A/N. Hey, guys. Ugh. Sorry for the wait. Life threw me a few curveballs. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer - I still don't own the Avengers.

Chapter Eight

They were nearly blinded by the sun when they exited the mall and Tania slid her sunglasses back down. Her eyes hurt. She felt like there was a circle burning around each one. That might also be the lack of sleep because Fury's murder kept them all up until morning. If she was being honest, that event was still keeping them up.

"We need a quick getaway," Natasha stated, looking around.

Steve nodded curtly as if he was given an order. "I'm on it." He dashed into the parking lot. Tania and Natasha shared a look before following him. Were they going to catch a cab? Tania didn't have any money left and neither did Steve.

They found Steve in the driver's seat of a rusty, beat-up, blue pick-up truck with the door still open. "Get in," he told them, slamming the door.

Tania looked at Natasha, who raised an eyebrow. Tania shrugged. "Shotgun," she shouted and jogged over to the other side before yanking open the door and pulling herself inside. Once the two doors swung shut, Steve, who had been fiddling with something under the steering wheel since the women arrived, grunted. The engine flared to life, shaking the entire vehicle and making the seats vibrate.

Steve sat back and slid his seatbelt on.

Tania copied him. "So… where to?"

"New Jersey," Steve replied and shifted into reverse so that they could pull out of the parking spot. He twisted his torso and rested his right hand on the shoulder of Tania's seat so that he could look behind them.

"New Jersey isn't exactly small," she pointed out.

"Don't worry. I know where we're going."

"And why are we going there, exactly?"

"We need to know why Fury needed this drive so much," Natasha answered, leaning forward from the back seat to rest her chin on the back of Tania's chair, right where Steve's hand was. "On this drive was a location."

"And at the location…?"

Natasha shrugged. "We'll find out what's really going on. Once we have all the facts, or as many as we can, then we can do something about all this. Maybe we can even track down the Winter Soldier and put him down for all his kills."

"Or send him to jail," Tania suggested wryly as an alternative she knew would be unpopular with the assassin.

Nat shrugged again. "As long I can get as many hits in as I can for what he did to Fury." She sat back and crossed her arms, staring resolutely out the window. Hmm. Maybe she wasn't as big a fan of that method as Tania had assumed.

She really should stop assuming things.

Steve faced forward and merged into traffic, the truck bouncing and clanking along the way. Tania wondered how long this thing would last. She checked the gas gauge. Half empty. Good enough for now.

They were silent as Washington passed them by. Tania contemplated turning on the radio, but she wasn't really in the mood for listening to music. Now that her adrenaline wasn't pumping and she didn't really have anything else to focus on, her body was starting to hurt. Well, she was starting to notice more, anyway. Her elbow and knee were both smarting and she rubbed them absentmindedly. There were definitely going to be bruises there later.

The back of her head stung from being smashed into the wall, but it hadn't bled, which was good. It did feel a little concave, but she was probably just being paranoid. It had probably always been like that. It wasn't like she felt the back of her head every day.

Twisting her wrists made them ache, but she didn't think she'd broken them – again. Her ankles were the same. Her stomach felt like there was still a knee shoved in there. With time it should go back to normal.

"Any injuries to speak of?" She asked, looking around at Steve.

He didn't look at her, but she didn't blame him. He was very serious about the safety of driving. She knew this from the few times he'd actually driven a car since getting his license earlier that year. April, if she wasn't mistaken. "No," he replied, checking his mirrors. "I'm fine."

"You said that word again."

He ducked his head sharply as if to say, "Damn it!" She'd recently started calling him on his frequent use of the word "fine" and his tendency to not actually be fine by someone else's definition (mainly hers).

"What happened between Pierce's office and the lobby? I got attacked on the stairs. You were in the elevator, right?"

Steve's grip on the wheel tightened. "Yeah. Pierce sent Rumlow, Grillo, and a bunch of other agents to knock me down."

"But they didn't."

"No."

"Okay, so what was with the whole 'crashing through the ceiling'?"

"… I may have… jumped from the elevator by floor sixteen."

"Steve!" She cried exasperatedly. "Why would you do that?"

"There were more agents coming. Too many. Especially if Pierce is able to command all of S.H.I.E.L.D. I needed to find the fastest way out. That was the fastest way. I survived. I'm fi-"

"Ah-ah!"

"I'm okay!" He insisted. "The shield blocked most of the glass, so I'm not cut."

"And the fall? The landing?"

"It hurt, but it didn't break any skin. I'm surprised, but it didn't. I checked. I'll bruise for a bit and then it'll be gone."

"Alright, then." She couldn't believe she was just going to let that go. "What about the fight? Did they hurt you?"

"They got a few hits in, but that happens in every fight."

"Not with you, Steve."

"You overestimate my fighting skills."

"She isn't," Natasha piped up. "You've been learning as many kinds of martial arts as there are that exist ever since you woke up. You've been training in Capoeira, Karate, Kung Fu, Jiu-Jitsu, even Tai Chi. Not to mention Bokator, Aikido, Judo, Ninjutsu, Taekwondo-"

"I get it," Steve cut her off. "I train a lot. The first person that ever taught me to fight was Bucky. Then it was the military generals. But neither of those styles suited me at the time. That was where Peggy came in. She taught me how to fight as the smaller opponent. She taught me how to fight like a woman." He almost smiled. "Then I got big and sort of mashed them all together, but it wasn't proper martial arts. It was just instinct and strength and I knew I couldn't rely on that forever."

"You're good, Steve," Tania whispered. "Really good. You're one of two people I have ever known to have beaten Natasha while sparring." Clint being the other, but apparently that had only happened once.

"I love that that's how you decide he's a good fighter," said Nat, the grin on her face evident simply from her tone of voice.

"So the fact that they hit you…"

"I was outnumbered," Steve countered stiffly.

"Did they have electric rods?"

His eyes slid over to her for a second. "Yes. Did yours?"

"Yes."

"Did they-?"

"No. I managed to avoid it."

Steve didn't make to answer.

"Steve."

"Rumlow may have… zapped me… a few times."

She sighed. "Steve…"

"I'm fine," he ground out. "I'll be healed by the end of tomorrow."

"I don't have a problem with that," Tania said quietly. "What I have a problem with is that I had to force you to tell me – with Natasha's help. When did we stop talking to each other about these kinds of things? About secret visits to the Smithsonian?"

Steve's grip on the steering wheel was so tight that the leather creaked. His knuckles were white. Natasha was right. Steve was a terrible liar. "I don't-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Steve!" Tania exclaimed. This wasn't what she called making up, but maybe once they talked things out, they could get there. "You've been keeping secrets from me even before Fury's death. I want to know why. It's like just when I've finally climbed out of my depression, you started pulling away from me."

"Can we not have this conversation now?"

"If we keep putting this off, we'll never have it."

"Can we at least have it in private?"

"We need to stop keeping secrets from Natasha too."

"This isn't a secret. It's private matters."

Tania threw up her hands. "Our lives have just been turned upside down. Possibly. When are we going to get another free moment?"

"When it's all over."

"And how long will that take?"

Steve didn't answer.

" What if our fight just never ends because you're too chicken to face it."

"I'm not scared of our arguments," he declared angrily.

"Do I get a say in this?" Natasha interrupted, leaning forward so that she was between them. "Because I'm with Steve. I don't really want to be here for this conversation."

Tania huffed. "Fine! Let's spend three hours in stony and electric silence because Steve refuses to tell me anything!"

Steve opened his mouth.

"If you're not going to tell me what you've been hiding, then don't talk to me."

Steve's mouth remained open for a bit, but then he closed it and kept driving.

Several minutes passed in complete silence. Tania's phone vibrated. There was a text from Drew.

Dad set me up w a SHIELD safe house. Rocky & I R safe. Thx 4 taking care of me as much as U could. I really appreciate it. C U when I C U.

That was good to know. It was a little bit of weight off of Tania's shoulders knowing that Rocky and Drew were safe. "Our dog is fine, by the way," she informed her fellow passengers coldly. "But I guess if he disappeared for long periods of time and didn't tell you where he was, you would totally understand and not ask questions."

Steve sighed. "Tania, keeping secrets was not my intention." He seemed to be calmer now, at least. "I don't enjoy keeping secrets from you."

"Is it your secret to tell?"

"… yes."

"Why haven't you told me?" She asked quietly, turning her head to look at him for the first time in maybe half an hour. "Have I done something to lose your trust?"

"No. No, of course not. I trust you, Tania. I do. I just…"

"Just… what?"

"I just didn't want you to know."

Tania sighed and pressed her head against the window. "Let me know when you're ready to tell me something useful."

The silence returned.

"Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?" Natasha blurted some time later. They had just passed the sign welcoming them to New Jersey. It appeared that she was getting overwhelmed by boredom too.

"Nazi Germany," Steve answered. "And we're borrowing. Don't mess anything up back there."

"Why didn't you trust me?"

Steve sighed once more. There seemed to be no end to the amount of sighs he could produce in one day. "Fury told us not to trust anyone."

"Those were his last words," Tania added, still staring out the window. It was getting dark outside and clouds were rolling in.

"And you thought that included the Avengers? People you've lived with for a year and a half? People you've trusted over and over before? How did Fury manage to plant a seed of doubt when nothing else could?"

There was a pause in which neither of them knew what to say. "It was the secrets," Tania admitted finally, her breath fogging the glass. "Steve's secrecy. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s. Mine. Everyone was lying to each other. I didn't think there was an exception to that rule. It was paranoia. I'm sorry, Natasha. I trust you with my life and more.

A beat. "So what was Fury doing in your apartment last night?"

"He told us that S.H.I.E.L.D. was compromised."

"By who?"

"We don't know. The apartment was bugged, so Fury was showing us messages on his phone. He was shot before he could tell us much else. He gave us the drive and told us not to trust anyone. I didn't want anyone else to die because I made the mistake he'd warned me against."

"… You are forgiven."

"Thank you." Tania glared pointedly at Steve before turning back to the window.

"You just came out of a dark place," Steve blurted. "I didn't want to bring you back." What?

She looked at him curiously.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Natasha threw out, leaning forward again. "You're low on gas too. Stop at the next station, would you?"

Steve eyed her suspiciously, but nodded. Whatever he'd been about to say was put on hold. Thanks, Natasha, Tania thought sarcastically.

They pulled into a strip mall not too much later and Natasha hopped out of the truck, slamming the door behind her. Steve made to get out, but Natasha said that she could take care of filling up the tank. He persisted, but she stood like a statue in his way and refused to let him out. Seeing that he wasn't going to win, he sat back down.

Steve and Tania were alone. They were in private. Now Tania got it. Thank you, Natasha. She turned to Steve. "You don't have to go?" To the bathroom, she meant.

He shook his head. "You?"

"No. And if I did, it could wait. We need to talk this out now."

Steve hesitated, but then nodded. "I agree." Good.

"Why would your bring me back down to where I was? How would you do that?"

"I… I think I… I miss it."

"What?" Outside, there was some clunking noises as Natasha refilled the tank.

"I thought I'd moved on," Steve said quietly. "I thought I could deal with it. I thought you were enough. But I still miss it. I haven't thought about it since I chose to stay with you. Maybe that's why it came back so suddenly. Like I've been avoiding thinking about it for so long that when it came back, it hit me hard enough to knock me off my feet."

"Steve… what are you talking about?"

"Do you know what's at the Smithsonian?" He asked suddenly.

"Uh, no. Never been. You said you'd take me one day."

He nodded. "Right. Uh, well, there's a… Captain America exhibit."

Her eyebrows raised. "Okay…?"

"I've been… visiting it… periodically. A lot."

"Okay…? Why?"

"There's a lot of artefacts. My old bike's there. My old uniform. The one I actually wore. There are photos. Of me. Of Bucky. Of Peggy. Howard. Dugan. Photos that I didn't even know existed. There are videos of people that I knew. Reels of Bucky and me laughing at something Dum Dum said. Inventions of Howard's that helped us during the war. There's a narrator who tells me my life's story. I went there once out of curiosity and then… I couldn't stop.

"There were things I'd never known written on panels and there were pictures I'd never seen. Peggy had done an interview where she talked about me and how I was still changing her life even after I'd… died. And I just thought… I thought about the life I might've had if I'd never gone down. I'd have never met you. And I'd be happy because Peggy would've been enough.

"That exhibit takes me back. It's almost like that time machine was never destroyed. It's like I can live in the past, where I'm supposed to be. No matter how used to things I get, no matter how much I like living here, I will never belong. After Peggy died… I lost everyone I knew who could take me back there.

"When I found this… it was like I could pretend. I can hear and see Bucky and he's happy. I can watch videos of the Commandos after I went down. See what happened to them. I can touch things that I used to use. My old shield. My show uniform. My old helmet. The first gun that Howard equipped me with. I can feel it. It's there. It's real. It wasn't all a dream."

"Steve…"

"I didn't tell you because I feel ashamed. I shouldn't miss it so much. I chose to live here with you and the Avengers and I refuse to regret it. I can't go back. I should have accepted that, but then I could and then I couldn't and I just-" He broke off, his lips pursed tightly. "I didn't want you to think that you weren't enough."

Tania softened considerably. She unbuckled her seatbelt and shifted so that she faced him as much as she could. She raised one hand to his cheek and gently brushed her thumb against the skin there. "Steve… what you went through… it's traumatizing at best and universe-shattering at worst. It's okay to miss it. It's okay to regret your decisions. I don't blame you at all."

"I don't regret it," he said firmly. "I love you. I love you so much. You should be enough."

"And am I?"

He looked down.

"It's okay if I'm not," she whispered. It really wasn't, but she wouldn't blame him. It was incredibly idealistic to believe that their relationship would last forever.

"I don't know," he breathed, refusing to meet her eye. "I just know that I can't lose you."

She slid her hand to the back of his neck and slowly brought his head forward so that their foreheads met above the gear shift. "You won't lose me," she promised solemnly. It didn't matter if it was cliché as long as it was true. "Not like this. You can miss your past all you want. I understand."

He closed his eyes, one hand coming up to grasp her wrist. "I'm sorry, Tania. I never wanted to isolate you. I just didn't want you to worry about our relationship."

"I'm not worried about that," she said truthfully. "I'm worried about you. But that's nothing unusual."

He chuckled quietly. "Maybe you could get me in contact with your therapist?"

"I'm not sure it's a good idea to see the same therapist."

"Hmm. Maybe you're right."

"I'm still mad at you for keeping this a secret from me."

"I know."

"But I love you too." She pressed a quick kiss on his nose. "And we'll get through this together."

Steve's eyes trailed down to her lips and then they were kissing again, locked in a passionate embrace. They would get through this and they would make it work. That's what they always did. No matter what life threw at them, they came out on top.

The back door of the truck opened and Steve and Tania pulled apart. They could have make up sex later. It was a promise.

Natasha got in the back and closed the door, plastic bags rustling on her arms as she crawled over to the middle of the seat and grinned at the two of them, still chewing her gum. "All sorted out?"

"Pretty much," Tania answered. She pointed at the many bags dangling from Natasha's arms. "Do some shopping?" How long had they been making out?

"I figured you guys would need longer than it takes for me to go to the bathroom to get things settled, so I bought us all a late lunch slash early dinner from the sandwich shop next door." She removed all of the bags from one arm handed them to Steve. "I got you, like, seven sandwiches. I hope that's enough."

"That should be great. Thanks, Nat," Steve told her honestly. He piled all of the bags onto Tania's lap because he couldn't have them in his own while driving. He started on the first sandwich.

Natasha passed Tania two bags of her own and then settled in the back as casually as if she sat there every day. "According to my phone, we're about an hour out. Let's try and get there and get out in time for us to get some sleep."

"Where exactly are we going to sleep?" Tania asked as Steve started the engine.

Natasha shrugged. "Depends. A hotel, probably. But if things get really bad, then we'll probably sleep in this truck."

"Great," Tania drawled and took a bite of her sandwich.