It has come to my attention a lot of people didn't catch it when ACOWAR revealed that Amren was an angel (the one who killed the firstborn in the plagues of Egypt) .

That is important to know for this chapter. It isn't a headcanon, it was confirmed by Maas herself.

Chapter 5: Amrian

"Careful, you're smiling again," Varian whispered into Amren's ear.

"That is completely unacceptable, how dare you let me make an idiot out of myself." Amren turned her smile on him.

Lucien and Elain had just begun to work in their little garden across the lake. Cerridwen, Mor, Azriel, and Nuala were playing in the water, Feyre and Cassian were sparring, and Rhysand was most of the way towards getting himself tangled in a rope ladder. Amren didn't feel much like swimming, and Varian had suggested something far too enticing to turn down.

While playing in the lake the day before, Varian had found a tunnel behind the waterfall that led to a series of small caves. Something about them excited him, and he'd returned without looking further than a couple of tunnels. He wouldn't tell Amren what exactly he saw, but he was practically pacing all night in excitement.

"Don't worry, I'll never let you make a complete idiot of yourself," Varian winked. "For you that would have to be what- giggling?"

"Cauldron forbid," Amren snorted. "Or is it Rhysand-forbid now?"

Varian blinked, "Did you just make a joke?"

She smacked him in the stomach hard enough to make her disapproval clear, "You already fucked up your promise to keep me normal. That lasted what- four seconds before I was joking?"

"At least five."

Amren hit him again and Varian bowed down with a grin. As soon as he was in range, she kissed him, then huffed, "Look at this? Who's going to be afraid of me if I'm… content?"

"Say it's the fault of this place- the magic here made you loopy."

"Isn't that the truth… I was downright giddy when we arrived. It's not natural."

"Not at all. We've talked about this Amren, I'm the only one who's allowed to be giddy in this relationship." Varian was impressed when he managed to pull off a stern look.

She grabbed his shirt and dragged her lover back towards the house, "I guess we should head out to those caves and you can remind me what happens when we both fail. I'm making jokes, that's a failure on both of our ends."

"It's true, we're horrible." Varian followed with a smile, "I just don't see how we tolerate one another."

He couldn't explain it- what attracted him to Amren. From the moment he met her in Summer he was just… drawn to her. The moment he saw her his heart belonged to her. His duty had been to keep an eye on her- and it was more than a pleasure. When Amren, Feyre, and Rhysand had returned to Night so abruptly (and with some book Tarquin was more afraid of than he was Amren), Varian had found a binder of enchanted papers in her rooms.

For months, he and Amren used those to communicate. They'd spoken rather formally in Summer, yet the easy teasing of a couple came naturally. He warned her of the blood rubies and even sent a precious heirloom necklace to her as a token of his love. His hurried message warning of the attack on Summer led to their reunion at the High Lords meeting- then once again in the war camps.

Ever since then, they'd rarely been apart.

Amren would have it no other way.

Life in Night was never quite dull with Rhysand at the helm, but she'd grown bored with her various lovers. Once Varian's seafoam-green eyes met hers, she suddenly found herself more than eager to sample all that male had to offer… and yet she never grew bored again. He was a match for her in cunning and mischief. Varian was a general who was used to order and respect, a military-bred male who refused to accept the black-and-white world those kind of males preferred to see.

He was a dreamer where he did not belong, just as she had been so many eons ago.

Amren followed Varian out of their cabin and began the long hike around the lake towards the waterfall. All she could think about was the bizarre, marvelous male beside her whose soul felt almost as old as hers. He was the paradise she'd secretly dreamed of for millennia on end- not a toy or plaything, but a true partner. Her equal.

The roaring of the waterfall grew louder, and vegetation on the ground was far thicker as they approached the side of the falls. Varian threw a shield over them both to protect from the water, looked to Amren, and with just his eyes asked her to stay put. He knew there was another cave higher up, one they could access the caverns through, but he had to find it first.

Amren waited and watched the violent crashing of water into lake while Varian made his search. From a distance it was so beautiful, so peaceful, but up close it reminded Amren that she'd personally seen entire civilizations destroyed by water alone. It was ferocious and deadly, and it made her smile.

Varian came back with water dripping off his shield. He took her hand and pulled Amren towards those falls. They were utterly deafening, rendering speech all but impossible. Water poured over their shield and Amren wondered if the lake itself was drier than this place.

The footpath was little more than a ledge coated in lichen and moss. Varian moved slowly. He planted his feet, and only moved inches at a time. He had a healthy respect for the dangers of waterfalls- Summer was absolutely full of them- and he didn't want to slip into the churning waters below.

You have gills and a tail, jackass, Amren glared at the back of his head, if we fall, you'll just swim us away from the waterfall. He looked back with his eyebrow raised- either he'd anticipated her frustration at their slow pace or she accidentally sent the thought to him.

She didn't particularly give a shit.

Something was brushing against the back of her mind, and it put Amren on edge. It was a shadow of a memory not quite settled into place- something that whispered of death.

Bit by bit, they inched towards a pile of jagged rocks at the back of the waterfall. They were angled in every direction, and so closely packed that it was obvious they were the result of some kind of explosion. The mountain was shattered from base to top.

The lake used to be on top of the mountain, not down here, she realized. That explosion millennia ago had freed the water from far, far above them and redirected it all towards the newer location. Something strong enough to split a mountain. The death Amren felt suddenly took shape.

Varian pointed to the pile of stone as if it weren't obvious they would be climbing. He kept Amren shielded and let her take point. His alternative entrance was deep below the water's surface, and the pressure alone could be dangerous. The lake was certainly something unique. No freshwater lake should go as far down as it did nearer to the waterfall. When Feyre sent Cassian and Azriel to its depths at the center they were only half way to the pressure at the underwater entrance.

Amren climbed easily enough, but her smile was gone. She knew what this place was, what the magic of the lake truly was… and it made her sad.

She reached the top of the rock wall and looked down to see Varian still closer to the bottom than the top. He wasn't able to use a lot of the same hand and footholds she had- he was just too big. The path he picked out of the jagged pile was slick, and it zig-zagged horribly.

Amren waited quietly for him, arms crossed, and tried not to shiver.

Eventually Varian reached her, and without waiting for him to catch his breath, she dropped into the darkness on the other side. Amren didn't land on stone, she landed on grass.

Faelights sprang to life courtesy of Varian. In what should have been a space filled with cold, damp gray rock there was pure and unfiltered life.

Vines covered the walls and ceiling, so thick that they completely obscured the stone. Ferns, bushes, and even flowers were growing in thick clusters against the walls. They were flowers unlike Prythian had ever seen before- massive bursts of orange and red that filled the air with a soft perfume. Elain would lose her mind at all the new species to catalogue and plant.

"The chamber I found yesterday just has a big oak tree in it," Varian landed beside Amren. He still had to shout a little to be heard, but the vegetation helped absorb a bit of the waterfall's roar.

Amren grabbed his hand, and Varian immediately stopped smiling. Something was bothering her, and if Amren was unsettled, he was unsettled.

She pulled him along down the path. Every foot or two there were bald spots where no grass grew. Each had clearly defined edges, as though life couldn't touch those places.

If there was any doubt left in Amren's mind, half a glance at the naked stone erased them. Hunting parties in Summer taught Varian all the tracking he needed to identify those marks in the stone- the footprints of someone small fleeing the cave.

Amren didn't stop as she pulled Varian along the path deep beneath the mountain. The cave system wasn't too complicated. There was one sharply angled turn-off that led down to Varian's chamber. Amren ignored it and forged ahead towards where the walls and ceiling of the tunnel suddenly gave way to something massive and dark. It took well over twenty additional faelights to cast even the dimmest illumination, but what it highlighted left Varian utterly breathless.

The great darkness was a truly massive cavern hidden far beneath the mountain. It had to be miles across in every direction, and floor to ceiling was coated in thick plant life. Trees of every kind filled the cavern, all tightly grouped along the walls. There was one of everything- minus the oak tree he'd found below. Birch, aspen, pine, maple hickory, spruce, olive, apple, pear, peach, cashew, avocado, cherry- thousands of trees of every species and variety. Flowers both known and unknown clustered at their bases in a climate and soil they shouldn't grow in. Interspersed he saw tomato plants, pumpkin, corn, strawberries- and the sense of that pure, radiant life throughout the cabins and lake was so thick in here it could have choked him.

Amren followed the path between the trees, stroking the trunk of a red apple tree on her way past. She headed for the absolute center of that cavern, which was well over two miles away. Varian couldn't believe how dense everything was around them- not until they passed the edge of the tree ring and a meadow appeared. Here the plants grew just as thick, but they were lower, and just a bit thinner. He could feel the magic of life pushing back against something precisely where Amren was leading him.

It wasn't until she spoke that he realized just how quiet it was, "Something came through a seam between worlds to this place. It was almighty death, a creature of pure and complete destruction. That is where the magic of the lake comes from. There is a stain on this place, and the Cauldron is trying to contain the infection with raw life."

At the center of the cavern was evidence of a mighty explosion. Black diamond glittered where the beast had stepped into Prythian, and it radiated out for more than twenty feet in all directions. Even the cavern roof- covered in thick vines- was bald above them. Varian could feel it now- a line between life and death at the border of that diamond.

Amren released his hand and stepped inside alone.

"This is where I arrived," she turned to look at the cavern around them. It was a strange memory- one of confusions and chaos as everything she knew was suddenly ripped away, "Before then, I'd always lived with the voices of my sisters in my mind. We were one, never individual. Every thought was shared, every move we made was in tandem- and we obeyed our Father with complete and unwavering loyalty."

Amren looked down at that diamond, and Varian's heart wrenched at the pain on her face, "We had to serve the humans, to help them as our Father wished. I had brothers and sisters who I loved as fiercely as I do everyone out there around that lake… And because they wanted what the humans had, my Father banished them to a realm of agony and horror. He came to regret it- He wanted to find a better resolution to the conflict, but their banishment could not be overturned."

"The humans He loved grew cold, cruel. They became zealots, and decided my Father- one who loved creation- wanted them to maim and torture in his name… As though they needed to act in place of my sisters and I. We destroyed entire cities to punish the zealots, to show them we did not approve- but they chose only to remember that a few people who happened to live there preferred the companionship of their own kind." Amren growled at the floor, "They're probably still torturing those like Mor, people my Father loved just as much as anyone else."

"After that- after seeing how those humans twisted our Father's image into something of hate and uncompromising rage- I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to go to my brothers and sisters who'd fallen, I wanted to tell them they were right. Some of the humans were beautiful, yes, but too many were either monsters or simply complacent. I wanted to explore- to find somewhere better, somewhere more akin to the world my Father intended."

Her eyes filled with sadness, "He knew I wanted to leave… He knew I was always more curious than the others, and He still missed my brothers and sisters below. For my independence, I should have been banished with them, but He was still full of such sorrow and regret… Within hours of the destruction of those two cities, as the humans were already twisting our purpose there, He opened a seam between the worlds and suddenly-" Amren shrugged.

"I'd never known such complete and utter silence. It hurt when the door between worlds closed- it was like a piece of me had been amputated. I was never individual, I was never an 'I', I was always 'we'… And suddenly I was alone. It was more horrible than I'd ever imagined. I had no sense of my sisters, no sense of my Father even. I ran from this cave in rage and fear. There was no one to give me purpose or direction- just myself, and I still had no idea what 'myself' even was. The entire concept of it was foreign. I tried to do what my Father had commanded on the other world. Even though it made me miserable, it was the only life I knew. I looked for corruption and deceit- and back then the Night Court was the richest hunting grounds of all. I killed fae and human alike with the same uncompromising will I'd once been suffocated by… Until the High Lord banished me to a prison that even I couldn't escape."

Varian stepped onto the black diamond floor, completely unafraid of the overwhelming sense of death and destruction it radiated- an echo of the Amren who arrived in Prythian. She took his hands and closed her eyes, "That prison was a mercy. I was alone in the darkness and silence for so long that I finally heard my own voice. My hate and rage weren't chaotic anymore, they were focused and settled… And when I broke out, Velaris welcomed me with open arms."

She snorted and opened her eyes, "I wasn't good, kind, or even merciful. You know that- you heard all the stories… I was selfish, because it was the opposite of what I'd been before. It felt nice enough. I got what I wanted, every little whim was catered to- but it was also hollow. It wasn't the paradise I wanted and that made me angry… Then some arrogant little fetus with wings on the Throne of Nightmares and asked me to help him and his little family rule."

"They taught you to love," Varian caressed her cheek with his hand.

"Yes, but don't you dare tell them that. I'll deny it forever," Amren bit at his palm lightly. She sighed, and a touch of weariness crept into her eyes, "The only reason this area is so full of life is that the Cauldron is trying to erase a memory of the blackest death you can imagine. I stained this land when I first stepped through, and it's a stain that hasn't faded in fifteen thousand years… That is the female you love."

Varian had to laugh at the fear in her voice, as if seeing this changed anything, "Amren, you love me, right?"

"More than I thought possible," she would only say it away from the others.

"What if I told you I was planning on killing Rhysand? Or Cassian, or Mor, or Nuala?"

"I would kill you first," Amren said it without a second thought, but there was pure agony in her eyes at the thought.

"You would kill me to protect Nuala? You don't even like wraiths." He raised his eyebrows.

"She's part of my family now. For Azriel, I would kill you."

Varian kissed her gently, an apology for making her think such dark thoughts, "Amren- that is the female I love."

"Nuala?"

"No, brat," he laughed and kissed her again, "you. The female who is loyal to her family, even over a male she loves. The female who would do anything to keep her friends safe."

Varian didn't fault Amren in the slightest for promising to kill him. He knew she loved him as completely as he loved her, but they were as much hers as she was theirs. While he was her heart, they were her soul.

"I promise not to make you kill me," Varian nuzzled her.

"I promise to build a sex-dungeon and keep you locked up in there instead," she stuck her tongue out at him, then looked around at the trees and flowers filling the cave. Amren sighed, "I'd forgotten how beautiful it was."

"The sex dungeon?"

She stuck her tongue out, "No, brat… Eden." It wasn't the Eden she knew- the one she'd lived in after the humans were thrown out- but it was the closer than she thought was even possible. She considered it a moment, then poked Varian in the ribs, "Don't eat any apples."

"Why not?"

"You don't want to know. Oh- and don't touch the oak tree you found, alright?"

Varian rolled his eyes, "If I ask, will I get an answer?"

"Where I come from, if you pluck a leaf from the Tree of Life, it creates new species of monsters."

"Don't touch the tree. Understood." Varian considered it, "I'll put a fence around it so Feyre isn't even tempted. She has a thing for monsters…"

"We might want to warn the others not to attempt to procreate here too. All this power- they're likely to end up with triplets or worse." She snickered at the sheer panic that would cause Cassian, then winced at the image of three more Cassians to deal with.

"I'll let the guys know," Varian had the exact same thought as Amren. Cassian was counted among his closest friends, but he still wasn't sure Prythian could survive more of them. Summer certainly couldn't.

"Thank you, I'll warn Cerridwen and Mor."

Varian frowned, "Amren, I'm not sure how to explain this to you, but two females can't have a child… At least not without help."

"I know how reproduction works," she swatted his stomach, "but I also know that magic like this is just itching for a miracle." The shadow of death she'd embedded into the land was too strong. The Cauldron would try to purge it however possible. Funny as it might be if both females ended up pregnant, the resulting children would most certainly not be fae. At least, not a species of fae Prythian had ever seen before.

Amren stepped away from Varian and touched the ground. She could feel her old power in the land, as permanent and unyielding in the face of life as ever… But it didn't respond to her. Her fae magic didn't know how to speak to that ancient, primordial being. The cave couldn't tell that the one who stained it had returned- and that she was no longer a threat to what the Cauldron created.

Varian's teasing smile faded as he watched her. She had been so scared during the war with Hybern, all because she knew she would have to take her true form again before it was over. When she exploded from the Cauldron and looked back- when those burning eyes fell upon him- he knew his Amren was still alive in the core of that being. She'd convinced herself that the creature she had been was all slaughter and death because that was all she was allowed to be.

But at the core of that was someone beautiful. Someone Varian would never stop loving.

"Amren?"

She glanced up, "Yes?"

"Here-" he held out his hand, "there's something I want to do."

"I'm not really in the mood for-"

"Not sex," he rolled his eyes. "I want to show you something." Amren sighed and stood. She let Varian take her hand and pull her back towards the cavern entrance. After half a mile, he stopped and turned back, "Tell me what you see."

"The same shit I saw when we came in."

"No fresh footprints?" The bald spots along the path- markers of her own wandering fifteen thousand years before.

"No?"

Varian smiled, "So what you're saying is that the Cauldron doesn't recognize you now."

Amren rolled her eyes at the look on his face, "Don't be mushy. I don't want mushy right now."

His grin only grew. It drove Amren crazy when he became bubbly and romantic, "My beautiful, brave, kind, strong, honest-"

"-annoyed-"

"-brilliant Amren has grown and changed since she came to Prythian, isn't that what this means?"

The weariness returned to her eyes, "I've killed hundreds of thousands in Prythian alone."

"To save millions, and that was just in the war with Hybern." He wrapped his arms around her hips. When Varian dropped down to kiss her, she turned away with a huff. He kissed her cheek instead, "What you're saying- my glorious, mighty, wonderful, lovely Amren- is that before you, the Night Court was a world of monsters and demons… But you helped turn it into a place of hope and light. You took the Lord of Nightmares and helped him become a Lord of Dreams."

She didn't want to argue with the picture Varian's words painted. It was too nice, and chased away some of the pain in her soul, "You're an oversized, moony, love-weak little infant." Amren's arms wrapped around Varian's torso and when she faced him there was no more shame in her eyes, only that prickly, teasing warmth.

"I'm both oversized and little? And if I'm an oversized infant, doesn't that just mean I'll get bigger?"

Amren rolled her eyes, "Suddenly the idea of killing you is rather appetizing…"

"So long as you do it while I face you, I want to die looking at those beautiful eyes." He smiled sweetly.

She returned the look, "Varian, stop. You're going to make me-"

"-blush?" he leaned in.

"-barf." Amren shoved him back slightly and her smile vanished. At least, the sweet one did. The predatory one was still very much intact.

"You know what else I'd like to make you do?" He returned that wild grin.

Amren sighed and shook her head, "Males only ever have one thing on their minds."

"You usually jump me first."

"You never object."

"Why would I? I'm a male, we only ever have one thing on our minds."

Amren couldn't push back against the laughter that burst from her mouth. It was Varian's favorite sound- musical and rare. She snorted more often than he was allowed to say, but that held a special kind of magic in it too. A creature of pure death and destruction, of life and creation- and he could make her laugh so hard that she lost control of herself.

"Come on," Amren pulled Varian back towards the black diamond floor, "why don't we put a little life on that stain."

Varian scooped up Amren from behind and spun her in a circle, "You're my favorite monster."

"You're my favorite idiot."

Hours later, when Amren walked out of that cave with Varian, she thought back on the last time she'd walked out of the darkness and into Prythian to rage and destroy.

This time she smiled as bright as the sun on high. It took fifteen thousand years, but Amren finally had what she'd always wanted-

Love.