A/N: I'm back from camping so here is another chapter! There are two songs to queue up this week, If You Could See Me Now by The Script and Field of Innocence by Evanescence. Please pay close attention to the lyrics for If You Could See Me Now as a lot of them are changed. Hope you enjoy!
I don't own anything except Wren
Previously: My vision started to blur as I clawed upwards. I was so close, and my fingers felt the cool wind, but I couldn't make it. After everything, this is where it ends was my last thought, before I succumbed to the darkness.
The sound of someone yelling in my ear brought me out of my unwanted sleep. It was frantic, and I struggled to make out the words, but it felt as if something was blocking my ears, muffling all sounds. Suddenly, I became aware of the intense pain that gripped my entire body. Gosh, you would think I was hit by a truck or something. Wait, what did happen? The memories came flooding back as another wave of pain hit me. I tried to yell, scream, make some kind of noise in hopes of relieving pain, but something was blocking my airways. I attempted to get the water, which is what I deduced it was, out if my throat but I couldn't. I started to freak out, my eyes fighting to open, my body convulsing. I felt a pair of hands press down on my chest, causing the water to raise. I gave it one last push and coughed the vile liquid out. My eyes blinked open to the worried faces of the host club.
"Hey," an intense cough rattled my body when I began to speak, leaving me with an unimaginable pain, but I had to convince them that I was okay. "What's up." I finished, giving them a weak smile. Hunny and Tamaki began crying as they glomped me, making me gasp in pain.
"Give her some space." Kyoya instructed, prying the two off me.
"Aw, it's just a little hug, I'm fine." I defended. Kyoya just ignored me and began giving me a once over, checking to see what injuries I had. My eyes caught Takashi's, and all the other times his eyes showed worry for me paled in comparison to the look he was giving me now. It was as if all of his defenses had crumbled and he was showing the rawest emotions he had. I never thought I could ever have that big of an effect on him. I gave him a cheeky grin and waved, but then scowled at Kyoya when he grabbed my arm and checked it for bruises.
"Really Kyoya, ya had to ruin the wave?" Again he ignored me and said something completely off subject.
"The ambulance is on its way."
"I don't need a flippin' ambulance, I am perfectly fine!" I crossed my arms and raised my nose to the sky, huffing. I was a little nervous though, I did not want to go to the hospital at all. I really hate them, but I've got my bruises as an excuse to not go.
"Now Wren, you have to get checked out so we can make sure you are actually okay." the twins say worriedly, their eyes checking for injuries themselves.
"The trust here is through the roof, I'm so glad we have this strong bond." I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I hear sirens and sigh, wishing I had a choice in the matter. Kyoya leaves to tell the ambulance where we are and I attempt to stand up. I get about halfway before falling. I expect to feel the nearby concrete, but instead I felt air. Did my world literally get turned upside down? Nope, just Takashi carrying me bridal style. Wait... my face now rivals a canary's. I focused on the ground while worrying about the hospital.
"What's wrong?" Takashi must have caught on to my facial expression.
"I can't go to the hospital. The concealer would only last for so long." He was confused for a second, but then a look of understanding took over.
"We should talk to Kyoya."
"You mean like, tell him?" I asked worriedly. Takashi nodded and I sighed. I didn't see any other way to get out of this. Any excuse would sound suspicious.
"Okay." I agreed reluctantly. Takashi set me down and went to get Kyoya. I saw the others apart from Kyoya were standing far away with frowns on their faces. They must have been told to wait there. I sighed in relief, I wasn't ready to tell all of them yet. Kyoya and Takashi came over, the former harboring a curious look under his glasses.
"I was told you had something to tell me." he said, but not unkindly.
"I can't go to the hospital." I began, crossing my arms over my chest.
"And why not." I take a deep breath in and Takashi give my shoulder a squeeze, nodding to me.
"I can't because I have suspicious looking bruises from somewhere..." Now he looks suspicious.
"Where are these bruises from?"
"My mom." I mumbled, but he heard me. His eyes widened and his suspicion turned to concern.
"Why didn't you tell us?" His voice was still even and business-like. He's good at hiding his emotions.
"I-I just couldn't. Please don't tell the others, though I think Hunny has a inkling. Or more likely he knows everything judging by the looks he gives me." Said bunny was giving me that knowing look right now, so I did the mature thing and stuck out my tongue at him. "I don't want them to overreact and make things awkward between us." I revealed my insecurities to him and it felt good. Now I feel like we have a higher amount of trust between us.
"Alright, I will keep your secret." I sighed in relief. "But," Oh no, here it comes. "You have to participate in cosplay at the club." Goddammit Spooky, always got a condition.
"Fine, whatever. Just go and call off the ambulance." Kyoya handed me a sundress from who knows where and slinked off like the little snake he is. After I slipped it on the reality of the situation hit me. Now two people who I have barely known for a week know one of my darkest secrets. My mom abusing me is something I have never told anyone, so why in the hell am I opening up to these guys. They are all lovable and have good hearts, but that doesn't mean I can let my guard down. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the twins, Hunny, and Tamaki approaching and I felt like I was drowning again. Panic washed over me and I knew I had to leave before I freaked out on all of them.
"Wren?" Takashi started, but I quickly cut him off.
"I need to get out of here. Please take me home." My voice cracked but I couldn't be bothered. Somehow I ended up in the car, but my mind was too occupied to have noticed how it happened. The others attempted to start conversation with me but I ignored them in favor of my own thoughts. God, how close to my heart have I let the host club venture into. I flippin' saved Hunny, even though I knew I might drown. And I realized that I would have done it again, for any of the members. Even that know-it-all Kyoya. However, I know how this story ends, and it's not pretty. Eventually I will let out something I didn't mean to and the others will start distancing themselves. Why? Because nobody wants to bother with something broken. I can be their friend, that's fine and dandy, but I need to distance myself to a friend from afar. I need to watch over them without being seen. But somehow the very thought of that made tears sting my eyes. Confused, I wondered why this emotion was brought up and my mind conjured pictures of the wonderful times I've had with the club. I had genuinely smiled and laughed with them around, and the selfish side of me wasn't about to let that slip away. I knew I had to though, for their sake. I would feel even worse if I continued on and let them deal with my problems, of which I had many. It wasn't fair to them that they have to be burdened with me, not when they are such a light-hearted group. We had pulled up to Takashi's house when the thought hit me, I want to protect their happiness because mine was taken away from me at such a young age. I got out of the car in a sort of daze as I unwillingly relieved all the awful moments of my life. Takashi looked at me expectantly, gesturing at the front door, and I followed him in.
"I'll be in my room, I need to rest." I told him, turning away before could respond. I hoped he wasn't hurt, I just needed some alone time.
"Wren, you're back!" Mini-Mori enthused, but all I could offer was a weak smile and a nod before entering my room. I stayed in there till after dinner, which I asked the maids to bring to my room, and then ventured out, wanting to explore the house in hopes that it would relax my mind. Everyone was occupied at this time of day with either training or work, so I was able to wander without the risk of someone wanting to strike up a conversation. I wouldn't be able to handle that, especially if it was Takashi. He just made everything much more confusing. I know I like him, but that was even more reason to stay away. I cared about him enough to know that I would only cause trouble in the long run. Heh, what am I even talking about? Even though I do like him, there is no way that he would ever like me back, right? So I have enough reason to back off, distance myself, but my brain balks at the idea. I sighed and continued looking through the various doors, already finding closets, bathrooms and the occasional guest bedroom. I was just about to go back to my room when I found just what I didn't know I needed, a music room. I went straight to the piano and stretched out my fingers, wondering what I would play. As I was sifting through my thoughts a memory flashed vividly in my mind. It was me and my sister at the park. It was my eighth birthday and my loving 16 year old sister decided to take me out in the town. It was a simple memory, just me eating a crepe while Lily pushed me on the swing, but it was enough to bring tears to my eyes. Oh Lily, what would you do? She was very independant, and she had her share of problems, but somehow she was able to balance a long-standing relationship with a guy without any conflict. Her life was so put together, and she had such a bright future. But then everything went to hell. My fingers began playing and word came to my mouth before I even knew what was happening.
It was February 14th, Valentine's day
The roses came but they took you away
Tattooed on my heart is a charm to disarm all the harm
Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone
And I'll never get to show you these songs
I need your help to decide what's right and wrong
I see you standing there always so strong
Singing along, causing no harm
And there are days when I'm losing my faith
Because you weren't good you were great
You'd say "Music was the home for your pain"
And explained I was young, you would say
Take that rage, put it on a page
Take the page to the stage
Blow the roof off the place
I'm trying to make you proud
Do everything you did
I hope you're up there with God saying "That's my sis!"
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now
If you could see me now would you recognize me?
Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me?
Would you follow every line on my tear-stained face
Put your hand on a heart that was cold
As the day you were taken away?
I know it's been a while but I can see you clear as day
Right now, I wish I could hear you say
I think too much and I don't feel enough
But if you can't see me now that shit's a must
You used to say I won't know a wind until it crossed me
Like I won't know real love 'til I've loved and I've lost it
So if you've lost a sister, someone's lost a mom
And if you've lost a dad then someone's lost a son
And they're all missing out, yeah they're all missing out
So if you get a second to look down on me now
Lily I'm just missing you now
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Oh, oh
Would you call me a saint or a sinner?
Would you love me a loser or winner?
Oh, oh
When I see my face in the mirror
We look so alike that it makes me shiver
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Yeah I'm just missing you now
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now
If you could see, you could see me now
If you could see, you could see me now
Tears streamed down my face as I tried to suppress my sobs. Lily, I love you. Why did you have to leave me? I don't have anybody now and I don't know what to do. I froze when I heard footsteps echoing down the hallway. Shit, I have to hide! I spotted a door to my left and leaped into it while being as quiet as possible. Glancing around I found that I was outside. So I walked around the rose garden before dejectedly slumping down by a pond. All of this thought about my sister just reinforced my previous resolution that I wanted to protect the host's innocence. I couldn't reveal my problems to them because then they would have to realize how cold this world really is. And I didn't want to break their fantasies and carefree demeanor with something so worthless. I must distance myself from them.
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Oh, Where
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I... I want to go back to
Believing in everything
I still remember.
"Such a sorrowful song." I gasped and turned around to face Kira. "What inspired it?" She gracefully kneeled down next to me. She was wearing a beautiful kimono, black with sakura flowers on it. She was a classic japanese beauty, with long black hair and a face like porcelain. Exactly the type of woman I bet Takashi finds attractive. I shook the thoughts away.
"It's just a song I heard and wanted to try singing." A complete lie, but I didn't want to bother her when she was always so nice to me.
"Hm, that was quite a bit of emotion for 'just a song'" she wiped a tear away that I wasn't aware of. "What's wrong?"
"It's really nothing, I'm just being stupid." I waved my hands in front of me, signaling that nothing was wrong.
"I know there is a reason, but I understand if you won't tell me." She sighed sadly, making my guilt meter go wild.
"A lot of things have happened and it's just a bit hard to take." I relented.
"What's bothering you dear?" The way she is being so, so motherly made tear well up yet again.
"Oh, I didn't mean to make you upset, I'll just leave now." Kira apologized, about to stand up.
"No, no, that's not it. You just reminded me what a real mom should be like." Her eyes sparked up, as if I had just given her an idea.
"Then I will be your surrogate mother."
"What!" I was not expecting that.
"I will be the mother you deserve for as long as you'll let me. Besides I'm sure you will eventually become my daughter-in-law anyway." she teased. My cheeks flushed at her assumption, but I swiftly realized it wasn't possible.
"I don't know about that." I tried to keep my voice light, but failed. She was so easy to talk to. Her eyes softened.
"Allow me to give you some motherly advice, don't be afraid to pursue Takashi. He never took an interest in woman until he met you. Now his eyes light up at the mention of your name and has opened up to you even more than he ever opened up to me."
"I don't want to burden him." I almost whispered.
"He doesn't see you as a burden sweetie. That's what love is about, accepting each other's differences and being more appreciative because of them." Kira gently patted my back and glided away. Her words then hit me.
"Who said anything about love!" I yelled after her. I heard a peal of laughter in return. Realizing I've been a complete bitch to Takashi, I headed inside so I could apologize to him. After arriving at his door I wondered if this was the best time to be bothering him. He may be doing homework or something else equally important. Or he could be gloomy because of me... I tentatively knocked on the door and waited for an answer nervously.
"Come in" came his deep, monotone answer. I cracked the door open and peered through, finding he was only listening to music.
"I'm really, really sorry about how I was acting. You were just being kind and I completely brushed you off. I just wanted to say I really appreciate everything you do, I was just in a mood." I stared at the ground, waiting for his response.
"Wren." I looked up and was started at how close he had gotten. I hadn't even heard him stand up, let alone walk over to me.
"Wow, I really need to pay more attention if you got that close without me noticing it." He chuckled, causing me to smile as well.
"Wren, I'm not upset. I understand you are having some troubles. I want to help you." Takashi said sweetly.
"I-I don't want to bother you with my problems. I'll get over them."
"It isn't a bother, it is my choice to get involved. You need someone to lean on too."
I giggled. "You know your mom lectured me on this too, you two really are alike."
"Wren," he started seriously, "do you trust me?" After a bit of pause and some debate on my part I finally responded.
"You are the first one to gain my trust actually. How you managed that, I don't know."
"I promise I won't let you down." He stated sincerely.
"I know you won't. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." And with that was able to return to my room and sleep peacefully.
A/N: I'm tired as hell so goodnight from me as well my lovely readers!