Hey Guys, I am so unbelievably sorry about the lack of updates over the last month, but uni is kicking my butt. I've barely had time do anything not uni related, plus I've also moved house since my last update, so I've been a little stressed. But I love writing this story, so never doubt an update is soon to come.

I hope you enjoy.

Josh stared at Donna, she had the talent of being the only one to heal old wounds and yet seemingly rip them open, as well. It was why he'd loved her so much. Why he was so distraught when she left him, and why he was over the moon when she came back. But here they were again. Right at the precipice of disaster. Where she could ruin him. And he would let her.

"I didn't mean it," Josh said, he needed her to know that. There were very few times in his life that he wished to take back. But this was one of them.

"Oh," Donna squeaked out. She couldn't have known what he was going to say, but she really didn't expect to hear that.

"It was the heat of the moment," he replied.

"Right," she tried to get out. Her chest felt heavy, and she was determined not to let any tears form.

"If I weren't so angry, I'd never have done it," he said, and he could tell Donna was trying not to look at him.

"I understand," she lied. Because really, she couldn't. She didn't want to be that girl who thought one night meant more than it did. But it had to. She couldn't have read it that wrong. She wouldn't have been overanalysing it for the last five year if it meant nothing. She thought she knew Josh, but could she be that wrong?

"Donna," Josh said, taking her hand in his. She suddenly seemed so distant. He was trying to get her to understand. He was doing the right thing. Why did it seem like the last thing in the world that she wanted to hear? "What's wrong?"

She took a moment before answering. Mostly to gain the courage, but also to compose herself. "You didn't mean it?" She asked, her tone seething with mild anger. "Do you regret it as well?"

"Yeah, of course I do," he replied putting extra emphasis on his words, but also not picking up on the shift in her demeanour.

"It was a mistake?"

"It was, the biggest of my life" he agreed, not realising she was asking him, and didn't actually think that. All he needed was for Donna to understand his side and then all would be right with the world.

"And you'd take it back if you could?"

"Absolutely," he said definitively.

That was enough for Donna. She could no longer sit by and listen to how the man she loved for a majority of her adult life thought that their one night together was a complete and utter disappointment. How could he be so dense? This was on par with a slap in the face or like being told you were bad in bed, which to an extent it was. And if he felt like that why the hell had he been kissing her not that long ago.

"I should go to bed," Donna said. She wanted to yell at him. But she also wanted to breakdown and cry in his arms. She stood up and started to make her exit.

"But we didn't get to talk," Josh said, he couldn't understand why she was leaving. She after all was the one who wanted to have this conversation, he was quite happy continuing with where things were headed.

"You think I want to talk about how us having sex was the biggest regret in your life," Donna said turning back around to look at him. Now she was ready to yell.

"Wait… What?" Josh stammered.

"How could you seriously believe I would want to hear this?" She asked as she crossed her arms over her chest feeling suddenly super exposed.

Josh quickly played their conversation back over to see what he said that was so bad, but soon realised that a miscommunication was at the root of the problem. There was no way he could think that about their night together. It was one of the highs of his life. That didn't change because it was rapidly followed by one of his lows.

"Donna," he whispered as he stood and slowly made his way over to her.

"Don't," she said taking a step away from him.

"Donna," he smiled, his dimples showing. Although he wouldn't laugh, this was suddenly the funniest thing in the world to him, but then again, he was equipped with information that Donna was sorely lacking. And he knew if he didn't want to soon end up with a knee to the crotch, he would have to let Donna in on the joke.

"Josh, stop," she said, taking another step away. If she continued any further back she would be up against the door.

"Sex, with you, was not a mistake. I have never wanted to take it back, and the only thing I regret was that we only got to do it once," Josh said as he closed the distance between them with each word.

Donna was struck by his words, and yet still overly confused. His lips were just mere inches away from her and they were in the same position as they were before. And yet things seemed a lot clearer then than they did now. "What didn't you mean, then?"

"That I never wanted to see you again. I don't know why I said it. I don't even know how I could say it," Josh began as he brushed a piece of hair away from Donna's face. He needed her to understand. He needed to be clear or the same thing would happen again. "You were the most important person to me," he said willing her to believe him.

"Why did you say it?" She asked, she wanted to believe him, and she did, but it was hard to let go of a belief she'd been holding for five years.

"I was mad, and stupid. And you'd know better than anyone that that isn't a good combination in me," he said. Many a time she would have to fix his mistakes when she was his assistant. But those times would have been mild compared to that night.

"I believed you."

"I'm sorry," he apologised, he didn't know what else he could say, nothing seemed enough.

"It's okay," she smiled. "I've done stupid things too," she said. How could she not accept his apology for something that happened so long ago. Especially after all he was doing for her, and all she was keeping from him.

"Oh yeah, like what?" He asked leaning in and cockily smiling up at her.

"Momma?" Came from the other side of the door as if right on cue. Donna quickly turned into Mom mode. She and Josh weren't doing anything bad, but whatever they were doing she didn't want Tilly to see.

"Sorry," Donna said as she turned away. Josh took a few steps back understanding. Donna swiftly opened the door to see the little girl looking up at them with tears in her eyes. "What's wrong, Sweetie?" Donna asked crouching down to her daughter's level.

"I woke up and you were gone. I called out, but you didn't come," Tilly said, as she hugged her mother. They hadn't been staying at Josh's for that long, so it was understandable that Tilly would wake up scared when she was alone in the dark, especially when Donna was almost always next to her since they left Madison. "What were you doing?"

Donna quickly looked at Josh, she knew it would be highly inappropriate to tell a five-year-old the truth, but for the life of her, her mind was blank. "We were having a conversation," Josh interjected. It was true after all.

"What about?" Tilly asked, and this time it was Josh who looked like a deer in headlights. The topic of conversation was definitely not one for innocent ears.

"Why are you awake?" Donna asked completely bypassing Tilly's question.

"I was thirsty," she answered.

"Right," Donna said, usually at bed time Donna would leave a bottle of water by Tilly's bed, but with traveling and not being in the same place everyday they were starting to wain off their nightly routine. "Go back to bed, and I'll bring you something," Donna said and then stood back up and led Tilly back to the living room, Josh followed.

Josh took a glass from the cupboard and passed it to Donna. She smiled at him in response. No one said anything, and aside from the tap running, they were in silence. It was between and awkward one and a comfortable one.

"Here you go," Donna said as they walked to the living room and found Tilly sitting up in their bed.

"Thank you," Tilly said and then took a large gulp, she quickly handed it back to her mother.

"You all good now?" Donna asked, and Tilly nodded and settled back into bed.

Josh was unsure why he was still out here, he didn't need to follow Donna out, he really didn't need to help her in the kitchen, and he didn't think he had any ability to help her with Tilly, but he just didn't want to leave Donna yet, not with how things were going.

Donna started to stand up, when Tilly spoke again. "Where are you going?"

"Josh and I need to finish talking," Donna replied.

"But it's bedtime," Tilly countered. She wanted to cuddle up close to her mom, and that wouldn't happen if she went and continued with her boring adult conversation.

"Right, but-" Donna began, but was quickly cut off.

"You can talk in the morning. You can only sleep now," Tilly argued. Donna looked at Josh, she knew she was going to have to do what Matilda wanted, otherwise she would probably not want to go to sleep herself.

Josh nodded, understanding the predicament Donna was in. "We will talk tomorrow," he said, and began to turn away.

"Josh, can you tuck me in, please?" Tilly asked. Josh smiled widely as he turned back, he finally found the use of coming out here, and he was certainly happy to please.

"I'll just go get changed," Donna said as she took her pyjamas to the bathroom.

Josh was by no means the master at tuck ins, but he'd never really had the experience. Were you just meant to pull the blanket up over the child, say goodnight and leave, or was there something more? God help him if he had to tell a bedtime story. The last time he heard a bedtime story would have been when he was around Tilly's age. An age that happened to be a lot further away then he cared to admit.

"All good?" Josh asked as he pulled the blanket up over the little girl. He thought he did pretty well. The blankets weren't loose enough to fall off easily, or tight enough that she wouldn't be able to breathe.

"Thanks Josh," Tilly smiled and began to close her eyes.

"Good night, Munchkin," Josh said, placing a light kiss on her forehead.

Donna came out off the bathroom as Josh walked past. "Sorry," she said when she saw him.

"It's okay, like she said, we can talk in the morning," Josh replied. Though with how things were going in there before, he was sure they wouldn't have been just talking.

"Right, night," Donna said, but didn't make a step to leave.

"Night," Josh replied, and leaned in to give her a quick peck on the cheek, it would have to tide him over until morning. They stood looking at each other for a short time, before they both synchronically made their exit. Josh slipping into his room, and Donna back to the lounge.

All night Josh couldn't stop thinking about their kiss, and about how things were going. His eyes were glued to the door, his ears awaiting even the smallest detection of sound. He kept expecting Donna to come back into his bedroom, so they could pick up where they had left off. He didn't want to go to sleep just in case she did.

But he shouldn't have been having these feelings for her. He had a serious girlfriend after all. He didn't want to hurt Rachel, he loved her. But did he love Donna more? Right now, he knew the answer, but he knew for certain that he wasn't only thinking with his head and heart.

He wanted Donna. He had wanted Donna for almost ten years. And even when she wasn't in his life, he still thought of her every day. That had to mean something. But he couldn't do that to Rachel. How could he look at himself if he dumped Rachel just because Donna came back? Donna left him. Rachel never did. Donna had her chance but didn't want it. Rachel had never let him down, and he couldn't imagine that she ever would.

Would his feelings be different in the morning? Would he come to realise the mistake he made on acting on those feelings? Were those feelings even there anymore? Or had the hope and love lust been building up in him for the last few years? His feelings were so muddled up that they seemed quite difficult to understand.

He was never one to navigate emotional or romantic relationships well. Every one of his girlfriends had proof of that. He never knew what to do. He always made them make the decision for him. But that couldn't happen this time around.

These were the thoughts that kept Josh up.

Donna on the other hand, watched Tilly drift back off to sleep. It was easy to focus just on her daughter and nothing else. But that wasn't going to happen tonight, not with everything that happened in Josh's room. She shouldn't have gone in there. Things would have been so much simpler if she had just gone to bed and pretended the conversation in the kitchen never happened. But she did go in there, and now she had to deal with the consequences of it.

The past five years of her life had been dictated by the last words Josh said to her, and to find out he never meant them was heart breaking. To think of the family they could have been, or how happy their life together would have been, would always weigh on her mind.

Was it all her fault? Should she have known he couldn't have meant them? She knew Josh better than anyone else in the world, and not once did she think it could have been a heat of the moment thing. Something Josh said just to make Donna feel a sliver of the pain he was. Should she have tried harder? Should she come back sooner?

All these answers she was so sure she knew once upon a time, and now it seemed her world had turned completely on it's head. She no longer knew left from right, or up from down. She was even questioning who she herself had been for the last five years. Cause she wasn't sure she even knew that person anymore.

How could one conversation do that? How could it bring up old memories, feelings, and regrets? And by God, did she regret things. She never intended to keep Tilly from Josh, and she always wanted Tilly to know her father, but everything seemed too complicated, that it would never be the way things were again. That all seemed so stupid now.

And of course, she planned to tell Josh. She wasn't sure why she had taken so long to do it. But it didn't seem like the thing you just blurt out in the middle of dinner. The plan was never contingent on much. She never thought getting together was even a possibility. She thought friends was pushing it. So, she was not expecting anything from Josh before she told him. She was just waiting for the right moment.

She couldn't help but watch their beautiful daughter's chest rise and fall in slumber. It was strange to think about Tilly as being 'theirs'. She has always been just Donna's. For over four years she had raised Tilly alone. And all along she might not have had to. And maybe, she wouldn't have to do that anymore, either.

But she was scared of Josh's reaction. She had seen him at his absolute worst, and it had scared her each time she had. She would pretend it was no big deal and that everything was all right, but it wasn't, not always. And what if he lashed out when he actually discovered the truth? What if he couldn't control himself? What if Tilly saw?

She had to tell him, she just had to figure out how.

It was no wonder that in the morning when Donna woke, she found Josh slumped across the counter in front of the coffee maker. If she had gotten up just five minutes earlier, then maybe he would have been finding her in the same position.

"Morning," Donna said as she took two mugs out of the cupboard.

Upon hearing Donna's voice Josh suddenly perked up, it was as if he didn't want her to know exactly how little sleep he got, or that it was her that kept him up all night. "Yeah, Morning," he said spinning around to see her. It was then when he saw it. She looked as tired as he felt, though he would never say that. He wasn't that stupid. "Get much sleep?"

"A bit," she replied and plopped the cups on the counter.

"Same," Josh added.

It was like a standoff of who would bring it up first. Josh had a look that said he was playing over the good parts of what had occurred in his room. While Donna was timid, as if she was nervous about this particular topic of conversation.

You would think that after barely sleeping all night and going over and over things in her head that she would know exactly what to say and how to say it. But seeing Josh made all the words she had thought off fuzzy.

It was the same for Josh, he thought he had perfected what he was going to say, but being in Donna's presence made him question himself, and he very rarely did that.

"Last night was-," they said in unison, and then smiled trying to supress their laughter.

"You go first," Josh said, as if he were always the gentleman.

"No, you," she replied. What she said was determinate on him.

"Okay," he stammered, he was kind of hoping she would go first so that he wouldn't have to, but alas he had to get the words out, so he pushed through the awkwardness. "Last night, I think was a really good start to rebuilding our relationship, be it friendship, or you know," Josh began, and Donna agreed. It really did feel good to get all this out in the open, and to understand where the other stood. "But, I have a girlfriend. That I love. And I can't throw our relationship away because you've been back in my life for two minutes. However, I do think continuing to talk will help build our foundation back up, but as of right now, we can't do anymore…extra-curricular activities," he explained. "Sorry."

"No, don't apologise," Donna began. The entire time he was talking she was trying to keep her face as neutral as possible. She couldn't let him know what she really felt about had just been said. "I was going to say the same thing. I mean not the exact same thing, But the substance was the there," she lied. She wasn't going to say any of that. And now she was completely glad that he had gone first. Because if she had said what she really felt, she was sure to be standing there looking quite red faced right now. "I think we pushed things too fast last night, and we got stuck in the heat of the moment. That was all. No harm, no foul," Donna continued.

"Thanks for understanding," Josh said pulling Donna in for a hug. Donna didn't want to leave his arms. In his arms he was hers, she could pretend things had worked out the way she had wanted them to.

"Course," she said when they pulled away. Maybe this was for the better. Without their love lives interfering she could really start on working on opening a dialogue with Josh about Tilly's paternity. Maybe this was for the best, because although she had always very much wanted Josh as her partner, she wanted him as Tilly's father more.

What do you think? Should Josh just dump Rachel, or was he smart to not go straight back to Donna? How do you think Donna should or will tell him, and when do you think she will? How do you think Josh will react?

Also again, can't promise when the next update will be (Just to do this one, I've neglected my assignments for a week) but there will be one one day soon.

Please Review :D