Note: As I'm sure you all saw yesterday, FF has been beyond glitchy and as thus the chapter did not go up like normal (it did for a short time but I deleted it when the site continued to not cooperate). For everyone who pmed/commented, you can always check my profile (assuming I made it past the 503 errors to update it, which I did :p) for updates from me. Hope to see you all today! I'm *still* getting some 503 errors just now so I do recommend when you write a review (because you all are going to leave a comment, yeah?) to copy and paste your text just in case. Don't want you to lose all that hard work!

As Color Fades Away

Chapter Fifty-Five

"Uh, hello? Keith you still here?" Hunk's voice came from the front of the kitchen. "I found the space carrots. They were—"

He broke off as he rounded the island and saw a sight he had not been expecting in the slightest but yet was completely right. Keith was hugging Lance with his head buried in Lance's shoulder and Lance was curled slightly over Keith's shorter stature with his forehead pressed against Keith's matching shoulder. He had no doubt they'd heard him as he saw Lance somewhat cock his head and Keith stiffened, but neither made a move to pull out of the hug. Hunk's heart swelled.

"Pardon me," Hunk said, placing his carrots on one clean space on the counter and awkwardly stepping around the pair, gathered in the middle of the narrow galley part of the kitchen, to reach the stove where the pot was bubbling madly and looked seconds away from overflowing.

That seemed to prompt the two to move as Hunk observed Keith retract his hands and Lance then straightened up. Lance's face was mostly dry although his eyes were bright while Keith most definitely had fresh tear tracks on his flushed cheeks.

Hunk said nothing but handed the smaller boy a clean dishcloth that he took with a whispered thanks while he bent down slight and squeezed Lance's shoulder and received a bright smile in return that just made his own grow.

"So," Hunk said lightly, "I found the alien carrots. Also ran into Coran and he told me that you don't cut puliparis – those weird vegetables that ate the knives – but rather you just mash them. Said the knives should come out once they're flat. Lance, you up for that?"

"Sure," Lance agreed easily and Hunk had to force himself not to stare out of sheer delight. He knew that Lance was going to be feeling better following the whole mindscape thing, but there was a confidence back in his voice that had been missing since they'd gotten him back. It wasn't the false note either Hunk had heard Lance use to try to convince both himself and others. This was genuine.

This was his Lance again and had this been a movie and he capable of it Hunk would have broken out into a musical dance number to express his joy.

Instead, he settled for giving Lance's shoulder another squeeze as Lance clambered to his feet.

"Keith, can you chop up our alien potatoes?" Hunk asked. "I'm going to get to work on the carrots. We really need to get everything into the pot pronto for it to really stew."

Keith looked up at that and Hunk smiled and held out a hand to pull him to his feet. Keith took it with a small nod.

"You okay?" Hunk asked Keith quietly as Lance set about opening various drawers looking for the masher he knew was in there.

"He called me his brother," Keith said, sounding a little shell-shocked.

Hunk laughed. "Dude, you've got three of us and sisters too and a super cool uncle." Keith blinked at him. "Hate to break it to you, but you've been a part of our little space family for quite a while." He pulled Keith into a one-armed hug. "Better get used to it."

"I was trying to… to comfort him," Keith said, nodding at Lance who had found the masher and was tentatively picking up the puliparis with his left hand and placing them onto a cutting board, "and apologize and… and instead he ended up comforting me." He wiped at his still bright eyes. "That's not how it was supposed to go."

"Things with Lance rarely do," Hunk said sagely. "And to be clear, it's not one or the other, Keith. You both helped each other and I'm so glad to see it. Lance has wanted to be your friend for a really, really long time."

"I was just too stupid to understand that," Keith muttered.

"Not stupid," Hunk corrected, "Just… a miscommunication."

"Coran said the same thing."

"Then you know it's doubly true. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Keith looked away but gave a short nod. "I'll try."

"Good," Hunk clapped him on the back. "Then let's get back to dinner."

"Um, Hunk?" and Keith was coloring again. "Don't… don't touch the sink."

"The sink?" Hunk repeated. "Why would—?"

Understanding dawned in his eyes and he jerked his head to the left to look at Lance, who was still moving the vegetables over but not looking troubled or scared, and then back to Keith.

"He's okay now," Keith said quickly. "It was an accident, I swear."

"You don't need to apologize for that," Hunk said gently. "You obviously didn't mean to." Still, he had to ask. "Did it prompt a flashback?"

"Yeah," Keith winced. His heart had leapt into his throat when he'd turned from the sink after hearing a loud thud and found Lance fallen down cowering against the opposite counter, eyes blown wide and no longer seeing the kitchen.

He'd shouted at first for Hunk, hoping he was on his way back, but when that had yielded no results Keith had gotten down on the floor and tried to snap Lance out of it by talking to him as he'd seen Hunk do and a touch to the shoulder.

All he'd gotten was more fear and Lance had flinched away. His face had been turning slightly purple and Keith realized that he was holding his breath and probably wouldn't inhale again until he passed out if he thought he was actually drowning.

Keith had stumbled to one of the spice jars he and Hunk had been experimenting with and grabbed the one that to him smelled like raw sewage. It wasn't comforting in the slightest but it was strong and would hopefully be enough to drag Lance out of his living nightmare.

And to his relief it had worked as Lance had coughed upon it being shoved under his nose and that had turned into noisy gasps for air and Keith had gone back to what he'd seen Hunk and Coran do and rubbed circles against Lance's back as that seemed to help calm him. It had worked as eventually Lance had come back to and his breathing had evened and then they'd… they'd talked and everything was more than better now.

"You did good," Hunk told him and Keith felt his cheeks heat up again at the praise. Hunk gave his shoulder one last squeeze and made his way over to the carrots. Keith copied his lead.

"Hey, Hunk?" Lance asked quietly and Hunk observed that Lance's tone was even, shoulders steady and he nodded to himself; Keith had done an excellent job if Lance was this calm after a flashback not even ten minutes ago and Lance… Lance was getting better. If he beamed any harder he was pretty sure he'd actually break his jaw. "If… If I hit these won't the knives shoot out? And hit us?"

Hunk eyed them and his beautiful kitchen knife set that Keith had gone to town on, explaining they just needed to "find the right one," which clearly had not been the right solution. He really would prefer to avoid being impaled and absolutely wanted to avoid anything flying like that around Lance and now that Lance had said it that did seem to be a problem.

"Let's experiment," Hunk said, plucking one of them up and juggling it in his hand.

"What are you going to do with that?" Keith asked, looking up from where he was slicing potatoes with one of two remaining knives, although given that it was a butter knife it was a little slower going than it otherwise would have been.

"Throw it," and there was a gleam to his eyes.

Lance poked his head around behind Hunk's broad shoulder. "Hunk was a clean-up pitcher. Throws a ninety-eight fastball."

Keith knew very, very little about any sort of sport but even he knew that was fast and let out a low whistle.

"Aw, you guys," Hunk grinned. "It's nothing."

"You had professional scouts, Hunk," Lance said, some of his cheer fading. "Sophomore year."

"And I told you I never wanted to play baseball," Hunk said, and Keith sensed that this was a conversation they'd had more than once. "I wanted to be an engineer."

"And you could have done that still," Lance said. "If you hadn't gone to the Garrison."

"Hey," Hunk gave Lance a gentle nudge with his elbow, "None of that. I went where I wanted to and that's all there is to it. Now, come on, let's see if this thing really does pancake like Coran said."

Hunk twirled the vegetable in his fingers, adjusting so he wouldn't get caught on the knife, and with a round-up threw it across the kitchen where it smashed into the far wall above the table.

The resounding splat made Lance give a start but he didn't look frightened and almost eagerly trotted over with Hunk on his heels to look at their experiment. The vegetable had remained stuck to the wall and, as Coran had said, was smushed out to resemble a thin disc. The knife was still in it as well, blade flat against the wall and Hunk deftly pulled it all free.

"It cracks," he mumbled, the vegetable breaking into pieces as he bent it. "Like… like pasta. I thought it was going to be more beet like, honestly."

"Can we still use it?" Keith asked, accepting the knife Hunk handed him. So, so much better than the butter knife.

Hunk put a small piece in his mouth and chewed. And chewed. And chewed.

"Alien gum?" Lance hedged. Hunk tried to blow a bubble and ended up spitting out the substance with the force.

"I think it might just need cooked," he mused, bending down and picking up the slimy piece. "It's like trying to eat really gooey cookie batter. Has an interesting flavor though."

He held up a piece and to his great delight Lance took it from him without hesitation and it was then that he noticed, as Lance held it tentatively to his mouth and licked it, that a set of white-pink scars were on full display.

Lance's face scrunched up as he licked it again, taking no notice of Hunk's gaze and the pride swelling in his chest. "It… sort of tastes like… cucumber? Or pickle, maybe?"

Keith made a gagging noise and shook his head when Hunk turned to him. "I hate cucumbers," he said with as much passion as Hunk had ever heard him speak.

"I agree with Keith," Lance said, shooting a small smile at the swordsman who returned it over his shudder of revulsion.

"Fine, fine, no cucumber gum pasta stuff in the stew," Hunk surrendered. "We're going to need more potatoes though."

Keith groaned at the thought of peeling more of the weird vegetable and Hunk clapped him so hard on the back he stumbled forward. "Let's hop to it or dinner is going to be late. Lance, you want to keep freeing the knives? We're going to need those back."

Lance did a sloppy salute with his left hand and about-faced to return to his pile. Hunk beamed again and hurried after to finish up his own assignment.

The kitchen was quiet as all three worked on their own projects, broken up by the splat of Lance hammering out the puliparis and the quiet clatter as he put the recovered knives in the sink and Keith's muttered grumbles as he hacked away at peeling more potatoes.

The kitchen was growing steadily warmer as Hunk turned his attention back to the stove and the different broths he had simmering. He saw Keith remove his jacket, leaving him in his short-sleeved black shirt and eyed Lance to see what he would do as he knew that the hoodie was rather warm.

Lance had paused in his squashing duties and his left hand was hovering at the bottom hem of the jacket as though he was debating pulling it over his head. A second later he saw Lance give a small but decisive nod of his head and his hand more firmly gripped it and he gave it a tug, revealing mocha skin as his shirt underneath rode up with it.

He gave it another silent tug but Hunk saw the frustrated crease as he brought his right hand to assist and it merely brushed against the clothing.

"Hey," he said gently. "Need an assist?"

"Yeah," Lance replied and he met Hunk's gaze. "I'm… I'm not there yet."

Yet. The word may as well have been spoken with sparklers and fireworks. It wasn't the "should have" Lance had fallen into it, the crippling self-hate that his body would not work as he wanted it to. It was looking forward, hoping for better and Hunk tried to suppress the giant grin that wanted to take over his face.

"Arms up," he said instead and without complaint Lance obliged. Hunk tugged the sweatshirt up and over, retrieving the plush toy from inside. He went to hand both back to Lance and while a scarred hand took the stuffed animal he shook his head at the hoodie.

"I don't need it anymore," Lance said, and Hunk's eyes widened as he realized Lance didn't just mean right now in the kitchen. The hoodie, as comfortable as it was, had been something to hide behind; hide his arm, his trembling, and all of himself. But now he was coming out of that self-created shell like a butterfly from its cocoon and preparing to face the world.

"Lance…" Hunk couldn't stop himself this time from pulling him into a tight hug and he felt Lance let out a shuddering breath against his chest.

"Thank you for letting me borrow it," Lance murmured, soaking in the comfort.

"Any time, hermano. How about you keep it for movie nights though? It really is too small on me."

Lance smiled into Hunk's vest. "Okay."

Hunk released his arms and quickly folded the hoodie up and placed it out of the way on the unused counter. Lance went back to his vegetables without pause but he was standing just a little straighter, Hunk thought.

He could see now with the absence of the sweatshirt that the bandages covering the burn scar were absent as well, although save for a sliver of exposed skin by Lance's wrist it was still covered by his long-sleeved shirt. But the bandages were not there.

He hated that the mindscape had caused Lance such pain, watching those wounds pepper across skin and blood gush while Lance had whimpered and the environment around them had lashed out at the torment.

But, in the end, their trip there had helped Lance so much more than they'd have been able to accomplish out here. Hunk had no doubt Lance would have eventually opened up about some of the horrors he had undergone, what he had done, but it would have been over the course of days if not weeks or months. The mindscape had been like ripping off the bandage, Hunk supposed, rather than picking at the edges.

It was raw and painful had hurt so much in that moment, but then the pain was over instead of the constant itch and hurt that trying to slowly remove it brought. The mindscape had forced Lance to confront all of those horrors and self-hate head on. He hadn't been able to hide anymore and the end result of airing the dark secret, of talking about some of his experiences, had helped Lance so much. He could smile now. He was looking forward, not down or back. He was trying.

It wasn't all over though. Hunk knew there were certainly questions that needed answered, including his own fears about Haggar using their faces and voices to harm Lance. However, as he watched Lance squash one of the last vegetables, he was beginning to think his concerns might be a little over exaggerated. Something was certainly amiss, but Lance had not once withdrawn from them after he recognized it was indeed them and not a memory of Haggar or this Theodek that Lance had mentioned on a couple of occasions. That made the vice around his heart lessen a little bit. It wouldn't completely undo until he'd spoken to Lance, but not now. Not yet. Maybe tonight if Lance was feeling up to it, he decided. After they'd had dinner and a chance to all be together.

"All knives are now accounted for," Lance said a few moments later. "What next?"

They all needed washed, Hunk knew, but that might be a bit of a big step, especially given Lance's precarious reaction to the faucet being turned on not even twenty minutes ago. The stew was bubbling away happily with all of the potatoes Keith had finally finished, and other than keeping an eye on it and stirring every few minutes they were nearly done.

"Can you get the food goo for the mice?" Hunk asked, spotting the bowls the little rodents used. It wasn't that they couldn't have the food Hunk made, but Coran had looked crushed when everyone had made it clear that they preferred Hunk's cooking to the goo and the mice would literally eat anything. So they always started off the meal with the food goo and would then help themselves to any leftovers. A win-win for everyone.

Lance gave a nod and went to collect the bowls.

"How long till it's done?" Keith nodded at the stew, sweeping more peels into the sink.

"Maybe forty minutes?" Hunk said, spearing one of the potatoes, examining it and sliding it back into the pot. "These things cook up a heck of a lot faster than earth potatoes."

"Time enough to try making bread?" Keith suggested, still hesitant to intrude on Hunk's menu, but Hunk clapped his hands in delight.

"Yes! I found this Altean yeast that rises in like, a dobash, that I've been wanting to try. Hang on, I'll go find it."

Hunk disappeared into the huge pantry and Keith continued tidying the counters while Lance approached the food goo vats on the far wall. He placed the stack of bowls on the nearby table and holding one headed for the lever.

It was a simple thing; pull down for flavor (labeled as food goo one, food goo two, and food goo seven, strangely) and then right for the speed at which the machine dispensed the food, which went from a drop at at time (for flavoring, Coran explained, although why anyone would want to flavor a dish with food goo was not a question anyone asked) to a rapid-fire gush for when you needed to fill a lot of bowls quickly.

Lance decided on the mystery flavor seven, as that one he recalled had the vaguest hint of pineapple. He eyed his hands, the left holding the bowl and the right pressed as was becoming normal up against his stomach. He tried to move the fingers on the right, getting the minute twitch.

He eyed the dispenser again. He could probably hold the bowl against his body with his right cradling it and use the left to move the lever. Or, he could hold the bowl steady and safe in his left and shift the lever with his right by sort of just pushing it with the back of his hand. Gravity still worked after all and he didn't need fine motor skills to push a lever.

Plan decided, Lance held the bowl under the spout and his used the bottom of his right to push the lever to the correct flavor. Step one done. Now, to just move it partway to the right to dispense it.

He readjusted his grip on the bowl and then pushed the lever with the side of his right hand.

He pushed it too far.

Food goo whooshed out of the machine and slammed into the bowl with such force that it ricocheted up and Lance yelped mostly out of surprise as it splattered his face and chest but then there was that quick, harsh moment of fear as he felt it slide into his mouth and it was water then, threatening to drown him.

"Lance!" he heard Hunk yell as he stumbled backwards, trying desperately to cough and expel the substance and stay here, in the kitchen, which was wavering around the edges.

The sharp sound of shattering glass pierced through the fog and he realized that he had dropped the bowl. He'd dropped the bowl because he was in the kitchen on the castle and not… not...

There were strong, warm arms then lighting upon his shoulders and pulling him further back from the machine, which was dumping neon green food goo onto the floor in copious amounts. Not water. It wasn't water. It was just goo and it was stopping now as Keith hurried to the lever.

"Hey, hey, miráme," came Hunk's voice and Lance found the Yellow Paladin standing in front of him now, hands still braced on his shoulders. "Lance, miráme."

And Lance did. Hunk's warm brown gaze further grounded him and he let out a breath as the last tendrils of water and darkness released their hold.

The cold, wet stickiness did not though and he winced as a drop of food goo fell from his bangs to land on his cheek. He was covered in it; his face, his hair and his entire upper torso, making his shirt cling to him uncomfortably.

He needed a shower.

That thought had him suck in another breath because a shower meant water and water meant… meant…

"Lance, deep breaths, okay? Estás bien, it's okay."

Lance did as instructed, the panic receding with each exhale.

"I'm here," he said after a few more inhales, looking at Hunk and then at Keith, who was hovering right next to Hunk. "I'm… I'm okay. Just…" Another sticky glob descended down his face and he shuddered.

"Here," Keith held out a dishcloth and Lance gingerly took it and after a moment of hesitation pressed it to his forehead and bangs to keep any more goo from sliding down, flinching only for a second at his own hand.

"I need a shower," he managed to get out, hating how his legs trembled at the idea. All that water, gushing and echoing and– he shook his head, dispelling the cold waves. He wasn't there.

"You do," Hunk agreed carefully.

"I don't… I can't…" he wasn't even sure what he was trying to say. All of that resolve from earlier was slipping away at the idea of facing that. He hadn't even been able to face a kitchen sink and now a shower?

"What about a bath?" Keith suggested. The bath wouldn't have the loud jets or the constantly shifting water, but Lance shook his head so vigorously food goo went flying. A bath was definitely worse, as it would remind him far, far too much of the rotating box he'd been trapped in. As it was, the only bathtubs they had were Allura's gigantic in-ground one and the Altean swimming pool.

"You can do this," Hunk said quietly but his words were strong. "I know you can, Lance."

"I'm scared," he admitted, lowering his eyes although the admission gave him another breath back.

"And that's okay," Keith's voice was gentle, that same tone he'd used when trying to get Lance to breathe with him following the panic attack.

"How about I come with?" Hunk offered, his hand squeezing Lance's shoulder. "I can adjust the shower to just a really light stream before you get in. And I'll be right there. We can grab the music player too."

"I'm sorry," Lance whispered, not quite sure why he was saying it but it seemed right. Even when he was trying his best he was still inconveniencing others.

"I told you to stop apologizing," Keith retorted. To Hunk he said, "I can finish up in here and we can delay dinner till you guys are ready. If that works."

"How about it, Lance? That okay?"

He found himself giving a jerky nod, right hand shaking with a renewed tremble. He did want to try. He didn't want to be scared of water, which had up until recently been as familiar and comforting to him as his family. He hated that Haggar had twisted it for him, made it something to fear. He didn't want it to be, but Dios, it wasn't that easy.

"Come on," Hunk pivoted him towards the door with a last nod to Keith. "Let's get you cleaned up."

As they made their way out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the bathroom Lance tried to stop the shivers that were making their way through his entire body that even Hunk's warm hand couldn't stop.

This was it. Face his biggest fear or let it control him. Take back his life or let Haggar win. Literally sink or swim.

He knew what he needed to do. It was the only real choice he had if he wanted to move forward.

But…

His hands would not stop trembling and he felt like any second he was going to throw up as his stomach churned and darkness pressed in on the corners of his mind with a whisper that sounded too much like Haggar.

"Lance," Hunk stopped them in front of the bathroom door, and his voice was like a soothing balm that muted the chaos inside of him. Honey eyes met his. "You've got this."

Lance gave a slow nod. "I've got this," he repeated, voice small.

Hunk smiled then, so soft and understanding that Lance felt tears spring to his eyes.

Without another word Hunk pushed open the door and with one last shaky breath Lance stepped inside, knowing that the next time he passed over that threshold he would be a different person.

One way or the other.

xxx

Author's Notes:

You've got this, sweetie. We all believe in you. I do feel rather terrible though forcing him into such a scenario, but it's time to face music (er, water) and we're diving right in. Lots of other little tiny good things I loved about this chapter. Hunk being a pitcher sort of wrote itself in and I really like it :p Plus some more growth for Lance and some love for Keith and just yeah, a little bit of everything.

Unfortunate head's up though that there will be no update next week, as per my usual routine when a new season premieres. Please please please do not post spoilers in comments if you happen to leave one after it airs. I will not be able to watch it until at least the following Monday and I will be going on a self-imposed hermit state to the best of my ability to avoid spoilers, although being at an anime con all weekend should make that very interesting. (If you're going to Crossroads in Indy come say hi at my table!) Seriously. I will go on strike or something if such details make it into my email, which I will be checking over the weekend. Thanks for your understanding in that regard!

However, I do have a one-shot publishing Sunday as part of a challenge fic exchange with amazing author and friend wingedflower, titled All That Glitters Isn't Gold. Look for it and links to her fic, Of Crossing Swords and Crossing Lines, then! And Razzle Dazzle will be finishing up next week too so who knows, y'all might not even notice the lack of a Color update.

Much love to the fabulous reviewers: Skiewrites 2.0, This-Lil'-Fan-Girl, Subtle Shenanigans, StrawberryFever3, Pfeh, hobbes101, JeromeHaddock15, JustADamFrenchFry, geekyglamour413, Fricat P, Guest, Wolf of the Demise, yazbk2988, migrane, Serefia, Arivoctix, EclipseWolf18,Eeveecat1248, TheFullmetalBitch, Adrianna Agray, ChocolateMonkey, Justanangryfangirl, Nellie Bachesneg, Cats and violin, Demigod whovian, Bubblekins1010, scones, SheepInASpaceship, Alexa, wingedflower, bigtimedreamer101, a person, LishaChan, Guest, katbug123, imagine forevermore, keep-swinging, ASleepDeprivedPineapple, BlueCookiesforRick, TheTheoryofFangirling, Skrimiche, rwbygirl, and Shadow Gray!

Enjoying the story? Please do comment below - favorite scene this chapter, line of dialogue, overall impression, etc. Please feed the author. She is hungry and really, really appreciates it. Thanks guys! See you in two weeks in a post season-five world.