Part 1
"Kawasaki-san. How about getting a scholarship? That should take a load off your shoulders, financially speaking."
The white-haired girl lifts her head, eyes widening in sudden realization. "I... wow. How did I never think of that?" Her younger brother, Taishi-kun or something, grabs her hand. From the other end of the table, Komachi looks on approvingly, with a wide grin on her face (to nobody's surprise).
"That concludes our day's work, then." exhales Yukinoshita. "Hikigaya-san, it's your win this time. Now, if you'll excuse me..." After executing a perfect ninety-degree bow, he exits the fast food chain without ceremony. This, thinks Hachikuji. This is what a relationship between two club members should be like. Cordial and succinct. No more meaningless conversation than is necessary. And definitely none of...
Yuigahama smiles his usual bright smile and tries to give her an approving glance. She looks away.
...that.
Part 2
When desperate enough, even the most skeptical individual will grasp at a false ideal. This was the sole reason why Hachikuji entertained the idea of a fresh start in High School. Surely high school students were all mature individuals, far above the trivial concepts of 'confessions' and 'social status'. Perhaps, for the first time in years, Hachikuji would finally be accepted by her peers, flaws and all...
...as if that had any chance of happening. But just this once, Hachikuji let herself carry a sliver of hope.
Because she wanted to make a good first impression on the first day of school, she decided to leave the house two hours earlier. Because you never know what may happen along the way, she increased this buffer time to three hours. Then, because she overslept, it was promptly reduced to one hour.
And we're off to a great start, she thought while cycling to school. So that's what buffer time is for. She inwardly hoped that there would be nothing else to distract her from the road to acceptance.
And as fate would have it, there on the opposite side of the road was an orange haired boy, walking his dog. Although she recognized that a new start encompassed changing her rotten personality, and had pledged to refrain from being judgemental a mere fifteen minutes ago, the boy looked like an complete plebeian. The kind that would suck up to a riajuu just to creep up the social hierarchy... wait, hang on! Positive thoughts, positive thoughts! Um... uh... what a responsible owner, to take his dog out for a walk so early in the morning! Ugh, this is hard.
"Ah! Sablè!" Almost as if in response to her train of thought, the dog dashed onto the road, right in front of an oncoming car. Oi, what kind of owner are you? Give it back! Give me back my praise!
But because Hachikuji was (just for that day) full of hopes and dreams and the prospect of new beginnings, she acted on reflex to save the poor animal that was about to become roadkill. In retrospect, that was an extremely stupid move and completely out of her character. Was it the goodness stemming from the thought of a fresh start that had filled her heart and destroyed her rationality, compelling her to save a domesticated beast at the expense of her own life? It's a mystery even to herself.
She didn't dive in to grab the dog and roll to the kerb, nothing heroic like that. She simply swerved her bike in between the dog and the car in the hopes that the driver would notice her presence just in time to jam the brakes.
She made one small miscalculation, though. Nobody has ever noticed her presence.
Perhaps my life will start flashing before my eyes right about now, Hachikuji thought milliseconds before the car hit. It didn't (as expected), but she got an eyeful of the car itself. A huge, black limousine, probably belonging to some rich societal big-shot. Strangely enough, its hood was adorned with the figurine of a flying angel. Great, an escort to heaven. Just what I nee-
She vaguely remembers the driver yelling at her (a chauffeur, meaning she was right about the rich big-shot) and the orange haired boy apologising repeatedly afterwards, but her left leg was in so much pain and she passed out almost immediately after.
And that was how Hikigaya Hachikuji spent the first week of school nursing a broken leg in the hospital. In strict adherence to Murphy's law, fate had assigned her an obstacle that even her initially planned four hours of buffer time could not overcome.
When she finally showed up for class, she naturally failed to integrate with campus society. Which was just as well, because high school students weren't as mature as Hachikuji had imagined them to be, social hierarchies still existed, and the thought of fresh starts left a sour taste in her mouth.
Was this, perhaps, retribution for her for wishing upon a pipe dream?
The higher up you aim, the greater the height you eventually fall from. For Hachikuji, this inevitable crash came from the unforgiving wings of a metallic angel.
Part 3
"Hikigaya-san, you've been avoiding me."
Almost dropping her bento, Hachikuji chokes on what used to be a spring roll (with extra love from Komachi) and turns to face her assailant.
It's Yuigahama. Hachikuji would have preferred an assailant.
Instead of his usual bright smile, Yuigahama wears a look of concern. It wasn't frustration towards her blatant attempts at snubbing him or nervousness at the thought of irritating her; he actually looks genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. Hachikuji squashes the warm feeling that begins in her stomach and stuffs irritation into its place.
"I haven't. You're just being self conscious."
"Was it something I did?' A nervous laugh. "I'm not that smart, so I probably wasn't aware of it, but sorry for offending you."
He's not buying it, Hachikuji thinks. Probably because he knows that girls don't say what they mean most of the time... keep it together, Hikigaya Hachikuji! Since when were you the type of person who would conform to gender stereotypes?
She opts to say nothing, and the both of them share a long, tense silence. As a loner, Hachikuji has perfected the art of staring intensely at objects she has no interest in, like the floor or the wall. This technique is known for giving others the impression that you are deep in thought and therefore must not be disturbed.
Right now she narrows her dead fish eyes even further than usual and glares at Yuigahama, hoping he will get the hint and leave her to eat her lunch in peace. He does the exact opposite.
"Um, mind if I join you? I brought my own." Wait, where did that bento come from? Such sleight of hand!
On that note, if Yuigahama bothered to bring his lunch and search the entire school just to find her at her usual spot, he must really want to clear things up with her. Looks like Hachikuji can't weasel her way out of this one.
She, too, would love to clear things up with Yuigahama so that he can stop forcing himself to associating himself with her. The problem is, she doesn't know if there is anything to clear up in the first place.
They eat in silence, and Hachikuji braces herself for the inevitable moment when Yuigahama drops the pretense of eating with her and gets down to business.
Except that it never comes. Yuigahama finishes half of his lunch without saying a single word.
"O..Oi, Yuigahama." Said boy looks up in surprise. Hachikuji couldn't have imagined that she would be initiating the conversation like this, but the suspense is seriously killing her!
"Y... You came all the way here and all that... did you have something you want to talk about?"
"Huh? Oh, um, you mean the apology? I've given it already, though... I wasn't sure if it was enough, but I didn't know what it was that I did that made you so mad at me, and you didn't exactly want to tell me, so... yeah. Ehehehe..."
Don't 'Ehehehe' me! Not that you had anything to apologise for this time, but normally one apology wouldn't cut it!
Wait... does that mean he already considered this incident resolved? He thought that he had already cleared things up with me? Out loud she says, "Why did you bother eating lunch with me, then? You apologised already, right?"
A look of surprise registers on his face. "Oh, um, I thought you wouldn't mind, and... well..." He looks down at his feet, and Hachikuji begins to see the hint of a blush on his face. "I kinda wanted to hang out with you, so...'
Hachikuji has saved her favourite sashimi for the last, but suddenly doesn't feel like eating it anymore. In the space in her stomach which the raw salmon would have filled, rage settles instead. Why is he trying so hard?
Yuigahama notices the change in her demeanour and looks up. "Sorry... I never really asked if you were okay with it but... did that bother you?"
Damn right it did, Hachikuji feels like screaming. Are you trying to imply that you genuinely wanted to spend time with me? Don't screw around! Just because I saved your damn dog doesn't mean you need to go so far to... to...
"It sounded better in my head" is a commonly used phrase used to justify errors in speech; Hachikuji is the source on that. In this case, Hachikuji doesn't even know how her rant was supposed to sound like in her head.
She stands up way too abruptly. "I'm going back to class." she chokes, and gets away before Yuigahama has time to react. She does, however, catch a glimpse of the confusion on his face, coupled with the slight blush that has yet to fade.
Part 4
They decide to visit the office building of a large tech corporation. Yuigahama suggested it because the digital technology industry was making a big impact in the market, Totsuka agreed because many groups had chosen this location as well, and Hachikuji went along with it because frankly she didn't care. No matter what workplace one chooses to visit, the entire activity is meaningless to begin with. Naturally, when trying to cultivate the interests of several excited high school students, companies would selectively display the most appealing portions of the workplace, resulting in more disillusioned teens for reality to crush mercilessly in a few years time.
Yukinoshita's group is there too, silently surveying the office facilities. A spectacled boy standing next to Yukinoshita listens to their guide like a drowning man clutching for a handhold, and frantically takes notes. So this is class 2J, Hachikuji thinks. The world of elites is truly different from ours.
The mood within her group is decidedly strained. Amongst the happily chatting students, Totsuka has decided to limit his interaction to the rest of his group, receiving the occasional smile and nod in return. While this would normally brighten up Hachikuji's mood considerably, she can't help but notice that Yuigahama is occasionally sneaking anxious glances at her. Jeez, leave me alone, already.
The visit passes without event, promoting a few of the students to express their disappointment. What were you expecting? Hachikuji scoffs inwardly. Offices are simply cells for corporate slaves.
The students eventually disperse and regroup into their cliques before drifting away. No doubt they will have forgotten about this trip once the day ends. Being the lone wolf that she is, Hachikuji stands by the street and waits for all the students to leave before she can make her move. Wouldn't want to entertain any meaningless social interactions, after all.
Lost in her muddled thoughts, she doesn't notice Yukinoshita standing beside her until he speaks up.
"Yuigahama came to me for advice regarding you. It seems you have been avoiding him and he cannot comprehend why." Hachikuji quickly progresses from shock to irritation, before a thought strikes her. Yukinoshita is just as an experienced loner as she is, and is just as proficient when it comes to avoiding unnecessary interaction. For him to approach her to talk about this must have taken no small amount of effort.
She quashes her irritation, but only a little. "What's it to you?"
He clears his throat. "As the president of the service club, I have the responsibility to be concerned about any issue that affects our team dynamic." Listen to this guy, acting so high and mighty. You're actually worried about us, aren't you?
But this is Yukinoshita, who sort of understands her social circumstances and probably would understand her problems, so she starts to talk. She tells him about the accident on the first day of school, how Yuigahama was the boy whose dog she saved, and how he has been trying his best to interact with her ever since, as if paying off a debt.
"I see," Yukinoshita says. He pauses for a full seven seconds (Hachikuji counted). "Hikigaya-san, you seem to be under the impression that everyone else has an ulterior motive behind every action. Not that I am one to reproach you regarding this. But that may not be the case with Yuichi-kun. Throughout the time we've known him, he has struck me as slightly lacking in intelligence, but I know for a fact that he is sincere to a fault. If he says that he genuinely wants to spend time with you, that is probably the case."
Hachikuji considers this. Perhaps she was the one who needed to change her perspective this whole time.
"Though I have no doubt of his gratefulness to you, I am sure he wishes to be more than just your acquaintance," Yukinoshita continues. "Go talk to him. He is, after all, the closest thing to a friend we have ever had."
Hachikuji barks out a short, bitter laugh. "Talk to him? You make it sound so easy. What happened to your usual cynicism?"
"I am being cynical." The hint of a grin starts to form on his face. "Since your relationship was never that strong to begin with, you have absolutely nothing to lose by settling things with him. Hence from this point your relationship will only improve, isn't that right?"
Using her own rotten logic against her? Hachikuji finds the corners of her mouth tugging up as well. "It can't be that simple."
"I never lie." says Yukinoshita. A calm, confident boy, brutally honest to a fault, yet willing to break through his own shell to offer help to those who need it. The sky is overcast, but the retreating sun casts dappled light onto his faint grin. Hachikuji burns this image in her mind. She opens her mouth to laugh-
-and is interrupted by the blare of a car horn. It seems a limousine has stopped right next to the building without them noticing. The front seat window rolls down, and a woman's head reveals itself.
Everything, from her body language to her facial expression, seem to give the "young and carefree" vibe; in fact, they positively scream it. However, the only thing Hachikuji notices are her eyes. Call it a woman's intuition or years of skepticism, but the moment Hachikuji looks into the two glassy orbs she instantly senses an ocean of playful malice behind them.
"I'm here to pick you up, Yukio-chan!" she sing-songs, mouth twisting into a casual smile. Beside her, Hachikuji feels Yukinoshita tense up.
"Nee-san," he sighs. "I explicitly said you didn't need to."
Yukinoshita's sister puts her hand up to her forehead and swoons, as if her feelings have been deeply hurt, not only further irritating the already ticked-off Yukinoshita but also giving Hachikuji a negative impression of her. "So cold! Mom was concerned about you, you know. Said something about how your associating with friends could affect your grades."
On that note, she pretends to have just noticed Hachikuji. "Goodness, who's this? Oh, is that the girl who we knocked down the other day? My name is Yukinoshita Haruno, nice to meet you!"
Hachikuji's eyes widen in shock as she realizes the implications of what Haruno has just casually brought up. Haruno begins to engage her in casual conversation, but Hachikuji's eyes are already trailing past her to look at the car. A huge black limousine, probably belonging to some rich societal big-shot...
And sure enough, its hood is adorned with the figurine of a flying angel.
Hachikuji can feel the butterflies forming in her stomach, which quickly morph into bees, then hornets. The angry buzzing seems to reach her ears. Her head is a mess.
She doesn't turn to look at Yukinoshita in shock; she's not Yumiko-san (nor will she ever allow herself to become remotely as dramatic as her). Instead, she lowers her head to shield her gaze with her bangs, squints her already-narrow eyes and peeks at him from the corner of her vision. His face has turned completely pale.
"Hikigaya-san," he mumbles so softly Hachikuji can barely hear him. "I wasn't... I didn't mean..."
"Ah, sorry, was she not supposed to know?" Haruno puts on an exaggerated shocked air. Then, with a look that indicates she knows full well that she's making things worse, she turns to Hachikuji and offers an apologetic smile which looks so sincere it makes Hachikuji sick. "Yukio-chan was sitting at the back at the time, so he had nothing to do with the accident. Don't be too hard on him, 'kay?"
Yukinoshita turns even paler.
Hachikuji knows full well that she shouldn't let Yukinoshita Haruno have her way. That the best way to spite this demonic woman is to turn to her petrified younger brother and forgive him on the spot with a smile on her face. However, she cannot bring herself to do this.
"Hikigaya-san, I-"
"Yukinoshita. There won't be any club activities next week, right?" This is the best she can do. Trying to hide the tension in her voice, she forces her face to make a neutral expression.
"Ah.. y-yes. Summer holidays are coming up, so c-club activities are suspended starting from today."
"Right." There I was feeling guilty for hiding my personal problems from you, and it turns out you've been hiding the most from the both of us. What a joke. She spins around to hide her face. "I'll be going back now."
What was I hiding my face for? she wonders as she sprints back into the building. Then the answer hits her as she feels the warm tears streaming down her face.
Part 5
One time when Hachikuji was in middle school, she chanced upon an article titled 'How to get rid of facial signs that you have been crying' while browsing the web. As it turned out, the techniques displayed in the webpage prevented her reputation from declining even further on occasion, especially after certain emotional incidents.
However, for some reason or another, none of them work now.
"H... Hikigaya-san!" Yuigahama almost shouts when Hachikuji slowly trudges out of the washroom. "Wha.. did something happen?"
"M'fine. Slept too late yesterday," she mumbles tiredly. She has bigger things to worry about than clearing up some stupid spat that probably never existed to begin with. Such as her emotions. Without bothering to look up at the orange-haired boy, she stuffs her hands deeper into her pockets and quickly walks past.
He grabs her shoulder. "Does this have anything to do with the reason you've been avoiding me, by any chance? Please talk to me, Hikigaya-san. I can't know if you don't tell me!" What a stupid assumption, Hachikuji thinks. The fact that both reasons are, in fact, closely related does not make her feel any better.
"I'll talk to you some other time, Yuigahama. But not today, alright? I've got my hands full already," she sighs, trying to slip out of his grip. It tightens.
"I'm worried about you, Hikigaya-san!" She whips around in disbelief and sees the desperation in his eyes. "You seemed like such a… a kind person on the first day of school, a-and when fulfilling my request, but ever since that accident you've been so... so withdrawn, and you glare at everyone and you barely talk in class and you don't hang out with anyone! And now, you-"
"I see." So it wasn't for the sake of repaying any sort of debt, but out of a sense of guilt. Bile rises up Hachikuji's throat. She can feel the tears welling up in her eyes.
"Wait, what's that supposed to mean? Hikigaya-san, I...I..." his expression shifts between earnestness and concern as he frantically tries to articulate his opinions.
Wait. This is wrong! Something deep inside Hachikuji screams. She vividly recalls Yukinoshita's voice.
A heartfelt opinion. "Throughout the time we've known him, he has struck me as slightly lacking in intelligence, but I know for a fact that he is sincere to a fault. If he says that he genuinely wants to spend time with you, that is probably the case."
That's right, Hachikuji thinks, staring at Yuigahama's bewildered face. Their relationship can only improve from here, right? She should listen to Yukinoshita's advice and-
A slight grin. "I never lie."
A pale face. "Hikigaya-san, I..."
Blinding white fills Hachikuji's vision. She feels nauseous.
"You make me SICK!" she screams. Yuigahama recoils, shock written all over his face. Totsuka is rushing over with a worried expression, but she couldn't care less. Are these tears rolling down her face? It's a mystery even to herself.
She calms down. Wipes her eyes. Turns to gaze at Yuigahama, who flinches.
"Yuigahama. It's fine. I may have broken my leg saving your dog and missed the first week of school, but that was my decision to make. My social status, my behaviour in class, all that has nothing to do with that incident. So don't bother being so nice to me just because you feel bad about it.
"I don't need your disgusting sympathy. I don't need your nice guy behaviour. I don't need-" her voice wobbles; Yukinoshita's lost, petrified face floats at the forefront of her vision. "-your damn lies. Just... just leave me alone, already."
She walks out into the rain. (When did it start raining again?) She senses Yuigahama moving forward to stop her, but someone restrains him with a hand on his shoulder. Probably Totsuka. Poor Totsuka, to get involved in her personal affairs like this. She should apologise, someday.
Hikigaya Hachikuji doesn't cry any more on the way home; neither for the club president who didn't trust her, nor for the clubmate who she cannot bring herself to trust. She's way past the point of crying.
END OF CHAPTER 3
Author's note: Sorry for taking so long to update! Chapter 4 should be up faster, hopefully. I'm not sorry for the amount of emo in this chapter, though.
Reviews are to me as solitude is to Hachikuji. Do leave behind a few if you have some to spare :)