Hey Guys, just wanted to let you know up here that after this chapter I don't know when I'll next update. These last two chapters took me hella long to write, and for the last week I've not been home and haven't time to write any new chapters. I'm also currently on uni holidays which will be coming to an end in about a week, and I have an assignment due soon that I really need to work on. So although I love writing this story and wish it was the only thing I needed to do, that can't be the case. Sorry.
Anyway, thanks to those who are reviewing, and I hope you like this chapter :)
"What do you mean that woman and her daughter are going to come live with you?" Rachel asked trying to understand what her boyfriend had just told her. She had to have heard him wrong, no sane man would think that was an okay thing to do while he was in a relationship.
"Not live, stay. And only for a month," Josh replied. This wasn't a thing, why was she making it a thing?
"A month? A month! You can't be serious," she said angrily. Normal house guests don't stay for a month. And no house guest of Josh's had ever stayed more than a couple of days. But Rachel should have known- Donna wasn't 'normal'.
"What's the problem?" Josh asked. He was doing a good thing. Donna had come to him for help and that's what he was doing. Maybe going a little above and beyond, but if he did any less, how was he going to be able to sleep at night?
"The problem is that your ex-girlfriend is going to be down the hall from you for the next thirty days" Rachel said, God how could such an intelligent man be so dense?
"What are you talking about? We never dated," he questioned. Donna was a lot of things to Josh, but much to his displeasure, girlfriend was never one of them.
"That makes it worse," Rachel said. Deep crushes were hard things to get over. You're always stuck thinking about the 'what if's and the what could have been's, that you build it up so much that you'd do anything for a taste of it, and reality was never as sweet as fantasy.
"How?" He asked, she wasn't making any sense. And he still had no idea what the big deal was.
"Because you were in love with her, how can you not see that?" she explained. She hated being this girl. The insecure girl. The judging girl. The jealous girl. This was not who she was, and who she did not want to be.
"I was not," he replied quickly, and he truly believed that.
"As good as," Rachel countered. The stories he had told her only pointed to one thing, and it wasn't that they were just super dooper best friends. "You know what, do what you want. I just wish you would have talked to me about it," she surrendered, there was no point fighting. What's done was done. She picked up her handbag ready to make her exit.
"I'm talking with you now," Josh said.
"Before, Josh. You should have talked to me before," she breathed out. "I'll see you later," Rachel said as she kissed him quickly on the cheek and left.
"Rach," he called out, but she didn't stop. Had he made a mistake is asking Donna to stay with him? He had not intended for this to affect his relationship, he just wanted to do a good deed. Why was this going to blow up in his face. He knew he had done the right thing, maybe gone about it the wrong way. But while he and Donna had been at the park it seemed like a time sensitive issue that had to be acted on immediately.
He didn't know how long he had been cradling his head in his hands, but there soon came a knock on the door. Part of him thought it was Rachel coming back to apologise, but a smaller part of him knew that she had nothing to apologise for, so he doubted it was her. Which meant it was probably the only other option.
"Hey,' Josh said answering the door and holding it open for Donna and Tilly.
"Hi Josh," Tilly said running straight passed him, she had her backpack on, and her stuffed donkey in her arms.
"You need a hand?" Josh asked, seeing Donna lugging in a suitcase.
"As everything I own is in that car, that would be great," Donna said as she rolled the bag down the hall into the living room. When Donna came back, Josh was standing in the same spot. He most likely didn't want to go into Donna's car by himself, thinking for sure it would be an invasion of privacy.
Donna walked passed him, and Josh sheepishly followed. "What needs to be bought in?" Josh asked as Donna opened the back of the car.
"Definitely the suitcases. But really everything, I don't want it left in the car for too long," Donna explained. She assumed Westport was a safe town, but you could never be too careful. If her car was stolen she would have been left with almost nothing.
"Kay," Josh said, taking out one of the bags.
He didn't say much as they continued unloading the car. He was just thinking about what Rachel had just said. Had she been right. Was it a mistake to ask Donna to stay with him? Did he still have those same feelings for Donna? Wasn't being in this close a proximity with one another, just playing with fire? To which he would surely be burned by.
"Are you okay?" Donna asked, reading Josh's face. He looked pained, like he was overthinking something, or he had a problem he didn't know how to fix.
"Yeah, fine," he replied. He really didn't want to tell Donna about his fight with Rachel. If Donna knew they were fighting about her, then she would take it upon herself to leave before things became too tense between any of them. Josh could handle having a fight with Rachel, he wasn't sure if he could handle Donna leaving him again. "Just glad you got here safely," he said in a half-truth.
"You'd tell me if something was the matter though?" Donna asked. There was once a time where that was a given, but now she was worried he'd bottle things up in the aim not to scare her off.
"Course," Josh replied. Though he wasn't sure if that was the truth anymore. Why did Rachel have to say all those things? Josh was quite happy living in his delusions. He wanted things to be simple between him and Donna, though maybe that was easier said than done. Especially seeing as now they were basically living together for the next month. "What's this?" Josh asked as he picked up Tilly's stuffed toy that was on the coffee table.
"That's Dusty," Tilly replied. "It's mine," she said smiling at Josh. She wasn't all that possessive, she wasn't the type to just steal something out of his hands because it was hers, she understood that he was just looking.
"You have good taste," he said inspecting the donkey. Trust Donna's kid to have the symbol of the Democratic party for a plush friend.
"It was Momma's," Tilly explained.
"Well, she has good taste too," Josh said, he could now see how old the toy really looked, even though it was still in good condition. It was almost a family heirloom of sorts, and he thought that was the cutest things he'd ever seen. He didn't have any toys from his childhood, but if he did he would have liked to have passed them on to his own child one day.
"Til," Donna called out, she waited until her daughter was looking and then subtly nodded over to Josh.
Tilly took her cue and went to where Josh was sitting. Josh wasn't sure what Tilly was doing when she wrapped her arms around him, he soon realised it was a hug and melted into it. "Thank you for letting us stay here, Josh," Tilly said sweetly, and Josh held on to her tighter.
He promised himself that he wasn't going to cry. Grown men don't cry from a hug, so neither was he. But by God, was it difficult. He didn't want to let her go. Why was he feeling so much for a little human that wasn't his? Was it because she was Donna's, or because Tilly was the sweetest, most adorable person he had ever laid eyes on? Or was it because her hugs were so damn good?
Josh gave Tilly a little kiss on the cheek, and the whole scene just gave Donna the serene feeling that she had done something right. Which was exactly what she needed at that current moment. It had been hard not to get carried away by how fast everything had been moving. They would have only left Madison a little over a week ago, and now they were staying with Josh. It was a near whirlwind.
It seemed that Josh really loved Tilly. And it seemed like from the moment he had met her he had loved her. Which was exactly how Donna had felt when Tilly was born. There would have been very few people she completely trusted with the care of her daughter, but she trusted Josh 100%. If she had to run out to get something, she would have felt comfortable leaving them both together.
As soon as Tilly and Josh pulled away from their hug, Josh's mood seemed to change. He was no longer bogged down by his conversation with Rachel, he just wanted to enjoy the fact that Donna and Tilly were there. And so, he did.
…
When Josh woke up the next morning he padded down the hall quietly careful not to wake his guests. Before going into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, he looked in on the two sleeping bodies. Tilly was curled up into Donna, like a Mama bear protecting her cub. They both looked so cuddly and peaceful, he didn't know if he was more jealous of, Donna or Tilly.
After eating breakfast and filling up his travel mug, Josh went back into the living room to wake Donna. "Hey," he said gently shaking her awake.
"What?" Donna said as she came out of her slumber, she was slightly confused to wake up and see Josh, but then it all came back to her. "Yeah?"
"I'm heading to work now, I'll let you know what time I'll get home," Josh said. He thought Donna looked unbelievably cute in her just woke up confusion. He thought it was unfair, when he woke up he looked like he hadn't slept in four days, but she looked like a goddess.
"Thanks for letting me know," she smiled, and he walked away. She tried to go back to sleep after the front door closed, but she was up, so she thought she might as well stay up.
…
It was about halfway through the day when Donna received a text from Josh.
Going to Rach's tonight. Sorry.
She wasn't all that surprised. He wanted to spend the night with his girlfriend it wasn't a big deal, it was completely understandable. Though it did feel a little strange to be in Josh's house without him. But she had to get used to that fast, because the next day she also received this.
I'll be at Rachel's for dinner.
Again, she couldn't be all that mad, maybe this was a normal occurrence, how was she to know what was normal for Josh anymore.
Although she was already in bed, she could hear when Josh came home. Seeing the lights were off, Josh didn't bother to trek further into the house than the bathroom and his bedroom.
The next morning Josh gently woke Donna up again. He sighed when he looked at Tilly and Donna wrapped up in bed. He'd missed them for the last two days. He wanted to see them, it was why he had invited them to stay.
"Hey, sorry about the last two nights," he whispered. He kept his voice low as to not wake Matilda.
"Are you sure you want us to stay here?" Donna asked, she was getting nervous. A night was one thing, two felt like it was part of a bigger reason.
"Yes, of course I do," he said, his voice raising to emphasize his point. "It's just Rachel, she wants me over there. I'm not hiding from you," he explained, and that satisfied Donna's anxiety over the situation.
"Josh," Tilly said happily as she woke. She hadn't seen him since Sunday night, and she was wondering if she had made him up.
"Ooph," Donna groaned as Tilly crawled over her.
"Hey Munchkin," Josh said as the little girl wrapped her arms around him.
"Where have you been?" Tilly asked as she settled down in between Donna and Josh. "I've missed you," she said, pursing her lips for effect. And she had, for the last week she had seen Josh nearly every day, and it had been strange not seeing him. Of course, she hadn't been waiting at the door for him each night, but she had asked her mother where he was quite a bit.
"I'm going to be here tonight," Josh said.
"Don't say that, if you can't promise it," Donna replied, she really didn't want to get her, or Tilly's hopes up for an appearance if it wasn't to be.
"I promise," Josh said, placing both hands on Tilly's cheeks. "But I have to go now," and with that he stood up ready to go. "I'll see you two tonight," he said pointing at both of them. He nodded at Donna, so she knew he was telling the truth.
As Josh walked down the hall he heard Tilly's laughter, and Donna's sweet voice and wished he could stay. It had been a long time since he thought about having a family, but since Donna had come back, the nagging feeling that something was missing in his life kept gnawing at him. He just wished he could have known that what he wanted was even a remote possibility.
…
When Rachel walked in in front of Josh, Donna wasn't at all stunned. It was as if she was marking her territory, like Donna didn't already know. When Donna had met Rachel, she had seemed so nice, but now she was staking her claim, letting Donna know that she was Josh's girlfriend and not her, Donna though, did not need a reminder.
Josh had not warned Donna that Rachel would be coming over, so it was lucky that Donna had cooked enough food for tomorrow's lunch otherwise someone would have been going hungry. Donna was civil to Rachel, and Rachel was relatively civil to Donna. Both not wanting to let on that they were jealous of the other. Donna was jealous because her feelings for Josh had started back up the moment she walked into his office. And Rachel was jealous because deep down she could tell that there was a ticking clock on her relationship with Josh, but she wasn't ready to give up without a fight.
"Anyone up for a movie?" Josh asked after he was scraping his plate clean. He could feel the tension in the room, and just maybe this could defuse it.
Josh's couch wasn't all that big, it could fit two people comfortably, three if you squeezed, though only if the third was Tilly. But the third was not Tilly, it was Rachel. Or was Donna the third? Josh and Rachel had probably sat together here hundreds of times, it felt strange that Donna was the outsider in the group, that had rarely been the case when she and Josh were together.
Tilly had tried fitting in-between Josh and her Mom, but there wasn't enough room, so she curled up on Donna's lap, her feet resting upon Josh's thigh. The movie they had picked to watch, wasn't exactly age appropriate, but there was no blood or guts, so Donna thought it would be fine for Tilly.
When Josh turned the television on, the news had just started. Pictures of the President filled the screen. "Can we just watch this for a second," he apologised, unsurprisingly he liked to keep a top of the goings on in Washington.
"Do you think you'll ever go back?" Donna asked. It was a hard adjustment for Donna to come around to the idea that Josh wasn't in D.C. anymore. It had always seemed that that was the place he was meant to be.
"One day, I'm sure," Josh replied.
"What?" Rachel asked shocked those words came out her boyfriend's mouth. Never once in the year they'd been dating had he mentioned that to her, or maybe she hadn't asked.
"It's what I do," Josh said looking over to Rachel. She had to have known that it was always something he was going to think about. You could take the boy out of Washington, and all that. "Going back was always part of the plan," Josh added. In his mind moving back to Westport and teaching at Yale was a break, not a retirement. He'd run out of steam by the end of the Bartlet administration. But one day he'd have it in him again, it just wasn't now.
"When? Rachel asked.
"Probably the next open general," Josh replied. He hadn't thought too much of it yet, but he wanted to do what Leo did, take a dark horse and make them king.
"But, the election's next year," Rachel said shocked, she thought she would have heard about it by now if that were the case.
"Not really, with Vinick's polling numbers so high, there is no Democrat in the field that could beat him. Even with a campaign manager as good as Josh. You're better off waiting till 2014, or even the midterms," Donna said voicing her thoughts. She looked over to Josh and saw that little twinkle in his eye that he got when there was some good political banter. He'd most likely been sorely missing it.
"If I had the right guy I could beat Vinick," Josh shot back.
"Not now he's the incumbent," Donna countered.
"You're questioning my skills?" Josh asked jokingly.
"I have no doubt in your skills, but I also have no doubt that I'm right," Donna replied, smirking that she had won. That's how you won an argument against Josh- appease his intellect. And Donna had mastered that. She wouldn't have been able to get through a day as his assistant if she hadn't learnt that handy hint.
"And my Momma is always right," Tilly added in, though she wasn't really sure what the adults were talking about, she just wanted to be in on it.
"Oh, is she?" Josh asked and began tickling Tilly's feet, which caused the little girl to scream and wiggle around.
"Maybe we should start the movie," Rachel said, not wanting to stop the fun, but it was awkward not being apart of it.
"Huh?" Josh said, only just hearing what she had to say. He quickly played Rachel's words back and realised what they were. "Ah, yeah," he added and reached for the remote, hit some buttons and the movie began to play.
Donna knew exactly why Rachel had insisted on beginning the movie. It was because Donna and Josh had that political bond that Rachel never would. Donna wasn't even jealous when Josh stretched his arm out and pulled Rachel close. Because when he did he smiled to Donna, and she knew it was just something he had to do. And right now, Donna would rather cuddle with Tilly anyway.
They were all mostly quiet during the film, it was a mixture of awkward silence and watching a movie silence, but it certainly wasn't a comfortable silence. Donna could feel Rachel's eyes every so often glancing at her, so Donna kept as far away from Josh as the sofa allowed.
When the movie credits started rolling, Josh looked over and noticed Tilly completely knocked out and sleeping in her mother's arms. It was a sight to see. He saw the time and realised that it was not surprising that Tilly didn't make it through the movie. "Guess it's someone's bedtime," Josh said standing up.
"Yeah," Donna replied, she looked around not sure how she was going to manage that with Tilly already asleep in her hold.
"I got her," Josh said scooping Tilly out of Donna's arms, careful not to wake the child. Tilly settled into him straight away.
Rachel noticed how comfortable Josh was with Tilly. She had never thought Josh was all that much of a kid guy, and she was glad to find out that he was, she just wished she was finding out a different way.
Donna stood up and pulled out the bed, Rachel did not help. Donna threw the pillows on to the mattress, and Josh lightly placed Tilly down. Donna unfolded the blanket and let it gently fall over Tilly. Josh then pulled it a little to make sure it was securely covering the girl. It looked as if they had done this a thousand times, that it was set routine, and yet this was their first.
"I'm going to work in the kitchen," Donna said grabbing her laptop, not wanting to be left alone with both Josh and Rachel in what was quickly becoming another awkward silence.
"Night," Rachel said.
"Yeah, night," Donna replied before near running out the room.
Josh walked Rachel down the hall, so they were away from the sleeping Tilly. Rachel's arms were crossed like she knew she was being kicked out. "Do you want to come back to my place?" She asked, hoping that Josh would answer in the affirmative.
"Not tonight," Josh replied kissing her quickly on the lips. "I'm about to crash," he half apologised, and he was, it had been a long day, and he was near falling asleep by the end of the movie. He knew Rachel had an early morning, nor a change a clothes, so he didn't bother asking if she wanted to stay the night. That of course upset her.
"Fine, I'll see you tomorrow," Rachel said as she turned and headed for the door. Josh could tell she was angry, but he didn't know how to fix it. A smart man would follow her. But at this moment he was not a smart man.
Why was he so willing to throw his relationship with Rachel away for something he wasn't even sure was there with Donna. He really needed to check his priorities, because right now they were skewing, and he was starting to be fine with the tilt.
"She doesn't like me," Donna said, as Josh walked into the kitchen, she didn't even bother to look up from her laptop screen.
"She doesn't know you," Josh replied. Which was true, no one who knew Donna could really truly dislike her, it was one of life's impossibilities.
"That's not it," she countered, she knew what a jealous girlfriend looked like, and she especially knew what a jealous girlfriend of Josh looked like. And Rachel was fitting that bill. "If she wasn't comfortable with me staying here, why did you offer?"
"Well, I…ah," Josh stammered and looked sheepishly at Donna.
"You didn't ask her?" Donna said dumbfounded. That man could be a real idiot at times. Did he even want to be in a relationship?
"It's my house," Josh said, as if that was enough of answer. Donna decided not to push it. She should be on Josh's side in this. Josh's side meant a roof over her head for the night. But she knew if the roles were reversed and she was in Rachel's situation she wouldn't like their arrangement one bit. "What are you doing?" Josh asked coming around the bench and standing behind her.
"Fixing up my C.V.," Donna said, going back to what she was doing. She was just fixing fonts and margins. It wasn't much, but she felt like it was more productive than staring at the screen doing nothing. And formatting was important. It made a good first impression. And that made all the difference in the job search.
Josh's hand rested on the opposite side of Donna chair, and he leaned into better be able to read the screen. "You finished university? And majored in Political Science?" Josh asked surprised as he skimmed the Word document.
"Yeah," she said quickly turning to Josh, and then turning back when she realised how close he actually was.
"How? When?" he asked. How could she have possibly had the time?
"Took a class a semester until I had enough credits," she answered. She slowly switched between fonts, a happy distraction from Josh's proximity. How was it legal that he could stand so close to her, and yet not understand the effects that could have?
"I'm impressed," Josh replied. And he was. Juggling school work, a young child, sick parents, and a job would have been quite the handful. He couldn't imagine when she had time to sleep. But then again, she'd had a lot of practice while working at the White House.
"Why doesn't Rachel like me?" Donna asked. She thought she knew the answer, but she wondered if he knew. She turned to him, and their eyes met. Her breath slowed, and she wasn't sure if she could get her lungs to work properly. He was so close; a slight lean in and she could have everything she had ever wanted.
"She thinks I still have feelings for you," Josh answered. He wanted to be honest with her. He didn't think about how it would add to the tension. And boy, did it add to the tension.
"Oh," Donna said as if he hadn't just dropped a bombshell on her. And although it was what she was expecting him to answer she really didn't think he would say it, but she was so glad he did. It wasn't as if he had confirmed anything, so she shouldn't have thought too much about what he had just said. Well, maybe not until she was trying to go to sleep.
Josh thought Donna's reaction was anti-climactic, and he realised he maybe said a bit too much and quickly moved away. "I should go to bed," he stammered, taking a few steps back and rubbing his forehead.
"Same," she said closing her laptop. Her mind was racing, and it was all she could think to say. They both needed an out and she was definitely going to take Josh up on the one he created. They could sleep on it, pretend nothing happened, wait until the light of day to bring it up.
"Alright, I'll, ah, see you in the morning," Josh said backing out of the kitchen awkwardly.
"Um, yeah, night," she replied. They both looked at each other, smiling and trying to play it cool as they exited the room via different doors.
When she was in the safety of the living room, Donna was kicking herself. Why hadn't she said anything? Why had she left it up in the air? Why had she let it get to that point, only to push it aside? Was she stupid? She knew that arguably she was quite intelligent, but in that moment, she had been downright dumb. She should have done something, yelled to know the truth, or told him what she really thought.
She couldn't let this moment go, she needed to do something. She started down the hall, not sure if she was making the right decision. When she reached his door, she had to take a moment to summon the courage to knock. It felt like an eternity had passed when she finally tapped. It was light, she wasn't even sure he would have been able to hear it.
"Yeah?" he called out.
She slowly opened his door, careful not to make it creak. He was sitting on the corner of his bed, clad only in a pair of boxers, he was comfortable enough not to cover himself up. Donna took a step in, closing the door again behind her.
"Do you?" Donna asked into the darkness as she stood against the door. Her words were no louder than a whisper, but Josh could feel the weight behind them. He could lose everything if he said the wrong thing. The problem was he didn't even know what he was afraid of losing if he did. Was it Rachel? Or was it Donna? Josh stood up, took three steps to close the distance between them. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face, and Donna trembled at his touch. "Do you?" She asked again, even softer.
There was no space between them, and Donna had her answer, but she wanted to hear it from him. She wanted to hear him say the words. She didn't want to infer, she wanted to know the truth.
He wanted to answer her, honestly, but he was scared. It wasn't as if he knew how she felt about him. Aside from coming into his room, she hadn't dropped any hints. Of course, she wasn't currently revolted by his touch, so that also could have given him his answer, but he wasn't thinking clearly enough to realise that.
His hand ran down her skin until he reached the top button of her shirt. Although it was fiddly, he was able to get it undone with some ease. "Josh?" Donna breathed, she wasn't trying to stop him, she just wanted to know how he was feeling.
"Please don't leave me like last time," Josh said looking deeply into her eyes, and Donna shook her head, knowing he needed to know she wouldn't. Not again.
Last time? When was last time? What happened last time? Will they continue with how things are heading currently, or will one or both stop before it's too late to go back?
Let me know what you think,
Please Review :D