Barbara did not check Soulmates Online until Sunday night. There was a message from Andrew.
Hope everything is okay. I will be online at eight each evening if you want to chat.
Barbara checked her clock. It was five past eight. She hurriedly opened the chat page. Hi, sorry. Real life issues. How are you?
Relieved. I thought after the other night I had scared you away.
No. I thought you were scared away.
Why?
I dunno. It usually happens to me.
You sound upset, Louise.
Do I? No, not really. It was a lie. I am just my usual irritable self.
I am smiling.
Why?
I seem to be attracted to irritable women.
You have my sympathy.
Mr Unobtainable again? Do you want to tell me about it?
No, but thanks for asking.
The conversation continued for nearly two hours. In the end, Barbara felt better. She was slowly making a new friend. Tommy was not the only fish in the sea.
Barbara and Andrew chatted each night. They were online for at least an hour, often more. The conversation seemed easy and they talked about different aspects of life. Barbara told him about Tommy who had become Mr U. Barbara felt she owed Tommy his privacy, so she had turned him into her neighbour and never mentioned his title. It sounded so cliched to say she had fallen in love with her boss. In return, Andrew had shared things about his relationship with his woman, nicknamed S.
One night when they were chatting late, Andrew challenged her after she complained that Mr U expected her to always be around as if she was his servant.
And he never guessed you were in love with him?
I think he knew I loved him as a friend, just not that I was in love with him.
Am
What?
Am. You are still in love with him, Louise.
Barbara felt bad. I guess I always will be in a way, but She paused. I know it's time to move on. Is that bad?
No, not at all. My head says the same.
But you can't?
Not yet. S hurt me when she left. Other women have left me before, so I should be used to it, but this hurts so much more. I thought she knew me but she couldn't see past superficial things that don't matter.
Barbara smiled. She's a fool. You're a wonderful, caring person. It doesn't matter what you look like, or what you do, it's who you are that counts.
I know that, and you know that. I guess that's why we are such a close match. I wonder if S and Mr U did the profile whether they would be matched with us?
Probably not. Mr U is my complete opposite.
S and I were alike in so many ways, but I don't think she could ever see it.
Her loss.
Your gain?
That was personal. Yeah, my gain.
It was the Thursday nearly three weeks after her clash with Tommy when Andrew suggested that they meet.
I checked to see where the Prison Service is based. It's near St James's Park Station, isn't it? We could meet at the Adam and Eve on Saturday.
A wave of panic surged through her. That was near the Met too. She knew the pub. It was not their regular, but she and Tommy had been there several times when they did not want to be found. Did she want to meet Andrew?
Can I think about it?
There was a pause. Of course.
Don't be offended.
I'm not.
It's just that sometimes meeting people is not the right thing.
I am not sure I follow.
We get on online but what if we don't in person? Then we Barbara did not type the rest.
Have nothing?
Yeah.
It's a risk, but we won't know unless we try. Think about it. Six o'clock.
Barbara walked in circles around the platform at Embankment debating whether she would catch her connection to St James's Park. She was curious and knew that if she did not go, she may be throwing away her only chance at happiness. But she was scared. Her twisting of the truth could ruin everything. When she thought they would never meet, it seemed acceptable to distort a few things, but if she was to form a real relationship, it would be based on lies. Would he understand or forgive her? Had he lied to her?
Barbara turned back. She was not ready for a relationship. Andrew had been right, she was still in love with Tommy even though she had become a little infatuated with Andrew. This could be a disaster. Her heart said run to Tommy and throw herself at his feet. Her ego said Tommy could take a running jump, and her head said she had to meet Andrew. It was better to find out that live in hope. She circled back and boarded the train.
When she exited the station, a flash of maroon drew her attention. She lost it in the traffic but was sure it had been Tommy's car. He often drove home that way. She was not aware of a roster in Fraud. They were strictly 9-to-5ers, but it was typical of him to be working on a Saturday. She glanced at her watch. It was only five to five. She had an hour to kill.
She turned left and started to walk down the narrow road. Barbara wished she had worn a coat as a strong breeze funnelled along the urban valley created by the modern but bland buildings that rose about ten storeys. She had never really noticed the pub before. She and Tommy had always been too busy talking to pay it any attention. Now she stood on the corner and studied its old-style facade painted a deep forest green, almost black, and trimmed in gold. Black awnings extended over windows set back over shiny brass sills. Hanging baskets of red and white trailing flowers hanging from stagecoach lanterns brushed tall pedestrians passing underneath. She decided to walk on past the pub and look at the office she allegedly worked in. It was a bland concrete and red brick building, much smaller than she had imagined. She kept walking and did a circuit around past the swanky St James' Court Hotel. Three Rolls Rorces pulled up and disgorged wealthy patrons dripping in gold.
Andrew? Tommy? Andrew? Tommy? She had been asking herself that question for days. She still loved Tommy, but she had become very fond of Andrew. In fact, she was starting to fall a little in love with him. That was exciting and new, and extremely scary.
Tommy was sitting by the bar nursing his second beer. The tinkle of the bell indicated the door was opening. He glanced up then froze with the glass inches from his mouth as Barbara walked in. His heart seized as if squeezed by an invisible hand. He put the glass down and watched. On the other side of the bar, Barbara bought a beer then went to sit in a booth by the opposite wall. She was dressed differently. Instead of her familiar coat and trainers, she was in black, well-cut trousers with a black shirt. Around her neck, a green scarf was knotted loosely. It brought out her eyes. They shone like emeralds, even at the distance he was sitting. A soft wave of love and desire washed over him. He had spent weeks trying to forget her, but love cannot be ordered away.
He picked up his glass and walked over. "Hello, Barbara."
She jumped then glared at him. "What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?"
He sat down opposite her. "No. I saw you walk in. I thought we could be civil enough to say hello."
"Hello. Now goodbye."
He reached his hand out to take hers. "Barbara, please. This is not us."
She snatched her hand away. "There is no us. I'm meeting someone, so I would appreciate it if you would leave."
Tommy raised his eyebrows. He was hurt. It was irrational. He had no claim on her. She had made that very clear. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Sergeant Havers." He picked up his glass, drained it then went to the bar for another.
Barbara waited anxiously. Six o'clock came and went, but there was no sign of Andrew. The only single man in the pub was Tommy. To her growing annoyance, he was still sitting at the bar watching her. She was angry at him for being here, disappointed with Andrew, confused by her desire to run and hide in Tommy's arms, and furious at herself for caring for either of them.
She waited until seven. She took a final sip of her beer then stood and walked to the door. The door was stuck when she pulled it. She looked up to see Tommy holding it closed. "Don't go, Barbara. Let's talk."
"No." She tugged at the long brass handle on the door.
"Please. It looks like you've been stood up. Let's have dinner and talk."
"Yeah, thanks, Sherlock. Rub it in."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't intending to sound cruel."
"You were gloating."
Tommy shook his head. "No, but it gives me a chance to talk to you."
She sighed. "I'm not hungry."
"A drink then. Don't make me beg, Barbara."
She rolled her eyes. "One beer."
They moved to the bar. "Two pints please," Tommy said.
Barbara took her drink and wandered back to the small booth she had been sitting at before. "Thanks."
"My pleasure. I want us to be friends again."
"Yeah," Barbara said. "If only it was that easy."
"It could be."
"Nothing's changed. We're still the same people."
"Exactly. We had a fight. I said things I regret and I acted churlishly."
"Childishly."
"Um, you stomped off."
"You called me heartless." Barbara banged her head on the table. "See we're fighting again."
Tommy was staring at her with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. I'm sick of fighting."
He took a long sip of his drink. "This new man; do you fight with him too?" He sounded bitter, maybe a little jealous.
"Why do you think I was meeting a man?"
"Because you made an effort. He must be someone you think is worth it."
Barbara sighed. "He is, or I thought he was. He's a kind, caring man."
Tommy looked down. "Are you in love with him?" he asked quietly.
"What if I am? That's between me and him, not you."
"I know, but..."
Barbara had not seen Tommy look so lost since Helen had died. She felt she owed him some sort of explanation. "I don't know him that well. It was his idea to meet up, but he must have chickened out."
"Maybe he was delayed. Can you call him?"
"No. We... I don't want to talk about this."
"If it's any consolation, I've been stood up too, although I never really thought my date would turn up."
"Why not?"
"She is a wonderful person but she's in love with someone else. I don't think Louise and I had a future, especially as I love you."
Barbara did not hear his last word. "You're Andrew?"
Barbara thought of all the things she had told him. All her lies, all her hopes, her love for Mr U. She stood and rushed out of the door.