between the Red and Green Paladins. "That's enough," he repeated, quieter. "Yelling at one another is helping no one."

Keith turned his head to the side and Pidge looked down, hands trembling at her sides.

"I understand where you're both coming from," Shiro said quietly. "I get it. I want to protect Lance from Haggar too. The idea of sealing his quintessence is a good one for his safety. But there are risks, life-altering risks, that come with such a decision. And I'll be frank; it's not our life and therefore not our decision. It is up to Lance."

"Shiro," Hunk pleaded, "if Lance thinks it'll protect us from Haggar he'll do it. You know he will."

"There is one thing we have not yet remarked upon," Coran interjected quietly. "And that is if Haggar is indeed after Lance's quintessence. We have made many assumptions but that is all they are. Before we proceed with any such plan we must speak with Lance first. Then, and only then, can we determine if this is a course to be discussed."

Silence reigned at Coran's observation as they realized for the first time, save Hunk who had been mulling it over, that they knew practically nothing of Lance's imprisonment save the glimpses they'd caught from the transmissions and the inflicted wounds they had seen. Everything else was pure conjecture.

"That's fair," Pidge eventually said, quietly.

Keith nodded. "Yeah." He turned his attention to Pidge. "I'm… I'm sorry for yelling."

She mustered up a smile. "It's okay. I know you're just worried. I am too."

Keith rubbed the back of his head. It felt weird, this urge to protect others. It had been just him for so long but now any threat, even one from within, had his hackles rising and the desire to take it out burned within him. But in this case there was no enemy to attack and Pidge was suggesting what she thought was best for Lance. There was no enemy here.

"If… If Lance is feeling up to it maybe we can ask something small to start him off," Hunk said. "Maybe about the brother he mentioned."

"Brother?" Pidge perked up, pushing away thoughts of Matt at the word. Not right now.

"Yeah. I… I think the Galran he killed," and Hunk winced at the word, "was the brother of someone he met there."

"Yanden?" Shiro wondered aloud. The sharpshooting lieutenant hadn't said anything, but it's not like there had been much time.

Hunk shrugged. "I dunno. Although…" he thought back to how panicked Lance had been about the memory. "Maybe that's not the best thing to ask. He was pretty upset."

"Is there any easy topic?" Keith asked wryly.

"What if we treat it like a Garrison debrief?" Pidge hedged. "Would that work?"

Following all flight simulations the cadets were made to go through a debrief session with an instructor. They gave a summary of their mission and then reported what had actually occurred during it. Pidge had always found them very informative to see what mistakes she had made or other ways she could have approached a situation. They were neutral enough too that if Lance approached it as an outside party it might not be so bad.

Hunk though vehemently shook his head. "Lance hated those. Iverson… Iverson would always oversee Lance's and you know how much he liked him. Or rather, disliked him."

"Iverson didn't like anyone," Keith pointed out, scowling. Iverson had been responsible for getting him kicked out even when the other instructors had disagreed.

"True," Hunk acknowledged, "but he really didn't like Lance." Far too many of those nights where Lance had laid awake crying himself to sleep while Hunk could do nothing except hold him close and assure him it was going to be okay had been a result of Iverson's "teaching" methods. Iverson may have been a skilled pilot Hunk could admit, but he was not cut out to be a teacher. Lance thrived on positive reinforcement, not negative, and Iverson's style of yelling until he was near blue in the face and berating Lance and shining a spotlight on his mistakes had been anything but positive.

"Okay, no debriefs then," Shiro said. "Allura? Coran? Any ideas?" Because he could think of nothing that wouldn't set Lance back. Scars? Eyes? Haggar? And heaven forbid he mentioned water and Lance's new aversion to it. They wanted to get answers, not to trigger him.

"What about a more scientific approach?" Coran suggested. "If we want to know about the quintessence aspect, which is really I think all we should focus on for now, let us ask Lance about quintessence in general. We can try and lead the conversation back to his own and any potential mentions Haggar may have made as it progresses. It is not without its own risks of a flashback, but I think it may be better than a direct approach."

"I like it," Pidge inputted. Other heads nodded about the room and even Keith inclined his.

"We'll play it by ear," Shiro decided. "We may not be able to approach this until tomorrow, depending on how everything else goes tonight. On that, Hunk, if you want to get headed to the hall."

"I'll go too," Pidge said. "Maybe we can work on some repairs?" she directed her question to Hunk. "Give Lance some more time with just Blue and she can let us know when he's ready?"

Hunk smiled. "Sounds good. I'll go stop by Yellow's hangar and grab some of my tools then. Meet you there?"

"I guess I'll… finish this?" Keith said, staring at the bowl that Hunk had earlier thrust upon him.

Hunk clapped him on the shoulder on his way out. "You're the best, man."

"I have no idea what this is," Keith admitted after the two technology lovers had left. "How do I cook it?

Coran peered over his shoulder. "It looks like a nice thick bread batter."

"With sausages?"

"Maybe it's a breakfast muffin?" Shiro volunteered.

Keith shrugged. "Works for me."

"Oh, but if it a breakfast dish it requires spockenheim!" Coran said, stroking his moustache sagely. "I have a shredded variety already prepared that will go well."

And with that the three males went in search of whatever spockenheim was and muffin pans.

Allura though gathered up the diagrams she and Coran had been looking at for the quintessence barrier, heart heavy. She would admit she was hesitant about this endeavor. She could never forgive herself if Lance was cut off from Blue or from his ability to mind-meld with his teammates.

She needed to do more research. As dry as it was, she was not going to leave Lance's well-being to percentages. For her it was going to be all or nothing.

She sighed, already feeling the headache coming on at the thought of the scholar's textbooks. But her gaze hardened with determination. For Lance.

And ignoring the ruckus going on beyond her, as an entire tray of baking sheets clattered out from Hunk's unique storage system and repeatedly struck Shiro on the head one after the other while Coran and Keith laughed uproariously, she got to work.

xxx

A small shiver pulled Lance out of the near-sleep state he'd found himself in since he'd crawled into Shiro's arms. Another one had him jerking a bit in the pilot's chair and his carefully arranged bare feet sliding off the slick seat and hitting the floor.

And now he was awake, the frigid metal stealing the warmth away from his flesh. Shiro was gone, he realized, breath coming faster. He knew that. Shiro had said something about leaving. But where was Hunk? Was he alone? Was—his gaze flickered over to the spot where he knew a body had once lain.

Cub and Blue's tones came with a warm caress that drove away the cold. Lion is here. Cub is safe.

"Blue," he murmured, feeling the panic recede.

Lion not leave Cub. Lion not fail Cub again.

And mixed in with the warmth and love he could feel her guilt.

"Blue, no," he protested. "You… you've never failed me, girl."

Failed she insisted. Hurt Cub. Cub taken from Lion.

And now there was anger and Lance shuddered at the foreign emotion of his Lion. Blue had gotten upset on his behalf before but this was nothing like those tiny flares.

Lion sorry she apologized, blanketing the anger. Lion hurting Cub.

But Lance wasn't hurt. He was scared. For Blue. "Are you okay?" he asked, voice small, his worries clear through their link.

Blue was touched, sending her sentiments to him and wrapping her Paladin in them. Lion is scared she admitted. Lion not protect Cub. Lion scared Lion fail again.

"Blue…"

Lion angry too she continued. Lion angry Cub hurt. Angry at those who hurt Cub.

She nuzzled him then, the anger fading to be replaced with concern. Lion worried for Cub. Cub not all right.

And Lance made a sound that might have once been a laugh but there was no humor in it and instead he felt tears pricking his eyes. "That… that's a bit of an understatement, Blue."

Lion want help she purred, pouring more of her own spirit around him and drawing him close. How Lion help?

"I don't know," he whispered. "I… don't know." A sob shuddered through him. "I… there's something wrong with me, Blue. I…"

And Blue could feel it. Where her Paladin's quintessence had burned bright, like the beautiful stars that lit the sky, there were dark patches now that thrummed like a black hole. They were surrounded by the blue of his being, contained, but she could see that they had the ability to spread. Some had, bleeding over the edges and looking to spread even more.

She had seen these dark pieces before, but they had always been small. She had been able to soothe most of them away by wrapping him with her own self, but doing so now did not have the same effect. She did not sense any foreign quintessence though, and that thought calmed her somewhat. There was no Druid magic here.

But her Paladin was in pain. His very being was in pain and slowly being chipped away. And she did not know how to make it all better. She nosed one of the dark patches experimentally, trying to push the darkness away.

Instead Blue jerked back as water struck her– and she loved water – but this water was wrong and it scared her, but what scared her more was the sudden gasp of her Paladin and the whimper of fear.

My Paladin! she called out in alarm, realizing her error as the boy flinched back at her words. Cub she whispered, pushing more of her warmth and love onto him, wanting to stop the shivering. Lion sorry. Lion… Lion not know. Lion so sorry.

"It's not your fault," he managed, curled into a tight ball on the chair and despite feeling Blue's essence wrapping about him he still felt cold, could still feel freezing water crash over his head and the desperation from then threatened to drown him all over again. He let out another whimper at the thought.

Lion here. Lion protect Cub.

She could feel him cling to her words and one of the patches of darkness shrunk the tiniest bit. She gave it a disdainful sniff and curled more firmly about her Paladin's being. Lion here she repeated. Lion protect Cub.

Gradually she felt his heartbeat slow and his breathing even, though he remained shuddering in the chair. He was cold. She could feel it, feel the fear that such a state brought him. She could fix it. Sort of.

Blanket she told him. Under console. It was part of the emergency kit installed in all of the Lions. If her Paladin wrapped himself in the blanket he would be warmer and less scared, she knew it.

Lance cast a despairing glance at the main console, so close but still so far. He didn't know if he could make it there. He wasn't sure he could honestly walk, the thought sending a bolt of fear through him as despite his best efforts he could hear Theodek order him to do so as he stumbled along.

But Blue pressed down on the memory, chasing it away with sheer love and courage. Cub can do it she encouraged.

"I don't think I can."

Lion believe in Cub. Cub can. And she gave him as gentle a nudge with her mind as she could while she tried to hide her own growing fear that such a small thing was giving him such doubt. It would do no good to scare her Paladin again with her own fears.

Lance eyed the distance. He'd have to get out of the chair and make it a few steps and then still open the panel. He glanced down at his hands, the left holding tight still to Flafie while his right was tucked up against his stomach and even now trembling slightly.

Cub can do this. Blue's words were embedded with belief and Lance let that little surge fill him up. If… if she thought he could then he could. He could try at least. His body gave another shiver, reminding him he was cold, which reminded him of dark waters and sharp spikes and -

No! He cut the thought off, squeezing his eyes tight. He couldn't think about it. Not now. Blanket. Get to the blanket.

Buoyed by Blue's ever present love flowing down their link, Lance tentatively shifted to place both feet back on the floor, biting back the hiss at the freezing metal. He braced both feet and before he could over think it again, pushed himself to standing, his right hand nearly slipping off as fingers refused to grip the chair arm and the plush nearly falling to the floor as Lance shifted it to under his arm.

He held himself awkwardly as his legs trembled beneath him and spots danced across his vision and the headache that had finally faded came back with a dull pounding.

He could do this. He could. It was just walking. One foot in front of the other. Just… just let go of the chair and move.

He took a single halting step and then a second, shuffling like an old man. The third step though tripped him up and Lance landed hard on the ground, barely managing to catch himself on his hands.

And then he was no longer in Blue. He was stumbling and falling on a metal grate, lightning flashing up his limbs and Theodek was laughing and the ground was moving and no, please no, he couldn't fall again-

Cub! Blue roared in his mind and her voice broke him free of the memory with a sharp gasp, tears streaming down his cheeks. Cub she repeated softer, worry nearly overwhelming Lance but he would take that to the stark terror he had just emerged from.

"I'm… I'm okay," he choked out even though he wasn't really at all. It was pointless to try and fool Blue because she could sense everything but he hated worrying her and guilt flowed fresh in him that all he seemed capable of was hurting others with his own failures and fears.

She responded by sending more love, warm and strong, to wrap about him. Cub almost there she encouraged, trying to push him to the door he was just arm's length from. She knew her Paladin could do this, she saw the strength even though it was overshadowed by fear. He needed this, she could see. He needed to accomplish something, even something like this. And she would help him achieve it.

Walk like Lion she advised. Four legs were better than two for balance after all.

And she felt a small bubble of actual amusement in his mind at the thought, before it disappeared with a pop and taking its place was the sensation of her Paladin being dragged forward by chains, stumbling and helpless as he crashed to the floor and then the terrible of pain of being hauled, body scraping over the ground while loud jeers filled the air.

Blue snapped her jaws at the image, snarling at the black spot that had grown in her Paladin's quintessence. No! She promised to protect him, even if that meant from himself. The darkness retreated at her own flare and she curled up more around her Paladin, daring it to come back.

Lion get Yellow's Paladin? she asked, failure burning in her as he Paladin continued to shudder. She had thought she could soothe her Paladin but she only seemed to be making it worse. She could feel guilt rise up again at her own and he sent out his own small wave of comfort. To help her. Her Paladin's selflessness knew no bounds.

"N-no. I'm…I'm f-fine, Blue," he tried to reassure her along with his projected comfort. "I just… just need a t-tick."

She let him have many, her purrs rising in time with his breaths as he calmed down once more. She could sense the feelings of inadequacy rising up though as he regained himself, the word 'pathetic' looming large and she glared it into submission, pushing forth her own idea of 'brave.'

She still did not know what her Paladin had gone through, as he seemed determined to shield her against the few horrors she had already glimpsed. What she did know was that her Paladin was beyond strong to have endured it. He was brave and courageous and kind and she loved him and she just wished for him to be happy and safe and feel all the love in the universe.

"You… you really think that?" And he sounded so small, so unsure and Blue hated that whatever had happened to her Paladin made him question even her love.

Yes she purred. Lion believes in Cub. Cub brave. Cub strong. Lion loves Cub.

"But... " And his mind flashed through what he could not voice. She saw images of his fellow Paladins, felt his awe and envy and admiration for them and their talents. Their strengths and smarts and bravery and how could she want someone like him as her Paladin when compared to them he was nothing?

Not nothing she countered. Cub is Lion's everything.

And Lance felt it. Blue meant her words with every fiber of her being. Still, he hesitated. She may have seen him at his highs and lows but she had not yet seen how far he had actually fallen.

"And if… if I did something… something…bad," he whispered and Blue caught the dark images of water and glimmering spikes and the terrible tang of blood as they passed through her Paladin's memory.

Lion always love Cub. Paladins always love Cub.

"Even if I…" he swallowed thickly. "If I…"

And he did not have to say it. Blue could see it now, feel the agony of her Paladin's heart beat in tandem with the lifeblood flowing from his veins and staining his very essence as much as the water around him. His guilt was overwhelmed by pain and exhaustion and the overarching through of protect before that was in turn was taken over once again by the guilt and fear and disgust at himself.

Oh, Cub and Blue's heart wept. Her Paladin had been through so much. He had sacrificed himself to protect his family. But that sacrifice, that decision of pure love, had been darkened and twisted to the point where he only felt shame and fear for his actions. Fear still for the fact he had even considered such an act and despite his attempt he had still failed to protect them.

He shuddered and she could see his thoughts, feel his desperate fear that she would leave him; that she would abandon him now that she knew the truth because he was pathetic and undeserving of anyone's love.

Blue did the only thing she could. She pushed all of herself that she had, projecting warmth and acceptance and love and pushing it into the dark holes that tore away at her Paladin's very being.

Lion is sorry she murmured. Sorry Cub went through that. Sorry Lion not there protect Cub. Lion here now. Lion will never leave Cub. Lion loves Cub. Cub protected Lion. Cub protected Paladins. Now Lion protect Cub.

"But I…" he cried and she hugged him even tighter.

Cub protected family she insisted.

"Did I?" he whispered. "I… I failed them, Blue. I gave up. I… I was going to let her…"

He was going to let Haggar take his quintessence. Let her pry into his very mind and take whatever knowledge and thoughts she wanted. Blue caught a glimpse of that surrender, masked in darkness and overwhelming pain and an echoing thought of please don't leave me and heartbreak that he was truly, truly alone now.

Cub not fail she insisted. Cub not let Druid. Cub fought. Druid hurt Cub. Druid force. Cub not let happen.

And she needed him to understand that. Her Paladin had not let the Druid do anything. Her Cub had fought, she had seen it, and did all he could to protect his family. He had been willing to given up his own life for theirs. He had been through horrible things; things she, could not believe he had survived. Just because the Druid had eventually overpowered him did not mean he had failed. He had fought and resisted and endured more than any one soul should ever have to.

He could never fail them. He could never fail her.

Lion loves Cub she murmured. No matter what.

And at last, at last, she felt the final barrier that her Paladin had been holding between the two of them fall and she even more tightly wove about him then, purrs thrumming and making his body vibrate.

She could feel him nestle his own body deeper into her quintessence, clinging to it as sobs wracked his thin frame. There were still so many black holes, too many, but the blue of his quintessence was brightening again, allowing light to fill it as the words had filled his chest with warmth.

"I love you too," he sobbed, curling up against the console he had shifted over to, pressing up against her main panels of blinking controls. "Oh, B-blue…"

She knew. Someone knew. The crushing weight of guilt had lessened, the shame of failure dimmed. Blue knew. She knew and she still loved him. She still wanted him to be her Paladin.

But Blue had always accepted him. The others though…

"I'm still scared, Blue," he confessed. "What if they…"

Cub need talk to Paladins she advised.

He shook his head fervently, ice filling his heart. He couldn't.

Paladins love Cub. Cub not fail Paladins. Paladins understand.

"I c-can't."

How could they understand? He hadn't told them anything yet. The closest he'd gotten was the darkness spell Haggar had placed on him and even then he'd omitted so, so much. They deserved an explanation for what they had risked their lives for.

Small start Blue suggested. Paladins want help. Paladins love Cub.

What was even considered small? Everything always snowballed into something else and then he panicked and that made it worse and—

He cut himself off with a harsh breath, trying to not go back to the darkness and instead sought out Blue's lightness as she twined about him.

Paladins understand she repeated. Paladins wait.

And they had waited. They hadn't demanded answers, not even Keith or Allura who were by far the most impatient. They only asked how he was feeling, if what they were doing was all right, if he was okay… How did someone like him deserve friends like them?

How Paladins deserve Cub? Blue purred, flipping his words. Cub heart of Paladins.

Lance raised a trembling left hand and pressed it against his heart. He was the heart? What did that even mean?

Blue rumbled an assurance, flooding him with contentment and laughter and love. Cub brings Paladins together.

"But I'm nothing special," he whispered. "I'm just… me."

Lion loves 'me' Blue tested out the word, earning a ping of amusement from her Paladin. She soaked it up, delighting in his small bit of joy.

"That's a little narcissistic," Lance told her, although a trace of humor colored his words and Blue's heart soared even though she did not entirely understand. "But… Gracias, Blue. I… I love you too, girl. I… I don't know what I'd do without you."

They lapsed into a content silence as Blue focused on surrounding her Paladin with all of herself and he slowly relaxed into it, the memories that had been creeping up fading back in the light of her quintessence. Still though, he was cold and a shiver broke through.

Cub get blanket Blue said and Lance realized that the console he was curled up against was indeed the one he had been aiming for.

After a moment of despair as he once more tried to use his right hand out of instinct and it brushed uselessly against the metal latch, he got it open with his left. The blanket wasn't anything like Allura's silk ones or even the cozy knitted ones Lance had strewn about his room. It was coarse and it tickled his arms as he hauled it around him, but it was warm. He snuggled into it, tucking freezing feet into the folds.

"Can I stay here? Just for a little longer?"

Cub stay long as Cub wants. Lion watch over Cub.

He would have to face them all, Lance was coming to realize, the normal fear of thinking on such things blanketed by Blue's soothing presence and allowing him to sort through them carefully. He'd have to talk about it. He could start small though. They wouldn't rush him.

If Blue was right… they would forgive him for what he'd done. For what he'd tried to do to save them.

And then maybe, maybe he could forgive himself too.

xxx

Author's Notes:

And here we are, the part that got a little waylaid last chapter. Now Lance isn't holding such a dark secret all to himself and Blue's acceptance and acknowledgement that this was for his family and that she and they will love him no matter what may help him get the courage to actually talk about it. I know I have a lot of favorite scenes I've written, but writing Blue always fills me with joy and this whole section especially.

I also love that everyone this chapter has realized that nope, Lance really hasn't talked about anything and all of their thought process is conjecture (although they are damn well good at their detective skills!). Granted, Lance has really only been conscious and out of the pods for about a grand total of two hours. Not too much time to do much of anything yet, but it does look like it's time to start getting some answers on all sides. Won't that be a fun conversation?

As always, extra special thanks to those who take the time to leave a comment, however long or short. Can't wrap y'all up in my quintessence (which I picture as blush pink and very bubbly) and share it with: hobbes101, pineapple, llamamoose23, Wolf of the Demise, Subtle Shenanigans, jam2014, RowerLovesAstronomy, Oliviadbell, WhiteTails, fakeyourdecaf, Nellie Bachesneg, wingedflower, BlueCookiesforRick, Pfeh, Arivoctix, yazbk2988, Guest, Shadow Gray, Alexa, Eeveecat1248, geekyglamour413, This-Lil'-Fan-Girl, IceAurora, DoctorMerlinReid, catlover2976, Cats and violin, cuthalion (gen is indeed the term hun and you are more than welcome :D), JustADamFrenchFry, HetaRosFangirl, Guest, Adrianna Agray, momoluvr11, Jadegem02, Rachhecht, Supergurkan, Justanangryfangirl, migrane, ASL-Pirates-Love, imagine forevermore, Brenne, PaintedWings45, rwbygirl, Lasagna, Away for now, bigtimedreamer101, Midnight 0racle and StrawberryFever!

Quick self-promotion before I skedaddle. I wrote a (mostly) compliant to Color and Sin origin story of how Keith and Shiro meet, as it's my headcanon. It's titled "Burning Bright" and you can find it on my profile. You do not have to read it at all for this story or Sin, but it's a little extra bit for my worlds here if you are interested.

Please do drop a review before you head out if you can. It's been a very, very long week and reading your comments would make it infinitely better.