Pain Visits Hot Topic

by pennylessz

Pain finally arrives at his coveted Hot Topic, but in doing so, he destroys the lives of himself and everyone else. Being obsessed with the trendy, gothic store, he rapidly spirals down a path of edgyness, from which there's no return. Will the cycle of Hot Topic break, and who will die in the meantime? This is an exaggerated parody of the Naruto universe.

3. The Book

"How could there possibly be another one?" said Pain.

Pain stood brooding in front of another Hot Topic, this one had just finished setting up across from the burnt down one.

"Like, this is so lame." He shrugged. "Guess I'll, go in anyway."

"Welcome to Hot Toepic," said the clerk at the counter.

"Christ, it's Hot Topic, get it right!" shouted Pain.

He walked around for awhile, looking at shirts and cringing at Funko Pop figures.

Suddenly, his eyes shifted to his right. "Other people shop here?"

Sasuke was standing there, admiring a shirt with a snake on it.

Pain approached him. "What are you, Orochimaru's little bitch?"

Sasuke hovered his hand over his face. "Leave me alone."

"No way, snake boy. Only a conformist would hang out with Orochimaru.

"I am Sasuke of the Uchiha, my clan was wiped out when I was just seven years old."

"Whatever, poser. I'm gonna like, totally ignore you now."

Sasuke stood there looking at his hand. "Why...is my hand mocking me!?"

Pain tried not to stare at Sasuke, but his will was too weak. His eyes gravitated to Sasuke's edgy cloak. "Where did you get that?" he said.

Sasuke answered, "Macy's." He then became engulfed in a cloud of angst.

"Jeez, you really are a poser."

Sasuke walked away to search for edgy books to read. While trying not to stare at his hand and make strange, "eurgh, " sounds, he stumbled across a book by Edgar Allen Poe. "Finally, this is just what I've always wanted."

Pain's Poe radar went off in his head, he turned around and saw Sasuke grasping the book.

"There are more of those, right?" he said.

"I don't think so," said Sasuke."

"Super lame." Pain crossed his arms and watched Sasuke flip through the book.

After awhile of watching Sasuke make a mockery of his beloved Edgar Allen Poe, Pain reached his breaking point. He whispered to himself, "I'll show you, poser." Then he summoned a rain storm inside the Hot Topic, soaking Sasuke's book.

"EUUGGHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Sasuke. "My life's ambition."

"Sch, shows you," said Pain.

Sasuke threw a temper tantrum and started throwing kunai at everything in the store.

The clerk shouted, "all the Funko Pop figures are ruined, what else are we going to stock the store with?"

"Mission accomplished," said Pain, as he walked out of the store, he let the rain storm continue until both Hot Topic and a nearby Macy's were completely destroyed.