A/N: Hey everyone! So I'm running a 5K today (not very prepared but oh well) so I thought I might update today just to get it out of the way. I'm kind of satisfied with how this story is going. Yay! Anyway, please enjoy this chapter! Thanks!
~mmbazb
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES SELF HARM. DO NOT CUT YOURSELF, IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the songs mentioned.
Pity. That's what everyone looked at me with. Fucking. Pity.
I growled out loud and turned up my music louder. It was a dark song, with screaming and loud instruments, but I found it more enjoyable. I used to really like classical music, but nothing made me feel better than some metal.
Everyone says I'm different now. No shit. I was just stripped of my only happiness in life. What the hell did you expect?
Suffocation, no breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm, bleeding.
Last Resort pumped into my ears, letting me relate my life to it. It wasn't metal, but I still likes it.
I started cutting myself to pieces three months ago. A few weeks after school started. Sometimes, I'd remember Shiro, and if I was at home, I'd go into the bathroom, get my blade, and carve it into my skin.
I deserved it. I deserved so much pain. It was my fault Shiro is dead.
Sometimes I'd run the blade vertically down my arm, drawing more blood. The pain was a reminder to do better next time. To remember that it's my fault.
I didn't realize I was crying until a drop fell on my MP3 player. I sniffled and wiped my eyes, trying not to think about Shiro anymore.
The song suddenly changed, moving to a song I thought I'd deleted.
You would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies-
I threw the MP3 player across my bedroom, shattering it to pieces, and ending the song.
I couldn't bear to even think of that song anymore. I couldn't.
I sniffed some more and grabbed my phone, sending a quick text message to Sado. I didn't even wait for his answer before walking out of my apartment, grabbing my beanie, locking the door, and heading towards his place.
I pulled the beanie over my head, covering my ears from the chilly October air. I felt empty without my earbuds blasting music into my ears, but luckily Sado's house was not far. When I arrived at his house, I didn't even have to knock before Sado opened the door, inviting me into his house.
I'd blocked out everyone in my life besides Sado and Orihime. They were the only ones who didn't look at me with pity, because they miss Shiro too.
I walked into Sado's apartment and he shut the door behind me. When he finished locking the door and closing the blinds, he looked at me with concern.
"I-I broke my MP3 player..." I said quietly.
He nodded and wrapped his long arms around my small body. I bit my lip and choked back a sob. I didn't like looking so weak around him, but it hurt so much. He understood. So he comforted me with his warmth and collected breathing. I released the sob and began crying. He rubbed my back and kept his steady breathing, to remind me to stay calm.
No, we weren't dating. Sado knows this, and we both silently agreed that he only did this when I was truly broken down and needed something to keep me together.
I gripped his t-shirt and continued crying. I had to find some way to keep me from coming back to him. I had to get over this, somehow. I didn't really want to get over this, honestly. I miss Shiro. "I miss him." I accidentally said it out loud.
Sado nodded above my head. "I do too."
.
.
.
I felt so weak. I can't even keep myself together without Sado or Orihime. I was pathetic. After my meltdown, Sado told me to stay here, since it was dark out. He let my sleep with him, and he spooned me, helping me fall asleep. When I finally woke, Sado was gone, a note left on the bedside table.
"Helping Orihime go shopping. You're welcome to anything in the fridge or pantry. -Sado"
I yawned and stretched, then sighed. I couldn't keep troubling this guy. He has his own life to worry about. I grabbed my stuff, not bothering to eat anything, and headed out of the door.
When I got home, I pulled out my laptop, something I didn't do too often. But I did it anyway and pulled up Google. I typed in "ways to not look weak". I clicked on a couple links and put them in new tabs. The first one said to talk more. Not happening. Another was a blog. It talked about a "YouTuber". It said watching this person made them feel less weak and more confident. It had a link to the person's channel, and I clicked it. On the link were a bunch of videos, with a man with... green hair? dotted on the thumbnails.
Jacksepticeye. That was his name. Or at least his YouTube name. I clicked one of the videos.
"THIS COMMENT IS OFFENSIVE | Reading Your Comments #72" Holy shit... #72? He's done that many videos? And that's just one category...
The video started to play. The YouTuber, Jack, had a heavy Irish accent. His reaction to someone hating potatoes almost made me smile. He was loud and childish. I finished watching the video, and subscribed to the guy.
I clicked on my other tab. On it was a page for martial arts. It was wing chun. I'd never heard of it before. I looked at the pictures, and it was training. For all ages. I looked at the fee. Only about 5000 yen. Good.
I bookmarked the tab and moved on to the next link. Therapy. No.
The last tab was another blog. It talked about another YouTuber. Markiplier. I clicked on the link to his channel and this one had thumbnails that had a guy with pink hair. What's with the hair dye? I clicked one of his videos anyway. I watched him play a game called " " He wasn't as loud as Jack (luckily, I think my ears are bleeding after that), but he was still really funny. And humble. I subscribed to him.
I closed the rest of the tabs and pulled up my bank account. I wanted to see if I could afford to go to the martial arts class. My account showed me that I have over 5 thousand yen extra for each month, enough to pay the fee. I never spend any extra money, since I don't find it necessary. I wrote down the address to the studio and closed the window. I shut down my laptop and put it back in my bag, which I'd left untouched for months.
I pulled out my phone to check the time. Only 10:30. I had nothing to do, since it was a Saturday. I decided to go to the studio today, just to sign up. I grabbed the sticky note with the address on it and headed back out.
.
.
.
When I finally got there, I saw that it was just a normal sized studio. Nothing fancy. I walked through the propped open doors to see a class already in session. Nobody noticed me come in. There was a small desk-like place to the right of me, and a bunch of chairs in front of it, facing the padded area where a bunch a people had paired up and were practicing a series of defense moves. I sat in a chair in the back, trying to stay out of sight. I watched the pairs of people move in ways I never thought of. They were fluid but very grounded at the same time. It was mesmerizing. Only when one of the masters told them to have a break, did they notice me. A woman with a sleek figure came up to me.
"Hello! Welcome to the Wing Chun studio. I'm Yoruichi. I'm one of the masters here. Is there something I can help you with?"
I nodded quietly. "Yes. I'm Uryu Idhida and I'd like to know if I can sign up for the next class."
She smiled. "Yes, of course. This way, please." She lead me to the desk, where she pulled something up on her laptop and looked at me.
"It's 5000 yen a month. Do you have your payment right now?" I nodded and pulled out the correct amount of money from my wallet.
She took the money and slid it into the cash register. "Would you like to watch the rest of the class? We'll be done soon." I nodded and took a seat again.
She went back to her class and the other masters had already put the poles they were using earlier away. She made everyone get in a line a do some stretches. When they finished, they said something that I didn't catch and then dismissed. A bunch of people walked up to me afterwards.
A shorter teen, who looked around my age, came up to me. "Hi I'm Hanataro." I nodded and extended my hand to the raven haired boy. "I'm Uryu. It's nice meeting you."
I may be an extreme introvert, but I'm still polite.
He shook my hand and smiled. "Have you ever been to a self defense class before?"
I shook my head.
"You'll like it here, don't worry." He reassured me.
Another person with flaming red hair approached me. His bulky build slightly intimidated me. "Yo. I'm Renji Abarai." He said, his voice gruff.
I nodded. "Uryu Ishida."
He gave me the slightest smile before he grabbed his duffel bag and exited the studio.
Hanataro elbowed me. "Don't let his size intimidate you. He's sweet when you get to know him."
I nodded, trusting his words.
The next person to approach me was a man with straight blonde hair and perfectly straight teeth. He smiled with his teeth shining brightly, and said, "Shinji. You are?"
I stuttered, "U-Uryu Ishida. It's a pleasure meeting you."
"Pleasure meetin' ya too. Got a reason for coming here?"
I sighed. My mood suddenly plummeting. "I'm weak." I said simply.
He smirked. "Oh, don't ya worry. You'll never be weak with Yoruichi's foot up yer ass."
I smiled a tiny bit. "Alright then. I'll make sure to remember that."
He gave me one last toothy grin before stalking off as well.
The rest of the class had mostly left, just leaving the masters. They were putting up the last of the props and cleaning up.
A man with shaggy blonde hair and a green hat approached me. "Well hello there. My name is Urahara Kisuke. I'm a master here as well. It's great to see you here."
I blinked. "Uryu Ishida." Was all I said. He grinned. "Ishida. Nice."
The last person to come up to me was a burly man who looked about 30, with black hair and stubble across his chin. "Welcome. My name is Isshin Kurosaki. I'm the other master here. It's just the three of us. You said you were Uryu Ishida?"
"Yes sir." I said quietly.
He smiled. "I think we'll get along well, Mr. Ishida."
I nodded. Though, I wasn't sure. He seemed strangely familiar.
"I have to get home. Thank you very much."
"No problem, son. Have a nice day."
I bowed and left the building. That went better than expected.
.
.
.
When I got home, I pulled my phone and told Orihime and Sado what I'd just done. They want to know what I'm doing a lot (they're afraid I'll do something stupid), so I thought I'd let them know. When I finished with that, I put my phone back into my pocket and suddenly, my stomach growled. I'd forgotten I didn't have breakfast. I decided to make something small, a ham sandwich, and sat down on my bed, and turned on my music full blast. One of Evanescence's songs came on, and I relaxed. I thought about the studio. I hoped everything would turn out okay.
For Shiro.
For Shiro.
A/N: YES OVER 2000 WORDS. I was trying to write as much as possible bc I don't know when I'll be able to update again. So I really hope you enjoyed this! I worked very hard for a long time... Starting to get into the story more. The summary will make more sense soon I promise XD. I'll try to fit it into the next chapter maybe. Don't wanna rush things. Also, I had to add YouTube, okay? It really does make me happier. So anyway, thank you to all who has favourited/followed, much appreciated! Please review, follow and favourite and happiness!~mmbazb