It can be damn hard to do the right thing ... especially if that means leaving the person you love without saying goodbye...
-Flashback-
"I promise you." Jay said shakily, "Stay awake, Erin. Look at me! You will live. Help is coming."
Her eyes closed. Her breathing stopped. Her heart beat for the last time.
"Erin." he whispered, gently stroking her face, "I love you. I will always love you."
A lonely tear ran down the detective's cheek. He pressed his lips to Erin's for a last kiss.
„Halste-!" Voight shouted and stopped abruptly. Head to head, Jay was kneeling
beside Erin. "No, Erin!" Voight shouted, approaching them.
The paramedics hurried over. Gabby knelt down next to Erin and started to examination. "No pulse. No breathing. Brett. We need the defibrillator fast!" Gabby said hurriedly. She and Brett were probably the only ones who kept a cool head.
"Jay, please move. You have to let us do our work." Brett told him as she knelt down next to him to place the pads on Erin's chest.
In the meantime, Gabby dressed the bloody wound and then ventilated Erin using the Ambu bag. They did their job as professionally as always. They did the best they could, but Gabby eventually shook her head. The injury was too heavy because her carotid artery was hit. There was too much blood loss.
"Time of death - 11:32 am." Gabby whispered.
-End of the Flashback-
Three hours. Erin had been dead for three hours. Meanwhile, Jay had changed his clothes and the hot shower had washed away the blood of Erin, his partner, wife and mother of his children.
He braced his hands on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He trembled all over, pinching his eyes shut in vain, trying to suppress the tears from streaming down his face. His face was marked by fear and sadness. The shock was deep. Images and voices echoed through his head. They were blurry and empty. He just could not believe it. His great love was gone forever. He would never see her smile again. She would never forbid him to drive anymore. Never again would he wake up beside his wife. He couldn't live without Erin...
The moment he entered the bullpen his colleagues stopped their conversations and stared at him.
"Jay. I'm so terribly sorry." Kim cried, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Thanks Kim. You can let me go now." Jay said softly.
"How far are we with the shooter?" Voight grumbled.
"No new hints." Al replied.
"Then get me the hints!" Voigt hissed angrily, "Halstead. What are you doing here? Go home."
"With all due respect, Sarge. But the murderer of my wife runs around freely. I want to help."
"I know you do, but you're going home now!" Voight almost shouted.
"Sarge, I cannot sit around and wait for the bastard..." Jay tried to explain, but he was interrupted by Voight, "That's an order, Halstead!"
"Jay. Go home. I'll keep you up to date. You should be with the kids now." Antonio said.
Angrily, Jay grabbed his jacket, went to the car and drove home. He parked in front of the house. Leaning back in his seat. He ran his hands helplessly through his hair. He thought about what had happened and how he should tell the children. He closed his eyes and let his emotions run wild.
"Daaaaaddyyyy!" Zoey was happy and rushed to Jay, who just came home to relieve the nanny. He squatted down to her height and took her firmly in his arms. "Hey honey." Jay whispered and then stood up and carried his daughter into his son's room while she told him all about her day. She really could talk like a mile a minute. His son was sitting on the ground, building his Lego world. Sometimes you almost couldn't enter the room if he was building so diligently.
"Hi Dad." he said.
"Um. Zach. Zoey. I have something to tell you." Jay said shakily, sitting on the bed with Zoey in his arms. Zoey rested her head on Jay's chest and clung tightly to him. His hands were shaking and his heart was pounding faster.
"What?" Zach asked, staring into his father's flushed eyes. Only now did he realize that his father was fighting back tears.
"Dad, what happened?" Zach asked anxiously, realizing that only his dad had come home. "Where is Mum?"
"You know, Mommy's ... we got into a shootout this morning and..." Jay faltered. How was he supposed to tell them? How could he find the right words? There were no right words to tell his kids that their mum would not come back. He took a deep breath, "Mommy was shot. She is... she died."
Shaken, Zach looked at his dad. He tried to process the words. Slowly he got up and snuggled up to Jay. Tears streamed down his face and Jay gently stroked his back. Zach felt a tightness in his chest, as if someone was pushing all the air out. He gasped in panic. Jay felt his son's violent breaths and hugged him tightly.
"But Mommy is coming back, right?" Zoey asked irritated.
"No honey, mommy is not coming back." Jay replied gently.
"Why not? Does not she love us anymore?" Zoey asked and started to cry "I want my Mommy!"
" Honey, of course she loves us."
"But why is Mommy dead?"
"You know mom and I are chasing the bad guys, right?" Jay asked softly.
"So they do not hurt us and we can live safely." Zoey replied.
"Exactly and a bad man hurt mommy very much. So much that mommy died."
"Why is Mommy not going to Uncle Will? He also helped me when I hurt myself by playing."
"Honey. When you're dead, you stop breathing and your heart stops beating. There's nothing you can do about that."
For a while they were silent. You could only hear the crying.
"Did mum die right away?" Zach asked.
Jay took a deep breath, "No."
"So she was hurting?"
Jay swallowed hard. He didn't know what to say, "She loves you both so very much." and gave each of them a kiss on the forehead.
The three of them sat on the bed and tried to digest the shocking message. A few hours ago family life was normal and now someone was missing. Jay felt the heavy crying of Zach subsiding. The boy had fallen asleep at his side. Even Zoey, who did not understand why Mommy wouldn't come back, was fast asleep in his arms. Carefully, he put the two down in Zach's bed and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He looked at his kids - Erin's kids.
Suddenly Jay's phone rang. It was Antonio, telling Jay to find the bastard. If he wanted revenge, this was the opportunity. Jay didn't hesitate long and started to get up when his son's hand held him back.
"Dad. Please stay with us." he sniffed. He was awoken by the phone call.
"I'll be right back." Jay said, but the boy's grip tightened.
"Please. I don't want to be alone. Daddy, please do not leave us." he pleaded.
Jay looked into his son's teary blue eyes. As much as he wanted revenge and justice, he could not leave his kids behind. Not when they needed him the most. He also knew that Hank Voight and his team would get the shooter...
"Okay. I'll stay here." Jay whispered, lightly ruffling his boy's hair. He slid closer to the wall, giving Jay the opportunity to lie down next to him. He wrapped his arms around his children, pulling his little girl closer smelling his daughter's strawberry shampoo.
Meanwhile, the team gathered around Hank Voight in front of an apartment block, where the fugitive offender had sought protection, according to CI statements and surveillance records.
"All means are allowed." Voight hissed aggressively, causing a vein to swell on his forehead. The anger throbbed in him. A few moments later Kevin entered the apartment of the offender's girlfriend. "Chicago PD!" Kevin shouted. They drew their guns and rattled off, room by room. Shots sounded and a woman screamed. The offender held his girlfriend as a hostage in front of him.
But that didn't stop the angry sergeant from firing. The sergeant walked up behind the offender unnoticed and shot him straight in the shoulder, causing him to let his girlfriend go. Ruzek and Atwater took care of her while Hank pushed the man to the ground. He held the gun to the man's forehead.
"You bastards killed an officer. She was my foster daughter and a mother of two children." Hank hissed angrily, grinding his teeth. The man was not very interested in what Voight told him.
Hank grabbed the offender by the collar angrily and threw him against the wall. He shot him straight into the other shoulder. Voight would love to kill this guy by himself or at least cause severe pain, but he also knew Erin would not have wanted it. He knew that Erin detested his methods. So he settled for knowing that this bastard would be locked up for life in a high security prison. Voight would make his life hell there. No one messed with his family.
Hope you like it. I would be happy to get some feedback or suggestions.