Elena watched as Bonnie and Caroline pulled out of her driveway. She was glad that her night of stressing was over. It had been like an accumulation of not knowing how they would react coupled with intense fear of rejection that ate away at her- and the relief she felt was like a salve applied directly to all of her worries.
Jenna was getting ready to go to bed, and had already made her way upstairs, which left Elena and Rebekah in the living room with their glasses of juice and free reign over the television.
She knew using the word girlfriend in front of her friends had serious implications for herself and for Rebekah, but she knew that she understood that it was the right time and the right thing to do.
The television was on the History Channel, and she listened to Rebekah scoff as some of the facts were presented. She simply sat in silence until she was sure that Jenna had made her way into her room for the night.
"How old are you?" Elena asked, not guiltily but out of sheer curiosity. She watched Rebekah think for a moment, and then she spoke.
"I was born in the 10th century. I was turned just short of my 18th birthday." She said flatly, in a matter of fact tone. Elena didn't want to pry, but she needed to know everything there was to know about her.
"If my questions get too intense for you, you don't have to answer them, it's really out of curiosity… but did it hurt?" Elena asked understanding of course that it was incredibly personal question. She almost didn't expect a response, because she could see this glazed look fall across Rebekah's face.
"It was one of the most painful things I have ever physically endured. However… It is not the most painful thing I have ever experienced as a whole." Rebekah finished, tilting her head ever so slightly. Elena had to wonder what the most painful thing was, but she didn't dare ask it. But her inquiring mind didn't have to wait- as Rebekah continued. "Loneliness above all else is the most painful thing I have ever endured. There is so much pain in being alone, in true loneliness… When you have no one and nothing in your life worth living for, death seems like a sweet dream; but for me it has always been an impossibility to truly die." Elena felt her heart in her throat at the words.
She had imagined Rebekah as a happy person, not as someone who contemplated death. But she reckoned it must have been something most vampires had to deal with. She could understand it to a point of course… She experienced sadness and loneliness herself; but she was sure it something entirely different to experience for over a thousand years.
She sat still for a moment before getting up from her spot on the sofa and making her way to the love seat where Rebekah sat. Her hand curled and wrapped behind Rebekah's neck as she pulled their lips together.
She let her body slide into the love seat, and sit atop Rebekah's lap as their kiss continued. She wanted to tell Rebekah that she was here now and that she was sorry for all of those years when she wasn't born yet. She could feel tears running down her cheeks, and she wasn't quite sure why she was crying- considering it was Rebekah's pain, but somehow it affected her so very intensely.
She could feel Rebekah's arms snake around her waist and draw her closer. She loved the proximity and how whole she felt all wrapped up in Rebekah's arms. It was something she had never experienced before, and she wondered if Rebekah could feel it too. She reveled in the way Rebekah's tears started running and colliding with her own on her cheeks before dripping along the wrinkles of her lips and down her chin.
There was something so innocent and passionate about the way they connected in this moment. Elena could feel her nerve endings exploding with delight and happiness and an underlying sadness that she couldn't quite convey with words. She wanted to say so much, but she chose in this moment to allow this beautifully sad kiss to explain it all for her.
They drew each other as close as possible, and Elena wasn't sure they could get any closer. She withdrew her lips when she could no longer breathe. She let her hands rest on Rebekah's cheeks as she looked into her tear stained eyes. There was so much below them, just like she knew there was so much going on behind her own.
"You'll never have to feel that again. I am right here for you." Elena said, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from Rebekah's face. Even with her puffy eyes Rebekah was the singularly most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
When Rebekah's hand reached to wipe away her tears, Elena had to stop herself from starting to cry again. For some reason even though Rebekah was the one with so much pain, she was attempting to console her, she knew it was an act so selfless that she almost couldn't control it as her tears started to fall again.
Rebekah looked at her worried again for a second, but Elena retaliated with another kiss so forceful that she felt lightheaded and the world swam in and out of focus behind her. Something about the way Rebekah's lips felt against her own made her feel almost high; and she couldn't get enough. Every time she kissed Rebekah she found it harder to make herself stop doing so; every kiss she lingered longer and longer.
She remarked at the way Rebekah's lower lip rested just below her own as their mouths melded together, and how soft her lips were. The kiss was heated and as intense as every kiss they had shared before that. She couldn't breathe, but she didn't want to. She wanted to die just like this, breathless at Rebekah's lips. She smiled into the kiss before reigning herself in.
Once separated, Elena simply looked at her girlfriend. There was still so much she had to say, and so many questions she wanted so desperately to ask, but she knew it would have to wait for some other time. There had been a lot of transparency tonight on Rebekah's part, and while Elena saw no sign of it being difficult for her- it had to have been, to some degree, difficult to dredge up all of this pain, and all of these memories which were perhaps better left untouched.
"Thank you." Elena said, leaning her head against Rebekah's shoulder. She wasn't really sure what she was thanking her for- but the words left her mouth anyways. She planted a kiss on Rebekah's cheek, and watched her smile at the contact.
"No, thank you." Rebekah began, "It has been a long time since I spoke about it with anyone. But I feel significantly less lonely with you in my life Elena Gilbert." She finished, her lips planting a sweet kiss on Elena's forehead.
Elena felt safe here, in Rebekah's arms. She took the remote and flipped through channels, seeing nothing of value. She put on a random movie and looked at the clock. It was 10:30pm, and she knew that eventually Rebekah would have to go home, as they still had school tomorrow. She knew she would miss the feeling of Rebekah's warmth against her skin.
"Will you stay until the movie is done?" Elena asked, hoping for a resounding yes. Rebekah's response was a curt nod, and another kiss on her forehead. Elena smiled and kissed her cheek back. "Thank you." She said and went and grabbed a blanket from the couch where she had been sitting earlier. She draped it across the two of them and got comfortable.
"Me sitting on you is ok right? I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable with all my weight against you." Elena asked to be sure she wasn't hurting Rebekah in any way. Rebekah's response was a chortle that erupted from the back of her throat and turned into a hearty laugh that echoed against the walls of the living room.
"Elena, I am a thousand year old vampire, I could lift sixty of you at once- I think I will manage." Rebekah responded, her torso heaving with laughter, as Elena slapped her arm playfully.
"Well excuse me for being a worried girlfriend!" Elena scoffed, burrowing herself as close to Rebekah as she could physically manage. The proximity was something she found herself loving more and more as she experienced it. She focused herself on the movie playing. It was some cliché romantic comedy, boy meets girl archetype. Usually she would find movies like this repulsive- but she minded it a lot less while she was experiencing her own real life girl meets girl rom-com.
The movie droned on and on and Elena could feel herself getting more and more tired as it continued. Rebekah's body felt less and less like a body, and more and more like a soft pillow, she could hear the movie continuing in the background of her consciousness as her eyes got tired and closed altogether.
She woke vaguely a while later to Rebekah pulling her comforter up to cover her. She was lying in bed, and Rebekah was standing over her. For a moment she wondered if this was going to be a repeat dream of the first one she'd ever had featuring a semi-nude Rebekah.
"Shhh-shh, no- no don't get up. You fell asleep, and I promised I would stay until the movie was done and so once it finished I brought you up here." Rebekah offered as an explanation. Elena lay there, while Rebekah's hands ran through her hair, pushing it out of her face.
"I have to get up and-" Elena began, but Rebekah cut her off.
"I locked the door and turned off all the lights and TV, I set your alarm for 6:30. You have no logical reason to get out of bed." Rebekah said sitting down on the edge of the bed. Elena smiled to herself, Rebekah really had thought of everything.
"Will you lay with me a while?" Elena asked sheepishly. Rebekah responded by nodding and going to the other side of Elena's bed and pulling the comforter back and sliding in until she was curled against Elena's back.
She couldn't remember the last time she was held like this. It was almost foreign to her, the warmth that Rebekah brought to her eternally cold body. It was comforting in a way that no other person had ever managed to be. Rebekah had this effect on her, one that was unparalleled to anything she had ever experienced, even remotely.
She fell asleep remarking at how lovely it felt to be wrapped up in someone again. Her dreams quickly took over.
She was drowning. There was no air coming into her lungs and she struggled to breathe but her lungs found no purchase. She screamed, but no sound came out, just the slow gurgling of her lungs filling up with the swampy water.
She looked to her left and saw Jeremy unconscious in his seat next to her. She tried to get to him, but her seatbelt was locked and she struggled to get it undone. Her brain was screaming at her to get him out, to save him but she didn't know how.
When she looked in front of her she could see both her parents in the same position, and she tried so desperately to get to them, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. She knew she couldn't save them, she never could.
She watched her mom struggle against her seatbelt just like she was- but to no avail. Her mother's arms went limp and bubbles slowly spilled from her mouth as the last remnants of air left her lungs. Her father and Jeremy remained unconscious, as Elena seemed to be the only one who was still able to fight against her restraints.
It seemed to pass in slow motion for her, her family dying right before her eyes.
"NO!" She screamed with the last bit of oxygen she had, but it came out gargled and indistinguishable. All she could think about was the fact that she was going to die here at the bottom of the lake… That they were all going to die here.
Her vision swam as she started to dip out of consciousness her limbs still struggling to break free, to save everyone she loved- until they stopped altogether.
She woke to arms around her and a soothing voice murmuring into her scalp. She was being rocked back and forth and a low and slow melody was being hummed to her. Elena was momentarily confused.
She could feel the cold sweat soaking her body and the sheets beneath her, her body shivered uncontrollably, and tears were running down her cheeks. She knew she was home in her bed- but she could still feel the ghostly remnants of water in her lungs as if the dream had been real.
The morbid scene continued to play behind her eyelids like a strange film, her family just kept dying right in front of her and she could do nothing to stop it. She couldn't save them, she could never save them- no matter how much she willed herself to.
Sunlight started to leach into her room from the window. Her body shuddered, cold from her sweat and fear. She felt arms wrap around her and pull her close… She began sobbing to herself knowing that Jenna was always there to comfort her when she got like this- when the nightmares were so real they threatened to eat her alive.
She began to turn over so she could that Jenna- but it was Rebekah whose body was pressed firmly against her own, it was Rebekah who was comforting her while she cried over a nightmare. It seemed as of late, to always be Rebekah.
"What are you doing here?" Elena asked groggily, attempting to sit up was not going to work as Rebekah's hands held her firmly in place. How long had she been here? Had she even gone home?
"You asked me to lay with you, and so I did. You fell asleep pretty soon and you were ok for a while." Rebekah said, her hand stroking her hair softly, moving it out of her face. "But then you started shaking and gasping, and I tried to wake you- but you wouldn't snap out of it… So I've just been here holding you, humming in your ear hoping to coax you out of it." Elena shifted so she was facing Rebekah properly.
"Did you even go home? Have you slept?" Elena asked worrying about how this all-nighter would affect Rebekah's day today. She was so compassionate, Elena wondered how she had gotten so lucky as to have a woman like Rebekah in her life; she didn't deserve it that's for sure. Rebekah simply shook her head to indicate that she had not left.
"I couldn't leave without making sure you were ok." Rebekah finished. Elena felt Rebekah plant a kiss on her forehead and her insides turned to mush. Rebekah had stayed with her all night to make sure she was ok. Her alarm went off, blaring annoyingly until Rebekah reached over her and turned it off. "I suppose its time for you to wake up."
Elena groaned. She didn't want to leave her bed… She didn't want to leave the comfort of Rebekah's arms, but knew she had no choice. Regardless of how much she wanted to stay just like this for the rest of eternity- she still had a life to live.
She willed herself out of Rebekah's arms and out of bed. She tugged her shirt over her head and flung her bra across the room. She walked topless to the bathroom, which was attached to her own. She stood in it and looked at her face, remarking that she hadn't had taken her makeup off. Her mascara and eyeliner were smudged all over her face from her cold sweat and tears. She picked up a cloth from the counter and wet it with warm water, and proceeded to clean every inch of her face.
Once her pores were free, she turned on the shower, and stood waiting for it to warm. She couldn't stop thinking about that dream as she took off her pants and her day old underwear and kicked them into the corner. She stepped into the shower, and let the warm water run all over her, erasing the sheen of sweat that coated her entire frame. She shampooed and conditioned her hair and was ready to get out of the shower in almost no time.
She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a nearby towel to dry her hair. She caught a quick glance of herself in the mirror on her way out, and remarked at how unnaturally pale she looked. She always looked like death after dreams like that.
She rounded the corner back into her room with the towel still drying her tresses. She walked over to her dresser and picked out a matching pair of socks, some underwear and a bra, and set them atop of it. She had completely forgotten that Rebekah was even there, until a sharp cough echoed through the room.
Elena fumbled at the sound, and scrambled to cover herself as she stood in her nudity in front of Rebekah. In her haste she stepped back into a small puddle of water that had accumulated at her feet and lost her footing. It happened in almost slow motion as she felt herself starting to fall, her room becoming a blur.
She was sure she was going to crack her head open on the floor. She contemplated her fatal error of not drying the rest of herself before coming out of the bathroom. But no sooner had the thought it, did she feel herself being propped up.
Rebekah's hand touched the damp small of her back as she was righted. Elena's heart was beating uncontrollably at the touch. Rebekah saved her again. She turned with her hand on her heart as if that would somehow enable her to slow down its frantic and fearful beating.
"Thanks." She said, "That could have gone horribly wrong." She chuckled to herself. Now she was nervous- Rebekah had literally seen her nude. It wasn't like Bonnie or Caroline seeing her naked, they were her friends, they'd seen each other naked a million times and it was entirely plutonic between them… But something about Rebekah seeing her naked caused her a mild bout of anxiety.
"It was no problem, someone has got to be looking out for you- lest you kill yourself trying to get ready in the morning." Rebekah said chuckling to herself as she went back to her spot on the bed. Elena watched her intentionally face the other direction so she could get dressed.
"I'm sorry you had to witness that." Elena said, ensuring the towel was wrapped completely around her body as she began sliding her underwear up over her legs and onto her hips under the towel.
"Elena, I have lived for over a thousand years, the female form is not a foreign concept to me." Rebekah began, facing Elena once again. "Your nudity does not make me uncomfortable- it was for your own benefit that I reminded you I was here." She finished, turning her gaze away again.
Elena felt a weight lift off of her chest. She was glad she hadn't made Rebekah uncomfortable. That was the last thing she wanted. She finished putting on her undergarments, letting the towel fall to the floor. She used her foot to lazily mop up all of the water underneath her before opening her dresser again.
She picked out and outfit and put it on before making her way back to the bathroom. She stared into the mirror and began lightly applying makeup to her face, ensuring that everything was just so. She took her hairbrush and did her hair, settling on leaving it down. She went back into her room, just as Rebekah was halfway out the window.
"I need to go and change- but I will come and pick you up in an hour for school, ok?" Rebekah asked, not even waiting for Elena to reply before she let herself drop down to the yard below. Elena rushed to the window to make sure she was ok, but by the time she looked down, she could already hear Rebekah's car starting and backing out of the driveway.
"I guess I have an hour then." Elena said, running around her room to collect everything she would need for school. Once she had gathered all of her things, she made her way downstairs to get some breakfast. She found Jenna sitting at the kitchen table in her housecoat reading a copy of the paper.
"You know," Jenna said looking over top of the paper directly at Elena, "Instead of sneaking out of your bedroom window, Rebekah could simply use the front door."
Elena almost choked on her own saliva in disbelief, wondering how Jenna had known. Jenna simply responded by gesturing to the kitchen window with her thumb. Elena walked over to it, and looked. She could see the footprints from Rebekah's feet as she had landed once ejecting herself through the window.
"Well, I'll be sure to pass the information along." Elena said, shaking her head- she should have known better… Jenna was too observant when it came to things like that. Elena went to the counter, and poured herself a cup of coffee, and got an apple out of the fridge and ate it contently while Jenna spoke.
"She's a nice girl," Jenna started, "but if she breaks your heart, I would have to kill her." Elena could only scoff at how utterly ridiculous the notion was. Jenna had no clue how difficult that would prove to be- not that she would need to do it… Rebekah would never hurt her.
"Unfortunately there will be some messages that I simply refuse to relay." Elena said turning to face her with a smile on her face. Jenna was ridiculous, but she knew it was all in good fun. "I am going to wait for Rebekah to pick me up from school." Elena said, grabbing her backpack and making her way around the table.
"I love you, have a good day." She heard Jenna scream across the house as she opened the door and stepped out of it. She turned her head back a moment before closing the door.
"I love you too! I'll see ya later." She said closing the door behind her, and sitting on the little couch on the porch. She pulled out her journal and began jotting down the events of the last night while she waited for Rebekah to come back- something told her she would be using more than the standard two pages this time.