1991

"Gus," Shawn hisses, "can you see him? Is he in the house?"

Gus peers over the windowsill and surveys the kitchen. "I think you've got a clear shot. I can't see him in the kitchen, and the TV isn't playing. Are you sure he's off duty today?"

Shawn chuckles. "Heh, you said 'duty.'"

"Shawn."

Shawn shakes his head free of the dirty word. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's off today unless he got called in for a major case, and that would have to be a drug ring or Mr. Yang or something."

Gus purses his lips. "Okay, if you head in now, I think you can make it to your room without him catching you."

Shawn nods and glances around. After all, he can never be too certain that he's in the clear, especially when it comes to his father. "Alright. Thanks, buddy." He starts to open the sliding door, but Gus catches his arm.

"You do know that you're not going to be able to hide this from him for long?"

Shawn shakes Gus's hand off. "Yeah, I know, but…" he sighs. "I just need to find a way to break it to him." He half-expects his father to walk up behind him and ask what, exactly, Shawn has to break to him, but the question doesn't come. Even Gus seems surprised.

Gus twists his lips. "Well…good luck, Shawn. I've gotta go study." He peeks in through the windowsill again. "You're still clear. Go now."

Shawn claps Gus on the shoulder and sneaks inside the house. Like Gus said, his dad isn't in the kitchen, and he carefully peeks around the doorframe to see if his dad is reading on the couch.

Nope. He's in the clear.

Shawn smiles to himself and turns around to head upstairs, but he's immediately startled by the sight of his father coming downstairs.

"Oh, hey, Shawn, I didn't know you were –" Henry stops mid-sentence and squints. "What happened to your eye?"

Shawn ducks his head and squeezes his eyes shut, which causes him to wince in pain. His left eye is still recovering. "Uh, nothing."

In almost no time, Henry's standing before his son. "C'mon, tell me."

Shawn licks his lips. "I, uh, tripped. And I fell."

"And that gave you a shiner?" Henry gently lifts Shawn's chin so that he can better expect his black eye. "Shawn, what have I told you about getting in fights?"

Shawn pushes his father's hand away. "'Only use your fists as a last resort.' 'Violence is never the first answer, even if the other guy is holding a gun.'" He shrugs. "I know."

"So how come you got into a fight?"

Shawn glares at his father. "Dad, how many fights have I gotten in the entire time I've been to school?"

Henry looks to the ceiling and counts mentally. "About seven since first grade. Why are you asking me?"

"Do you remember the reasoning for any of them?"

"Usually it had something to do with Gus being bullied."

Shawn nods furiously. "Yeah, well, this time, it wasn't just Gus. It wasn't just Gus and me. This- this jackass at school was talking shit about you and Mom and Gus. He also talked crap about me, but I don't care so much about that."

"Shawn, I can defend myself just fine. Besides, you should listen to your mother about this: words solve more problems than violence ever will."

Shawn shakes his head, pulls out one of the kitchen chairs, and sits down heavily. "You didn't hear what he was saying, Pops."

Henry sighs and heads over to the freezer. He pulls out a slab of meat and passes it to Shawn. "Here," he says, "put this on your eye and then tell me why the hell you got into a fight. Your vague description is not good enough. I suppose I can expect a call from the principal soon?"

Shawn nods and puts the meat on his eye. "He's Mr. All-Around. I don't care so much that he's popular, but he's just- he's a douche. And yeah, I know you can defend yourself, which is why I didn't punch him the first seventeen times he insulted you. Today, after school, he was talking loudly, before the bus showed up, and said that –" Shawn stops in his sentence and sighs heavily. He takes a moment to gather his words and to push away all emotion. "He said that it would have been better if that bomb had been detonated at the police station. While you were in it."

Henry furrows his brow. "Shawn, that's something you tell an adult about and let them handle. This kid is obviously just a jerk, you didn't– I mean, I'm flattered that you wanted to defend my honor, son, but that's no reason for you to throw the first punch."

Shawn scoffs. "Dad, I was seriously thinking about decking him right then and there. I didn't because I knew I would lose the fight if I chose to fight then. But then ol' Blabber-Mouth kept talking, but then he started talking about Gus and how Gus is a freak. He said some pretty racist stuff. I told him to shut up, but he didn't."

Henry nods along slowly. "And that's when you threw the first punch?"

"Again, I was about to, but I kept trying to listen to what you'd told me. But then, he said that Mom was –" he clenches his jaw, and Henry can see the controlled rage behind his son's good eye. "He said that Mom was a slut and a workaholic." Shawn licks his lips and sighs. "He also said that you and Mom never wanted me in the first place, that Mom– that Mom didn't love me at all, and that you –" he closes his eyes and slams his fist down on the table.

"What did he say about your mother and me, Shawn?"

"He said that you were abusive and Mom didn't slash doesn't want kids." Shawn shakes his head and clenches his fist, preparing to slam it down on the table again, but he catches his dad's eye and Henry shakes his head no. "Basically, he just said that you two were terrible parents who didn't care about me at all and that I would be doing everyone a favor if I offed myself."

Henry sits up straighter, and the protest is evident in his eyes. "Shawn, do not listen to a word he says –"

Shawn holds up a finger. "And that's when I decked him." He shrugs guiltily. "I actually swung when he said that about you. Did you know he was the State boxing champion back in Iowa? Because I didn't until he knocked me to the ground. I got back up, and I wanted to keep fighting."

"And he just decked you again?"

Shawn nods slowly. "Yep. Dad, I'm tired. Can- can I just go to my room?"

Henry shakes his head. "No. Son, we've got to talk about this."

"I know, Dad, I won't fight anymo–"

Henry holds up a hand. "No. No, I didn't mean that. You were perfectly justified in fighting back. I just want to make sure you won't take what he says to heart."

"What, that you two are terrible parents? I didn't. I got mad because you two are the exact opposite. Not perfect, certainly, but no parent is."

Henry smiles softly. "No, I mean…about the not wanting kids thing."

Shawn's shoulders sag. "You guys didn't want me?"

Henry scrubs a hand over his face. "I wouldn't phrase it that way, son. We didn't expect you. At first, you weren't part of the plan, but then…" He sighs and runs a hand through his thinning hair. "Your mother found out she was pregnant, and that was one of the best days of our lives, topped only by the day you were born. We wanted you, Shawn. We love you." He licks his lips. Even if it's hard for us to love each other, he thinks, we'll always love you. That will always be the one thing we can agree on.

Shawn ducks his head. "Did Mom ever want kids?"

Henry considers the question for a moment. "She was never opposed to having kids, but she felt that we should wait before we started trying. We did wait a couple of years, and then we ended up having you." He leans forward. "But, Shawn, I want you to understand one thing: your mother and I don't want kids."

Shawn flinches at those words, and Henry gently removes the meat from Shawn's eye so that Shawn will be forced to look at him.

"We want you. We don't need any more children. Besides, even if we did want more kids, Gus is already like another son to us both. When I say that we don't want kids, I mean we don't want to try again because you're already the best thing that's happened to either of us."

Shawn blinks. "That's a really roundabout way of saying you love me."

"Yeah, that's because I'm not good with words." Henry sits back and hooks a thumb to the staircase. "Head upstairs, I'll bring you a better ice pack in a sec."

Shawn nods and leaves the kitchen.

Two minutes later, Henry knocks on Shawn's door and turns the doorknob. Shawn looks up and starts, dropping the shirt that he was about to change into.

Henry sets the ice pack on top of Shawn's dresser. "Jesus Christ," he says, carefully looking at the speckles of bruises covering Shawn's torso. "Why didn't you tell me, Shawn?"

Shawn winces and carefully lowers himself onto the mattress. "I didn't want– I don't know." He laughs humorlessly, grimacing when the action causes his bruises to hurt more. "Did you know that his buddies love to fight? And that he has a lot of friends who can fight? Because he does." He shakes his head. "Kicking a man when he's down. I protected my face, but I couldn't protect my ribs."

Henry opens his mouth to speak, but he's just so heartbroken at the sight of his son in so much pain. "Shawn, you know I have to take you to the hospital?"

Shawn looks up sharply. "What? No. Oh, no no no no no no. No, you don't." He knows he's not going to win this debate, but he might as well try. "If I go to the hospital, they'll think I'm weak, and- and –"

"And they'll repeat what they said today the next time they see you, but Shawn, I have to be sure you don't have any broken ribs. C'mon, put your shirt on. We're going to the hospital. I'll call your mother once we get downstairs."

Shawn stares at the floor for a moment. "Dad?" he finally asks.

"Yeah, son?"

"Am I really that much of a screw-up that no one else would want me?"

Henry sighs and sits down next to his son. "Shawn," he says matter-of-factly, "you aren't a screw-up. Whatever this jackass has said about you, ignore it. It's not true. Besides, I don't trust a guy who lets his buddies kick someone when they're down."

Shawn closes his eyes and shakes his head. "Dad, I can't go back there."

Henry wraps an arm around Shawn's shoulders and pulls him close. "Yes, you can, Shawn. You're stronger than them."

Shawn rests his head on Henry's shoulder. "No, I'm not," he says, shaking his head. "I'm not."

"If you transfer, Gus will be left all alone to defend himself. Do you think he could do that by himself? Do you think you could handle school without him?"

Shawn lifts one hand and wipes his cheek. "I couldn't," he says, and his voice is thick. "Dad, why were they so mean?"

Henry's heart breaks when he hears just how young Shawn sounds. Of course he sounds like a little kid, Henry. He's only fourteen.

"Tell you what," he says, brushing the hair out of Shawn's eyes, "after the hospital, you and I will pick up all the ice cream we can eat, and we can watch whichever movie or show you want to watch, and then you and your mother can talk. Sound good?"

Shawn considers the offer for a moment and then nods solemnly. "Yeah," he says, sniffling. "Yeah, sounds good."

Henry sighs softly and presses a kiss to Shawn's temple. "I love you more than anything in the world, Shawn. Remember that always."

Shawn nods and wipes his cheek again. "Thanks, Dad. I love you, too."