He was staring at me.
CRIMINY, why was he STARING at me?!
"What?" I spit out at him with narrowed eyes and an incredibly fast beating heart. If I wasn't careful, it would beat right out of my chest and fall onto the floor in front of me.
"You… you mean that?" Arnold asked me after a beat; his eyebrow raising slightly as he inspected my blank expression.
Take it back. For the love of God, TAKE IT BACK! My thoughts screamed as I stood frozen in front of him in the empty hallway of Hillwood High. I glanced down at the floor, the tops of my converse staring up at me in silent inanimate judgement.
There's still time to FIX THIS, ya DOPE!
But did I want to? Was it even WORTH it at this point? It isn't like I can pull off anOTHER heat of the moment schpeel; especially at our age.
Nine year olds will believe anything but sixteen year olds? No matter HOW dense Arnold is, even he would be able to see through it this go around and I wasn't in the mood of lying anymore.
I wasn't in the mood to try so hard to keep my secret… if he didn't know yet, maybe NOW was the time to let him believe it. Maybe NOW is the time to just drop the whole bully thing and be… whatever it is I actually am.
I glanced up under my eyelashes to Arnold who was still staring at me with wide eyes; the green of his irises piercing my soul.
"Look, footballhead," I started, the edge in my voice softening, "I uh…I'm gonna be honest with you here." I shoved my hands in my pockets as far as they could go and rocked on my heels once.
"You are?" He asked in surprise and I couldn't help but scowl in his direction.
"YES, I am, DOI, were you not LISTENING?" I snapped; the voice inside my head begging me to calm down.
"Of course I was listening, I'm just a little surprised that you-"
"I meant it," I said loudly to cut him off. "I… I have a lot of… er- feelings for you. Like… a lot." Blush reddened my cheeks and I could feel sweat beginning to flood the palms of my hands.
But I'd SAID it.
What's done is done and this time- there was NO taking it back.
Not realizing I had shut my eyes for fear of seeing his true reaction, I slowly opened them and peeked to where he was standing with a small smile lighting up his face.
"You… really mean that. You aren't lying." It was a statement. He wasn't asking me anymore or wondering or even considering- he KNEW.
I smirked and shakily reached up to cross my arms over my chest. "Nope. Believe it or not, for the first time in your giant headed life, I'm not fibbing."
And I wasn't.
Not anymore.