"Hey guys... you know it's father's day, right?" Dick asked. As usual, they were at the watch tower while there mentors were in meetings...
Roy dropped the arrow he'd been working on and swore, and Scarlet giggled.
"Dick, he said the word..."
"Don't repeat that." Roy ordered, flushing bright red.
"We grew up in a circus, Roy, it's fine- we know every cuss word." Dick said. "Now, what are we going to do for them?"
"It can't be something lame." Roy said decidedly. "Nothing dorky like ties and crap..."
"What about muffins?" Wally asked from where he was jamming gummy bears into his mouth.
"Yeah! Muffins are good for every occasion!" Scarlet said, grinning.
Roy nodded. "Alright, but we have to MAKE it, we can't just go buy it..."
"We need muffin mix." Dick said decidedly.
"This means shopping!" Scarlet grinned. "Can we go to Wal-mart, Roy?"
"Get changed, everyone. We're going shopping." Roy announced. With everyone busy in a meeting, it was easy for Roy to input the coordinates for Star City, and they stumbled out of the phone booth, walking past numerous homeless men before heading to Walmart.
"So, what kind of muffin mix do we want?" Roy asked, studying the display of it carefully. "Raisin muffins?"
"No! Raisins look like turds!" Wally said, and an old lady gave them a stern look and promptly pushed her cart away.
"Wally, be normal for once!" Roy scolded. "Bran, maybe?"
"No. Bran actually MAKES turds" Dick said.
Roy rolled his eyes. "Lemon poppy seed?" he asked.
"Nope! Poppy seeds make you test positive for drugs." Scarlet informed him.
"I don't even want to know how you know that." Roy sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Blue berry?"
"Nope. Blue berries explode and make the muffins look weird."
"Must we be so particular!? They are just friggin muffins!" Roy exploded, finally loosing his cool. Everyone in the aisle stared, and Wally looked over to the right and grinned.
"Tolite paper fight!" he yelled, grabbing a few rolls off the tolite paper display. The fight ended when Dick decided to try throwing a twelve pack of Charmin and the manager threatened to throw them out.
"Look- give us five minutes, okay?" Roy asked, and the manager grudgingly obliged.
"Now, how about banana nut muffins?" Roy asked.
"No! Bananas are evil!" Scarlet yelped.
Roy sighed. "Fine! What muffins do you want, then!?"
"Chocolate chip." Dick said simply.
"You couldn't have just said that in the first place?" Roy sighed, grabbing a box of chocolate chip muffin mix before deciding they'd probably burn it, and grabbing five more boxes.
"Now everyone hold still!" Roy ordered, before he went through the express checkout line.
"Okay, come on..." they all filed out like good little soldiers before running back the the phone booth to the watch tower.
"These instructions are in Spanish." Wally said, looking confused as he tried to read the back of the box.
"You're holding it upside down, you idiot." Roy said, looking at the box.
"These directions are way too open ended..." Dick said, shaking his head. "See, it says add eggs, water, and oil. It never says not to add bacon or anything..."
"Because no one in his right mind would put BACON in MUFFINS." Roy sighed. "Okay, now then..." he poured the muffin mix into a bowl and added water, eggs, and oil. He didn't realize that Dick had read the directions to the letter, as Batman had taught him to, and had given him motor oil from the hangar...
"Okay. Bake at three fifty for ten minutes or until golden brown. We're good." Roy grinned.
"Um... Roy..." Dick pointed behind him, and Roy looked into the oven to see the muffins on fire.
"Get the fire extinguisher!" Roy yelled, as he pulled out the flaming pan with oven mitts. Dick quickly hacked into the computers and disabled the smoke alarms so they wouldn't be found out...
"Got it!" Scarlet ran in, dragging the fire extinguisher behind her, and sprayed...
"Okay, okay..." Roy sighed, as he washed the fire extinguisher foam from the pan. He noticed the can on the table and swore. "Motor oil!? We don't cook with MOTOR OIL, Dick!"
"It said oil! The most common form of oil used is motor oil!" Dick said defensively, as Wally scrubbed the ground free of foam.
"You know what, forget it. THIS is why I bought six packages of muffin mix." Roy said triumphantly, grabbing the next box of muffin mix. He rummaged around in the cupboards for awhile until he came up with cooking oil, before he finished the batter and put the pan in the oven...
"This should work..." Roy grinned. It was then he noticed the baking soda on the table.
"Who put baking soda in the muffins!?" Roy demanded.
"Not me!" Dick said defensively.
All eyes turned to Wally, except for Scarlet's, because she, unbeknownst to anyone, wanted to take a peek at the muffins...
"It was an experiment, okay!?" Wally admitted. "My Uncle IS a scientist, after all..."
"Experiment when it isn't father's day!" Dick said.
Scarlet opened the oven to stare at the muffins, which looked odd... Was the batter... bubbling? Suddenly the batter exploded, hot batter flying everywhere, some of it landing on Scarlet's face...
She yelped and Roy whirled to find the dough explosion and Scarlet covered in dough and swore.
"Get me some wet towels, now!" he ordered Wally and Dick, as he grabbed Scarlet.
"It burns! Roy, get it off!" Scarlet pleaded, and Roy scrambled to scrape the scalding dough off her cheek and arms...
Dick and Wally raced back in with wet cloths, and Roy saw the stove was still spitting batter.
"Dick, get the pan out of the oven! Wally, clean up the floor!" Roy ordered as he carefully sponged the hot batter off her face and arms...
"Does it hurt?" Roy asked, feeling apprehensive as he saw the shiny red skin that was burned.
She nodded, but didn't whimper or cry. She'd been trained too well for that, after the immediate source of pain was taken care of, and she allowed Roy to look at her burns.
"Shoot..." Roy muttered. "Okay, we're going to the med bay..."
"No! We haven't made the muffins yet." Scarlet said, a spark of defiance showing.
Roy had to grin. This kid had guts.
"Okay, fine, but we only try ONCE more..."
Wally was finishing cleaning up the floor, and Dick was already busy washing off the pan. "And NO ONE touches ANYTHING this time..."
"It's simple, Clark. Either the aliens give up their weapons peacefully, or we go ahead and take them from them." Batman said calmly.
Just then there was a knock on the door, followed by Scarlet's voice. "Special delivery." she chirped.
Superman had to chuckle slightly. It was a mystery as to how someone so cold like Bruce could have two little rays of sunshine...
"Come on in." he said, and the four children proudly entered...
"Happy father's day..." Scarlet said, setting a perfect looking muffin in front of Batman with Dick beside her.
"Yeah. You're not my dad, Uncle Barry, but I still made you a muffin!" Wally grinned.
"Um... here..." Roy blushed, seeing his own muffin in front of Oliver.
"Roy, you didn't have to..." Oliver started.
"Well I was the only one who knew how to use the oven..." Roy said lamely, looking away. His gaze darted over once, however, and he was relieved to see Oliver appeared to like it...
"And you four... made these?" Martain Manhunter asked, not familiar with the Earth traditions like Father's day...
"Sure did. I have the burns to prove it!" Scarlet said, and Batman looked at his daughter questioningly.
"Mental burns, she means!" Roy threw in quickly, not wanting to get in trouble for anything...
"Yeah... mental!" Scarlet said quickly, flashing her father a smile that made his heart melt...
"Alright. Thanks, you guys..." Oliver said.
Batman said something in Romani to his children, who both smiled slightly brighter before leaving, Wally and Roy quickly going with them...
"Now, as for the treaty, I say no nuclear weapons allowed, or else we airstrike their nuclear reactor..." Batman said, and the league was once again shocked by how... odd... the bat trio was.