Notes:

Wow, this chapter was fun to write. I'm starting to feel like this Levi is much more like how Levi would have been before everything happened at the end of No Regrets. A younger Levi without all of his wounds; still damaged, but not as thoroughly as the Heichou we all know best.

Levi woke up, rolled over, and checked his phone.

Nothing.

The same as it had been yesterday and the day before that. It was frustrating, really, not knowing when he was going to see the brat again. It wasn't that Levi had all the time in the world to sit and twiddle his thumbs; one of the servers at the bar had quit without notice, so he had been working overtime all week. Really, today was the first day in a while where he actually had time to eat a proper breakfast.

Nevertheless...

When he really thought about it, Levi could count the number of times he and Eren had seen each other on one hand. There was the time they first met, the time at Ymir's, then the show last weekend; but, for some reason, it all seemed to melt together, leaving Levi feeling like it couldn't possibly have been just last month that they'd met. No, he'd always known Eren, right? So naturally, when the kid wasn't around, it was normal that Levi would feel like something was missing?

Regardless of whether his emotions could be explained, they still encumbered him in ways he was unaccustomed to. He'd lived for years without giving a shit about anybody. Change was a tricky thing. Part of him continued wanting to delete Eren's number from his phone and never having to think about it again, but he also knew it was too late. Such a thing was now impossible.

Levi still couldn't figure out how the kid had done it. He was everything Levi wasn't—outgoing, friendly, and casual. He had friends—not acquaintances or awkward one-night-stands—but real friends. Most times it seemed Armin and Mikasa would do anything to have Eren's back. Anybody would, really. Usually Levi despised people like that, who he deemed to be too easy or simple. So why was he spending the better part of his day wondering what Eren was doing? Why did he have to fight the compulsion to check his phone every ten minutes, only to be disappointed to find the same result? Eren was gorgeous, but so were a lot of people. Eren was sociable and friendly, traits that usually sent Levi running for the hills. So what was Eren that nobody had been, up to this point? What was it about him that was so special in Levi's eyes?

I think you're cool.

Levi thought back to the time outside Ymir's when Eren had chased him down the block, accusing him of leaving without a proper goodbye.

I'm sorry if I'm grossing you out. But I think you're really awesome.

There was something so awe-inspiring about the way Eren's golden skin darkened under duress. It wasn't like Levi, who blushed rosy-red against a lighter complexion. When Eren blushed, it was like a peach ripening in fast forward, or the sun setting behind a curtain of orange-pink clouds. It grazed the top of his nose like a mild sunburn. Coupled with the way he dropped his eyes, half out of embarrassment, half out of deference, and the slight hunch he adopted in his usually upright shoulders, Levi almost lost his breath at the memory of it.

It made Levi remember other things too... more torturous things, like the smell of Eren's hair after a hot shower, damp with a combination of water and sweat; the shocked look in his eye whenever Levi began undressing, as though his greatest wish was about to come true...

The kid was too young to realize how he appeared, too brash to censor his own expressions for the sake of other people. Eren wore his heart on his sleeve. His emotions were there for all to see, but he didn't seem to care. He liked Levi and he wasn't ashamed.

Could it really be simple as that? Levi liked Eren because Eren liked Levi?

Sure, lots of people had found Levi attractive over the course of his lifetime. Even in junior high at the height of his outcast-dom he'd received confessions from a few girls. Near the end of highschool, when he'd finally figured out what not to wear and how to hold himself so as to exude that oh-so-enticing air of teenage apathy, it was as though someone had let down the floodgates to a secret reservoir marked girls who like Levi Ackerman. Girls hit on him in class. They winked at him in gym and followed him and his cronies around during lunch hour. Once graduated, he was invited to enough parties to keep him busy every weekend, and he revelled in it at first, like any recently-repressed youth would.

But after a couple years, the thrill inevitably began to wear off. It was exhausting constantly acting like someone he wasn't just to remain popular in the eyes of his peers. He got tired of banging people he didn't care about. He was broke and didn't want to sofa surf anymore, so he got a fulltime job in the service industry and earned his own apartment. The years passed and he slowly sunk back into the seclusion of his earlier years, leaving the confines of his room mostly only out of necessity.

An outside observer might have claimed that he had regressed. There he was, once a solitary loser, now improved, for no apparent reason deciding to turn around and throw all he had learned out the window. But Levi knew what had really happened. In his mind, he was the only one who knew. The truth was, he had never really changed. He was the same solitary loser as always, just encased in new trappings. It wasn't really him they liked, but the new him he had created.

Even now, years after he'd given up the facade, he still wore the mask. The only difference was that he didn't care as much about outcomes. He wasn't trying to be popular; he was trying to survive. He didn't want to make hundreds of friends; he wanted to make it through his day. If he went to a party, he did so out of absolute need—and this was a need that he cursed regularly.

Life would be so much easier if he became a robot. He wouldn't be obliged to do any of the inane things humans do, like eating, sleeping, worrying, or being lonely. Alas, it wasn't that simple. Levi, like most people, got tired of sleeping alone sometimes. He wished he had someone to talk to after a bad day at work and he dreaded the prospect of a weekend with no plans. One night he even created an online dating account out of desperation, and that was where he had met Hange.

So what?

Levi kicked a rock, turning a corner towards the grocery store.

What was he driving at here? Was Eren special somehow? Was he the only one for whom Levi had decided to remove his mask?

No, that wasn't it. Levi was tough as nails. Even with someone as sweet as Eren, Levi kept his defences fully armed. No, no, it didn't have anything to do with Levi. It was one-hundred-percent Eren's doing. The kid had somehow managed to slip past the gate, but it wasn't anything so violent as shooting down walls or ripping off veils, leaving Levi naked and humiliated. Eren let Levi keep his mask. Eren knew the mask was there. He might've even suspected what was underneath it, but he didn't care. He was ready for Levi in whatever shape Levi chose to offer himself.

Levi got out his phone and typed out a text message.

Are you free tonight?

He paused, staring at the screen.

After a moment, he shut his phone without sending it. He wasn't ready. The way he felt inside was bad enough. The last thing he needed was for the kid to realize it too. If life had ever taught Levi anything, it was that precious sentiments were best kept to oneself. If a person was foolish enough to cast them in front of others, they would be undoubtedly snatched away, never to be seen again. And Levi didn't want to have to stop feeling this way. Not yet.

The weekend rolled around and Levi was amazed to find that he had been given Saturday and Sunday off. His manager was training two new people and needed them on the floor to get experience. Normally Levi would've rejoiced in the opportunity to catch up on sleep, but all it meant was more unoccupied time with which to agonize over his dilemma.

He considered asking Hange what she was up to, but he decided it was probably a bad idea given that he had zero intentions of pursuing her romantically. After their last conversation, he was uncomfortable with the degree of ambiguity that remained between them. He was loathe to leading people on. Not only was it a waste of their time, but a waste of his.

He spent Saturday morning scouring his apartment until the entire thing sparkled and gleamed. Once he was finished, he threw open all the windows and let a bright spring breeze blow away the smell of cleaning products. He poured himself a glass of wine and stood on the balcony, staring out at the city.

Eren, Eren, Eren.

Levi wanted Eren.

He wanted to feel Eren in his hands. He wanted to hear Eren gasping. He wanted to pull Eren's hair and to feel the rippling of his slender body. He wanted all of it right then and there in his newly laundered bed sheets.

Before he knew it Levi was back in his bedroom, lying on his back, undoing his belt with trembling hands. He pulled himself out and immediately began stroking himself up and down, closing his eyes. His breath came in frantic, sharp inhalations. Usually when he touched himself he covered his eyes with a hand or a scarf or a pillow, so he could block out all evidence of his own existence. He didn't like thinking of himself in such an awkward situation. Sometimes, if he was feeling rigid enough, he would go as far as to plug his ears before he started, but today, he was far too aroused to take the trouble.

No matter how loud he gasped, how awkward the sound of his hand moving up-and-down was, he was nothing without his lover. He could scream and moan and cum all over the sheets, but he would remain invisible unless Eren was there to witness it. His desire for the boy transcended petty notions like insecurity or self-consciousness. There was nothing but hunger. The tragedy of his shame paled in comparison to the tragedy of his emptiness. He wanted Eren inside him, fucking him like a whore. He wanted to ride the brat until he felt himself spasming deep inside him, watching as he—

Levi moaned, arching his back as he came. He pressed his heels into the side of the bed as the orgasm peaked, eventually breaking off into even pulses.

"Fuck," he sighed, going slack against the sheets. He closed his eyes. There was no denying it.

I miss him.

Levi spent the rest of the day surfing social media and feeling like shit about himself. Eren had been tagged in three photos from the night before. It looked like he, Armin and Mikasa had gone out for late night dim-sum at a 24-hour joint in Chinatown. Levi wondered what the kid had been doing before that. He wondered why Eren had the time to like the photo and RSVP to three events but not to send Levi a text. He wondered what Eren's plans were for tonight. He wondered if Eren even remembered who he was.

He drifted off on the sofa, lying on his side. His laptop was open on the coffee table. The glass of wine remained unfinished after all these hours, hot and sticky in the summer heat. All that Levi had eaten that day was a small bowl of cereal. He wasn't hungry. He was rendered weak by the current situation, too weak to even ridicule himself for his foolishness. He might have wept had he had the strength, but all he could do was wait.

Hours passed and he dozed, enjoying the only relief he could find by becoming unconscious. When he awoke he was covered in sweat. His t-shirt clung to his body like a bathing suit. He stripped it off and tossed it to the side, groaning as he stalked to the washroom to take a piss. When he returned, he picked up the wineglass and sat in the darkness, staring at the wall. He felt like a baby bear lost in the woods without its mother. He daren't move, lest something hear his footsteps and come to eat him up.

His phone buzzed.

Levi stared at it across the room, afraid to check to see who it was. He was petrified of the disappointment he was almost guaranteed to feel. His expectations had created a deep resentment towards anyone who decided to text him who was not Eren.

The phone buzzed again.

Levi set down his glass and walked slowly towards the counter, like an investigator might towards an unidentified corpse. He stared in morbid rapture as his phone began to ring, vibrating over and over. It hardly felt real when he swiped the screen and held the phone to his ear, knowing before they spoke whose voice was going to ring out like a bell, winding its way through the air waves, dancing through lofty telephone towers, transformed into various data states and delivered at last into the willing canals of Levi's eardrum.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Levi said softly, impelling his voice to remain even.

There was a pause. "How are you?"

"Good," Levi answered automatically. He glanced at the microwave clock. It was ten o'clock—too late for an invitation, but too early for a drunken bootie call. What was the kid doing phoning him at a time like this?

"What are you up to?" Eren asked nonchalantly.

"Just enjoying my night off."

"I see."

There was a long moment of silence.

"What about you?" Levi asked quickly, realizing it was only polite to return the question. "Do you have anything planned?"

"Not really," Eren replied with a sigh.

Levi was stumped. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what the kid wanted. It might have been obvious to an outside observer, but Levi was thrown off by having spent his entire afternoon drowning in fantastical maundering. Now that Eren was right there on the other end of the telephone it felt surreal, almost like being visited by the main character in a fiction novel.

"What did you do last night?"

"I worked," Levi grunted.

"But you don't work tonight?"

"Nope. I have tomorrow off, too."

"I see."

The conversation was incredibly mundane and yet seemed replete with hidden meanings. Levi shuffled uncomfortably, running a finger along the countertop.

"Why aren't you playing a show?"

"Oh, we only play once a month tops. We don't want to exhaust our audience." Eren paused. "Why aren't you seeing Hange?"

"There wasn't a party."

"Ah." Eren sighed again. "Such a boring weekend."

It was true. Levi realized that this was the first weekend in a long time that he hadn't gone out partying in some respect. He couldn't remember the last Saturday where he hadn't been hungover or underslept. It felt oddly depressing.

"Well, maybe next weekend will be better."

"Yeah," Eren said flatly. After a moment, he continued, "Well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

The words felt like a knife had been stabbed into Levi's gut. He gripped his phone, his fingers suddenly vicelike.

"Hey..."

"Yeah?" Eren asked quickly, almost abruptly.

"Did you want to..." Levi cleared his throat. "Did you want to grab a coffee or something?"

"Yes!" Eren exclaimed. Then, quickly, "Wait, did you mean tonight, or—"

"Yeah." Levi ran a hand through his hair. "Tonight."

They met at a little cafe just down the block from Levi's apartment. Levi showered a quickly as he could before tearing out the door and down the elevator. Only when the cafe appeared in sight did he slow his pace, suddenly hesitant.

The kid was already in there, sitting by the window with a pot of tea. Levi's breath caught in his throat. It was hard to imagine someone so good-looking being real. Eren wasn't particularly stylish, tending towards plain t-shirts with jeans and a pair of runners. He was the kind of guy who only dressed up when he was going to be on stage. What made him so utterly outstanding was just him; his face, with its vivid green eyes and arched eyebrows; his sculpted, slender body; and the shape of his hands. Everything about him was perfect. Levi slipped in without him noticing and bought a coffee, fumbling with his wallet as if it were a giant clump of wet clay.

Drink in hand, he slowly made his way to the window. The cafe was pretty packed, being the only one in that area that was open past midnight. Harried students hunched over, alone, scowling at their laptops, sipping espresso and mining through giant stacks of articles. A group of pretty school girls crowded around the counter, drinking soda pops and giggling secretively. They were probably too young to get into the clubs. Two elderly women sat near the window playing chess, murmuring bits of conversation to one another in between their strategizing. It was amazing they were even able to hear one other what with the coffee grinder, the cafe jazz and the barista yelling out drink orders.

Levi's heart was going a mile-a-minute. He didn't even know what he was going to say as a greeting. What was Eren thinking?

It was as if Eren felt Levi coming. Levi was still three tables away when the boy turned around. Their eyes locked and suddenly Levi could hardly breathe. Eren's face broke into a radiant smile.

"Hey, over here!" He waved.

"I see you," Levi muttered, setting down his drink. His face felt like it might break, it was taking such an effort to maintain his guise of equability. After a moment he hazarded to glance up at Eren once more. The boy was beaming. Levi felt the corner of his mouth give a rebellious twitch.

"Wow, I..." Eren shook his head. "It feels like it's been forever since I've seen you."

I know. It feels like it's been years.

"I didn't take you for much of a tea person."

"I'm not," Eren laughed. "I do like earl grey, though."

You're so fucking cute it makes me ache all over.

"How did you get here so fast?" Levi sipped his coffee. "Don't you live up near the college?"

"I drove."

"Drove? I didn't know you had a car."

"Oh, it's not mine. It's my mom's."

I wonder if she expects you home tonight.

The two of them chatted about little things, like how Eren was enrolled in open studies at the university and what classes he was taking, or what Levi's boss was like, or what was better, coffee or black tea. Levi savoured each new piece he learned about Eren's life like a ration handed out in wartimes. Things were so uncertain. There was no guarantee when he might see Eren next, or if he would even ever see him again. They were two guys. They had fucked a couple times, but they didn't know anything about each other. Eren was six years younger. Levi tried his best to live in the moment, enjoying it for what it was, but his mind kept nagging at him, asking questions like, what does he want? and does he feel the same way as I do?

"Just to let you know, we're closing in ten minutes," a barista interjected, clearing away Eren's dishes. Eren nodded his thanks and the both of them fell silent.

"I can't believe it's almost one," Levi said, checking his watch. "The time went by so quickly."

"I know." Eren dropped his gaze. He suddenly appeared downcast.

"What is it?"

"I was just thinking about how little I know about you."

It was an interesting sentiment given they'd just spent the past two hours telling each other many a detail about one another's lives. Even more interesting was how Levi felt exactly the same way.

"Does it bother you?"

"Yeah," Eren said softly. "You could just disappear one day."

"What are you talking about?"

Eren sulked.

"You have my number," Levi pointed out. "You know where I live."

"None of that matters... if you don't want me."

"Don't want you?" Levi sputtered, nearly gagging on the last sip of his coffee. "What the hell?"

"Never mind," Eren said quickly, standing up. "I'm being stupid. Let's go." He waved cheerfully at the barista and was halfway out the door when Levi caught his arm.

"Don't go running off."

"I wasn't running away, the cafe is closing—"

"You know what I mean." Levi fixed him with a stormy glare. "Answer the question. What the hell did you mean back there?"

"I... I..." Eren wrung his hands. "I just get these moments where I'm really dramatic and dumb. You should ignore it."

The two of them were pushed out into the street by a hoard of exiting guests. They began to walk down the avenue with no set destination, tacitly shying away from the necessity of saying goodbye to one another. The bars and clubs were beginning to pour out, filling the streets with drunken hooligans.

"You said I didn't want you."

"I was being stupid."

"You still said it."

"I've never dated anyone before, okay?" Eren blurted. "I don't know how these things work!" A couple girls up ahead turned around and he blushed, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Give me a fucking break."

"It's true!" Eren exclaimed. "I still haven't even come out to my parents yet."

"You said you took a girl to prom."

"I had to, otherwise everyone would've known."

"And what about the classmate you dated for a year in grade eleven?"

"Again, that was mostly because she was so pushy—"

"So you've dated."

"Not really," Eren said stubbornly. "Not anyone I actually liked."

Levi frowned. "What is it you're afraid of?"

"Never seeing you again." Eren paused, his blush deepening. "Never being able to do it with you again."

"Eren," Levi said under his breath, leaning in so that only the boy could hear. "Just before you called I touched myself thinking about you."

Eren swallowed. "Really?"

"I thought about how incredible you feel inside."

Eren stared ahead, seemingly transfixed by Levi's words.

"And how hard I came when you fucked me in the ass."

"S-so you don't think it's gross that I'm a g-guy?"

"For fuck's sake," Levi groaned. "You're still going on about that?"

"It isn't my fault. You've fucked lots of girls before."

"Yeah," Levi replied, "but none that I really liked. You should understand. You just said the same thing about yourself."

"Dating is different from fucking."

"Jesus Christ! What can I say to make you believe me?"

It really did seem absurd to contest such a thing when Levi had spent the better part of five days jerking off to memories of Eren, longing for the kid's scent and the sound of his voice. It was like trying to explain to somebody that the sky was blue. It was so obvious it was actually difficult to make a case for it.

"Would it help you to know that I used to watch some gay porn?" Levi asked, glancing over his shoulder discreetly.

"REALLY?"

"Just a little here and there," Levi backtracked reflexively.

Eren's eyes were shining like freshly buffed peridot. "You mean it?"

You'd think I'd just offered to buy him a new car or something, Levi thought to himself. He grimaced, the tips of his eyebrows curving upwards. "Yes, now can we please keep it down? There are tons of assholes around, and—"

"DOUCHEBAGS!"

The two of them spun around with an incriminating degree of alarm, only to find none other than Armin, Jean, and Eren's drummer strolling along the other side of the street. They were clearly hammered.

"Oh, shit," Eren said under his breath.

"What's up?" Jean asked, having successfully jaywalked to their side of the road. "We're so wasted, the show at the Tower was incredible, you should have seen—" he paused, appraising Eren with renewed bewilderment. "Wait, what are you doing here? You said you couldn't come out because you had a family thing—"

"Hey, Eren. Hey, Levi!" Armin smiled sloppily. "Nice to see you again!"

"Dude," Jean interrupted, eying Levi suspiciously. "What happened to your family dinner—?"

"I did have a family dinner, but it ended early," Eren hurriedly explained. "I had to drive someone home—"

Levi gritted his teeth. The kid didn't realize that he was only going to make it worse. The more Eren tried to explain the situation logically, the deeper he was going to dig himself into a hole. If he had the time to spare, there were very few reasons why Eren would have chosen to call Levi for a coffee instead of meeting with his friends for a show, all of which were bathed in dubiousness.

"We were actually headed to the Tower when we realized the show was probably finished," Levi interrupted. "We stepped into a bar and got sidetracked."

"Too bad," Armin sighed, resting his drunken head on Eren's shoulder. "Eren would've loved the guitar player."

Jean wasn't so easily redirected. "You could've texted us."

"What am I, your child?" Eren questioned.

"Fuck no!" Jean snickered. "I'd kill myself if that was the case."

"Good riddance, I say."

Jean might have had lasting suspicions, but either he was too drunk or too proud to pursue them any farther. He didn't ask any more questions, but his eyes trailed over Levi a little longer than Levi thought was normal. Luckily his protectiveness for Eren was fuelling a steely impregnability in him. He returned Jean's stare with a dark smile.

"Well, we were just gonna catch a cab," Jean said, breaking Levi's gaze. "You fuckers wanna party at Ymir's?"

"It's all good man, you guys have a good time," Eren replied.

"How the fuck are you gonna get home?" Jean demanded.

"I'm gonna drive," Eren answered simply. Levi groaned internally. Unlike Levi, the kid was awful at lying.

"But you've been drinking!" Jean accused.

"No I haven't," Eren railed back, beginning to bristle with annoyance. "Where did you get that idea?"

"Levi just said you guys were drinking at a bar!"

"Oh," Eren said, caught off guard. "Well, I had a coffee, so—"

"You are acting so weird man," Eren's drummer observed. "Why would you drink coffee in a bar?"

Levi was amazed they were being so nosy. If he'd been as drunk as them, he wouldn't have cared less about the details of one of his buddy's goings-on. Though, he supposed he'd never had a core friend group like them, so he didn't really know how these things were supposed to go.

"Uh..." Eren scratched the back of his head, apparently out of ammo.

Miraculously, Armin seemed to take a hint. "Get off his back, guys," he said jokily, punching Jean's arm. "We all know how crazy the family life can be. Cut him some slack."

"Whatever," Jean scoffed, ruffling Eren's hair. "You sure you don't wanna come get wasted?"

"No man, I can't."

"Fine, be lame then." Jean glanced at Levi fleetingly. "Have fun, losers!"

It wasn't long before the three of them had flagged down a cab and vanished. Eren and Levi stood under a line of flower baskets, stunned in the wake of their departure.

"You didn't tell them why you couldn't go."

"Shit," Eren cursed.

"You should have gone with them. It would've solved everything."

"Probably."

There was a silence.

"So you did have plans tonight?"

"With my family?" Eren asked mindlessly. "No, that was a lie."

Levi couldn't help it—he began to chuckle. It was just so hilarious.

"What are you laughing at?" Eren demanded, balling his hands into fists.

"You're just so funny," Levi gasped, trying to control himself.

"Funny? What do you mean?"

"You really shouldn't tell lies if you can't keep them straight."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"You told me you didn't have any plans tonight and that's why you wanted to meet up." Levi studied Eren's face. "But it turns out your friends had invited you out to a show."

Eren flushed crimson.

"So am I right in thinking that you put your plans with them on hold..."

Eren stared furiously at the ground.

"...to see if you could come hang out with me?"

"W-well, I..."

Levi couldn't wipe the grin off his face. He didn't think he could feel more elated if he tried. He could've pointed out how Eren had foolishly wandered down the very same street his friends were most likely to be pouring out, or all the clumsy ways in which Eren had attempted to cover for them when faced with Jean's scrutiny, but Levi's goal wasn't to humiliate Eren—he merely wished to relive the details that delighted him. These were details that assuaged the worries that had tormented him for the better part of the past week.

"You're fucking adorable," Levi muttered.

"Shut up," Eren muttered, shoving his hands even deeper into his pockets. "Can we just go back to your apartment already?"

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," Levi remarked, tipping Eren's face up by his chin. The two of them were sitting on Levi's bed, kneeling face-to-face. Ever since the interaction down near the Tower, the kid had found it exceedingly difficult to meet Levi's eye.

"I'm sorry," Eren said quietly.

Levi stared into Eren's face. A moment later, he leaned forward and kissed him. Eren moaned at the touch of Levi's lips, leaning forward quickly. Their teeth clacked together and Eren giggled self-consciously, but Levi didn't seem to notice. He sucked Eren's upper lip until the boy's laughter subsided, replaced by short gasps. Levi stripped off Eren's pants and underwear and pulled him into his lap. Eren began to grind against Levi's boxers. Levi groaned, biting Eren's lip unforgivingly.

Levi set the bottle of lube down and slid his fingers under, supporting them on one of his own thighs.

"Y-you're fingers," Eren gasped weakly. "C-can I please—"

Levi gripped Eren's shoulder with his free hand and coaxed the boy downwards. Eren lowered himself onto Levi's hand and began to roll his hips, letting out short, clipped yelps of pleasure. It was incredible to feel the way Eren's body contracted so intimately, so vividly. Levi moved his free hand upwards and embedded it in Eren's hair, pulling until he could see Eren's full face. Levi's silver glare pervaded the darkness, making Eren feel quite naked, even though both of them were still wearing their shirts.

Little did Eren know that Levi was revealing more than he had ever revealed to anybody. In Eren's presence, Levi felt entirely exposed.

I love you.

The thought resonated in his mind like a chime, signalling a coming storm.

And then Eren was beneath him, and there was no time left for Levi to chastise himself, and Eren's breath was in Levi's lungs, and their shirts were rucked up, revealing sticky portions of their quaking abdomens which ground together, hips pressing against thighs over-and-over, Levi's boxers wound around one of his ankles...

I love you.

...And Eren's abandon fell away once more, and his arms stretched far over his head, clutching greedy handfuls of Levi's duvet, and Levi's oil-slicked fingers tugged Eren's nipples in little circles...

...And Levi felt himself disintegrating, and as he did, he glanced up, his mouth gaping with pleasure, his brow furrowed deep, and found Eren's gaze fixed on his own, his intensity met with a scathing vulnerability more penetrating than any sentiment Levi could ever unearth from his cold, wretched heart...

I fucking love you.

...And in that moment, Levi's thoughts could no longer contain themselves within the confines of his guilty mind. He grabbed either side of Eren's head and pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes in a final surrendering.

"I love you."

That was it. The kid had won. Levi, for the first time in his life, had chosen to leap without looking. Perhaps that was because with love, there was no way to look. There was no way to know how the other person truly felt. For Levi, even at the best of times, it felt like a gamble. Maybe it always would. Perhaps he was too damaged to ever trust as blindly as others could.

But thankfully for Levi, Eren wasn't quite the same.

"I love you too, Levi!" he gasped immediately, grabbing Levi's arms. "I fucking love you!"

Levi orgasmed in a deluge of sorrow and fear and ecstasy as he had never known.

END CHAPTER 5