Author's Note:

Just wanna give a big thank you to my reviewers, I sincerely hope you know how much you help me with your support.

Dean opened his eyes to a bright light shining above his head like a hospital room. His stomach was in knots and nausea controlled his systems. He blinked but the lights didn't get any better, he tried to shield himself from the punishing glare but his arm wouldn't move. Dean wanted to turn his head and look but he couldn't do that either, he was completely stiff. Something was on his forehead that strapped him down, a similar belt held his wrists and ankles and the more he moved the more he realized how stuck he was. It was tight; he could feel it digging into his skin with each movement.

His breath caught in his throat and his lungs felt like they were being squeezed. He let out a frightened grunt as he strained against his shackles, it sounded odd to his hearing but he was too anxious to really pay attention. He could hear his heart racing, each beat pounded in his ears harder than the last.

"Shh, don't struggle so much my sweet little bird." Dean knew that voice but he couldn't place it. At least, not until he saw the familiar wrinkled face of Fergus MacLeod as the old man leaned over him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He screamed but knew immediately that it wasn't his voice; he didn't recognize the voice that exited his mouth. Who the hell was that?

"I said be quiet," MacLeod's tone was sinister as he disappeared from view again. Dean struggled harder, a frustrated and terrified whine forcing its way up his throat. He knew that sound, at least a version of it. "Just be still Castiel, this will only take a little while and it'll hurt a lot less if you don't move."

"You're psychotic," Dean hadn't intended to speak but his mouth moved anyway, Castiel's voice was venomous and desperate. Fear rolled through Dean's mind like thunder, thoughts of how to get free and how to get back home swarmed like a cloud. Dean caught glimpses of faces he didn't know and heard names he couldn't quite make out, people that Cas had known.

His heart sank as and he wanted to throw up. MacLeod was near to him, he could hear every little sound that was made and by both him and his instruments. It was unnerving that he couldn't move, it was even worse that he couldn't see what the bastard was doing. Dean heard his breathing increasing, felt his chest heaving and noticed another strap pressed down across his abdomen.

Then he heard the sound of a little saw turn on and off. Dean ground his teeth together and pulled against the restraints, he could feel the tension in his muscles, in Castiel's muscles. He screamed in frustrated desperation, thrashing as best he could. Dean knew he wasn't in control, he knew that whatever was happening it was Castiel's experience but it was so real. Tears burned his eyes and he screamed again, this time he felt the tear in his limbs as Castiel pushed harder past his limits. Ligaments had torn and his muscle was long past strained but Cas didn't stop. He thrashed around more violently, still refusing to hold still and pissing off MacLeod, if that old man's angry grunts were anything to go by.

A hand was firmly pressed against his forehead and a needle sunk deep into his neck. Dean's heart skipped a beat; he could feel Castiel's strength draining fast, his own strength. Hope was slipping fast and the world was quickly falling dark again. Dean struggled to stay awake, he cried out but no sound came, Castiel was silent. Dean couldn't stop his eyelids from closing; he heard the saw again as all sound faded. It was distant but still somehow getting closer. And then he couldn't feel anything.

Dean couldn't move, shock had consumed him and made him feel sick. He tried to lift his arms but they wouldn't budge, so he decided to focus on something smaller. His eyes wouldn't open, his tongue wouldn't move, he wasn't even sure he could flare his nostrils. Dean's mouth felt dry and he really wanted to scream, but sound wouldn't come either.

'Was that really Castiel?' He thought uneasily, 'Is this a dream!? Am I having a lucid dream!?' If that was true then control shouldn't be a problem. Dean focused more intensely, attempting to move or make a noise, anything.

Breaking through the barrier that held him down and silent Dean screamed and flailed, he felt his swings hit something but he didn't stop. His eyes were still shut, it was still dark but he was determined to get off the damn operating table.

And then he was stuck again, a heavy weight on his chest and a tight grasp on his wrists. Dean jerked his head around until he could loosen the muscle around his eyes and open them again. A sharp blue glowed above him, eyes belonging to a pissed off Castiel who bared his teeth in a snarl at Dean.

"Cas?" Dean wheezed as reality started to come back to him, his heart still beat rapidly and his breathing was labored.

Castiel barked a sharp, vicious reply that rang in Dean's ears. His wings were arched up defensively and his hands were in a crushing position over Dean's wrists, but Dean could hardly feel it anymore. Tears slipped from his eyes and past his ears, he could feel tightness in his chest that rose up into his throat.

A sob escaped him before he could speak, "I'm so sorry, Cas." He whispered and Castiel's expression softened, the bright, threatening light of his eyes fading. When Cas let go of Dean's arm he lifted his hand to the confused experiment's cheek. Cas flinched away at first but Dean placed his hand against hesitant skin. Dean couldn't find any more words than the ones he had already used, and so he said it more than once. Relief had found him when he woke, he could escape the nightmare but it was real for Castiel.

Dean couldn't forget the sound of Cas' voice, speaking real words and thinking of things that he could almost see. There were people in Cas' life that Cas couldn't remember, family that loved him and probably thought him dead. Dean didn't want to think about it anymore. He wanted to stop hearing Castiel's old words, scared and desperate. He wanted to hear new ones, to hear Cas say his own name, or even hear him say 'Dean.'

As he collected himself Cas had calmed down and slowly lowered to rest on him, wings folded again and eyes shut peacefully. Dean exhaled easier as his mind settled, his heart was still beating quickly but nothing compared to before.

It was a few minutes of silence before he heard a knock on the door; it opened before he could say anything and Sam's voice reached him, "Dean?"

"What's up, Sammy?" Dean lifted his head and froze up a little. Sam's eyes were reddened and puffy, he fidgeted and walked closer without saying anything for a few moments.

"Castiel…" his voice was shaky and he couldn't find the words. "I had a dream about him, like I… like I was him."

Dean's eyes widened and he tried to sit up, "Are you serious?" Castiel grunted when Dean moved and pushed him down again.

"Yeah, it was so real… sorry, I just needed to talk about it." Sam rubbed his eyes again as his voice started to crack. He cleared his throat and exhaled heavily, trying to steady himself; Dean gave him a moment before replying.

"Were you strapped to a table?"

Sam looked up, a little surprised. "Yeah, actually." He stuttered a bit and looked down at Cas, a pained, thoughtful look on his face. "MacLeod was there, I – Cas was restrained and couldn't get out."

Dean bit lightly at the inside of his cheek and glanced down at Cas too, he could feel the subtle vibration of a purr and knew that Cas was either super comfortable or already sleeping. "Did he pull at restraints until he tore ligaments?"

Sam cringed in response, his arms crossed over his chest as a defensive move, "How do you know that?"

"I had the dream too." Dean admitted and watched Sam's questioning gaze fall on him. "I couldn't move and I heard Cas' voice, his thoughts. He wouldn't stop trying to get away and got a needle in his neck. I woke up after that."

"Did you hear the saw?" Sam asked quietly and Dean had to nod, even though he didn't want to. He placed his hand over Cas' wing and slowly slid down the soft feathers, petting gently to comfort himself as much as Castiel. Sam was silent for a bit too, watching Dean's hand until he cautiously joined. A timid smile found his lips; he hadn't touched Cas yet, not so sweetly anyway.

"He's soft, isn't he?" Dean smiled too, Sam nodded.

They stayed like that for a while; neither Winchester counted the twilight the minutes but they felt comfortable in the silence. Seeing that Castiel was alive helped, but it was still painful to think about.

"I think I'll start looking into his history," Sam decided aloud, "When we were swamped with his thoughts I could've sworn he had a brother."

Dean felt that ache in his chest again; he refused to imagine what it'd be like to lose Sam like that. For Sam to just vanish one day to be experimented on by a man he trusted once, to be turned into a shadow of himself. It made Dean sick.

"How do you think we had the same dream?" Sam asked next, looking over at Dean again curiously. "It sounds like it was identical…"

"It's got to have something to do with Cas, we have no idea what MacLeod did to him but I mean, c'mon! He's got a bunch of animal traits but glowing eyes? That's not frickin' normal." Dean scoffed and tapped the side of his head, "My guess is there's some experimental shit we don't know about. We're living in a Sci-Fi movie."

Sam smirked and headed for the door, with a soft laugh. "Thanks, I needed that."

"Hey," Dean sat up to the best of his ability; Sam paused and looked back, "you okay?"

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head tiredly, "I feel a lot better now, I'm kinda glad we had the same dream; even if it was pretty bad."

Dean sighed with some relief, "Good, then try and get some more sleep, alright?"

"I'll try, 'night Dean." Sam was about to exit again but Dean interrupted him another time.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, come give me a hug before you go."

Sam laughed a little but didn't deny his big brother's request. He gave a small wave before finally leaving Dean alone with his thoughts and a sleeping Cas.

"It's weird," Dean whispered to Castiel, knowing that the understanding wasn't quite there, "we know something about you that you don't remember. I wonder what you'd say if you knew?" He rested his hand on Castiel's back, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Cas' breathing. So calm and peaceful, Cas felt safe there and it was contagious in a way. Dean found himself breathing in rhythm with Cas, his eyelids feeling heavier with each passing minute.

It took a while but soon he found sleep again.

Dean woke to the excited flutter of wings and an unmistakable chatter. Castiel had leapt off the bed and was pressed to the window, hopping about and sliding his hands repeatedly against the glass. Dean yawned and sat up, he felt a little stiff from lying in the same position most of the night; Cas hadn't exactly given him much chance to move about.

"What're you looking at?" He asked sleepily, Cas replied with the same chittering sound and without turning around. Dean got out of bed and stumbled to the window. There was a tree fairly close to them and on one of its branches was a little family of birds. Cas was so excited to see them and Dean wished he could open the window to let him get closer; but of course he was too worried Cas would just jump out.

"Those're birds," he explained instead, "they have wings like you, is that why you're so excited?"

Cas yelped in joy and briefly pushed his face against the glass, as if that might give him a better view. Dean laughed and started toward the second door in his room, "Alright, I'm gonna get ready and then let's get some breakfast." He had expected there to be leftover pizza but that dream had been eaten by Cas the night before. Instead he figured he'd check to see if there was anything edible in the kitchen, that was a far fetched plan but Dean figured hoping was as good an idea as any.

During his morning routine in his adjoined bathroom Dean could still hear Cas' excitement about the birds outside. At least until Castiel hunted him down in the bathroom, that is. Cas peered at him curiously the entire time he did his business, Dean knew it was probably all pretty strange to him but that didn't stop his watchful eye from being eerie. Dean made a mental note to get Cas his own toothbrush, but for now he could do without one for another day.

As he left the room Cas went to inspect all the things Dean had touched that morning. Dean watched silently as Castiel started to unroll the toilet paper, the pile got bigger and so did Castiel's passion for the activity. "Cas," Dean went to take his hand, wishing he could undo what Cas had just learned. "C'mon buddy, let's get food."

Castiel lit up and ferret-noised his way to the door. Apparently handles were still a mystery but he seemed to understand what the word 'food' meant. Dean opened it and watched Cas scamper off, figuring he was heading to where they'd eaten pizza the day before. And just as he expected he found Cas in the sitting room they were in before, as well as Jet.

"Good morning," Dean chimed as he strolled in, the kitchen could wait a few more minutes. As he circled round to see Jet's face he noticed who tired it was. "Dude, did you even sleep last night?"

"Yeah," Jet ran his hand down his face and let it drop into his lap, Cas was nearby so he wandered over and tried to inspect the seemingly heavy limb. Jet didn't stop him, either. "I had a wicked nightmare, man."

Dean wasn't surprised, he sat down next to his friend and rubbed Cas on the head, "What happened?"

"I was Cas,"

He nodded, "Sam and I had the same one, strapped to a table and MacLeod was there, right?"

Jet raised an eyebrow at him, "Yeah, and he knocked us out with a needle…"

"Yep, we had the same one. He and I both woke up at the same time, he told me about it last night." Dean furrowed his brow and looked Jet over, "I figured maybe you hadn't had it since you didn't wake up like we did."

"I couldn't wake up," Jet shook his head, his expression and tone said more than he probably ever could explain. "The needle knocked us out for a while but Cas was conscious for some of it. It was sickening, man." He scrunched up his nose in a snarl and wrapped his arms around himself, "I could feel my head being moved but it was numb, I know something poked around inside my skull… I heard him humming the same song he did when I worked for him, but the worst of it was hearing Cas. I could hear his thoughts and I felt what he was feeling. It was sick, it was fucking sick."

Dean couldn't begin to imagine what that was like, what he got to see was already surreal and fucked him up enough as it was. "Are you okay?" He didn't know what else to ask.

"I'm fine," Jet didn't sound like he was but Dean knew better than to push buttons. Jet looked at Cas who had climbed onto the couch with the two of them and mimicked how they were sitting. "I feel like such an asshole for what I said about him…"

"You learned more about him than me or Sam, huh?" Dean asked quietly and Jet just nodded.

"Maybe," he muttered as he brought his feet up to rest on the couch and his knees closer to his chest. "He's got an older brother, I know what he looks like but I didn't quite get his name; Cas' thoughts were pretty soupy after the drugs."

"Makes sense, Sam was pretty sure he had a brother too."

"He worked for MacLeod too," Jet's eyes narrowed as he spoke, Dean could almost hear his thought process through it. "He was scared more than anything, I couldn't fucking stand it." He put his head down against his knees, shaggy hair dropping around his face and hiding it from Dean.

"I'm sorry," Dean leaned over and gave Jet a hug, he knew immediately how bad his friend was feeling by the way Jet leaned into it instead of pushing him off like it was a big joke. Dean stayed there as long as Jet needed, though Cas wasn't about to be left out. He moved around Dean and squeezed himself in between them, snuggling up close to both of them and making Jet laugh.

"He's so affectionate,"

Dean couldn't help the chuckling that started in his throat, "Yeah, he's pretty snuggly. I guess he likes contact."

"I would too if I were him," Jet mumbled as he knocked his forehead against Cas'. Castiel chirped in response and did the same, except he knocked his head back and forth from Dean to Jet a few times.

Dean backed off rubbing his forehead; Jet didn't move and just uttered a single "Ow" in a monotonous tone.