Author's Note:
Heya guys, thanks so much for being patient and if I haven't said it yet then I want to let you all know how much I appreciate the support for my OCs and this story thus far. It's been a real blast and I hope we can continue to get through it together. Here's a real-time Cas POV for you! I loved writing this chapter, hope you guys love it just as much x3
Castiel stood and watched Dean disappear into the doorway; he felt Bobby's hand holding tightly and knew that running after Dean wouldn't be entirely plausible. He sighed, wings folding behind him as he turned and walked over to where Charlie was sitting. She got to work at the computer again, her hands were quick and she seemed really focused. He hopped onto the chair situated slightly behind her and flinched a little as it spun from his momentum.
He perched there, keeping still as the chair slowly turned and finally stopped. He frowned, from his new angle he couldn't see what Charlie was doing, in fact he was facing the exact wrong way.
With wings arched in the air he balanced himself and tried to turn his chair back the right way around by twisting his body. His struggles didn't result in much progress. Instead he lowered his wings to the floor and slowly turned the chair that way. With enough effort he moved to the spot he wanted next to Charlie and watched her work. She was reading, he didn't quite wrap his head around written word as well so he didn't watch the screen. Instead he looked at her face, she was so absorbed in what she was doing she'd already disappeared from where he was and engulfed into the screen.
"Chahlee?" He mumbled out and she looked up immediately with surprised eyes.
"Cas? What's up?" She sounded a little hesitant, he wasn't sure why but he had a few guesses.
He cleared his throat and adjusted himself on the chair, he wanted to speak properly already but it just wouldn't come to him. "How can… I get better?"
Her eyes wavered and she turned more to face him straight on, there was a moment where they just sat that way. Her expression was tight and she had to take a deep breath, like it was difficult for her to speak too. "Cas, I'm looking….. ..."
He shook his head and tried to concentrate, his expression growing a little more desperate, "What?"
Charlie paused and said again, "I'm looking for a way to help you."
"Is there one?" Cas managed to say without a pause, a tiny feeling of pride growing in him. It was difficult to speak or understand like he used to but he was sure he could do it again; it just needed to come back to him. The ability was in his head, his brain was misfiring still but slowly he was getting pieces back at a time.
"I don't know," She admitted softly and he nodded with a quiet grunt. "I won't…. …"
He tilted his head and squinted a little bit, she seemed to know exactly what that meant because she spoke again.
"I won't stop looking. I'll find something."
"Thank you," Cas smiled and sat back in his chair again, allowing himself to relax a little.
"You're welcome," she smiled back; he could kinda tell she wanted to say more but knew it'd be a difficult conversation. "I'm glad I could repay you for what…. …."
He sighed and shook his head, "I did… didn't get that."
"I figured not," she ruffled his hair and turned back to the computer. Cas huffed indignantly, she'd done that on purpose. Whatever it was, she hadn't meant for him to actually hear it just yet. He'd have to ask her later when he could.
Instead of bothering Charlie further he moved over to where he could see the screens better, scanning for where Dean might be. It felt weird to see the images on the screens, to see nothing but silhouettes on most of them but he knew what should've been there.
He recognized that anything on that screen was probably just like him, something manufactured and unfinished. He felt an ache in his chest grow the longer he watched the still images, it was uncomfortable but he wasn't sure he wanted it to leave him just yet. It reminded him of his humanity, something that was slowly returning to him as much as his speech. It was unclear to him before, his feelings and emotions felt like strange disconnected ideas before MacLeod had died, before Dean had arrived.
Castiel knew it had to be a connection to MacLeod, he was no longer eating the food MacLeod gave him, he was no longer being injected with drugs or put under the surgery knife. Maybe it was time his mind reconnected to itself, functioned like it was supposed to.
He had an idea of what he was before MacLeod. Castiel was his name from that time; it rang clear in his ears, the first real word he understood. Castiel Novak, a mindful, friendly boy that went missing one day and didn't turn up for four years. It was weird to think of himself like that, Castiel had even gone missing from within, even Cas didn't know where he'd gone. He remembered little bursts of humanity striking in his dreams; anger was the first emotion he could really get his mind around.
Revenge. At the time he hadn't thought of it as a concept, he didn't know the word, but he knew what he wanted. When it finally sunk into him that he was able to connect to dreams, that his emotions and wild thoughts could influence another's sleep, he knew he needed to use it. MacLeod was a recurring nightmare, Cas didn't always know what his dreams were about or if he ever had them but he could feel they were dangerous and painful. Connecting to MacLeod at night should have been terrifying but Cas couldn't register his emotional state, he didn't even know if he could feel anything at the time or if he was showing those emotions.
Killing MacLeod without truly understanding it felt like a crime. Castiel was angry with himself but he knew it was a very necessary step for his future freedom. He wished he could remember MacLeod's death, he wished he could have seen the fear in those soulless eyes; he wished he could relish his revenge. But when he'd done it he wasn't clear in his own mind, he wasn't aware, and he would never really know what it was like to feel his vengeance for real. It almost seemed like an empty win.
Castiel looked at the terminal that changed the source input for the screens, he remembered the others playing with it but he couldn't quite remember what buttons did what. He could tell that Dean wasn't on any of the available views and he wanted to find him.
"Baw-bee," he suddenly demanded the older man's attention and got it almost immediately. He wondered for a second if the novelty of his speech would wear off, but even if it did he wouldn't really care. Cas pointed at the terminal, "Dee."
Bobby chuckled and walked over, "Not sure I know how, bud."
Cas was glad he could convey what he wanted with a few gestures and names, but he knew he should be practicing. Hell, he felt a little proud of himself for even being that aware of his situation. Knowing he needed to practice was a huge step; he wished he could share it with Dean.
He watched silently until he saw Bobby finally succeed in switching the screens. Cas chirped out of habit and reached over to take control, "Thanks Baw-bee."
"You're welcome," Bobby was still pretty amused, he backed off without any further input from Castiel. He got distracted seconds later but Cas wasn't paying attention past that, he was searching for Dean.
Each time the button was pushed there were new sets of cages and hallways until he spotted a familiar trio. "Dee!" he cheered and sat back comfortably as he watched Dean and the other two walk from one screen to the next. Relief spilled over his mind where he didn't know he'd needed it; he'd been concerned about Dean's safety down there without him. Cas knew what could live down there, he remembered the sounds of other creatures from his dome, he remembered the things he had to fight. Most creatures he'd ever encountered in MacLeod's labs were unfriendly and dangerous; Cas felt like Dean needed him there. Castiel could fight; he knew he was capable of tearing a head off of a body with enough momentum. He wished Dean would've brought him with, but he understood the lack of confidence. After all, Cas wasn't entirely in control of himself yet.
The sound of the basement door opening struck his ears and Castiel looked up, Bobby was going up the stairs. He watched for a second, debated following, and decided that he'd rather watch Dean's progress.
Dean and the others stopped at an enclosure that Cas didn't know but they were looking into it like they had the others. Something must've gotten their attention though, he could tell by their movement and how suddenly animated Jet had become. He stared intently and watched as they opened the door, his heart jumped and he leaned forward at the edge of his seat. Why had they opened a door?
He looked for the new screen that was similar to what he saws from the hall and once he found it he looked back and forth between the two. They'd closed the door again but allowed Jet to walk inside, "Chet," Cas whispered worriedly and caught himself holding his breath. He was sure his heart would stop when he saw something climbing out of the wall, it was small but that didn't mean anything when it came to MacLeod's experiments.
Jet was calm, or at least he looked like he was. Dean and Sam didn't open the door for him to get back out and the thing in the cage was moving closer to their friend. Cas stared helplessly as the thing he didn't recognize crawled over Jet, in a split second he imagined the numerous ways this creature could tear Jet apart. He could see blood spilling and limbs flying, flesh dissolved by acidic substances or just a simple decapitation. He could imagine the worst and it felt like it was gutting him in the horribly short amount of time he was watching.
But in the end it didn't kill Jet. It was heart wrenching and terrifying at the same time, Cas felt like he was going to implode from the sudden rush of stress, it made him sick. He dropped back and groaned knowingly, he was sure he'd made numerous animalistic sounds while he was watching but the groan was the only one he controlled on his own.
Just those few seconds were enough to drain him, he felt even more exhausted than when he'd stayed up all night. Cas remained slumped in his chair as he watched the events unfolding, Jet was close to the new experiment but still alive, Cas tried to keep calm about it.
Then he smelled someone completely new. He stiffened and looked up at the still open basement door; Bobby was coming back but someone was with him. It was Bobby's friend maybe? Castiel pushed off his chair and flew up to the railing, landing just as the two came into view of the lab.
"Holy shit!" The stranger shouted immediately, he had a loud voice and was carrying a weapon – Cas had seen one of those aimed at him once before, it was a large gun and it could kill him with one shot. The man continued to freak out but his words were lost to Castiel's understanding, Cas was too focused on the gun to understand any words spoken by anyone in the room.
His wings arched and the room was drenched in a familiar blue light as he screeched a warning. He couldn't think, he knew that weapon, he'd seen other experiments shot before. He remembered tests, the tests to see how strong he was, to see if that weapon could hurt him like it did others.
The stranger was frantic and Castiel screamed again, a human sound mixing with an animalistic shriek. He felt logic draining from his mind and he couldn't get a handle on it, control slipped away and he fell back into a mental groove. Watching from the inside as his instincts took over, fear and anger ruled his movements now.
Charlie was calling to him but he couldn't understand her anymore. The stranger hadn't backed off, he aimed the gun shakily, his own defense against Cas. Bobby stood with his hands up to Castiel in between them, he was speaking too, an attempt at a calming voice but it was lost on Cas' current mind set.
He screeched again, wings arched high as he stared the stranger in the eye. The room was a blinding light that never seemed to bother Cas' eyes, his jaw descended and he felt the sharper set of teeth emerging.
Internally he cried out at himself to stop, Castiel Novak begged him to stop but it wasn't enough. He bristled, wings flexing agitatedly, he didn't look away for even a second as he stared down the stranger with a weapon.
Bobby was angry but it was directed at the other man who wouldn't listen either. Castiel growled and the next shriek rolled into a vicious roar that shook the room, his last warning. The stranger was shaking but wouldn't lower the gun; it was aimed at Castiel's head and didn't shift away.
Cas didn't give another indication of his intent, he lunged forward with enough force to break the railing as he leapt off of it. He was fast, too fast to see coming but too slow to not be seen. The stranger's itchy finger was quick enough to fire, but Cas wouldn't have reached him anyway.
Castiel crashed to the ground from the running force of a person he hadn't even noticed in the room. Dean held onto him after a running tackle, just fast enough to save Cas' life.
He struggled first before he realized who it was. Cas snarled at Dean for holding onto him, for stopping him, but slowly that anger dissolved as he stared at Dean's eyes. The anger he saw there wasn't aimed at him, Dean wasn't doing it to stop Cas from fighting the stranger.
Dean said something but Cas couldn't understand it. He just stared at Dean's face and before he could even understand his own emotional disconnect he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. "Dee," he cracked, voice trembling and eyes wide. He wanted to say more but he couldn't find the words yet.
What he did understand was Dean's quiet smile, the look in those green eyes and the very softly spoken, "It's okay, Cas."