Sometimes just help a big hug and no endless discussion about what to do.
When Jay went to bed that evening, Zoey lay in bed still awake. He looked in on her and she pretended to be asleep. But as soon as he had closed the door to her room, Zoey got out of bed and crept down to the living room. She needed money. A lot of money. There were a few coins in her piggy bank, but they were far from enough, because she had done some research - a flight to the space costs approximately $ 200,000. Luckily for her, her dad often put his wallet in the bowl on the coffee table or on the kitchen counter...
A loud childish cry woke Jay in the early morning. Tiredly he looked at the clock - half past seven showed it to him. He picked himself up slowly. He had hardly slept during the night. His thoughts clouded his mind. He dreamed of Erin's death, Zach's kidnapping, the dead children and his time in Afghanistan. The events eventually merged into pure chaos. Again and again he wondered what if.
With a jerk he finally got up and trotted into Zoey's room. She cried and angrily smacked her brother, who simply laughed.
"Oh man. Zoey. Nothing happened. Besides, you didn't hurt me, it just tickles."
"You're stupid!" She yelled, "Now she's gone!"
"What's going on?" Jay asked, standing in the doorstep.
"Zach has sat down on Cosima!" Zoey howled and continued to beat her laughing brother.
"All right? Uh... Zoey, get off your brother and stop hitting him."
Zoey stopped, crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her head in her typical I'm-stubborn position.
"That's no reason to freak out. It's just your stupid fantasy anyway!" Zach hissed at his sister as he pulled himself up.
"Hey. Zachary, that's enough." Jay warned and knelt in front of his little daughter, "Honey. What's going on, huh?"
"Cosima will not come back because Zach's always so mean." She cried.
"Cosima doesn'texist! Wake up from your fucking dream!" Zach yelled.
"That's enough! Go to your room!" Jay said angrily and gently turned back to his daughter, "You know Zoey, if Cosima went away because Zach was mean, then she's not a good friend."
"Maybe, but Zach has sat down on her." Zoey explained.
"Maybe she just got a little scared and she'll come back later." Jay said.
"No she won't, because Zach offended her."
Jay bit his lower lip hard, as he got. overwhelmed. Recently he was with Zoey at the pediatrician. It was just a routine exam, but the doctor eventually also raised his concerns that Zoey was trying to balance her mother's loss with an imaginary friend. Jay should show understanding for this invisible friend and play along. Sooner or later Zoey would process the loss and her imaginary friend would disappear by itself.
"I'm pretty sure Zach didn't know Cosima was sitting there. After all, only you can see her."
"He should have apologized, but he just laughed at us."
"I know. But how can Zach apologize? He can't see her and besides, she's gone." Jay explained.
"He should have apologised right now." Zoey said.
"I know, but don't blame your brother. He doesn't have such a big fantasy and neither do I."
"Nevertheless she is gone."
"Then maybe she should stay away if she doesn't feel it necessary to stay with you. You still have your stuffed dog Pebble." Jay explained, reaching for the stuffed animal and holding it out to her. Zoey gripped her Pebble tightly.
"Come on. It's all good." Jay consoled his daughter and hugged her.
"Alright, what happened next?" Jay asked as he wrote down the intel a CI was giving him.
"Man. That should be enough."
"This?" Jay asked suspiciously, showing him an almost completely blank page, "You're not serious, right?"
"The writing is quite small," he told him.
"Just spit it out!" Jay said.
"I would, just ..." he stretched his flat hand.
"I understand." Jay mumbled and reached into the wallet. He was surprised. A 20-dollar bill was all that was left in his wallet. This time he was pretty sure he hadn't spent any money yet...
"Are you kidding me?" the CI asked puzzled.
"See it as a down payment. If you're right about the drug deal, you'll get the rest." Jay said.
"Whatever."
Again a door slammed. Zoey, who was playing in her room, heard the angry voice of Zach. He quarreled with dad so often recently. Ever since mommy died, daddy and Zach argued almost constantly. Zoey wanted to go to Zach, sneak into his room, where he often lay on his bed with his arms crossed, listening to music, to cuddle up in his arms. But since mommy died, he rarely let anyone in.
Quietly, the girl walked to the stairs and looked down over the railing. The wide door that lead to the living room was open and Zoey saw her father sitting on the sofa, his head heavy in his hands. He was crying, but she knew if she would go to him now, he would wipe away the tears franticly, smile torturedly and pretend that everything was fine. She didn't want daddy to always look happy, while his eyes showed sadness.
So she went back to her room silently, ignoring the booming music that now flowed out of Zach's room and crawled into the cave she built under the loft bed. She lay there for a long time holding her stuffed dog Pebble in her arms. Her father called her down for dinner, but she didn't go. She wasn't hungry because her head hurts.
Gently, Jay knocked on her door that was slightly ajar. Slowly he approached her cave and crouched down in front of it. He set the tray of food on the floor down in front of her.
"I thought you might be hungry." Jay said quietly, wiping the tears from her face with his thumb.
"Why do you guys always have to argue?" Zoey asked softly.
"I don't know, Zoey. I guess Zachary and I have too much disagreement. Come on, you have to eat something." Jay said holding out some toast. She had eaten very badly for week, because she just wasn't hungry anymore. Zoey shook her head and refused the food.
"What can I do to make you feel better?" Jay asked softly.
"Don't argue with Zach anymore." Zoey whispered.
"We'll try, okay?"
"Da-Jay? Zach is innocent. He didn't steal your money." Zoey cried suddenly, "It was me."
Speechless Jay looked at his tear-stained daughter.
Zoey got up and got her cashbox. "I just wanted to fly to mommy," she cried and handed it her dad. Shocked, he looked into the tearing eyes of his daughter when he saw the missing money.
"Hey honey, it's alright," Jay said, pulling his daughter into a bear hug. Zoey snuggled into him. She cried even harder. "It's okay. I just wish you had told me the truth from the beginning. You know, I thought Zach was the thief."
"I-I w-was scared." Zoey stammered, "I didn't want you to get angry or sad."
"You don't have to be scared. You can always come to me, no matter what. I'm always here for you and your brother." Jay whispered, kissing her on the cheek.
"I'm so sorry, daddy." Zoey sniffled.
"You don't have to be sorry."
"Can we fly to mommy?" Zoey asked hopefully..
"Honey. Mommy is in a place where you cannot fly to." Jay said.
"But Zach said that Mommy is in heaven now. She's on a star and looking down on us. And we only need a two with five zero's dollars for a rocket." Zoey explained.
"Well, maybe Zach is right, but there's no way to fly there But we have the beautiful moments in our memory."
"We will never see mommy again?" Zoey asked sadly and Jay nodded.
"Maybe you can paint her a picture and we can go visit mommy in the cemetery." Jay said and Zoey nodded hesitantly.
"But what if I forget mommy?"
"Mommy will always be here, deep inside of you." Jay said, placing her little hand on her heart. Zoey cried and hugged her dad tighter.
"I love you, Zoey." Jay whispered.
"I love you too daddy."
"Are we going to apologize to Zach now?" Jay asked.
"Oh yeah. And I'm hungry for pizza." Zoey beamed.