From Mabuchi to Tanaka

Kou's point of view.

Chapter 1

"Kou!" my brother called. I ducked my head back into the room- my old room. I had moved in by myself, alone, a few days ago. Now, a week before school starts, he pops up and starts cleaning everything. It's been a nuisance, trying to stay out of his way. "Dinner's soon!"

I had the sudden urge to crawl out the window. He had been all smiles, all day. The last thing I wanted to do was sit down with him, after all that had happened. You are going to the school where I teach, this is great, we can go home together, we can make dinner- He had all of these plans, even though he had a place of his own. At least Dad seemed to have gotten the message- we don't have to talk.

I just want to be left alone. I needed some quiet.

"Kou!"

Snatching my jacket, I stuck my head out into the hall. I dashed down the stairs.

"Have to get something!" I yelled. "Don't wait for me, I have a key!"

"Whaaaa- it's raining-" I was out the door before I could hear anything else.

It was raining, but only slightly. A light drizzle was much better than my brother's inane chatter. The sound against the pavement softened other sound as I rounded the corner and headed off down the street. There was a store, somewhere nearby. I could wait there for a little while. Or a long while. Maybe until he left.

What were we going to talk about? Being all back together at the old home? Would we talk about Mom, or pretend she was never here? The first would be awful, the second unbearable.

Maybe I could put Mom's picture on the table, I thought darkly. Make us all one happy family again. Would that make it all better, brother?

I knew I was being a little unfair. I knew what someone in my position was supposed to do, but my brother seems to be much better at forgetting Mom than me. Besides, he wasn't the one who was supposed to look after her. That had been me. It had been my job to make her happy. I had failed at that.

The rain picked up. At this rate, I was not going to make it to the store without getting soaked-

There was only one place to go. I used to go there back in the days when it was raining, my friends were headed home, and I did not want to go back and listen to Mom and Dad fight yet.

That was the first semester of seventh grade… That was the last time I was really happy, even with my parents' arguments. Because of her. Because of Yoshioka Futaba.

Even though she hated boys.

In spite of myself, my lips curled up wryly at the memory of her yelling at Naitou.

"I HATE BOYS!" Even though those words should have made any feelings I had had vanish- even though my whole body sank at that rejection- at the time, I had thought, with her tiny fists curled and face flushed, she looked oddly adorable. I had been discouraged. But, naïve me, after a few hours of thinking about her wide brown eyes, I had thought, that maybe, maybe she could like me. Because I really, really liked her. Besides, when I had asked her to go to the festival, she hadn't said no.

Maybe she had been too mad to tell me, or surprised, or too nice to say no right away.

Not that it matters now.

I ran the last few steps towards the temple, underneath the eaves. In the same place I had sat when I was younger. The rain was even harder now. In a way, this was good. I could tell my brother that I had to wait out the rain, and maybe he would not worry so much. He's been both fussing at me and trying not to at the same time, and the distressed looks he sends in my direction are annoying and pointless. Pretty much everything he does these days is annoying and pointless.

Thinking about Yoshioka and seventh grade was also pointless. I leaned up against the wall, my mind still drifting back to seventh grade. When I had thought that maybe Yoshioka liked me the same way I had liked her. I could never really tell what she was thinking, but I had decided to ask her out when I was right here, under these eaves, in the rain.

I had taken cover under the eaves to wait out the rain. A few minutes later, I heard frantic footsteps. She came running towards the building- towards me- Yoshioka had not seen me yet. She stopped a few feet away. I wondered what I should say, to let her know I was there- then our gazes locked. My stomach swooped, but the feeling wasn't all unpleasant. We had not been alone together since that day on the playground, when we played cops and robbers. We were both quiet for a moment. I tried to find something to talk to her about.

"It's pouring all of a sudden, huh." She started, looking surprised at the sudden words. It was cute. She was cute. And I'm talking about the WEATHER.

"Uh… yeah." She was really cute. My thoughts scattered. I'm an idiot…. It was terrible. How was I supposed to have a conversation with her when I couldn't think straight? My friends would laugh so much if they saw me now.

"Are you going to the festival?" Wait – did she just ask me-

"Huh…?" My face was turning red- not good, be cool-

"I wonder if Yumi-chan is going… I'll have to ask her." Oh. She was looking up at the sky. She was just making conversation- she was probably wondering when the rain would stop and she could leave. But I didn't want her to go yet.

Her hair was wet. She was probably cold. That's why she looked flushed, she was going to get sick- I reached into my bag- and came up with my gym shirt.

"You can use this, if you want." Not knowing what to do, I put it on her head.

"Gym clothes?"

"Don't worry, I haven't used that one." A mischievous impulse made me add, " More than once."

"EHHHH- then you have used it!" She looked horrified. I laughed. The look on her face- I could tease her all day.

Her expression changed, her eyes softening. A lump formed in my throat- she looked away. "Whatever, I'll use it." I had expected her to throw it back at me, scold me for being a gross boy. But she hadn't.

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Thank you." I blushed at her soft words, but it was okay. She wouldn't see, she was busy drying her hair. I saw the summer festival poster on the wall. Maybe she would go with Yumi… but she had not asked Yumi yet.

The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds.

"Oh!" Yoshioka stepped out into the light. I wanted to grab her hand and ask her to stay. That would be weird. "I have to get home!" She looked back at me and smiled. Her smile was incredible. It was warm and sweet- "I will bring your shirt back tomorrow! See you then!" Before I could say anything else, she ran off, my shirt in her hand. I smiled.

"Yeah… see you." I would see her tomorrow. And then-

Then I would ask her to go to the festival with me.

Seven-o'clock. Sankuku Park, by the clock. Then reality hit.

I had been really upset that things had worked out the way that they had with Yoshioka. The day of the summer festival, I was in Nagasaki, parents divorced, with no way to contact her and tell her what had happened. I could not ask a friend to tell her- Naitou would never have let me hear the end of it. Besides, I wasn't even sure that she had agreed to go to the festival with me. And it didn't matter anyway, because I was not going to see her again.

Now, two years later, I was back in town, but moving back did not change anything. It did not erase everything that has happened since then. She has been here, living her life, making friends. Dating, probably. Except that she hated boys. Maybe she didn't hate boys anymore. Maybe she had met a boy she could like…

It was none of my business. We missed any sort of chance to start anything. We never started. Now, it would be impossible to start. In the end, it's probably better that way. Starting something would just mean waiting for it to end. Better not to start at all.

I wonder what she's like now. I wonder if she remembers me. I scoffed at myself. Even if she remembered me, I am not the same as I was. I am not the Tanaka she would remember. She used to live nearby- she probably still does. Maybe I'll see her one day, walking home or to the store- maybe I can find out what she really was thinking, that day in the rain.

Not that it matters- what happened in seventh grade was ages ago, more of a dream than reality. And I really do not think I will ever see her again. I probably wouldn't even recognize her now, and she wouldn't know me, either. Wondering about her is pointless- there is no reason for it.

But I am just a little, tiny bit curious.