Let's see another wacky MAGICAL adventures of the DW fairytales!

Chapter 3: Beautichan and the Lu Beast

On a long time ago- okay, you know what, I'm getting tired of uttering that one line over and over again at the beginning of each chapter, so let's get done with it. There lived an old man named Wang Yun and his daughter Beautichan, who is beautiful. Captain obvious. One day, Wang Yun was about to travel into a far country, and he asked his daughter what she wants for a gift.

Wang Yun: My daughter Beautichan, I'm about to travel into a far far away country. What do you want for a gift?

Beautichan: Father, I want a halberd!

Wang Yun: Whaaaa?! What for?! Couldn't you ask for something, like, a rose?

Beautichan: Meh, roses are too mainstream! Lately a bunch of perverts have been stalking me because of my beauty, and I want a halberd to chop off their fucking dicks!

Wang Yun: Yikes! Okay, okay, I shall grant you your wish, my daughter.

Beautichan: Really? Thank you so much, father!

Wang Yun: Okay! Geez, this girl is kinda terrifying….

And so Wang Yun went. However, the moment he arrived to his ship the journey was cancelled, for the ship was broken. Disappointed, Wang Yun went back home, only to suddenly stumble upon a halberd.

Wang Yun: Ow! Whoa, a halberd? Left out in an open?

To his surprise, Wang Yun then discovered a majestic palace covered in halberds.

Wang Yun: Whoa…what…what the hell is this place? It's covered entirely in halberds! Hmm…well, in this case I'll just need to take one to give to my daughter takes one halberd

?: HEY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING?!

Wang Yun: AAAAHHH! Damn, fuck! I almost got a heart attack! W-w-who are you?

?: I AM THE ONE WHO LIVES IN THIS CASTLE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, STEALING ONE OF MY HALBERDS?!

Wang Yun: No, no! Please, spare my life! I did this because my daughter wants a halberd as a gift, so that she might chop off the dicks of the perverts who've been stalking her! Please, let me have one!

?: Hm! Fine then, I'll spare you! But you have to promise that your daughter will have to come back to this place again, or I will be the one to chop your dick off! Get it?!

Wang Yun: Yikes! Okay, okay!

And so Wang Yun went back to his home.

Beautichan: Oh, father! You've returned so soon!

Wang Yun: Oh, er…yeah.

Beautichan: And you gave me a halberd too! Thank you so much for this gift, father!

Wang Yun: Errrhh…actually, my daughter, I didn't get it from the faraway country. I stole it from a palace that has a garden full of halberds. And the owner of the palace said that you have to come to that palace.

Beautichan: What? Is that so? What a rude creature! Okay father, I will come to that place myself! And I will chop his fucking dick off!

Wang Yun: Whoa! Okay, my daughter, if you persist….gee, why in the hell is she so enthusiastic of chopping dicks off, anyway?

So Beautichan agreed to go to that palace, alone, armed with the halberd grown at the very same palace. When she got there, the owner of the palace, Lu Beast, greeted her.

Beautichan: Alright! Where is that guy who threatened my father?! I'll chop his dick off!

Lu Beast: Hey, I'm right here!

Beautichan: AAAAHHH! IT'S A GORILLA!

Lu Beast: I'm not a gorilla!

Beautichan: Oh…then are you Hideyoshi?

Lu Beast: Let alone him! Wrong game series! I am Lu Beast, the owner of this palace.

Beautichan: Oh, okay…

Lu Beast: And I heard you saying something about chopping my dick, eh?

Beautichan: Um? No no no no no! I just said that I wanted to use this halberd to chop off the dicks of the perverts that have been following me around.

Lu Beast: Oh, I see. If that's the case, I can teach you the techniques.

And so Beautichan began a vigorous training under Lu Beast to chop off perverts' dicks. The training goes for days, and between the training, Lu Beast would sometime ask Beautichan to fuck with him, but she always refused.

Lu Beast: Please, tell me…why don't you want to fuck with me?

Beautichan: Because, I…

Lu Beast: Is it because I'm ugly? Or because I look like a gorilla? Or because I look like Hideyoshi?

Beautichan: No, because…I only think of you as my friend.

Lu Beast: Friend? Friend?...faints

Beautichan: AAAAAHHH! What happened?!

Chen Gong: Hmm…I see he's being 'friendzoned'. It would take some time to recover.

Beautichan: Hey, who the hell are you?

Chen Gong: Me? I'm one of the servants at this palace.

Beautichan: Well, you just suddenly popped out of nowhere in this story! The Narrator didn't even bother to include you previously!

Chen Gong: Pfft, who the fuck cares?! Oh well, since you refused my master, you may want to come with me instead…

Beautichan: raises halberd You say that and I'll chop your dick off.

Chen Gong: Whoa whoa whoa! Okay, okay! If that's what you want….

One day, Beautichan dreamed.

Lu Bu: Beautichan, Beautichan…why did you refuse me?

Beautichan: Who, who are you?

Lu Bu: I am the prince of this castle, Lu Bu.

Beautichan: Lu Bu? Gee, you look a lot like Lu Beast, it's like Lu Beast when he shaved…

Lu Bu: Captain obvious.

Right after that dream, Beautichan went to many secret places inside the palace, looking for that handsome prince named Lu Bu, but to no avail. Then, she decided that her training is complete and that now she is ready to chop off some dicks. Lu Beast let her go, with the condition that she must return exactly one week later.

Lu Beast: Hm. I see that you have indeed mastered the art of castration. Very well then, you can go home now.

Beautichan: Really? Yippee!

Lu Beast: But wait! You have to return here exactly one week later.

Beautichan: Eh? Why?

Lu Beast: Umm…because…uhh….I'd just like to see how many dicks you have chopped off by then! Yeah!

Beautichan: Oh, I see! I would be happy to!

Lu Beast: Yeah! You also need these two things.

Beautichan: A cellphone and a teleporter?

Lu Beast: Yeah! The cellphone is used to see what's going on in this palace, and that teleporter is for, well, teleporting.

Beautichan: That's kinda neat. But really, cellphone in the 16th century? Gimme a break.

Lu Beast: Hey, anachronism makes a story 10000x times better!

And so Beautichan returned home. There, she's castrated so many perverts that she forgot her promise to Lu Beast. When she suddenly remembers, she used the cellphone to check the CCTV inside Lu Beast's palace. She was extremely shocked when she saw the Lu Beast has castrated himself out of heartbreak that Beautichan hasn't returned yet. Using the teleporter, Beautichan arrived at Lu Beast's palace and found him with a bleeding crotch.

Beautichan: Gasp! No! No, Lu Beast!

Lu Beast: Hrrrrghhh…..

Beautichan: No…what have you done?! Please…I already brought you 1000 penises….why did you castrate yourself….

Lu Beast: Because…you don't…want to…fuck…with..me….

Beautichan: No! I want to! I love you!

And so all the penises Beautichan brought dropped their semen on Lu Beast, and miraculously, Lu Beast reverted into his true form, the handsome prince within Beautichan's dreams, Lu Bu.

Beautichan: Gasp! L…Lu Bu?!

Lu Bu: Whoa…I…I'm back to my true form again! It's all thanks to you!

Beautichan: Huh? M-me!

Lu Bu: Yes! I was originally a prince who was cursed to transform into a hideous beast by an evil fairy named Zuo Ci, and that I can only break the curse by the drops of semen from the penises chopped by someone who truly loves me.

Beautichan: That's….gross.

Lu Bu: I know right. Damn, now I need to take a shower. My skin has lost its virginity. Eugh…

Beautichan: But now, seeing your face, I think it's not really a curse that you turned into a hideous beast.

Lu Bu: Eh? Why?

Beautichan: Your normal form is already pretty terrifying. I guess it's because you haven't shaved in a long time…

Lu Bu: What didja say?!

Beautichan: Erm, nothing, nothing!

And so, despite now being turned into a eunuch, Lu Bu and Beautichan lived happily ever after. The End…or is it?

Well, fuck no! Haha, stay tuned for more DW fairytales antics, and leave a review! Good day! P.S: I'm terribly sorry if this didn't turn out as funny as the previous chapters, because today I basically ran out of ideas for a funny story. I'm sorry. I'm DOUBLY sorry. This is the best I can do. Oh well, I hope I can do better for the chapters to come.