10-2 A difficult choice
I continue with my newly established routine. At my next private dancing lesson I begin to practise a seven veil dance. The harem store has a quantity of veils from which I can borrow what I need. There are four lengths and five thicknesses of veil from which to choose. The thickest is almost opaque ... and heavy ... while the thinnest has virtually no weight at all, but hides nothing. Using seven thick veils would be like dancing in plate armour, and not the least bit alluring. I experiment with different configurations of veils. I soon begin to realise that constructing a seven veil dance costume requires as much skill as performing the dance itself, and both must be the personal choice of the dancer.
As usual during dancing practise I must dance to imaginary music. Nebahat sometimes helps by clapping a simple rhythm or humming a tune. Only when dancers are preparing for a formal entertainment do we have the benefit of musicians playing for us while we practise.
I restrict my veil dancing practise to when I'm alone with Nebahat. Doing so hides my embarrassment at my first clumsy attempts. Nebahat is a constant source of encouragement, and she suggests improvements to my routine or to the costume whenever I end up tangled in my veils ... which is often. Gradually I discover a routine and combination of veils which seems to work for me. After a few weeks of practise I can at least get through the dance four times out of five without entangling myself. Nebahat seems pleased with my progress and suggests that I now work on extending the length of the dance.
A side benefit of my veil dancing is that my other dancing improves as well. My much improved agility encourages the younger girls to try harder; Aysun in particular. When I saw Aysun dance at Ahmed's birthday celebration, I thought that she had the potential to be a great dancer. These lessons prove that I was right in my assessment. Nebahat is also impressed and encourages her and Nuray to learn harder dances. As usual, it is difficult practising to imaginary music. When we arrive for our next practise, we are surprised and relieved when Nebahat tells us that she has arranged for a trio of musicians to join our practise session today.
The musicians are three of those who played at Ahmed's birthday celebration. In a harem so large, it is surprising that there are so few musicians among the women. I can understand the reason why there are fewer dancers than in Constantinople, but not so few musicians. The Edirne harem has a higher proportion of older and married women but, unlike dancing, playing an instrument isn't something constrained by age or marital status. A married woman playing an instrument in public is socially acceptable, whereas it's considered inappropriate for a married woman to perform a dance before men whom aren't part of her family. It was one of the reasons Anna was punished so severely for dancing at Ahmed's celebration.
We begin our lesson. Once we get used to the rhythm of the music, we put on a display which I think shows how far each of us has come in a short space of time. Nebahat is pleased and promises to see if the agas will release the musicians from their work duties so that they can play for us regularly.
The following Monday sees the first of the married couples moved into the newly refurbished building. It's the start of some major changes over the next few days. By the end of the week, the main harem has lost nearly half of its population as the married women move into their new quarters. One of the four dormitories is emptied and many girls are reassigned new sleeping positions. Its not just the drop in the number of women that forces the changes. The average age of the women in the harem reduces considerably. There are still a few older women, such as Fahrunissa, but well over half the remaining girls in the main harem are younger than me. With so few mature and experienced women in the harem, discipline takes a backward step. Araj Aga can't believe his luck when he's charged with restoring order. More than a few girls become familiar with the inside of the harem dungeon, but in fairness to Araj Aga, discipline is quickly restored.
I still meet with Anna von Erdödy from time to time, but she now socialises with her own circle of friends. Our mutual lessons in Turkish and Hungarian are less formal now that both of us are more fluent. She seems remarkably settled into harem life, as though she prefers it to her former life as a countess. I suppose it's a result of disliking her much older husband, and the loss of her lover Nebi.
As I anticipated, Şah Sultan decides to reduce Ahmed's own harem to his current favourites. Nuray and Tülay are firmly established as favourites, and may soon be considered for further concubine training. Mehtap is assigned to the family wing to help with the children, while Esmeray and Şenay are demoted to odalisques and sent to work in the laundry. What saves Aysun from a similar fate is her exceptional dancing ability. Şah Sultan decides to let her continue her dance training with Nuray and Tülay, although she's no longer considered part of Ahmed's harem. At least she retains her six aspers daily stipend, whereas Esmeray's and Şenay's stipends are reduced to three aspers per day.
We settle into the new living arrangements and routine. My swelling belly is starting to feel uncomfortable at times, but I refuse to let it interfere with my activities. However, it does remind me of how long I've been here. My baby will be arriving in another three months and I still hope that Hasan will return to me before then.
I've not received news of where Hasan might be or what he is doing. There's nothing unusual in that. The harem is a closed community. No news enters or leaves the harem without Şah Sultan's consent. I can only console myself with the knowledge that I would almost certainly be told if Hasan had been killed.
I would be lying if I said that I hadn't considered the possibility of Hasan being killed on his mission. Ibrahim admitted that the mission was dangerous, and it was important enough for Hasan to be reassigned from his duties at the hunting lodge. I would be in a tricky situation if Hasan died. I would miss him, of course, but we haven't been married long and I can still function without him. In practical terms I would immediately lose the right to use the Çelibi name, and the remains of the money Hasan gave me for my living expenses would be confiscated and returned to his family. Only my clothes and jewels would remain my own property. My own family is dead, so there's nobody responsible for finding me a new husband.
I have little or no income. As a guest in the harem, I don't receive a stipend, and my language lessons will soon finish. Once my child is born I can draw on Sultan Suleiman's offer of financial support, but it would be impossible for me to do so while I'm living in the harem. Şah Sultan would want to know why I was receiving money from the sultan, which can only lead to the discovery of the identity of my child's real father.
One obvious solution would be to surrender my freedom and revert to being a slave of the Ottoman dynasty. As repellent as the option sounds, it wouldn't be the first time someone has sold themselves into slavery. Some people become burdened with debt, which they can only repay by selling themselves into slavery. Others willingly give up their freedom for the imagined security of being someone's property. Being fed and protected as a slave is preferable to starving or murdered as a free person. But what happened to Melek is an example of the dangers of being a slave.
I could sell my jewels or my jewel trimmed jacket. The likely proceeds of the jacket alone could keep me housed and fed for several years. But a woman alone with a large amount of money is an open invitation to slavers and thieves. It was a challenge I was prepared to undertake when I first left the harem, but now that the birth of my child is nearer, I'm less confident of success. I don't dwell on the prospect of a life without Hasan. I remain optimistic and try to push such dark thoughts out of my mind.
Aysun joins me in practising a seven veil dance. In the privacy of the training room we have no qualms about dancing until we are naked. However, Nebahat insists we also practise the dance wearing extra items which leaves our breasts and genitalia covered. It's a matter of opinion as to whether the minimal covering is more erotic than complete nudity, but we don't argue. For our practise sessions we use two narrow strips of cloth, but I understand in a performance our extra covering would normally be specially designed jewellery. Where such items would appear from remains unsaid for the moment.
As I discovered early in my veil dance training, the size and thickness of the veils for the costume can vary considerably, and must be the personal choice of the dancer. Aysun and I have completely different costumes, and neither of us could dance in the other's veils without a lot of practise. Aysun prefers a costume consisting of a translucent veil over her head, with the remaining six veils of identical size, but in different colours. The six veils are laid on top of each other before being wrapped around her body. Her dance is very interesting. The head veil is shed first. After that she cleverly peels one of the coloured veils from the others and performs a twisting and turning routine with the chosen veil fluttering around her. Then she either sheds the veil or replaces on top of the remaining veils. Her whole dance is a dazzling display of colour, while providing short glimpses of her body.
Of course she eventually runs out of veils and she ends up curled up in a ball as the last veil is discarded. I don't know how she thought up that routine, but it's very good.
My own costume requires a different dance. While Aysun's dance focuses on one veil at a time, mine uses two or three in combination. Like Aysun, I use a translucent veil over my head, although mine is slightly thicker. A longer veil is criss-crossed over my breasts with two more like wings over each of my shoulders. A fifth veil is wrapped around my waist, with two corners hanging down front and back. The final two veils hang from my waist over each of my legs. I need to vary my dance depending on whether I'm wearing the cloth strips since two of the veils are no longer needed to hide my private parts if I'm wearing the cloth strips. I can therefore shed those veils earlier than I would do otherwise. I can create a multi-coloured display as I perform each stage of the dance, favouring a constant variety in colour rather than Aysun's hypnotic twisting and twirling veil. Our different costumes and routines only prove that there is no single 'dance of the seven veils'. Each performer must create her own unique dance.
I'm approaching the stage in my pregnancy where I must reduce the time spent practising my dancing. I get tired a lot sooner and the midwife regularly cautions me about over-exerting myself. I still have my regular meetings with Şah Sultan and her guests, so I get plenty of warning that the Valide is intending to visit Edirne within the next couple of weeks. I'm trapped. I have no realistic chance of avoiding her, and my advanced stage of pregnancy must at least make her suspect that I was pregnant when I left the harem in Constantinople. I can only hope that Sultan Suleiman will override any decision she makes that might prevent me from carrying out the agreement I made with the sultan.
The fateful day arrives. Şah Sultan almost immediately crushes any chance I had of avoiding the Valide by having me attend her formal welcoming ceremony. The Valide isn't surprised to see me, so she must have already know that I'm in Edirne. What she thinks about my stage of pregnancy is something I can't immediately determine.