Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh
Yami sighed as he enjoyed the peace and quiet serenity that could only be found in Atemu's beautiful garden. Yami actually suspected that Atemu had a soundproofing spell woven into the perimeter because it was the only reason that he could come up with that made the gardens so blissfully tranquil.
But he'd be lying if he said he didn't love the quiet. Back at home his village was small. Hell, compared to the hustle and bustle of the capital his village was damn tiny. The population in his home village was less than a thousand people. The capital hosted an impressive 50,000 at least.
The priests were still harassing Yami about when he and Atemu were going to get married, a step that Atemu still refused to even entertain conversation about. He and Atemu had taken the last 'big leap' in their relationship a whopping two months ago but Atemu still didn't seem keen on the whole getting married thing. And whenever they 'did it' Yami literally had to be the one who started it. Yami didn't get what he was doing wrong.
Yami frowned as his toe chased around a coy fish. This one was a brilliant red one which reminded Yami of the color of Atemu's eyes. Atemu was an enigma that he just couldn't figure out. Atemu was the one who wanted this relationship to really work and be something amazing. And Yami had really tried to give him exactly what he wanted. Then they got here and Atemu pulled back. They fought about it and worked it out and now Yami didn't even know what to think. When Yami had said something about if Atemu even wanted to get married Atemu had said yes. So, Yami had no idea why Atemu kept refusing to discuss the subject. What was holding him back?
"Why can't things for once just be simple?" Yami asked the coy fish. The coy fish didn't answer and instead swam quickly away from Yami's foot.
Yami scowled as the fish dove out of sight. Nothing made any sense at all. And frankly the stress of the whole situation was really starting to get to him. It had gotten to him to the point it had actually made him ill this morning. Which was why today Yami had decided he wasn't going to attend any of his stupid lessons no matter what the tutors said about it. Today he was just going to have the day to himself. No frustrating and confusing Atemu. No stupid, arrogant stuck up priests. No guilt tripping tutors. Just himself and the coy fish.
"Hey Yami!" a cheerful voice called out disrupting the tranquility that Yami had been enjoying. There were times where Mana's energy, joy and just plain bubbly personality were greatly appreciated. Then there were moments like today that Yami found himself wishing she was depressed.
"What is it Mana?" Yami replied. He was quite pleased with himself that he didn't outright snap at her. It wasn't her fault that everything was a mess. He had no right to take his temper out on her.
Mana brandished a rolled up bit of parchment in front of her. "You got a letter. Master Mahad asked me to deliver it to you." Mana said.
Yami glanced at the parchment in Mana's hand and frowned. Who in the world would be writing to him? He knew who he foolishly hoped the letter was from before he quickly quashed the idea down. Both Yugi and he had moved on with their lives. They were not meant to be and never had been.
"Well, are you gonna take it?" Mana prompted drawing Yami from the depressing path his mind had turned down.
"Sorry Mana, I don't know where my head is today. Thank you for brining me the letter." Yami said, holding his hand out to take the letter from Mana. Mana handed him the letter before she turned and skipped back out of the garden, taking the noise with her leaving Yami once again at peace.
Yami for several minutes just stared at the rolled up parchment in his hand. It was probably just from his father or his mother wanting to know how things were going for him since he had moved to the capital. Yami quickly unrolled the parchment just to get it out of the way so he could get back to trying to unravel the puzzle which was his life.
Once Yami had unfurled the parchment he froze. The letter was from his home town but it was not from his parents. This letter was actually from Yugi. His sweet, precious Yugi had written to him. The first thing Yami felt was guilt. He had been here in the capital for almost nine months and he had not one time thought to write Yugi a letter.
The reasons Yami had for that were twofold. On the one hand he didn't want to continue to encourage Yugi to try and find a way for them to be together and Yami thought that if he wrote to him that Yugi would have been less likely to move on. And the other reason was simple. Yami didn't want to cause either him or Yugi more pain. He didn't think he would be able to keep up the lie that things were going great here in the capital. He didn't think he could continue to tell Yugi that he didn't love him. That he didn't miss talking to him or cuddling him under the tree they used to sneak out to.
Yami almost didn't want to read the letter. He didn't know if Yugi was going to tell him about some life threatening scheme for them to be together or if he was going to tell him that he had moved on.
"I'm such a mess." Yami mumbled as he rested his head in his hands. This letter was a link back to a life he had been forcing himself to put as far behind him as he could. But given this whole confusing mess the call to look back at his old life was stronger than ever.
Last night to his shame he had even dreamt that he and Yugi had gotten married. He had awoken with a start and ended up flying out of bed and standing on the balcony for almost an hour berating himself because it should have been Atemu he'd seen, not Yugi. Atemu had come and found him after a while because he had noticed Yami had left the bed. Yami had told Atemu he had just had a nightmare. Atemu had given him a sweet smile before wrapping his arm around Yami's waist and leading him back to bed. He'd asked if Yami wanted to talk about it which Yami vehemently denied. Yami just let Atemu hold him close until Atemu had drifted back off to sleep. Yami had lain awake for over an hour just listening to the sound of Atemu breathing.
This whole marriage thing was going to be the death of him. Would it really hurt anybody if I read Yugi's letter? No one even has to know. And I don't have to write back to Yugi either. Who knows in the end it might just be Yugi telling me that he has moved on and that would be the final push I need to fully commit to my relationship with Atemu. Yami thought.
Yami's gaze drifted back down towards the coy fish that were swimming around again. The red one he had been watching was still keeping his distance. Screw it! Yami thought before he turned his attention onto the letter that Yugi had so thoughtfully written him.
Dear Yami,
I really hope this letter finds you well. Domino really isn't the same without you around. To me the place kinda seems dead. You used to bring so much laughter to this small town and now that you're gone it just…I don't know seems like a big part of Domino left with you.
As for how I've been, well I won't lie I haven't been great. There are days where all I did was sit in my room and cry. Cry not only for the loss of my best friend but at the loss of the man who I love. Who I will always love.
Yami I understand why you left. You have always been the self-sacrificing type of person. You have also always done everything in your power to protect me. Whether that is from my grandfather's wallop for skipping classes, bullies or tutors. You protecting me from the government isn't that much of a stretch. I just really hope that you aren't miserable.
I'm not going to lie to you. I still love you and a part of me really thinks I always will. I met my god chosen a little more than a month ago. He's, well he's different would be the only word I can really think describes him well. His name is Ryou and believe it or not he's actually shyer than I used to be. He can be funny when he wants to be but he for the most part just likes to keep to himself.
He and I shared our stupid mandatory kiss on my birthday. There was no spark. Nothing. Just two peoples lips touching. I felt nothing. A part of me was surprised that I felt nothing since I thought maybe that might have been why you were so adamant about going away with the Pharaoh. That maybe when you had kissed him that something supernatural had happened that opened your eyes to this whole different experience.
And if that is what happened to you, then that's great. It didn't happen to me. In fact, kissing Ryou felt really weird. I haven't done it since my birthday and I don't think Ryou really cares either way. He hangs around a lot but other than that he's just a person to me.
Now, when you and I shared a kiss. There was a clear spark there. That kiss made my heart pound. I felt something when I was with you. I always had. Just the thought of seeing you was enough to make butterflies gather in my stomach. Your smile did funny things to my insides.
I think about you all the time Yami. And I dream about you almost every single night. I can't stop and I don't even think I want to stop thinking about you.
And it's okay if you don't love me anymore. That is fine. But I want you to know that I will never, ever stop loving you.
As I said before, I really hope this letter finds you well. I keep trying to hear bits of news about how you've been but sadly there isn't a lot of news that trickles down from the capital to here. Please drop me a line even if it's just to gush about how happy you are with the Pharaoh. You can tell me if you're happy. At least one of us is. You can also tell me if you're sad or lonely or anything. Just because we can't be romantically involved anymore (there I said it since I knew you would if I didn't, see I'm not delusional Yami) doesn't mean we have to stop being friends.
In other news your parents are about the same. Quite frankly they kind of annoyed me because to me it doesn't even seem like they notice that you are gone.
Eagerly awaiting your reply. Tell me everything that is going on. What's the capital like? What does the palace look like? What is it like being involved with the Pharaoh? Have you made any new friends? Do you miss Domino at all?
Anyway, this letter is getting really too long. I just got tired of wondering about you that I figured for my own sanity I had been ask.
Hoping you are well.
Yugi.
Yami felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes and he read and reread and reread yet again the letter that Yugi had sent him. By the gods he missed Yugi so much. He wanted nothing more than to be able to wrap Yugi up in his arms and hold him close. He wanted to meet this Ryou person and make sure that he was good enough for Yugi. Even though the gods declared he was Yami still wanted to make sure. Yugi deserved the absolute best even if it wasn't him.
Yami continued to stare at the letter as the sun was beginning to set. He had been sitting out here in the garden literally all day. He probably should go inside and get something to eat before he headed to his and Atemu's room. But at the same time Yami really couldn't bring himself to. He just wanted to sit out here with Yugi's letter. The closest he had to having a piece of his beloved Little One here with him.
By this point the sun had dipped enough below the horizon line that Yami couldn't even make out the words of Yugi's letter anymore. But at the same time he didn't want to go inside because he knew he would force himself to get rid of the letter. He just wanted to hang onto it for a little while longer.
"Yami?" Atemu's voice called from inside the garden.
Yami did not reply however, that didn't even matter because Atemu came and found him and sank down to the ground beside Yami.
"Are you alright Yami?" Atemu asked. He unfastened his cloak and draped it around Yami's shoulders to fend off the evening chill.
Yami was quiet as he continued to gaze at the piece of parchment in his hand. Atemu sighed, "I see Mana brought Yugi's letter out to you." Atemu said.
Yami snapped his attention onto Atemu, "How do you know who wrote to me? Did you read it?" Yami growled. The letter was his.
Atemu shook his head, "No, I didn't read your letter. The letter was addressed to you. It was delivered in the batch of mail that was given to me. I had Mahad pass the letter onto you, figuring that he was going to have Mana deliver it." Atemu said.
Yami fell silent, as he leaned his head against Atemu's shoulder. Atemu wrapped an arm around Yami's shoulders. If Atemu noticed the silent tears that were running down Yami's face he didn't say anything about them.
"Do you want me to tell me what Yugi said?" Atemu asked.
Yami sighed, "It really wasn't anything that important Atemu. I'll throw the letter away once we head inside. I promise." Yami said flatly, his voice cracking slightly when he mentioned throwing out the letter.
Atemu tightened his hold around Yami's shoulders, "You don't have to get rid of the letter. You care a lot about Yugi and you always will. I'm not angry with you because Yugi wrote to you. You are also more than welcome to write him back. I am not going to cut you off from someone who was a big part of your life even if you love to downplay just how large of a role he played in your life." Atemu said, he paused briefly before adding, "You are allowed to talk to me about Yugi. I don't mind. In fact a part of me has really hoped that you would."
Yami gave Atemu a strange look, "Why would you be interested in hearing about Yugi?" Yami asked.
"Because you love him." Atemu said without any hesistation.
"Don't you mean I loved him?" Yami asked.
Atemu shook his head, "No Yami, no I don't. No matter how much you keep pushing yourself to be more and more involved with me it has not changed that at your core you are still very much in love with Yugi. I'm not blind nor am I stupid Yami. And that is okay. It's okay that you love him. It's okay that you are in pain. You don't need to hide that. And forcing yourself to be more and more involved with me isn't going to magically make those other feelings go away. Will they fade with time, perhaps? But it isn't going to happen overnight. It will probably happen over a course of years." Atemu said.
"And you're okay with the fact that I'm in love with someone else? That doesn't bother you." Yami asked.
Atemu shook his head, "You have been in love with Yugi since the day I met you. When I first found out was I angry? Jealous? Hurt? Absolutely. But over the past eight almost nine months I've long since come to terms with that at least a part of your heart will always belong to Yugi. I've accepted that. Does it change the fact that I'm in love with you? No. But you don't have to feel like you can't talk to me about this Yami." Atemu said.
Yami for several moments just gaped at Atemu. He truly was an enigma. He also had changed from the man who dragged him out to that Oasis and smacked him after he had seen him kiss Yugi all those months ago. What had changed or when that change happened Yami didn't know, but it clearly had.
"Yugi met his god chosen. Some guy named Ryou. Based on what Yugi said it doesn't really sound like Yugi likes him a lot." Yami said.
"That's too bad Yami." Atemu said.
"You aren't going to say that that will change over time? That Yugi will grow to love Ryou?" Yami challenged.
Atemu shook his head, "No. I'm not. Recently I've come to discover that might now always happen." Atemu said.
Yami gave Atemu another strange look, "Since when do you doubt the wisdom of the gods Mr. Pharaoh. Last I checked that kind of attitude was blasphemous." Yami teased.
Atemu chuckled, "It's not the gods I doubt." Atemu said before he let go of Yami and slowly got to his feet. "Come on lets head inside. It's late and it's starting to get cold. We can continue this conversation inside." Atemu said.
Yami got to his feet as well however before Atemu could turn to head inside Yami threw his arms around Atemu's shoulder and kissed him. He kissed him because Atemu was at least trying to understand something Yami himself couldn't even really explain. It was things like this that made Yami really believe he might one day be able to truly fall in love with Atemu the enigma.