'Just have a seat, Doctor Weaver, the doctor will be right out for you.'

Alexis nodded, took out her tablet to read through the latest issue of the American Psychiatric Association's journal. An article she'd submitted shortly before going on her maternity leave was being published in this one and she couldn't wait to see the reviews. She became so absorbed by it she didn't hear the approaching footsteps, nor the admin call out her name Only when someone gave her a little nudge beside her did she look up, see the assistant waiting for her. Gathering up her things Alexis followed the woman down the hallway to the office.

Jeanette Mulgrew had the temperament of a well-loved grandmother and the patience of a Buddha. Specializing in pre- and post-natal family therapy had given her years of stories for her families while gaining the respect of many in her field. She looked up from the notes she was making to a file at her desk, smiled warmly when Alexis walked in. 'Alexis, good to see you looking so relaxed today.'

'Reading.' Alexis sheepishly held up her tablet. 'My article got published, the one about word-association therapies for reducing the recurrence percentage of delinquent activity.'

'Sounds exciting. Would you care for some tea?'

'Thank you that's great.'

Mulgrew went to her kettle, flipped the switch to boil water before sitting in her armchair across from Alexis. 'So, it's been about four weeks now since your panic attack. How are things going at home?'

'Much better,' Alexis replied honestly. 'I...I took your advice, told my family at Hallowe'en that I was in counseling. I needed to get through the first part on my own so that I wouldn't feel like they were watching me.'

'Watching you?'

'That feeling like I described in our first session, when I said I felt like I was constantly being judged for everything I was doing wrong. But,' Alexis held up her hand, using one of the mantras she'd learned from Mulgrew, 'they weren't judging they were just watching me become a mom.'

'Why do you feel like your family would judge you at all, Alexis? From what I've heard you say others in your family have faced much harder things

'Because...' Alexis trailed off, shook her head. 'I don't know. Ego?'

'How is it ego?'

'My whole life I've been the best. Top of my class, student leader, never partied too much, had a good relationship with my father. Went to university, then medical school and graduated with honours for both. Got married to a nice boy-'

'A man fifteen years older than you,' Mulgrew pointed out. 'He also wasn't your first sexual partner either. Wouldn't little miss perfect have lost her virginity on her wedding night?'

'Yeah, I suppose but that doesn't make you a prima donna or something,' Alexis countered, thinking of Lili and Cam.

'By your definition it does. By your own definitions you still see yourself as falling short even when you attain goals others could only dream of achieving. What do you make of that?'

Alexis said nothing for a moment, just focused on her fingers. 'I don't know,' she said in a small voice. 'That...I'm setting myself up to fail by having standards too high?'

'I suppose that's one way to see it, but I think the healthier way to look at it would be to realize that you are your own worst enemy.'

'I don't follow. I have a healthy ego, I'm smart-'

'Exactly,' Mulgrew said with the hint of a smile. 'You are very smart, a doctor who helps others. You have to learn quickly about people and you're someone who catches onto things very quickly. When you don't feel like you're getting it one hundred percent right the first time you try it, you see that as failure.'

Alexis thought back to her pharmacology classes in medical school, how much self-loathing she faced whenever that subject came around and everyone else just breezed through it. She'd still come away with top grades after ages of studying but the effort in it felt like she was tripling the workforce of everyone else.

Mulgrew saw her go quiet, a sure sign in introspection in this patient, made a note on her pad - AW is beginning to bring down her walls. Continue on course of discussion - self-imposed judgement. 'Alexis, I can assure you that you are not a failure. But you will become one is you continue to be so greedy.'

'Greedy?' At this, Alexis head snapped up.

'Yes, greedy. You are so hungry to be the best that you are forgetting the key part of the human experience is learning how to be the best. Instead of looking at your friends potentially offering to show you something an easier way as help, you see that as an insult. You have to remember something else key as well.'

'What's that?'

'The majority of the people you call your family aren't your family by blood or marriage. They are your family because of an emotional bond you share. There is no automatic obligation to you. You may feel there is because you and Shane have built your life together that way, but in a clinical sense you are not bound to each other by any legal tie. They are there for you because they want to be there.'

'Lanie came over that morning, when I had my panic attack, she...she could have told Shane to go away, but she didn't see that as an option because we've made ourselves a family,' Alexis said slowly, feeling like a child working out a tough math problem. 'She wanted to help me, not because she had to, she wanted to help.'

'Exactly right,' Mulgrew said, underscoring a block-letter yea! on her pad; her face remained placid as she did so. 'So, let's talk about something you can do to show your thanks for people who love you and want what's best for you.'