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As Color Fades Away

Chapter Fifty-Eight

"Allura?" Lance asked quietly after a few moments and she reluctantly released her hold on him and he straightened to sitting. His eyes were red-rimmed from the tears but they shone with an inner strength that none could ever fully take away.

He held out his left hand and resting in the grip was her plush toy. "Thank you for letting me borrow Flafie. It… it helped. A lot. But I don't think I need him anymore."

Allura gently accepted her childhood comfort and cradled it in her own hands. "No, I do not think you do," she agreed. "But please know that he is always available should you wish to provide him your company."

Lance smiled softly at the words, but then a hint of a smirk turned up his mouth. "I would rather have your company."

She laughed, bright and clear, and gently swatted his shoulder. "But of course. Everyone wishes for the company of the Princess of Altea." She rose to her feet. "For now though, will you assist me in gathering the blankets for our movie night? I will take care of the furniture."

Lance though frowned, brow furrowing in a combination of worry and… fear?

"What is it?" Allura asked gently, sitting back down.

"It's just… Should we be doing this? A movie night?"

"You are worried about Haggar."

"Aren't you?" he whispered. "She's… she's coming, Allura. And I…" his left hand clenched into a fist. "And I'm endangering all of you."

"Not any more than the rest of us," she said and he looked at her confused. "We are in a war, Lance. We are the enemy to Zarkon and we have fought off his attacks before when he has targeted us. Yes, Haggar is most interested in you and will likely be leading this charge, but whether it is her or Zarkon himself we will fight as we always do."

"I can't fight though," he murmured.

"Not right now," she agreed. "Your body is still healing. But we will be there and we will not allow any harm to come to you."

Lance did not look reassured. If anything he appeared more scared and Allura wondered what it was she had said.

"I don't want you to get hurt for me," he said, voice small, and realization dawned. "And if you're trying to protect me then you aren't protecting yourselves and—"

"Oh, Lance," Allura murmured, taking his trembling hands within her own. "No. Do not think such things. We will prepare and—"

"How?" he interrupted. "How, Allura? The barrier didn't work and I don't think she cares if I live any longer. She'll use me to hurt you, to kill you, and I can't… I can't do anything to stop her."

"Lance…"

"Can any of us?" he choked out, hating the fear that was creeping about him. Not of Haggar but of the thought of what she could do to the ones he loved when they got in her way. "Do we even have a way to fight back? She's a Druid, Allura."

"We have done it before, we will do it again," she said firmly. "Be it Hunk's cannon or Pidge's holograms we—"

"What?" Lance cut in again, although unlike the previous desperation this time there was a tinge of horror to the words. "Pidge's holograms? When did Pidge…?"

Oh dear. Allura blanched at the reveal. It was not that they were keeping the events of Lance's rescue from him but, well, she supposed they sort of were. Other than her confession about facing down Zarkon and the Blue Lion then miraculously returning online as she sensed Lance, they had said nothing about the rescue.

It wasn't really on purpose. There had just never been a good moment to say anything with everything else that had been happening and Allura knew she, along with the others, had been infinitely more concerned about making sure Lance was feeling all right over recapping previous events. It hadn't even crossed her mind until now that Lance perhaps might wish to know the details of his rescue.

"Pidge fought Haggar?" he whispered, coming to the only logical conclusion from the previous statement.

"Believe me, that was my reaction too." Shiro's voice, confident and calm entered the conversation and Allura tried not to wilt with relief at the back-up.

He crossed the room with long strides and came to kneel in front of Lance, bringing them to the same eye level. "We've been asking you a lot of questions of you, Lance," he said softly, placing his own hands atop the pile. "Perhaps now is the time you asked some of us."

Lance's gaze shifted to Pidge, who had come in behind Shiro. "Are you okay?"

She gave him a smile that did not quite reach her eyes and Lance hated that his stomach clenched at that. "I'm okay," she said, "really."

"We're all okay," Hunk said, easing himself down on Lance's other side and placing a tray of well-balanced hot chocolates on the low coffee table. "We promise."

Lance traced his eyes about the group, all assembling around him; Coran on one of the ottomans, Pidge on the other and Keith sat on the ground next to Shiro. They looked all right and he knew that only Keith had wound up in a pod—

"How did you get hurt?" he blurted out to the Red Paladin, who started at the sudden address.

Keith looked to Shiro and received a small nod of confirmation. "Haggar," he said after a moment. "She and I crossed paths."

Lance's stomach rolled. "Did… did everyone fight Haggar?" and he felt a small moment of pride that her name came off his tongue so easily.

"No, no," Shiro assured. "Just those two and… and me."

Lance swallowed thickly. "What… what happened? When you rescued me?"

"What do you remember?" Shiro asked carefully.

Lance gave an uncomfortable roll of his shoulders. "Not much. Gunshots. Screaming." His eyes flicked to Pidge. "Spanish. Nothing… nothing particular." Not what he had previously mistaken as the attempted rescue that had left him behind. He shuddered at the recollection and Hunk's hand, stretched already across his shoulders, gave a soothing rub.

"From the top then," Allura said with a decisive nod. "But first, may I have a cup of this delectable smelling beverage?"

They took turns explaining their rescue while sipping from mugs of hot chocolate that lended a needed comfort to the conversation. From Keith and Shiro piloting the castle at half-jump speed to their infiltration of the base prior to the deadline and then the unlikely but timely assistance of a sympathetic lieutenant named Yanden.

Lance started at that, eyes widening. "I remember him. He was at the… the…"

"The Kri Za Kri," Pidge filled in.

Lance's face turned white. "The what?"

"Kri Za Kri?" Pidge repeated, uncertain now and hating the dread that was creeping up her.

Lance swallowed thickly, too easily recalling the chants and screaming and the pain. "How… how do you know about that?"

Pidge paled. Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

"There was a video feed," Allura said, deciding blunt honesty was the best course. "Haggar required us to watch with the threat if we did not she would kill you."

"You… you saw?" Lance's voice was so small and Allura hated it.

"We saw the absolute depravity and cruelty of the Galra," she said. "We also saw the strength and resilience and courage that you possess. That is what we saw. Nothing more."

And really, Lance thought, he should have known. Haggar had told him that she was keeping the Paladins informed of his activities, to an extent, and why would she have neglected that part? She would have been trying to goad them into rushing after all to prevent a rescue attempt and there was nothing quite like seeing someone tortured live to get emotions running high.

"Were… were there any other times you… you saw things?" he whispered. He didn't think they'd seen his attempted suicide or desperate pleas as he thought he was left behind but…

"The first video message," Shiro said gently, running his thumb over Lance's right hand while Allura had commandeered the left. "With the instructions for the trade. And then there was a recording from when you were taken."

Lance nodded. He knew about those two; remembered the first and Hunk had revealed the other.

"That's it?" he whispered.

"That's it," Shiro promised.

Lance took a steadying breath. He had just told himself earlier in the day that he had not failed in his conviction at the Kri Za Kri. That he had been strong and represented the courage and bravery of the title of Paladin. And the knowledge that his family had seen him in such a state didn't change that opinion.

"Okay," he nodded. "So… so Yanden…?"

They picked up where they left off then. Yanden led Shiro and Keith to where Lance was being housed and gave them the key that would get them in. They'd retrieved Lance but had been waylaid by sentry forces once it was learned Lance was not in his cell. Shiro had gone back to fight them where he'd run into Haggar and, he'd scowled at the recollection, been powerless against her.

Keith picked up the tale then, explaining that Pidge had come to their add from the outside firefight and she had stayed with Lance to disable to tracker while he had gone to assist Shiro. He'd had to fight Haggar then and if it hadn't been for Pidge's again timely assistance… The two shared a look and Lance shivered at knowing how close to death Keith had come.

Pidge opened her mouth as though to say something, shook her head with downcast eyes, and Lance frowned. It was like the smile earlier; something else had happened besides Pidge distracting Haggar with the holograms and then knocking her out so they could make a clean escape.

"Pidge?" he asked quietly and she stiffened. "Are… are you really okay?"

She bobbed her head. "Yes. I just…" She looked up at Lance and he was alarmed to see tears gathering in her honey eyes. "I thought about killing her," she rushed out in one breath. "She was lying there and I summoned a knife but I… I couldn't do it. And I'm sorry. If I had then none of this would be…"

Lance found his voice frozen as he stared at Pidge. She had contemplated… Her small hands, clenched in fists at her side, could have…?

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

"No," Lance choked out. "No, Pidge. I would never… never want you to do that."

"See?" Hunk said gently as Pidge looked at Lance with wide eyes.

"It is time to put this guilt fully behind now, Number Five," Coran murmured, placing a hand on her shoulder. "There is no blame to be found here."

Pidge stared in almost disbelief at Lance and he gave her a small nod and a tight smile. Her shoulders slumped. "You're right," she sniffled. "Gracias, Lance."

"Donut nada," he smiled and she gave a short laugh.

The tension dissipated from the room near instantly at the sound and they continued their recap. Keith said they had made it back to the Lions and then rendezvoused with the others, including the Blue Lion who had sensed Lance.

Hunk explained that while all of rescue was going on inside he and Pidge, before she'd left, had been in charge of providing backup for when the rescue team left. However, they'd been spotted relatively quickly on the border and had been brought forward to conduct the trade.

Here Hunk choked up and Allura took over despite the fact she had not been there, explaining how a fake had been presented that all of their scanners showed was indeed Lance and if it hadn't been for her and Blue's close proximity they would have believed it true.

"A… a fake?" Lance repeated and Hunk's eyes widened as the nightmare from last night – and had it really been just then? – thundered back. Not real. Fake.

Was this what Lance had meant?

Lance was repeating Allura's words in his head, although others were rising to take their place.

We are here to trade the Black Lion for the Blue Paladin, Shiro's voice echoed.

All scans show that it is Lance he heard Pidge say. God, Shiro, that's Lance.

Yellow's got the shuttle. We're ready to go came Hunk's choked sob.

"Yes, a clone," Allura frowned, and her words broke the memory. "Meant to deceive us."

"So she… she did m-make one," Lance whispered, hands trembling anew in Allura and Shiro's. His nightmare could have so easily come true. If it hadn't been for Blue they may have lost Black if their back-up plan had failed.

It could have been real.

"Lance, hey, hey," Shiro murmured. "It's okay. Everything turned out all right. We weren't leaving the base either until Keith and I tracked down all of the signatures. We would never have left you there."

"But you did." The words came out before Lance could stop them, the memories and their apparent departure still so fresh.

"What?" Allura asked, horrified. She exchanged a look with Shiro and he shook his head in the same level of confusion.

"This is what you meant by not real, isn't it?" Hunk put in and Lance looked at him with wide eyes. "When you woke up the second time, you were confused," Hunk clarified. "You kept saying we weren't real. Is that… related to this?"

"Sí," Lance managed, not sure how to explain. This was where he had finally broken after all. It was his greatest moment of shame for he had given up then when he thought it was over. In reality though his surrender would have spelled the actual end had the others not arrived when they did.

He'd nearly cost them everything.

Allura, her hand still holding Lance's, felt a flicker in her own quintessence as a reaction to his. She wasn't in the calm state to attempt viewing the actual presence again but she knew that some more of those dark splotches had just grown.

"You have nothing to be afraid of," she soothed, "please, talk to us. What is causing you such pain?"

Lance swallowed thickly. They had understood everything else and held no grudge for it. What had happened had happened and he could not go back and change it. Keeping this from them would only hurt him more, festering like an infection. He needed to talk about it. And hopefully, just like back in the mindscape, they would be able to forgive him.

"I gave up," he said, barely audible. No one seemed to have caught it so he forced himself to say it again, louder. "I gave up. I… I stopped fighting back."

No one interrupted save for Hunk's arm tightening ever so and Allura giving his hand a squeeze of encouragement. He kept his eyes on his lap, not yet able to meet anyone else's.

"Haggar was on the communication system and said… said they were commencing the trade. She… She imitated your voices, I guess. She'd done it before. I should have realized…" he shook his head. "You traded Black for me. But… but it wasn't me. It was some type of clone and I thought…" he trailed off.

"I thought the Galrans had the Black Lion now and you had… had nothing. You'd left with nothing." Tears pricked his eyes. "I gave up. If… if you hadn't really shown up then… then she would have gotten my quintessence. Which was I guess her plan all along."

"Oh, Lance," Allura murmured.

"It must have been awful to hear," Shiro said sympathetically.

"You… you aren't angry?" Because they should be. They should be upset and hurt that he could ever think that of them, that he quit and almost did cost the universe dearly. And yet they were all trying to comfort him instead.

"I am," Keith snarled and Lance hated that he felt his heart stop at the sheer rage in his voice. "I'm pissed, actually. How dare she make you think that? To use us against you?"

Lance's heart started beating again as he realized he wasn't the target of Keith's anger. "But I gave up," he repeated, because had they missed that part? That part where he could have ruined everything because he hadn't the will to go on any longer?

"In that moment, maybe," Keith said, purple eyes boring into Lance's. "But you honestly mean to tell us that when that witch tried to take it from you you would have just let her? You wouldn't have fought at all?"

Lance went to say yes, that is exactly what would have happened, but he paused. Because he had given up before in the mindscape, but then he'd been reminded by his own quintessence – or what he thought was Blue at the time – of his desire to protect others. He'd come back and fought and he'd won.

And even though in that moment he'd felt completely hopeless and helpless when the time came would he have risen to the occasion, somehow? Would he have found the will to keep fighting even knowing that no one was coming to save him?

Yes.

His eyes widened at the realization. Yes. He would have. Up until his last breath he would have given all he had to keep Haggar from getting in. She may have killed him then, withdrawing it with the force she likely intended to do now, but he would not have succumbed to her until such a time.

Keith nodded at him, an unusually gentle soft expression on his face. "That's our Blue Paladin."

"Most excellently said, Number Four," Coran dabbed at his eyes. "And Lance, you feel the truth now, yes? You are not one to give up, lad. You embody hope, after all."

Lance inclined his head, awkwardly reaching up to wipe at his eyes and Allura let go of his hand to allow him to do so.

"Anything else you wish to know of the rescue?" Allura asked when he had finished. "I believe that did about cover the particulars."

"No, I don't think so. Just… I know I've said it before but, thank you. So much." He met each pair of eyes. "For then. For n-now. For everything."

"And as we have said before, no thanks are necessary," Allura said, reclaiming his hand. "Now, if none are opposed, shall we end this evening with one of these movies humans are so fond of?"

"Wait," Lance said. "There's… there's something else I need to say."

He took a deep breath. "I've mentioned him before, a few times. Theodek." Nods about the room and under her breath Pidge muttered, "asshole," and Lance was reminded again that they'd seen the Kri Za Kri. Well, at least they sort of had an idea of who he was referring to now.

"The Galran I killed," and his voice did not waver and it was Shiro's turn to give his hand a squeeze, "was his brother. He helped Haggar with… with things but it was always personal for him. I know he wanted to kill me." He lowered his eyes. "I can't entirely blame him." He raised his eyes again then. "It's why I think he might help Haggar with…" he gestured awkwardly holding Allura's hand at the room.

"We had assumed it would just be Haggar alone," Shiro said, a frown settling onto his features.

"We will just be extra vigilant," Allura said. "Nothing has truly changed. We will stop anyone who comes aboard, be that Druid or Galra. I thank you though, Lance, for informing us of this. We can at the very least prepare for an attack on two fronts."

"Are we prepared?" Lance asked quietly. "For an attack?"

"The shields are all at max capacity and the outside cannons are set to fire on any craft larger than the size of a human," Coran said, pulling his tablet from his belt. "We have heat sensors to detect any anomalies coming into our airspace and our communications are cloaked; we can still see signals but they cannot see us."

"Everyone has their bayards on them," Shiro said, and Pidge, Keith and Hunk all demonstrated that this was true; Pidge's in her large shorts pocket, Keith's clipped to his belt and Hunk's inside his vest. "Which reminds me…"

He pulled Lance's bayard from where he'd had it strapped to the back of his own belt. "Here. I think this is yours."

Lance took it reverently, holding it in a shaking left hand. "How…?"

"It was one of the signatures Keith and I tracked. We couldn't grab your armor but this was too important to leave behind."

"I can't use it though," Lance murmured. "My hand…"

"Why don't you try to form your weapon?" Allura asked, and there was a knowing glint in her eye.

"But—"

"Humor me," she smiled.

Lance licked his lips nervously. Allura had to know it was going to form a blaster that he needed both hands to use. Even if he shifted it to the other hand to fire the trigger with his left his right could not support it as it was.

But Allura would not ask if she did not have a reason.

He concentrated on it and with a glow it transformed into… a pistol? His eyes widened as he held the lightweight weapon easily in his left hand.

"How?" he whispered while gasps of surprise ran about the room and Pidge leaned forward for a closer look.

"A bayard is formed to best fit the Paladin who wields it," Allura said. "Your bayard will not always be a large blaster, Lance, just as Pidge has shown she can alternate between her shock katar and a knife. It takes training to manipulate to different forms, but in this case your bayard has reformed to what you are capable of wielding."

"I can fight?"

"Oh no," Shiro nipped that in the bud. "Sorry, buddy, but your body is still recovering. This is for defensive purposes only, should something happen. So long as I can help it you will not be a part of this fight at all."

And that was fair, Lance supposed. His left arm, while healed, was still a little shaky and he knew the recoil would only make it worse upon use. But it was something. He wasn't as useless or defenseless as he'd thought.

"Gracias, Shiro, Keith. This is…"

"Keep it on you," Shiro instructed. "At all times. We don't know when Haggar will be here. It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week. It could be when we least expect it in another battle and she takes advantage. We don't know. What we do know is that she isn't going to win and after enough defeats she'll hopefully slink back to Zarkon."

"Regarding your quintessence," Allura said, "we will find a way to protect it. I will continue my research and control and eventually have a viable solution."

"What about ours?" Hunk asked. "Is she going to come after them too?" Because as Pidge had pointed out what felt like forever ago, they all had powerful quintessences but it had been Lance's capture that spurred Haggar to pursue it.

"I do not think so," Allura said. "I cannot rule it out, but to forcefully drain a quintessence of a Paladin would require a great deal of effort and time due to how strong it is. It will fight back and resist, just as its Paladin would. If she wished to attempt so, Haggar would need to have hours of time and we will never give her such an opportunity again."

"Then why…?" Lance asked, even though he feared he already knew the answer.

Allura's gaze saddened. "She has already had exposure to yours, Lance. She has touched it and immersed herself in the Astral Plane with it. It is not that your quintessence is available to her, but… she does have a back door, so to speak. She will not need much time at all to take it."

"Oh."

"But she will not step within a foot of you ever again," Allura declared. "I will not allow it."

And that scared Lance as much as it comforted him. He did not want them to put themselves in harm's to protect him. But he was being hypocritical because he would do the exact same thing if their roles were reversed.

All he could do was make sure that it did not get to that point. And if the time came, his hand tightened on his new bayard form, he could at least fight back. He would not have to sit idly by. Defense, Shiro said? Fine. He would use it in defense of his family and he'd like to see their leader argue with that logic.

"Let's get this back to the movie night prospect," Hunk said, sensing the serious tone starting to sink them back down. "Pidge, what've we got?"

"Same selection as every time," the girl sighed. "We need to visit another space mall and see if they've got anything new. That said, I will watch anything except Monsters Inc. I can quote that one now word for word and I am not dealing with the short green jokes for at least another week."

"Lance, how about you pick?" Hunk suggested, ignoring Keith's snide comment of "oh goodie, two left."

They all knew their movie line-up by heart, save for Allura who had never joined them before. So what would be the best choice for a space princess who had never seen an Earth movie? Terminator or Disney's Hercules?

"Hercules," he said, earning a groan from Keith, laughter from Shiro and Hunk, an "I knew it," from Pidge, and a "Yes! The singing one!" from an enthusiastic Coran.

Pidge and Shiro worked to set up the television system and the improvised DVD player Hunk and Pidge had rigged and dim the lights. Hunk poured himself another mug of hot chocolate and then a second that he placed into Lance's freed hands while Allura had turned to ask Keith, turning around and propping himself up on the couch between Hunk's feet, what exactly a Hercules was.

"It's my best batch yet," he said quietly to Lance. "If you want to give it a try."

Lance eyed the milk chocolate brown liquid, only half-full in his mug. It felt nice on his hands and he wrapped long fingers as best he could about it, the right still just sort of settling against it. He had told Hunk earlier he might be up to drinking water. Hot chocolate was sort of that, just much better.

No one except Hunk was paying him any mind and Lance took a steadying breath. He could try. Just a sip. A very, very small sip so if he spat it back out it wouldn't be too embarrassing.

He raised the mug to his lips, the warm porcelain comforting. He tipped it gently, felt an equally warm liquid brush his lips. It was either open his mouth and swallow or it was going to leak all over his face. He went with the first option, the subtle tang of chocolate dancing on his tongue and after a few seconds of hesitation he finished the sip.

"What did you think?" Hunk asked, leaning back on the couch as though Lance hadn't just jumped a giant hurdle. "This new bean definitely tastes the most like coco but too much and it gets super bitter to where the sugar doesn't even balance it."

"It… it was really good," and Lance was alarmed to feel tears gathering. He took another careful sip, feeling it slide down his throat but there was no reflex to choke it all back up.

"I thought warm liquids might be best to start," Hunk said quietly. "We can try some tea in the morning, maybe? Or I can try to make some more hot chocolate."

"I'd like that." Lance settled more on the couch as well, tentatively resting his head back against Hunk's shoulder and Hunk in turn cuddled him a little closer.

"Lance, arms up," Shiro instructed, coming over with a blanket and tossing it over him and Hunk, not wanting to trap the mug underneath. He offered another to Allura who accepted with a smile and then Shiro joined Keith on the floor and spread one over their extended legs. Coran had settled on the other couch and Pidge had curled up next to him, resulting in an absolutely delighted smile on the Altean.

"Okay, quiet everyone," Shiro ordered, remote in hand. "It's starting."

Snuggled in between Hunk and Allura and the rest of his family gathered around, Lance felt his eyes misting as the goddesses opened up the scene, his head someplace else for the moment. They had accepted everything he had told them, understood and cast no judgment or hate. They were here now, doing all they could to make sure he knew that, to keep him safe and protected and happy.

He had never felt so loved.

xxx

"You called?" asked an impatient voice of one who was not used to being summoned like a dog, especially at so late an hour.

"I hope your preparations are complete, Commander. We leave on the morrow."

Theodek's eyes widened. "You found him?"

"I told you I would, did I not?"

Fangs widened into a sharp grin. "I had not expected it to be so soon. I am impressed, Lady Haggar."

"We will take your cruiser," Haggar commanded, "and leave from hangar six at 0600."

"What is our plan? They will surely see us coming."

"Leave that to me." A dark smile crossed her face. "I have just the thing."

She sighed happily, turning from her spell that was glowing a sick yellow behind her to meet the eyes of the blood-thirsty Galra commander. "Tomorrow is the end for my dear Lance. Let us make sure it is a finale befitting him."

Theodek matched her expression. "It shall be my greatest pleasure."

xxx

Author's Notes:

Ignore that Galran and Druid behind the curtain for a moment please. Yes, thank you. Up above we are all on the same page, yay! Granted, some individuals know more about certain things than others, but it's all technically out in the open and Lance has gotten it all of his chest. Phew!

Also, just wanted to say that I adore movie nights, but it never made sense to me in other fanfictions I read where they have this like, whole trove of movies (and recent ones too). If they're able to get recent releases why exactly can they not make some type of contact home? How far do Earth's signals extend? xDD So here we have three well-loved movies they got from the earth shop at the space mall. Hercules is one of my absolute favorites too :D

And now, yes, have at me. Haggar blah blah blah. She is heading out and she has a plan. Go ahead and panic now :p (but not too much, okay? xD Feel free if you leave a review (and please, seriously do your author appreciates them) to comment on things other than the last 150 words of a nearly 5k chapter xD I kid (but not really) if that's all that the comments are about I may be tempted to go on another two-week hiatus).

Much love as always to the amazing reviewers, who deserve all the cookies life has to offer.

Please do drop a comment below! I'd love to get your thoughts on the chapter (*cough* the whole chapter *cough*). Thanks so much!