I do not own Mass Effect, and I don't own anything connected to it.
"Get off, you racist mop varren!" Tali's voice split the darkness. Shepard blinked, and sucked in a deep breath. It was Tali and Garrus. Her eyes scanned the dark fields. No major movement. Nothing to suggest that this peaceful summer night was going to erupt into anything more dangerous. Nothing at all.
But in her experience that just meant the deadly dangers could get a few shots in with the element of surprise.
"Get down," Garrus said, in that tone he used when he was commanding troops. Argos whined. She saw the problem, now that her eyes had adjusted. It wasn't, as Tali's outburst might have indicated, that the quarian was actually under attack. It was just that Argos was leaning against her, pinning her to the side of the Normandy. Like a canine command-and-contain unit.
The door opened behind her and Kaidan came out, dusting off his hands. He shot her a look she couldn't read in the dim light. Liara was fast on his heels, and so was James. She'd led out a veritable parade.
"Argos," Kaidan said. His voice was deep, rumbling, appallingly confident. A command voice. "Friendlies."
In that moment, he reminded her so much of Anderson that she had to blink to make sure it was still really Kaidan standing in front of her. She could almost smell the Vancouver port, that downed gunship, the stench of the first Cannibals she'd encountered. She could almost feel the hot metal under her bruised knees.
But she wasn't there. She was kneeling in the soft earth outside Kaidan's mother's back door. She took a deep, shaky breath, and rose to her feet. Liara's worried eyes tracked her movement. Her leg started to give, a little, so she leaned against the wall. Better than falling on her face. Kaidan would hover like a mother hen for months if she actually fell down. Maybe Liara, too.
Argos snuffed and let Tali go. He trotted over to Kaidan and sat at his feet, tongue lolling. Kaidan ruffled his ears to let him know that yes, he did do a good job. Tali muttered several things that sounded like quarian curses while she tried to brush the dog hair off her enviro-suit.
"Keep talking like that, Kaidan, and I might let you direct my troops," Garrus said. It was so strange to see him out of his armor. Like seeing a turtle out of its shell.
"Thanks, but I've got my own to worry about," Kaidan said. He made a hand gesture and Argos laid down at his feet. "What the hell, Shepard? I didn't think you could move that fast anymore."
"I thought something was wrong," Shepard said. She crossed her arms over her chest. Could she pass off leaning against the wall as sulking, instead of seeking physical support? "Damn dog acted like Cerberus was lighting up the front lawn."
"He's never met a quarian before," Kaidan explained.
"And he's not likely to meet one again. Not with that bad hospitality," Tali muttered. "I swear it's like this whole planet is full of pests. Bugs and dogs and cats and birds. . ."
"Palaven has a lot of wildlife, too," Garrus said. Shepard wasn't sure if that was in support of Earth, or an opening volley in a campaign to get Tali to come home with him. "Though I bet it has less now, what with the near extinction of all life as we know it."
"Bugs are one thing we don't need to import on Rannoch," Tali said, largely ignoring him. "Maybe dogs are a second thing."
"Kaidan," Liara broke in, "Do I smell something burning?"
With a muffled curse, Kaidan spun and beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen. Liara sidled around him and leaned against the wall next to Shepard, their shoulders touching. Then she leaned her head in to whisper against Shepard's ear.
"Can you actually walk?" she asked, in tones almost certain not to carry. Shepard snorted a laugh.
"Generally, or right this second?" she asked in the same faint whisper. Liara's mouth tightened. Apparently she didn't think it was as funny as Shepard did.
"Oi, you two sharing secrets now?" James asked, sidling over. "No fair."
"Just telling Shepard the secret of your scrambled eggs," Liara said. James' eyes narrowed. "It's cheese."
"I don't put cheese in my eggs," James said. Shepard rolled her eyes.
"Don't act like that was actually secret." Experimentally she rolled her hips off the wall. That worked okay. She should probably sit down, though. She hadn't realized how many muscles she needed just to stay upright and balanced until half of them had to be reknitted. "Come on. They're cheesy eggs. Cheesy like your flirting."
"Leave the poor man with some dignity, Shepard," Garrus said. Tali stepped wide around Argos, who watched her pass with big hound eyes. "I seem to recall something that was supposed to be eggs nearly catching the mess on fire? Sprinklers going, alarms blaring. . ."
"Smoke billowing into all my precision equipment . . ." Tali muttered. Shepard grinned at both of them. It felt so good to be teased again. During the long months when she was stuck healing on Earth and her squad was trying to get back home she'd missed that desperately. Everyone she'd met on Earth mostly said yes Commander, no Commander, or Now Ms. Shepard, you know that leg needs more work before you put weight on it. Pah.
"Yeah, you think you can do better? Prove it," Shepard said. She jerked a thumb back at the kitchen. "There's a fridge full of dextro food in there. Half full, anyway. Tali can tell me if you're as good a cook as you claim."
"All I have to do to do better than you is not catch the pan on fire," Garrus said. He leaned back and folded his arms over his chest. "You might not be on your sharply honed edge anymore but I think you'd still notice that."
"Ha ha," Shepard muttered. She shifted more weight onto her left leg. It held. When she'd asked how long she would have to baby it like this the doctor had given her the strangest look. And then he'd told her that he wasn't going to try and tell Commander freaking Shepard what she could and couldn't do, but maybe she shouldn't think of it as a guaranteed result. Which she took to mean that if he were a little less in awe of her legend he'd have told her she would have to baby the leg forever.
No more running. No more precision jumps. No more split-second decisions in hand to hand combat. No more rolling around and diving in an out of cover. No more squatting behind cover, ready to shoot. No. She was a sitter now. A sitter and a leaner.
And she should have remembered that before she started crouching in doorways.
She tried putting her full weight on the leg, and her knee bent without her telling it to. She might really fall.
Oh, to hell with it.
"You guys go on inside," Shepard said. "Liara and I will catch up with you."
She wanted to be teased, not coddled.
"Okay, Scars. Sparks. You ready to show me how to cook with dextro food?" James said, heartily. The three of them went inside without objection. That was trust. Pure and simple.
"It's not like you to hide a problem like that," Liara said mildly.
"Sure is, if it's not something that's going to get better," Shepard said. She clenched her teeth. She would not whine, damnit. "I'm incredibly lucky to have the left leg. If Miranda hadn't been there I'd be stumping around on a prosthetic."
"If Miranda hadn't been there, you'd be dead," Liara said. She gave Shepard a sideways glance. "I don't know how much of the last few months you remember. But your cybernetic implants, the ones that kept you moving, they were working erratically. It was very touch and go for a long time there."
"Yeah. I read the report." Though she hadn't nerved herself up to watching the videos of her surgery. Surgeries. "I'm a lucky woman."
"You certainly are," Liara agreed. "So why not just say you shouldn't have crouched down like that? Why not say that you're still very weak?"
"A split second of doubt can cost lives. I don't want them to doubt me," Shepard said. As soon as she said it, she realized what it really was. And she had to laugh. Liara's lips turned up slightly in that enigmatic way she had. "But that doesn't matter, does it? War's over. And I'm not the leader of the best take-down team anymore. It doesn't matter if they follow my orders. I'm not. . ."
"Don't take it too far, Shepard," Liara said. She pushed off the wall and stood between Shepard and the dark fields. "We'll all listen to you. We respect you. But not in combat, no. So you're right. You're not our battle leader anymore. There's room to question, room to doubt. We can all take a moment and discuss our options instead of blindly obeying."
"I've never been anything but a soldier," Shepard said, quietly. Liara smiled, a real big smile, and laid a fond hand on her arm.
"I disagree," the asari said. "But I know what you mean. I was never anything but an archaeologist, either. And now I'm something else. You will be too. Give it time."
"Probably would have been simpler to die on the Citadel," Shepard said, and she sighed. Liara's smile faded.
"Simpler, maybe. But not better," she said. She wrapped an arm around Shepard's waist in support. "Can you stand up, or do you still need a minute?"
"I can stand," Shepard said. She tried to take a step. Liara had to catch her. It wasn't that the leg buckled completely. It wasn't that weak. It was just weaker than the right leg and a hell of a lot weaker than she was used to. It messed with her balance. But she knew that if she went slowly enough she could make it to the couch inside without Liara's support. So she moved out on her own, with a tap on Liara's hand in thanks. And when she got inside she sank down next to Joker.
"It's not Reapers again, is it?" Joker said. "Cuz I'd be super pissed if we went through all that just to have them pop back up like a, well, like a you."
"Like a me?" Shepard asked. Joker shifted so she could see his eyes under the brim of his hat. His pain lines were deeper now, the circles under his eyes darker.
"A zombie brought back from the dead by a terrorist organization," Joker explained. "Wouldn't have to be Cerberus. But it could be. The Illusive Man wouldn't stop at bringing those squid suckers back if he thought they'd advance the cause of humanity or whatever."
"Well, he's dead. So that's a moot point," Shepard said. Joker tilted his head at her and sat back. His questioning look invited her to continue, so she did. "I wasn't sure if you got the report or not. He shot himself in the head. Right there in the command terminal."
"He was a cyborg, you know," Joker said, quietly. "Half tech. Maybe he could have survived?"
"No," Shepard said. "Trust me."
All the synthetic life in the galaxy is dead, Joker.
She absolutely would not say that to him. Wouldn't rub salt in the wound. Edi's death was too fresh.
Kaidan sauntered over to the couch and flopped down on the other side of Shepard. He snagged her in under his arm and suddenly she was curled against his chest. He was very warm, very solid. The scent of him enveloped her, and she had to close her eyes. It was like coming home.
"I've been kicked out of my own kitchen," Kaidan said. "No room. My own mother shooed me out."
"You can learn to cook dextro food any time on that war ship of yours," Elizabeth Alenko said. She leveled a spoon at her son threateningly. "I don't get so many chances. And I'm not getting any younger, am I?"
"Ma, come on," Kaidan said. His hand tightened on Shepard's shoulder. "I've been back on Earth one day."
"I didn't say I wanted grand children right this second," Elizabeth said. "I said I wanted them before I got too old and gray to pick them up. You're not getting any younger either, you know."
"Thanks, Ma," Kaidan muttered. On her other side, Joker whooped with laughter. It was the first honestly delighted laugh she'd heard from him in a long time. Shepard leaned back enough to look at Kaidan's reddening face.
"Something I should know?" she asked, mildly. Kaidan swallowed hard before he answered. She primly ignored Cortez's quiet attempt to get Liara to bet on her reaction to the next words out of his mouth.
"Ma wrote me while you were sick on Earth," Kaidan explained. "Several times."
"And?" She prompted. Kaidan sighed.
"Oh, you two must have talked about children. I'm not some crazy old lady coming in with something shocking out of nowhere," Elizabeth said.
"We really haven't," Shepard assured her. "But I guess we could talk about it. There's a lot of krogan babies who would need adopting."
That got Kaidan's full attention. She hadn't intended her comment to put the wind up him, but his eyes got wider than she'd ever seen and he seemed to choke on his breath for a moment. When he could breathe again, he said, "We are not adopting krogan!"
"I'll adopt some krogan with you, Shepard," Garrus offered. The look Tali gave him for that one was colder than the poles of Noveria, but Garrus didn't seem to notice. He was busy chopping something. He also didn't notice the look that Elizabeth gave him. Would Shepard have to explain, later, that he hadn't meant to imply they were going to start their own family? Probably. "We could start up a Vakarian Shepard Orphanage. Really pass those combat skills down into the next generation. Or five. Krogan live for freaking ever."
"The Shepard-Vakarian Orphanarium," Shepard mused. Kaidan rolled his eyes, and she snuggled in closer, grinning. "It sounds wonderful. We could take in krogan, and asari, and really make legends of ourselves."
"And what would I be doing while you two were running this orphanarium?" Kaidan asked, the fierce blush fading from his cheeks.
"Biotics training, of course," Shepard said. "And cooking."
"If we could talk Tali into doing some tech training we'd have ourselves a school for the ages," Garrus said. Tali sighed, heavily, and handed him a block of some kind of dextro protein.
"I'm not sure you could afford my rates, Vakarian," she said. "And I'm less sure that any of that's what Mrs. Alenko had in mind."
"Well no," Elizabeth admitted. But she looked at Shepard in fresh speculation. If Shepard weren't so warm and comfortable she might have been nervous about that speculation. "But then nothing has ever gone the way I pictured it so far. Why would it start now? And krogan babies are so cute."
"Cute?" Tali said, in disbelief. "They're like rocks with teeth."
"Fat, smiling rocks with teeth," Elizabeth corrected this. "I saw a vid about Tuchanka's rebirth during the war. Beautiful planet, if you like deserts."
"That must have been some vid," James muttered. "I'll have to check that out myself. Anything that makes that place look pretty. . ."
"I hear you," Kaidan sighed. He dropped a kiss on the top of Shepard's head. "Okay, Cortez. Deal me in?"
"Sure thing, Major," Cortez said. He gathered the deck up and reshuffled it. "Shepard, you want in on this?"
"Nope," she said. She absolutely did not want to move an inch from where she was sitting. "I'm good."
"Deal me in, too," Liara said. Cortez started laying out cards on the low table.
Shepard didn't catch much of the game. She just closed her eyes and let herself drift. She was warm, and safe, and surrounded by the circle of Kaidan's arm and the warmth of his body. The voices of the people she loved most floated past her ears. Quiet voices, laughing voices, the voices of people who weren't afraid.
For the first time in years and years Shepard began to think that everything might be okay.