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As Color Fades Away

Chapter Forty-Eight

Hunk blinked his eyes open trying to figure out what had awoken him. He felt cocooned and comfortable in his blankets with something warm wrapped around him and –

That made him turn his head, alarm dropping as soon as it had spiked as Pidge was revealed, arms and legs encircling his arm and tucked up against body. Koala indeed. He huffed out a soft laugh, realizing that her hold must have awoken him.

But then he remembered why, exactly, Pidge would be sleeping on a mattress on the floor with him and he turned his head quickly back the other direction towards Lance's bed. And his stomach dropped as it revealed not the sleeping Lance he wanted but one that was shaking with barely there moans issuing between sealed lips.

"Oh, Lance," he murmured. He set about prying Pidge's rather firm grip from him, praying she would remain asleep. No such luck as by the time he had freed her second hand Lance's distress was growing louder and interspersed with muffled words and Pidge was blinking awake at the sound and the movement.

"Lance?" she mumbled, sleepy honey eyes gaining clarity. She shot upright. "Lance!"

Hunk was already at Lance's beside, trying to rouse the boy with just his voice. "C'mon, Lance, wake up. It's okay. It's just a dream. Estás bien."

"No," Lance whispered, eyes fluttering beneath tightly closed lids. "N-no."

"Lance, you're okay," Hunk cautiously put a hand on Lance's shoulder but Lance didn't even react to the touch except to speak more, faster.

"No me dejes. Por f-favor. N-no…" Lance's voice broke in his sleep. "No me dejes."

"Lance, wake up, c'mon," Hunk pleaded, shaking one thin shoulder gently. "I don't know what you're saying, hermano. Wake up, please. It's okay. Estás bien."

"P-please," Lance pleaded, lost to the throes of some nightmare. Or worse, Hunk grimaced, a memory.

"Lance, it's okay, you're safe," Pidge tried, hands wrapped around Lance's left forearm. "It's us."

"Please," he whispered again. "No me dejes. D-don't… please don't leave m-me."

"We're right here, Lance. We're right here," Hunk soothed even as his stomach bottomed out. Leave him? When had they left him? What was he seeing? "Come on now, wake up."

And Lance did, with a choked gasp and flailing limbs. His eyes were blown wide and stared past both Pidge and Hunk, unseeing.

"Lance, hey," Hunk said gently, giving the shoulder under his hand a gentle squeeze.

It was the wrong move.

Lance let off a panicked yell and wrenched himself away from Hunk's hand, desperately scrambling backwards until he hit the wall. "No me toques," he choked out. "No me toques."

Hunk felt his heart shatter.

"Lance, estás bien," he murmured, voice thick with tears. "Estás bien. It's okay. It's just me, Hunk. And Pidge. You're okay."

Lance continued to press himself against the wall, breath coming in harsh pants.

"Lance, Pidge whispered, hugging her arms to herself so she didn't try to reach out. "It's us. We're here. You're s-safe."

"Should have grabbed the carmodian leaves," Hunk muttered, guilt filling him. He cast his eyes about for something else instead that might do the trick and his eyes landed on Lance's desk full of various skincare products.

"Keep talking to him," he instructed Pidge, dashing over to the selection. As he pulled off lids and popped caps he heard Pidge continue to murmur, keeping her voice low. Just like how one would talk to a scared animal.

He blinked back tears as he grabbed yet another jar, trying to find a scent that might help. This one, he realized, was Lance's face cream and smelled of mint and cloves. It wasn't as strong the carmodian leaves, but it was better than nothing and he stumbled back across the room.

Pidge had pressed herself up against the bed but was remaining kneeling on the ground, loathe to get closer when Lance was cowering away from her words, mumbling "no me toques," over and over again.

Hunk clambered onto the mattress, knees sinking in, and he held out the jar his full arm length just under Lance's nose. On Lance's next panicked inhale he coughed instead – the cloves, likely, Hunk thought – and clarity returned to the dark eyes.

"H-Hunk?" he stuttered, remaining tucked against the wall. His eyes roved past Hunk's face. "P-Pidge?"

"Estás bien," Hunk spoke slowly, remaining where he was. "We're right here. We're in the castle. ¿Recuerdas el castillo?"

Lance's eyes darted about again, before coming to land on Hunk's face. "¿Castillo?" he repeated, voice small.

"Sí," Hunk murmured. "En el castillo."

Lance seemed to deflate then. "Lo siento," he whispered. "Yo no ... I didn't mean to… to wake you."

"Lance, no," Hunk said gently. "It's okay, hermano. I, we" – and Pidge nodded fervently– "don't want you to go through that alone. It sounded like a really scary nightmare, huh?"

Lance paused, something undecipherable flitting across his face, before he gave a nod and Hunk's stomach clenched. He was right then. It wasn't just a nightmare. It had been a memory.

But of what?

"Do you want to talk about it?" Hunk offered, and as he anticipated Lance shook his head, eyes widening. "That's okay, it's okay," Hunk said. "Would… would you like a hug instead?"

After a second Lance gave a hesitant nod. Ever so slowly he pried himself off the wall, the empty space behind him sending a new shudder up his spine. Hunk waited patiently on the edge of the bed, arms non-threatening by his sides and his expression, while worried, was gentle. Pidge was just a foot off of that, biting her lip and looking a blink away from tears.

Lance hated the hot wash of shame that seemed to fill him, but unable to stop it. Dios, even when he thought he was doing better he wasn't. He was still a mess that even now seemed to be filled with Haggar's whispers. Pathetic. Weak.

The nightmare, or memory, he supposed, was fading but the overwhelming despair of it was still lodged in his chest and making it hard to breathe. He thought he'd been abandoned. Again. All of this had just been one long, wonderful dream, but he'd found himself back with Haggar and his friends taking off with a copy of him.

But then that despair had turned to fear as hands reached out and grabbed him and suddenly he was back with Theodek and Haggar, strapped to a table, and then wrapped up in Haggar's arms, her nails digging into his arm, and then to Theodek, dragging him across cold metal before a burst of cloves had wrenched him from his nightmare world.

It wasn't real. Not anymore. He was safe, in the castle. He wasn't there anymore. He hadn't been left behind. He never had been. It was all some sick lie Haggar had made and he had believed it and he had failed and –

The spiraling thoughts ground to a halt as Hunk's hand ever so lightly descended upon Lance's shoulder and the comforting warmth from just that pushed back against the darkness.

"Hey, hey, it's all right," Hunk murmured, slowly pulling Lance to him and Lance let him, sinking against the broad chest as the arm more securely wrapped around his back. He felt Pidge's hands then land on his upper right arm and she pressed herself against his other side.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. This was okay. This was safe. He was safe.

"We're here," Pidge whispered.

"And we're not going anywhere," Hunk said, voice thick.

And Lance believed them.

This was what was real. Not Haggar's twisted mind games or her poisonous words. This.

He let out a soft sigh, pressing his cheek against Hunk and listening to the thumping heartbeat below. Steady. Just like Hunk.

"Estoy bien ahora," he said. "Gracias, Hunk, Pidge. Estoy bien."

Hunk squeezed him then. "Glad to hear it. Think you're up for trying to go back to sleep? We've got a few more hours till morning."

He was tired, but…

"I have an idea," Pidge said, disentangling herself from the hug and scooting off Lance's bed. She made for his night table and pulled out a familiar pair of headphones and the music player identical to her own that she'd rigged for Lance. "How about some music? No headphones," she said pulling them from the port as she noticed Lance's eyes focus on them with a slight uptick of breathing. "Just… let's listen to the classical Altean orchestra."

She clicked it on and the sound of something similar to a piano sounded from the device, a slow, soothing melody.

"I can run to the kitchen and get the carmodian leaves," Hunk said, but Lance's left hand latched tighter to where it had tangled in his shirt. "Or not. The music okay, hermano?"

"It's nice," Lance mumbled. "Gracias, Pidge."

"Donut nada," she said and Hunk snorted so loudly it near echoed in the room and Lance's shoulders spasmed as though he was laughing although no actual smile showed on his face.

"What?" she asked. "Isn't that 'thank you'?"

"It's 'de nada'," Hunk clarified, still chuckling.

"You two are just going to have to teach me then," Pidge said, placing the music player on the nightstand so it wouldn't get bumped. "Rude jerks, seriously."

Lance though had perked his head up and cast a curious, hopeful look at Pidge that wrenched something inside of her. "You… you want to learn Spanish?"

"The more knowledge one has the better," she said matter-of-factly. "And… I know it reminds you of home," her voice grew softer. "I thought, maybe, it'd be nice to hear more often."

Tears were sparkling in the dim lightning but Pidge was right in assuming they were happy tears. "I… Pidge… gracias. I'd… I'd love to."

She sent him a full mega-watt smile. "Excellent. We can start tomorrow. For now though let's all get back to sleep. Bien night."

Hunk did laugh out loud then and Lance let out a soft huff.

"What?" Pidge demanded. "Bien is 'good', right?"

"It is," Hunk chuckled. "But you would use 'bueno' in this case. And then night is 'noche' but you're addressing it to us so you'd say actually 'buenas noches.'"

"And… 'noches' is feminine plural," Lance added in quietly, with faint amusement. "So it's opposite, I suppose to what you'd think. You use' buenas' instead of 'buenos'."

Pidge let out a low shriek of frustration and threw her hands up. "What kind of language is this?"

"Less complicated than English," Hunk said with a straight face. He would know. He still didn't understand half of what was said when he went to Lance's house but he was pretty good at inferring and guessing.

Pidge opened her mouth to protest, thought about it, and then sighed, defeated. "You win. Let's just go to sleep now though, please? You can correct me more in the morning."

She gave Lance's arm one last squeeze before she returned to her mattress, no doubts in her mind that she'd find herself on Hunk's again come morning.

"Ready to try to sleep again?" Hunk asked, voice low and interspersed with the piano melody. "I'll stay up till you fall asleep."

"You don't have to do that," Lance said as Hunk helped him lie back down and pulled the quilt and blanket back over and tucked Flafie back up to him.

"I don't have to, but I want to." His hand smoothed down the blankets and rested itself on Lance's shoulder. "Sleep, hermano. We'll be right here when you wake up."

"Buenos noches," Pidge called from her pile of blankets.

"'Buenas,'" Hunk and Lance corrected in tandem and Pidge let out an undignified scream into her pillow.

The two boys caught each other's eyes and Hunk was delighted to see a sparkle to Lance's.

"Buenas noches, hermano," Hunk smiled. "Sweet dreams."

"Buenas noches, Hunk," Lance whispered, eyes already closing. "Gracias."

Within a matter of minutes there were two sets of heavier breathing echoing in the room as exhaustion won out against anything else. Hunk gently removed his hand from Lance's arm, not wanting to become a part of any nightmare, and slid to his own mattress.

He remained awake though, staring at the ceiling with trouble thoughts churning. Lance had awoken from a memory. A horrible one where he thought… thought he'd been left behind? Abandoned? He'd already told them he hadn't thought a rescue was coming – and that hurt fresh all over again – so what had he been seeing in his nightmare?

It brought Hunk back to when Lance had awoken the second time, whispering that this wasn't real. He hadn't given it much thought, as Lance had calmed down after he'd connected with Blue, but he had seemed determined to believe that they weren't actually there, despite identifying Hunk just seconds before.

He cast his memory back, trying to recall those terrifying moments as he bundled Lance into his arms and raced for Blue.

Lance had screamed for something – someone – to get out of his head, trying to gouge his own so hard that blood had stained his fingers. Haggar? It was the only thing that made sense even as it made Hunk's stomach roll. He knew now that she had been trying to break Lance's mind so it stood to reason Lance thought he was hearing her. Maybe?

And then on his sprint to Blue, Lance had alternated between begging and pleading and uttering "I know" in both English and Spanish. But knew what? That this wasn't real? Why would he think something like that though? Why would he try to keep telling Hunk, or whoever he thought Hunk was, that he knew this wasn't real?

More and more of the aftermath was coming back now, frightening in its intensity and Hunk shook.

Lance had asked Shiro and Coran if they were real. He was blind at that point, so it made sense to make certain it was indeed them. But someone would normally ask if they were there, not if they were real. Real's opposite was fake and if they weren't real then Lance thought they were fake and what exactly did that even mean?

He'd had hints of it later too. When Lance had awoken from his nap and had clung to Hunk, murmuring in Spanish and inhaling deeply as though trying to actually sniff Hunk. And, as they'd realized, scent had a beyond calming effect on Lance. Hunk had at the time chalked it up to heavy breathing from the nightmare, but what if it was exactly as it sounded (smelled?) and that was that Lance was trying to ground himself through something other than sight and sound.

As though reassure himself that Hunk was actually there because he couldn't trust his other senses.

Hunk's blood ran cold.

God, what had the witch done? What had she made him believe?

They'd seen the clone she'd made of Lance, so real that they had believed it to be him. If it hadn't been for Blue they would have fallen for her trick, hook, line and sinker. And Blue had been the only one able to identify him because she sensed his quintessence. Humans did not have that ability. Which meant that…

Which meant that if Haggar had made clones of them then Lance would have thought they were real. Even if they had not been perfect Lance had been in so much pain and disoriented, not to mention blind for who knew how long, that they would have seemed real to him.

Hunk muffled a horrified sob in his pillow as the implications sank in. Haggar had used them to torture Lance. To break him apart from the inside. What had she made them say? Do? Had they been the ones to drive knifes into him? To burn him? To… to drown him?

Hunk felt his stomach heave and only through sheer effort did he not throw up, instead curling himself into a ball and trying to breathe only through his nose. Even as his stomach eventually calmed his thoughts raced, terror building with each pass.

He did not sleep for the rest of the night.

xxx

Lance fortunately did not suffer any more raging nightmares for the duration of the night. Hunk had soothed away the two that had tried to crop up, his words flowing with the Altean music on in the background as he himself was not sleeping.

Pidge had awoken a little after seven and blinked at Hunk, who was leaning against Lance's bed and almost nodding off.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked.

Hunk jerked his head up with a snort. "Wha—? Yes, no, I think so?"

"Are you always so articulate in the morning?" Pidge grinned. "Seriously, you look awful. Is Lance…?"

"He's okay," Hunk said. "Slept through the rest of the night."

"You clearly didn't."

"Couldn't," Hunk admitted, rubbing at his eyes. "Thinking." He debated telling Pidge his new discovery but held his tongue. No sense in freaking her out right now. He'd wait until he had a chance to talk to Lance. Or maybe mention it to Coran or Shiro and see what they thought. Make sure he wasn't crazy before he launched his theory and scared them all more than they needed to be.

Because despite the hints Lance had not come outright and said anything. Whether that was because he as ashamed or scared to or he was trying to hide his pain from the others was anyone's guess, but Hunk was going with the latter. That's what Lance did. He bottled things up so he wouldn't hurt other people and if Haggar had done what Hunk thought she had… It was no wonder Lance didn't want to say anything because it would hurt them to know their faces and voices were used in such a way.

"Well I'm thinking a quick shower before breakfast," Pidge said, cracking her back. "I'll remember to change the sign this time too."

"Appreciate it," Hunk grinned.

The Paladins all shared a communal bathroom that had one shower, one toilet and two sinks that all went around in a big open almost locker-room type chamber. The shower did have a curtain and the toilet a stall door, but it was still rather public.

After they'd found out Pidge was a girl – and she had previously been taking showers in the dead of night to avoid any unwanted interruptions – they'd created a sign to be hung outside on the door for Pidge to put up if she was in the bathroom and wanted privacy. It was supposed to be just the standard 'woman' icon used for public restrooms, but Lance had colored it green and added cat ears to the head and a tail and Pidge had added the figure to be holding a wrench and her bayard.

Allura had initially offered to move Pidge to another wing of the ship so she'd have her own bathroom, but she had refused the offer as she had no desire to be several hallways down all by herself.

However, Pidge often forgot to flip the sign to open when she left. Hunk had come out of his room one time to find Lance practically crying at the bathroom door – he'd been there for over an hour – because he wanted a shower and Pidge wasn't coming out and training was starting in less than ten minutes. Hunk had admired his patience as Lance normally had no qualms about barging in on someone's personal space but Pidge was rather terrifying, especially in the mornings if she was particularly sleep-deprived from working on projects all night.

Pidge had strolled by a near minute later, humming and not realizing the danger. Lance had looked between her and the sign and chased her down the hall screaming bloody murder. It ended somehow in a giant food goo fight in which they had both needed showers and Pidge had been forced to wait outside while Lance got one first and he took over an hour abusing it.

Pidge rarely forgot the sign since, but it had also been a few days since she'd had to use it as no one was really in the sleeping quarters at the same time anymore.

Hunk had no desire to take a shower but he did want to get dressed. Lance was sleeping soundly, breathing deep and even, so Hunk hurried to his own room to change back into his regular clothes and then back, the whole thing done in under five minutes.

Lance was still asleep although lightly stirring. Fortunately, it appeared, not from a nightmare.

Hunk set about tidying up the room some, propping the mattresses against the wall because he was not planning on leaving unless Lance asked him to. Not while Lance was having both sleeping and living nightmares that were still rattling Hunk hours later.

By seven thirty though Hunk knew he had to start getting Lance actually moving or they were going to be late for breakfast. Teeth brushing was a must – even with just toothpaste, if that was all Lance could handle – and Hunk really had to pee too. Pidge should be well and clear of the bathroom now too.

"Lance," he called softly, shutting off the music and turning the lights up to a mid-level and Lance moaned, turning his head into his pillow to escape it. "Lance. Time to wake up." While Lance could certainly use the sleep, he needed food just as much. Hunk figured they could eat breakfast and then retire to the lounge where Lance could nap if he wanted to or maybe be up for talking about something light.

"Lance," Hunk repeated. "Don't make me have to take the blankets off." That was normally the number one way to wake Lance, who hated the cold. Hunk had done it more than once a week normally at the Garrison to get Lance up and moving before he was late to class. Or, well, later. Because Lance had a full beauty routine to complete in the mornings that could not be rushed no matter the consequences.

However, Hunk was hesitant to do so now in case it triggered anything the Galrans had done. The light seemed to be making Lance uncomfortable enough, although he wasn't shaking so Hunk took that the fact he'd hidden his face to be a normal reaction rather than a fearful one.

"La-ance," he sing-songed. "Wake uh-hup…."

Lance gave an audible groan then, muffled as it was by the pillow. A second later a pair of glazed ocean eyes opened and stared uncomprehendingly at Hunk. Hunk smiled back as the eyes slowly blinked.

This would be the first time, he realized, that Lance had awoken normally and without a nightmare. He had almost gotten used to the quick gasps and the flurried movement, so this was a nice change. A bit of normal and he relished in it.

"'s morning?" Lance mumbled, eyes closing again.

"On this ship it is at least," Hunk said, a throwback to one of their old arguments of it always being morning/night/lunchtime somewhere. "Come on, breakfast is waiting."

Lance did perk up ever so slightly at that and his stomach let out a painful sounding grumble a moment later. Lance winced and Hunk did too as no doubt that was actually painful.

"I've got your hoodie right here," Hunk coaxed. "And I promise, the room isn't cold."

Lance let out another groan but his left hand pulled itself free of his blanket cocoon and he shoved the blankets down, shivering a moment later.

Hunk was already there though and offered the garment up. Things passing near Lance's face still had him flinch, but he did do slightly better when it was his own hands doing the movement even if he still withdrew some.

But the sweatshirt was more than big and it practically just fell over Lance's head without any tugging and Lance pried his arms up and through the sleeves.

"There you go," Hunk said as Lance was dwarfed in the yellow garment and looking more awake. Fully aware too, he noted with relief. There was no hint of fear and it only reinforced the saying that everything looked better in the morning and his own advice about time. The more time they could put between Lance and his captivity the better he would feel.

Lance did look better too, Hunk observed as Lance dug into the blankets to retrieve Allura's stuffed animal. The bruise-like bags had nearly disappeared from under his eyes and his skin had a more natural pallor to it that didn't make him look so tired. His movements were a little more steady too, although he was avoiding using his right hand and arm completely, keeping it tucked up against his stomach. They would need to start working on that sooner than later. Maybe later today, although Hunk didn't really have much of an idea of how to actually do therapy. Hopefully Coran had some ideas.

There was one thing they could do though.

"Up for walking?" Hunk asked cheerfully.

And to his immense pride Lance met his eyes with a tiny nod. "To the kitchen?"

"With a stop at the bathroom," Hunk said. "But then straight onwards to breakfast." And, fortunately for them, the bathroom was en route to the kitchen. No more than a few minutes' walk total.

"Okay," Lance said, and there was a determined slant to his eye even as his heart thumped loudly and his hands shook. He could do this. He felt… well, he still felt tired. And his stomach was a gnawing black hole now and his legs, draped as they were over the edge of the bed didn't feel completely steady, but he mentally felt prepared to do this.

He stood carefully, socked feet pressing against floor and his left arm out for balance as he wobbled precariously for a moment. Hunk stood nearby, letting him get his bearings without any sign of urgency. Lance stood for about a minute, his legs steadying with each tick and the slight dizziness fading.

"Ready?" Hunk asked then as Lance looked to the door. It was a question that was so much more than what it seemed.

Ready to walk again?

Ready to face the day?

Ready to feel better?

Ready to try and be happy?

Yes, Lance decided. He was ready for all of those things. Small steps, Blue had told him, and now he was literally going to take one.

And with one final deep breath, Lance did just that.

xxx

Author's Notes:

I'll be honest; this chapter originally kept going, but then it was getting way, way too long and I didn't want Hunk's really scary and (for me) a little bone-chilling observation to get buried. Because damn, now I wish I had had Haggar make Lance think his friends had hurt him. #plotbunnyforanotherficpleasedonotletme But to even all that out (and the nightmare scene, yay!) we get some butchered attempts at Spanish (*snorts* donut nada) inspired by mine and a co-worker's purposeful destruction of our names in Spanish. Granted, Brandon doesn't have a Spanish equivalent but I'm pretty sure Bran-dee-no is not correct. Mine does (Natalia, not Nat-ah-lee-ah, thank you very much) but he purposefully enjoys ruining it (made funnier because he has such a southern accent xD). Oh, I'm going to miss him when I switch to overnights starting... tomorrow! Sleepy author alert everyone. Very sleepy author.

As always, abrazos y besos a mis comentaristas! Muchas gracias a: Shadow Gray, Belletiger BT, Skiewrites 2.0, Guest, hobbes101, Subtle Shenanigans, anotherreader, Pfeh, LishaChan, Wolf of the Demise, KarleighH, Justanangryfangirl, Guest, wingedflower, imagine forevermore, Noel, JustADamFrenchFry, Fir3danc3r, PlayWithFire18, Guest, CocoMint, dragoscilvio, Guest, StrawberryFever3, yazbk2988, The-Angst-Chronicles, Guest, Eeveecat1248, Oliviadbell, PaintedWings45, geekyglamour413, Lasagna, Supergurkan, mirgrane, Jennyfish26, QuestionablyCapableGhoul, Wolfwind97 and bigtimedreamer101!

I also wanted to gush that I got another gorgeous piece of fanart from the wonderful Proxy_17 and a trailer (a movie trailer omg?!) from Wolfwind97 for Color. You guysssssss. See them both on my profile!

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