God, I really hope you like this chapter, feels like it took me ages to write, but thats because of all the reasons stated in the previous chapter (which still apply)
And now we pick up right where we left off...Enjoy :)
"Josh," Donna breathed as he took hold of her lips with his.
"No talking," he said as he briefly removed himself from Donna.
"But-" She started but was soon cut off.
"That's talking," Josh smiled.
Donna had been so caught up in the moment that she had let it happen. But she needed to put a stop to it. And fast. She couldn't let this continue as is, not matter how much she enjoyed his lips on hers. Or how she tingled as his hands ran up and down her body. "I think talking's what we actually need to do," she managed to get out.
"About?" Josh asked, he wasn't 100% listening to what she was saying.
"Last time," she said, and instantly Josh stopped cold and pulled away from her. "I mean, it's the elephant in the room, isn't it?" Donna added. And it was, to truly understand how Josh and Donna had gotten to this place you had to know about 'last time'. It was an important chapter in the story that was them, that neither of them had been willing to talk about thus far. Donna because she didn't want to say anything until Josh did, and Josh because he wanted things to remain easy between them. But now, things didn't seem like they were going to stay easy for much longer.
"Yeah," he said, the emotion in his voice hard to find. He stumbled back to the bed and took a seat. Donna wasn't sure if she should sit next to him or just plant herself on the ground where she stood. Either way seemed awkward. But she wanted to be close to him and decided that the ground wouldn't suffice. "So…"
April 2004
"Josh," Donna called out as she entered his home. His door had been unlocked, so she was easily able to get inside. She knew he was here before she came over. She'd called his office three times to make sure he wasn't in a meeting.
"What are you doing here?" Josh asked as he came out of his bedroom. He wasn't happy to see her, he just wanted to sit in the comfort of his own home and wallow. It's why he wasn't at a bar right now. He didn't want to talk to anybody. And he especially didn't want to talk to Donna. She was the reason he was like this. Nothing she could say would be able to change that.
"We have to talk," Donna said. She couldn't leave like this. Not knowing he was so angry at her. She wanted to be civil. She wanted to know she could still consider him her best friend or be able to call him just to talk. She needed that. But she knew he needed it just as much.
"You're leaving. What's there to talk about?" He asked as he sat down on his sofa, not wanting to look at her anymore. He hated her. He really did. How could she leave him for that guy? That guy wasn't good enough for her. No one was good enough for her. He didn't even think he was.
"Everything," Donna said as she sat on the armrest of the same sofa. It was easy to tell Josh wanted some distance, but this was the best she could do. She wasn't leaving until they had things sorted out.
She had tried to explain to him a thousand times why she was leaving, though he had always seemed disinterested. She knew that was more because Josh didn't want to acknowledge things were going to change. There was a very large chance that he didn't think she would leave and hadn't come to terms with it yet.
But she was leaving. She had packed up all her things, given up her apartment, and she and David had rented out a place in Madison. Everything was all set. Except for being on a good footing with Josh.
It was all moving so fast. It hadn't seemed that long since her father had called her about her mother's declining health, and that David had proposed. If she was honest, when she had first started seeing her now fiancé she hadn't seen a future with him, he was something to occupy her time, and it had felt nice to be wanted again. But things had unexpectantly become serious, and he was the one to suggest moving to Madison to take care of her parents. Of course, Donna had thought about it before he bought it up, but it had seemed so unfeasible before they worked out the logistics together.
David had been a better friend to Donna during this time than Josh had. It was why she felt like she was making the right decision. Not only was she extremely worried about her mother, she was also terrified to leave the White House and the life she had spent years making in D.C., but she was doing the right thing. She just wished Josh could have been more supportive in her time of need. Was that such a hard thing to ask for?
Donna slid down to be sitting level with Josh. "Please just talk to me," she pleaded with him. They had been best friends for so long, he had to know how much this uncommunicative thing he had going was hurting her.
"I don't know how anymore," Josh confided solemnly, and cradled his head in his hands. Donna was the person he could trust more than anybody else in his life, and this was the biggest betrayal he could have ever imagined.
"Josh, it's me. Come on, look at me," she said reaching out for him. "Look at me," she begged as she cupped his neck. She'd never really seen him like this, maybe once or twice before but there was a completely valid and different reason for that. She wanted to help, but she had no idea how.
"Donna, stop," he said removing her hand with force. "Just go," he said quietly, not really meaning it. He didn't want her to go, that was why he felt so depressed right now, because she was going. His behaviour didn't scare her, but it made her unbelievably upset. Her eyes glistened as the unshed tears began to form.
"No. I can't leave knowing I don't have your support," she said. Josh made her feel invincible, like she could conquer the world. If it wasn't for Josh she wouldn't have had the confidence to stay in Manchester for the campaign, she wouldn't have moved to D.C., and she wouldn't be the woman she was today.
Josh looked at her, he could see how much she was trying, how much she wanted his approval, and he couldn't handle breaking her heart, even though right now she was doing that to him. "I'll always support you. I love you," he said so casually that you wouldn't have known that was the first time he had said that to Donna.
"I love you too," Donna said, replying almost instantly, not thinking there was a deeper meaning behind the words.
Josh took Donna's hand in his, looked her squarely in the eyes so she could understand exactly what he was trying to say. "No, Donna, I'm in love with you," he confessed. His eyes began to sting, and his chest constricted. He didn't think he had ever really said those words before, not to someone as important to him as Donna was. But why was he saying them now? Because it was looking like the last chance he'd have, or because he'd never forgive himself for not saying them, or did he think it would make her stay if she knew?
It took her a moment, only because she couldn't believe Josh had just said those words to her. It was all she had ever wanted to hear, but where were they a year ago, or even six months. Why was everything always so unspoken between them until it was too late. She was sick of misdirection games, and the double meanings. Finally, they were being open with each other.
For once in her life Donna stopped caring about the consequences of what would happen if they finally acted on their feelings, and she near pounced on to his lips. She had wanted to taste them for so long, that there was no holding back anymore.
Josh only took a second to adjust to the attack, it should have felt strange to have Donna on him like this, but it felt like the most natural and glorious thing in the world. As his hands wrapped around the back of her neck to pull her closer, her hair tickled his skin. He didn't care about the need for breathing, because the need for Donna was much more important.
"You know I'm in love with you as well, right?" Donna clarified as she pulled away from him. She needed him to know that. She didn't want him to think she was jumping his bones because of what he said, she wanted him to know she felt the same.
"I had an inkling," he grinned cockily and then went right on kissing her. She had the softest lips he had ever felt, and if he never had to stop kissing them, he'd have been the happiest man alive. His hands snaked up the back of her shirt, her skin was warm to the touch and yet he could feel goose bumps.
He pulled her into him, he needed her as close as she could be. Donna's fingers started on the buttons on his dress shirt. She hadn't been looking but she undid them with perfect precision. Josh wiggled out of his shirt careful not to break contact between them.
There he was sitting in his undershirt and pants, and knew they were both wearing too much. Suddenly that was all he cared about. And he was on a mission. In perfect synchronisation he pulled Donna up with him, and they quickly made their way through his apartment, not once becoming detached.
His calves hit the bed first, causing him to fall and bring Donna down along with him, but that didn't worry either of them, it was where they were headed anyway. Josh peeled Donna's top off, and then flipped her so she was underneath him.
She could tell he had all the control and she liked that. She smiled up at him, and he took that as a cue and pulled the zipper of her pants. He had her. He had all of her. It was all he ever wanted. He couldn't believe it was happening. It was like a dream. One he was going to take his time to enjoy.
…
That bliss happy look spread across both their faces and neither of them had ever felt better. They didn't think about anything but the other and how happy they were to be here right now. Josh couldn't believe it. If Donna wasn't currently lying on his chest then he would be in total doubt that anything had occurred. After all he'd had many a dream that had felt this real. Not this good, but definitely this real.
Josh tightened his hold on her, never wanting to let Donna out of his arms. She fit near perfectly into him, a sign that this was always meant to happen. "You know, we didn't really get a chance to talk," Donna laughed. She had not expected any of this to happen when she came over, but she was beyond glad it had.
"I don't think that really matters anymore," Josh grinned.
"What do you mean?" Donna asked rolling over to look at him, her chin rested upon his bare chest.
"I mean, now that we've, you know, it changes things," Josh stammered.
"Josh…" Donna said hesitating to continue.
"Wait. You're still going?" Josh was dumbstruck. He thought for sure Donna couldn't leave now. Not after what had just happened.
"I have to-" she said, but Josh didn't want to hear excuses. He didn't even want to touch her. He slid out from under her to get his escape. "Josh," Donna tried.
"You don't have to, you think just because that moron proposed you're doing what you're meant to," he said, and then looked down to her left hand. She was still wearing the ring. And of course she was. David was giving her the things she wanted, the things Josh wasn't sure he could offer her. Or wasn't ready to.
"That's not fair," Donna replied. That wasn't why she was leaving, and he knew it. If her parents weren't sick and David had still proposed she'd never have been leaving the White House, D.C., or Josh. She'd never have dreamed about moving back to Wisconsin for any other reason. Her life and career were in Washington. Everything she knew was here, it was one of the hardest decisions she had made to move back. The only thing that rivalled it was joining the campaign.
"Isn't it?" He asked as he pulled his boxer shorts up. He should have known one day she'd leave him again. He should have never gotten close to her after she had betrayed his trust the first time. "You're insecure, you always have been. One man shows you a little attention, and you're a dog with a bone. Never mind who you're hurting, or that he's not the right guy for you, or that this will end up being the worst decision you'll ever make. You're the same girl I met in New Hampshire. Naïve and flighty," he said harshly, and all those words hit Donna like a tonne of bricks.
She should have run out of there. She didn't need him in her life if this is what he thought of her. But she couldn't. She couldn't leave it like this. She couldn't leave him like this. "You're angry, you don't mean that," she said, saying it mostly it for herself.
"How the hell do you know what I mean?" Josh asked.
"Because-" she began, not sure if she should say the next part or not. But what the hell. "Because you love me," she finished. And Josh just stared at her gobsmacked. As if he couldn't believe those words came out her mouth. He didn't know if she was throwing his words back in his face, or just reminding him of how things were just an hour ago. Josh sat on the corner of the bed, cradling his head in hands, yet again. It seemed to be a common occurrence, and every time was because of Donna.
Donna wanted to wrap her arms around him, to comfort him, but she really didn't want to do that naked. She found her blouse and pants that had been thrown off and got dressed quickly, not bothering to put her bra back on. She then slowly came up behind him, she was cautious with him not knowing how he would react. "Don't," Josh said, and Donna flinched. "Leave," and Donna almost did, but Josh continued. "Don't leave me."
"I'm sorry," Donna said holding on to him again. She felt like she had a million things to apologise for, but knew no words were ever going to be good enough. The one person in her life she knew would never leave her, and now she was leaving him. Life was cruel sometimes.
"It's not enough," Josh said shrugging her off of him. He stood and then left the bedroom. Donna gave it a minute and then followed. She found him in the kitchen popping off a bottlecap to the beer he was holding.
"Got one for me?" Donna asked lightly, trying to defuse the tension.
"I think you've take enough from me, don't you?" Josh replied bitterly as he brushed passed her, moving into the living room.
"Can't we be civil?" She followed.
"Civility flew out the window in there," Josh said as he weakly pointed in the direction of his bedroom.
"It's a three-hour flight, you can come up and visit," Donna suggested, hell she would come and visit him every month, if that's what he wanted. She'd even drive if the flights were one day cancelled. The drive wasn't even that long, in the grand scheme of things.
"I don't want to come up and visit," Josh shot back, as if Donna even suggesting it was the most ludicrous thing imaginable.
"You don't want to keep in touch?" She asked. Even before what happened tonight, Donna couldn't imagine not having Josh in some way part of her life. Even if they just called each other once a week or month. Going without seeing him was going to be hard, but not talking to him hadn't even seemed like a possibility up until this moment.
"Right now, I don't really care," he said apathetically. His mind was an imbroglio, a complete mess. He wished none of what had happened this evening had ever transpired. All he had wanted to do was wallow. And now he was so confused and angry he was starting to feel nothing at all.
"Oh," Donna said, not trusting anything that could have come out of her mouth. She was hurt, and she could tell that so was he, but he was being cruel. She didn't deserve this. All she had wanted was to end on good terms, the complete opposite to how things were turning out. "Can I ask why?"
"Why the hell do you think?" he said, meeting Donna in the eyes. They were both too proud to let the tears they were holding fall.
"I should go," Donna said. She didn't want to. But just looking at Josh she knew that there was nothing she could do tonight that would help.
"If you walk out that door I never want to see you again," Josh growled, and he meant it. If she left she wasn't picking him, and he didn't need a reminder of that.
"Josh," she said, not thinking he was serious.
"Never," he reiterated angrily.
"Well then, that's your choice," she replied. If this was how he was going to act, maybe it was a good thing she was leaving. Instead of waiting for him to say something else Donna reached for the door handle. She looked at him, her eyes glistening with beg. But he still didn't say anything. "Bye Josh," Donna said as she turned the knob and left the apartment.
The door closed with a light click, even though the scene warranted a nice loud slam for emphasis. Donna stood there paralysed. Not believing how things had turned out. If she knew this was how things were going to end between them, she never would have come over tonight.
It tarnished their whole relationship, this was not the way it should have ended. They had had so many good times together that this seemed like a tragedy. They had had a lot of hard times too, but they'd always gotten through them, together. But now this was it. This was the end. No more Josh and Donna.
Donna leaned up against the door, hoping to play out a bit from a romantic comedy where the person inside opens the door up in a panic of losing the other and she'd fall to the ground. But neither gravity, nor Josh, let her tumble.
She could feel his presence still, and she could bet if she looked through the peep hole Josh's eye would be all she could see. But she also knew he was going to be too head-strong to come through the door to get her. She placed her palm up against the wood, pretending it was Josh's hand she was touching, and waited for a minute, just hoping he would change his mind.
But he didn't. The door handle didn't turn, the light creeping under the door didn't show any movement, and Josh didn't make a sound. She got the message. So, she left.
And until a week ago she had kept to his wishes.
They both remembered that night for different reasons. For Josh it was the night that his world seemingly ended. The night the woman he loved most in the world disappeared. The night that he said countless things he wished he could take back.
For Donna, though she obviously didn't know it at the time, it was the night that she and Josh conceived Tilly.
How's that for a game changer?
I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter, or the ending, or anything. Do you think one is more in the wrong, or do the share the blame. Do you think either of them have gotten over this in the last five years, or is it bubbling close to the surface.
Please Review :D