A/N: Alright, folks! We've reached the final stages of this turbulent flight. Everyone's still alive but struggling. Will they land safely? Fasten your seatbelts, sit back and find out!
BUUUUT, hold on! First… THANK YOU, so much, for your absolutely amazing reviews, love and support! They mean more to me than you know. (HUGS)
Awkay, now… Let's get to business! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy this bit of the flight.
Epilogue, part 1 of 3 – Start Again
Seeing New York again… Seeing the Tower again… It was something Clint had forced himself to stop hoping for. He accepted his fate silently when Ross took him away and tossed him right into the destructive path of his so-called mother.
Yet here he was. With a chance to start again. The realization was overwhelming.
Laura's hand in his, keeping him and his powers grounded under a loving purple hue, helped. As did Natasha's voice. "Ready to go in?" she inquired.
Clint chuckled breathlessly. "No. But let's go, anyway."
Steve… wasn't sure if he should go inside at all. The previous time he was in this building they were still a team, fighting together on the same side. Did he really deserve the chance to try and get some of that back, after what he'd done?
Then Clint peered over his shoulder. Obviously wondering where he was. Neither smiled or said a word, and the rift was almost palpable in the air between them. But there was genuine warmth and invitation in Clint's eyes. ('Let's give this our best shot.') It was enough hope to make the Captain move, limp towards a new battle.
Tony also hesitated as he stared at the others going in. This building was his creation. These were his teammates, his friends. So why did he feel like he didn't belong here anymore? Almost as soon as that thought was finished memories of his attack striking Steve came and he felt sick.
Tony had spent an embarrassing amount of time in his life running away from his problems. And, much to his shame, he was considering pulling a runner again. Until a friendly face appeared from the building. Pepper looked at him with a sad smile and held out a hand. How was he supposed to decline that offer?
The twins were the last ones to make up their minds. This was a building of a man they blamed on the deaths of their parents. A man they'd spent such a long time hating. But maybe this was also a chance to start again. To try living a life they'd chosen for themselves.
Eventually Pietro shrugged. "Why not?" The boy began to march forward. "This will be fun."
Cooper hadn't had even nearly enough sleep but he was wide awake the second Bruce's gentle touch on his shoulder roused him. "Coop?" The scientist gave him a warm smile. "Your parents and Lila just got here. What do you say if we'd go see them?"
Cooper didn't need any further coaxing. Faster than his head was fully ready for it he scrambled out of the bed and followed Bruce. It was ridiculous how hard his heart was beating. Why was he nervous?
It seemed to take ages. But eventually doors opened and people were walking in. The first person Cooper saw was Steve Rogers. His eyes widened while blood turned first to ice, then to lava in his veins. A flashback of seeing that man shooting – killing – his dad took his breath away while flames began to rise. No, no, no, no…! "What… What is he doing here?" he managed and staggered several steps backwards.
Steve shuddered and somehow succeeded in falling even paler.
"Coop… Cooper!" His dad's voice made him freeze. His wide eyes followed as the man limped forward, a small smile on his exhausted, pale face. "Coop, it's okay. We're safe, buddy, remember? It's okay. Steve isn't going to hurt me, or anyone else. We're okay."
Cooper was usually a reserved child. There were far too many people he barely knew watching. But the sight of his dad… It chased away all hesitation. Without any warning he charged forward and dove into the man's familiar, safe arms, tears running down his cheeks. His dad shuddered before tightening his hold. It felt so good that Cooper was no longer aware of the flames that engulfed his whole frame the moment he saw Steve.
Cooper barely heard his dad's firm order. "Okay, everyone not-fireproof? Take… a lot of steps back. Right now."
Cooper clung to his dad tighter, face buried to the man's shoulder. There was so much he wanted to say. (I thought you were gone! Where were you? Please don't go anymore! Help me!) But he couldn't get a single word out of his mouth.
Nor did he have to. "Shh…", his dad soothed. "It's okay. I'm right here. And… I'm sorry that it took me so long to come back." He was too overwhelmed to hear the tears the man was barely able to hold back. "But… I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. None of us is going anywhere."
It took a long time. But eventually Cooper's flames died down. Shortly after tears stopped flowing. Maybe he ran out of them. Eventually he fell asleep in his dad's arms, his hold on the man never loosening.
Steve watched with the weight of the world on his shoulders how Clint reluctantly allowed Bruce to pick up Cooper, the archer knowing that he was in no condition to carry even a child. The look in Cooper's eyes just now… That someone, let alone a child, was so terrified of him… Steve didn't know how to handle it.
"Hey." Surprisingly the soft voice belonged to Laura. She tightened her hold on a sleeping Lila. "Coop… He's always been… careful with people. And he's very protective, just like his dad. But… We'll do our best to explain everything to him, okay?"
Steve nodded slowly. He could see that it wasn't just the Barton men who were protective. The idea of trusting him with her husband… It clearly wasn't an easy thought. But she wanted to try. Because just like Clint, she saw something that made him seem worth the struggle. Steve hoped dearly that he'd see it too, one day.
But for now… For now the tension and mistrust of others was too much. Steve cleared his throat and shifted with discomfort. "I… think I need to lay down, for a bit." He looked hesitantly towards Tony. "I can use that old room of mine, right?"
Tony looked at him incredulously. "Of course. You think you need to ask?" The sharper undertones hiding in the billionaire's eyes revealed that things weren't quite as simple as that.
Steve wanted to scoff. But he wasn't in the mood for starting a fight. So instead he nodded and walked away. And although he was supposed to be home, he felt as lost as he did when waking up after decades in ice.
Clint shivered involuntarily when he entered the fireproof room where he'd already spent far too much time. Staring at the bed, which now occupied his son, he wanted to smile and grimace at the same time. "Home sweet home."
"Yeah", Bruce murmured while laying Cooper down gently. The child emitted a sleepy protest but didn't wake up. Their eyes met and Bruce winced after realizing that he'd been staring a bit too long. "Sorry. It's just… It's surreal to see you there, after…" The man trailed off.
Clint's insides knotted. The flood of flashbacks made his knees feel weak and he had to use all his willpower to not lose control. "So… You saw me getting shot, too, huh?"
Bruce nodded. A loaded silence lingered for a while. "If… you wanna talk about it…"
Clint shook his head immediately. Talking about it was the last thing he wanted to do. At least before he'd had the time to process things in his head. Trying to talk now might've made him fall apart and he couldn't afford that. Not when he needed to try and keep it together for his family and friends.
"Got it." Bruce scratched his own hair. "I'll let you two get some rest, now. I'll see you in the morning." The scientist moved to leave but changed his mind on the last moment and pulled Clint to a hug. It was brief and awkward, but the archer had to admit that it was good to feel a friendly touch after… everything.
"What was that for?"
Bruce shrugged. "Just… I'm glad you're alive." The scientist winced. "Don't tell Tony about this."
Cooper wasn't quite safe for anyone else but Clint to be around, so the rest of the Bartons spent the night in Clint's old room. The oldest Barton kid slept soundly in his dad's arms. The archer, on the other hand… He was awake the whole night despite knowing full well that it did him no good. He held his son through countless of nightmares, most of which caused flames. Listened to the desperate, panicked whimpers that tore at his heart. Because this was all his fault.
Because of him Cooper had inherited these powers the boy couldn't handle. Because of him Cooper saw footage that most likely traumatized the child for life. What kind of a dad and husband was he, putting his family through such hell?
(It was a long, painful and sleepless night. But it was good for something. When morning dawned Clint knew what he'd need to do.)
Elsewhere in the same building two men were plagued by horrible nightmares. Both woke up panting desperately, feeling like they couldn't breathe. Shaking from nearly unbearable emotional overload.
Coincidentally, both men also chose the same spot where to retreat. They froze the second their eyes met. Neither sure what the next move should be.
Tony, who'd only just entered the room, took a step backwards when Steve tensed up to what had to be a painful extend on the couch. "I'll just, ah… give you a moment." Because it didn't quite feel like they fit into the same room anymore.
Steve inhaled sharply. "Stark, stop that. We…" The soldier took another breath, a deeper one this time. "We both… messed up. Badly. But we're also both still here. And I'm not having you tiptoeing in a building you built for your team."
The subtle notion that Steve no longer saw himself as a part of the team didn't go unnoticed. But Tony wasn't going to press it while they were feeling so raw and vulnerable. "And I'm not letting you go anywhere else when you're still recovering." Inside and out. The Iron Man shrugged. "So… Stalemate?"
"Stalemate", Steve agreed with a heavy, exhausted sighed. Then nodded towards the TV-set. "I just started a movie. Do you… want to join me?"
Tony flopped down, mindful to leave as much distance as possible between them. He groaned at what he saw on the screen. "Not 'City Lights' again…!"
"What do you have against Charlie Chaplin?"
"He creeps me out." He gestured towards the TV. "See that look on his face? I'm telling you, he knew something the rest of us didn't."
Was that a smile? "You know what? I think you finally came up with something we can agree on."
Tony felt tempted to smile, too. Instead he feigned a grimace. "It's two in freaking morning. Don't get smart with me, Cap."
"Language."
They sat on the opposite ends of the couch and neither wanted to get any closer. For now they were testing the waters and going through the motions. They both remembered the bond of friendship and trust they once shared but neither had any idea how to get even a shred of it back. They were also both too stubborn for their own good, though. They were going to try. Because they weren't going to let Edith and Ross win after everything they'd gone through.
Pepper woke up to an empty bed and panicked for a moment. Fortunately AI was quick to direct her to the correct location. She was just about to enter the common space when she stopped abruptly. A small smile appeared to her lips.
The movie was still rolling, at its final stages. The two men who were supposed to be watching it were fast asleep. Tony snoring slightly, Steve's nose wrinkled at whatever the soldier was dreaming about.
"Cute, aren't they?" a voice whispered all of a sudden.
Pepper jumped with startle. Turning her head, she saw Natasha sitting in the shadows with a mug of tea in her hold. The redhead's gaze was on the sleeping men. "Hey", the blonde greeted once she'd recovered. "What are you doing there in the dark?"
"Making sure that they won't change their minds and try to kill each other. And…" Natasha shrugged, taking a sip of tea. Whatever it was, it had a strong, sharp scent. "It's nice to see them like that. After everything."
Pepper agreed from the bottom of her heart.
Five forty-five that same morning taught the struggling team two bitter lessons. Most things that happen before six in the morning are bad things. And all positive development made can be almost undone in a blink of an eye.
Steve was in the middle of a very unpleasant dream when he jolted to full wakefulness on the couch. He gasped, his eyes darting around. He'd barely managed to catch his breath before he noticed a new shadow in the dark. Or make it two shadows. He frowned at the sight of Natasha murmuring something to Clint, who was leaning against the wall, breathing loud, shuddering breaths.
"Clint?" Steve had been the type that wanted to help people and save everyone since he was a child. So of course he reacted and began to walk closer. How was he supposed to know that the archer was in the middle of the worst panic attack he'd ever had? "What's wrong?"
"Steve, stand back", Natasha cautioned. Sharply but with no hostility. "He… needs some space." From you, was too easy to hear.
"… 'am fine", Clint grumbled. Fighting to pull himself together so hard that it hurt to watch. After a few endless moments the archer ran a frustrated, unsteady hand through his hair and groaned. "This is stupid…!"
Natasha scoffed. "Oh, shut up." Hearing him talk seemed to be the sign she'd been waiting for, because she relaxed visibly. "I'm getting you a glass of water. Sit down, you look ready to drop."
Helping people was in Steve's DNA, the old and new. So, without thinking, he reached out a hand and lay it on Clint's shoulder. It was something he did quite often, before. "C'mon", he urged softly. "Let's…" That was as far as he got.
The combination of his touch and voice obviously triggered something. Clint shuddered under his touch like the man had been shot, growing rigid from animalistic terror. Because right there everything the Hawk could see was Steve aiming a shot at him.
Steve understood what was happening a second too late to keep hell from breaking loose. Just then Tony woke up on the couch and reacted instantly to what he saw. "Steve, what the hell are you doing? Let go of him!"
Someone shouting was the last thing Clint's fried nerves needed at the moment. The archer pushed Steve away, with enough force to send the Captain harshly at a wall. Steve recovered from the blows – Tony's verbal and Clint's physical – just in time to see the Hawk staring at him with open horror. "Shit…! Sorry… Sorry…!" The Hawk seemed dangerously close to slipping into another bout of a panic attack.
By then Tony was up, fists balled subconsciously for a fight.
Natasha was about to cut the whole fiasco. Until out of the blue Wanda's whip-sharp voice spoke. "Enough, all of you!" Pepper followed on the teenager's tails, both of them tense and grim. "Stark, no one's hurting anyone! Steve, back down! Clint, listen to me. Focus on me."
Wanda's hands were glowing red when they approached Clint and it was impossible to tell if the archer or Tony stiffened further. But whatever the girl showed the Hawk seemed to work. Slowly yet steadily Clint calmed down, and eventually followed the younger redhead out of the room for a much-needed breather.
Tony left as well, one arm wrapped tightly around Pepper. But before going the Iron Man cats an embarrassed look towards Steve. "Sorry… about that."
Steve simply shrugged, still a little to high-strung to offer words. He almost forgot about Natasha until her uncharacteristically soft voice carried to his ears. "Clint didn't mean to react that way, you know? He'll tell you the same when he's calmed down. He just needs some time to remember that he can trust you."
Steve said nothing. Because, while Clint might be able to learn to trust, eventually… He wasn't so sure he could. Because he was the reason that fear he triggered lived in his friend. He rammed it there with a bullet. And he'd have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.
Clint was still fighting to overcome the panic-attacks and the flashbacks which triggered them when Laura approached him. "I… wanted to wait until the time was right. But… It looks like you need this more than ever now."
Curious and confused, Clint turned his head. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed the baby his wife was holding. Stupid, really, but in the middle of the whole turmoil he hadn't been able to focus enough to realize that Laura wasn't pregnant anymore. She'd given birth, probably alone, while he was… away. It wasn't just Lila and Cooper needing him anymore. He had a baby, too.
Slowly, giving him time to adjust, Laura sat beside him. "Nate… This is your daddy. Do you wanna wake up to say 'Hi'?"
The baby's nose and whole face crinkled. Then, impossibly slowly, a pair of eyes cracked open to peer up at him. For the longest time the father and son stared at each other, both equally mystified. Before the baby emitted a loud, chirping sound and started flailing his arms demandingly.
"I think he wants you to hold him", Laura pointed out.
Clint swallowed, suddenly terrified. "What if I lose control?" He still felt on the edge, and even the thought of harming one of his kids…
"Then I'll shield you both. But you won't, trust me." With every little bit of her love Laura placed the baby to his arms. As soon as he was there Nate calmed down, to a point where the child fell asleep after a glorious yawn. "See? Safe and comfy."
Clint could only stare. Soon tears of joy and pain began to gather into his eyes while relief, love and ache clashed inside him. And there a man who'd almost died an insane amount of times recently wondered if this was how coming back to life felt.
Breakfast was a tense and unpleasant affair a couple of hours later. And no one had much of an appetite. The earlier morning's… hassle was still too fresh in memory, along with the mountain of other unresolved issues. It was, perhaps, more apparent than ever before that they no longer felt comfortable under the same roof.
Seeing and feeling it pained Clint, physically. Because the team was his family as much as his wife and children. Which was why he eventually pushed away the cereal he didn't want and took a deep breath. "So… Here's the thing. The way things are right now? It isn't working."
Tony's mouth opened once, twice, but no one could actually object.
Clint went on. Because this was something that needed to be said. "If we try to sort this out by ourselves we'll make the whole mess even deeper. We've… been through way too much crap."
Natasha's eyebrows furrowed. "Where are you going with this?"
Clint made sure that a small distance away Cooper and Lila were too busy with their books to hear. "I don't like this idea any more than you guys do. But… " His gaze flickered to Tony and Steve, who both wore guarded expressions on their faces. "This team was once given a shrink for a reason, remember? Maybe we should try to talk to her, before things get worse."
Tony shook his head immediately. "So, ah… No."
Clint narrowed his eyes. "For the sake of the team, Tony", he pointed out. "And yourself." Because he knew that he wasn't the only one unable to sleep. He softened his tone when he saw his friend's resistance cracking. "Together as a team, or not at all."
"Fine", Tony huffed. The man sounded as exhausted as he looked while squeezing Pepper's hand as tightly as possible without hurting her. "Together."
"Together", Thor was the next to consent. "Although… I am not very good at the… talking."
The rest of them laughed. "You think any of us is?" Bruce continued with a shrug. "Together."
Natasha rolled her eyes. Clint knew very well that this wasn't a small step for her. "It's not like we could get worse from here…", she muttered. Then went on with a touch more volume. "Together."
Steve hesitated for a very long time. So tense that it was painful to watch. Eventually the soldier's jaw clenched before a barely visible nod. "Together."
Clint nodded as well, satisfied. Then focused on the twins who'd been observing the exchange with a mixture of curiosity and vague discomfort. "What about you two?"
Both stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "What? No!" Pietro shook his head fiercely. "We're not Avengers! We're not talking to some doctor."
Clint understood the reluctance far too well. The fear he saw in the twins' eyes was the same he currently felt, knowing that he'd have to let someone into his head so soon after his mother's invasion. He did his best to not let his own sheer terror show. "We've all seen Dr. Harris before. She's not like any of those doctors working for Hydra, I promise." He let the reassurance sink in before continuing. "After Hydra and leaving it… And with the… current circumstances, while trying to settle down here… I think you could use someone to talk to, too." So sue him if he felt and sounded protective. But they were just kids, and their lives had just been turned upside down. Again. He wanted them to have the kind of support they hadn't received since their parents died.
The twins still looked far from happy. But at least they weren't objecting out loud anymore. If one ignored the way Pietro mumbled darkly at his cereal, earning an annoyed and suffering brief glare from his sister.
Natasha was the next to speak up, her uncharacteristically soft gaze on the Sokovians. "We might all be dead without your help. That makes you at least honorary members of the Avengers. So what was that crap about you two not being parts of the team?"
"Language", Steve cautioned and sounded almost like himself.
The twins smiled with identical expressions of poorly restrained joy, and Clint noted with a degree of amusement the… admiring look Pietro aimed Natasha's way.
The road would be long and rocky. There'd be many more difficult nights and awkward mornings. But this was them taking the first real step towards recovery. And they were taking it together.
TBC
A/N: They're stumbling. BUT, at least they're moving forward. And lets give Clint a round of applauds for admitting that they need therapy! NO ONE could just brush off what they've been through. Let's hope that they're strong enough to keep fighting together!
SOOOO… Good? Bad? Luke-warm? How do you feel about this idea of a three-part epilogue? PLEASE, do let me know! I LOVE hearing from you.
Until next time! I REALLY hope that I'll see you all there.
Take care!
SomeRandomHuman: THANK GOSH, right? Those poor dears deserve a happy(ish) ending. I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy what's to come!
Gigantic thank yous for the review! Until next time.
MLAkittenz: They're at a good start. BUT, there's still so, so, so much recovering to do… (winces)
And the Maximoff(s) recovering at the Farm is a new addition to my 'Top 5 Favorite Mental Images' list. (grins) (then wipes eyes) (Damned it, Pietro…!)
Let's hope that they're strong enough to keep recovering together, despite the horrible nightmare they've been through!
Massive thank yous for the review! Until next time.