Author's Note:

Writing these last two chapters made me sad :(

Charlie sat at her computer typing up some replies to online friends, she'd been neglecting them for a little while though she hadn't really meant to. Graduation had come and gone and her schedule opened up again, she supposed it was a good enough time to get back to them as any. No more excuses, other than applying for more governments grants, loans, and to different universities.

For now though it was summer break, she could try to enjoy it for what it was though she couldn't help but wonder about what to do when September hit again. High school was over; she wouldn't see her friends every day unless she went out to see them herself. They wouldn't be doing the same things, going to the same classes and so on. It stressed her out but she knew she had Cas. He was as unhappy about not seeing people every week as she was, maybe more so.

Though the two of them could agree that it was nice high school had ended. No more prison bars disguised as a classroom, it wasn't mandatory and they didn't have to do it anymore if they didn't want to. Charlie wasn't sure she wanted to do post secondary at all; she could get a job easily with her skills, maybe saving money would be a smarter choice? Regardless, she could probably do it if she didn't get any financial aid. Garth kept true to his word several months back and went backpacking, and Cas was going through with a musical program.

Speaking of Cas, she was supposed to be seeing him that evening. It'd been a few days since the after party; apparently his hangover was nasty enough to keep him home for quite a while afterward. They'd talked on the phone; he gushed about some cute boy he saw and she had to listen to all the details about freckles and firm butts. In turn she got to talk about how gorgeous the girls were at grad.

Cas talked about working over the summer for MacLeod, which was where he was at that day. Charlie figured the old dude was a bit weird but he paid Cas really well, she couldn't argue with that. She would've preferred hanging out with him like always, playing games and watching stupid movies, but those were more selfish thoughts than anything else. They had to get jobs, real ones. The world wasn't going to let them coast by.

She glanced at the clock; it was nearly 5pm, still enough time to watch some YouTube videos before having to head out.

They said they'd meet after 6 that evening in the park near both their places. It was a small playground for parents to take their little kids, just a neighbourhood thing that she and Cas loved going to after dark.

Charlie found herself sitting there, under a tree with her phone in hand. She played little games and checked her social media updates like normal. She could get lost in it so easily, living online was a bit of a comfort for her. Nothing seemed weird.

At least not until she checked the time, it felt like it'd been a while and she was getting anxious. It was after 7 already, Cas was nowhere in sight, he hadn't even sent her a text. She frowned and sent him a message first.

Dude where are you? I've been in the park over an hour.

She waited, watching her phone with some irritation. After about five minutes she got fed up and called. It rang a few times then clicked off as if he'd hung up. "What the hell?" She was confused as much as she was pissed about the avoiding behaviour. She sent another text;

What's up with you? Call me back when you get this.

Charlie went home after that.

She woke up to a phone call two or three days later; groggy, she answered it. "Hello?" Her voice sounded like hell.

"Charlie? It's Michael, have you seen Cas?"

"Cas? No, he blew me off the other day and never replied to me after that." She yawned and rolled over, her mind not quite catching up with the whole 'being awake' thing.

"I haven't seen or heard from him in a few days, I was hoping you had…" Michael was worried, he kept his tone relatively level but she knew him well enough to be able to tell. "If he contacts you could you call me?"

"Yeah," she wasn't sure what to say, Cas hadn't talked to Michael? That wasn't like him… though not talking to her was odd too. "Likewise, okay?"

"Right,"

"Hey," she said before he could hang up, "I'll go check his usual spots, maybe I'll find him. He might just be hanging out with a cute guy or something, lost track of time."

"Maybe. Thank you Charlie."

"Talk to you soon," she hung up and stared at the ceiling for a few moments to let her brain sort out what just happened. Cas didn't just disappear, he hated it when people did that to him and always said where he was going.

If someone had asked her then how worried she was she would've said 'not very.' It was odd but not terrifying, Cas could be rebellious if he wanted to be, it wasn't entirely out of character to do shit. So she told herself, anyway.

If someone asked her a few days after that how worried she was it would've been a different story. She had found no sign of Castiel whatsoever. He had vanished; the last person to have seen him was MacLeod who claimed Cas had gone home after work.

His phone was gone; there was no way to trace it. She checked all his accounts online; none of them had activity after the same day, not a single one. She hacked into his accounts to see if maybe he had posted things with higher privacy settings or sent messages to someone.

Still nothing.

She sat with Michael one of the following days, she felt sick and he wouldn't say much of anything. "He's going to come back," she whispered.

"I've asked everyone I know of," Michael said softly, "If someone sees him we'll know."

"Yeah," she had to have hope, she didn't want to think for a second that Cas would've left. Castiel wouldn't leave them, not like that, not without a trace. "Maybe it was an impromptu trip and he lost his phone or something." She couldn't forget that the phone had been turned off that day she tried calling. It burned inside her head; Cas had turned it off when she called. Or someone else had. That was the last time any call got a dial tone and not just an answering machine.

Michael clutched his phone tightly, his thumb slowly tapping numbers until a soft ringing was heard. He put it on speaker and listened until

-click-

"Hey it's Cas! Sorry I missed you, leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

-beep-

Michael ended the call and tapped the redial button.

Charlie sat quietly as she listened to the same voicemail answer on repeat, each time felt like another hammer on a nail, slowly sealing a lid on a coffin. Michael didn't budge as he did it over and over again; his expression was unchanging other than the small quiver of his lip.

Charlie stood in her room two weeks after Castiel had disappeared. The police had long taken over the search but nothing came up. A small investigation into MacLeod was her biggest hope but they'd found nothing, just a very old man with a lot of money and no real need for a poor kid like Castiel Novak.

She sat down on her bed, the same bed she'd sat on with Cas over the many years they'd known each other. She dropped backward onto the mattress like she'd seen Cas do every time he'd come over, maybe she could get into his mind somehow. Repeating his actions, staring where he had, maybe she could get some kind of answer as to what he was thinking.

She remembered him sitting there as she tried to hide her attempt at ending her own life, he didn't know to go to her house that night but he had anyway. He showed up with that sweet smile and good intentions like the amazing friend that he was. She wondered what she'd done to deserve knowing him.

"Where are you?" she whispered out loud to the room many times. She said it after the first month had passed and she'd watched Michael break down crying that day.

She said it again after the second month when that afternoon the police told them that their leads had gone cold but they weren't going to stop looking.

She wondered why he'd left, if he left at all or if he'd been stolen somehow. She wanted to think he was okay but her stomach wouldn't sit still whenever she tried to settle on that idea.

His words always stuck with her, a stupid joking expression accompanying the line "You gotta help me too, though." At the time she had told him never, just for a laugh. She hadn't meant it. She wouldn't have ever meant that. It scared her to think that Cas might think she had been serious. What if Cas thought she wouldn't come to help him?

Charlie spent more time looking than she wanted to admit. Every time she went to see Michael she had a new piece of information she was sure would lead her somewhere. He was happy she was looking but as time went on and she repeatedly brought Castiel up, tore at that wound, Michael grew more tired.

He tried to tell her to slow down, the police would handle it. She couldn't possibly take that, not for her sanity's sake. Her mom was still in a coma, they told her that she couldn't do anything but wait and it was true. She couldn't find clues and leads or anything to just wake her mother up, but Cas was a different story.

Charlie taught herself tricks out of necessity, she learned to scam and scrounge up money in less than legal ways. It didn't cross her mind that maybe she should stop, that maybe obsession with the whole thing was becoming unhealthy. She had to find Cas, she couldn't think of doing anything else.

She didn't like to think of how much time had passed. Her search took her out of town, out of state. Part of her felt like she was grasping at straws, straining herself to see facts where it was just coincidence. In fact she kind of knew it was true, every single lead she found was farfetched but it had just enough truth for her to go after it. She couldn't stop herself; she didn't care to. Something had to lead to Cas.

Each of her leads ended the same way, back to the same town where Cas had vanished from to begin with. She always stopped in to say hi to Michael though filling him in on any information was always a risk. He didn't like to hear about it anymore, not after the first two years had passed them by. Charlie felt foolish for continuing her search sometimes but she just couldn't stop. She was determined to at least find Castiel's body.

Just that thought made her stomach turn. She didn't want to think of it that way.

She'd gotten calls from her father every now and then, her mom was alive but not awake and he was still working. Charlie wasn't sure why but it felt like her family was just standing still while time lapsed. She did the same thing, hunted for Cas and tried to find some hint as to where he'd gone. Her father worked to support her mother who never did anything different. Time almost felt inconsequential.

Michael was always helpful; he offered her a place to stay with him, probably trying to get her to let go of what they'd lost. She appreciated his big heart but it felt wrong, staying with Cas' brother without Cas there wasn't right. She wouldn't come to stay unless she had Castiel in tow.

That didn't happen. Charlie found herself at a loss, four years Castiel was gone and she was empty handed. There were no more clues, no leads, all trails were cold; she was stuck. Life was starting to close in on her; she'd spent four years searching for a friend who hadn't been seen, not even once. He was like a ghost, the idea that she'd have lived less of her life knowing Castiel than not knowing was starting to scare her. They'd been friends for quite some time but four years was nothing to discount.

Charlie didn't know what to do. Regrouping back at home would be a decent plan for now, though it wasn't her first choice. If she could she'd just walk up to the place Cas was in and that would be that, of course it was impossible. Maybe staying where Cas used to live would spark something, maybe she'd hear something or find something new if she stayed still for long enough? She didn't know but it was all she had left to hope on.

Cas was slipping away from her hands too fast; even her memory of him was fading. His face must have changed so much from the pictures she still had, memories on social media were all that he'd left behind.

Charlie was on the verge of breaking; she could feel the edge creeping up ahead of her and knew that soon she'd topple over it and that'd be the end of it. She'd disappear like Cas had, that was all she could do. Hope was thin, chances were sparse and Castiel was a distant star.

Walking into Biggerson's she knew she'd find Michael there; if she'd stay in town longer she'd need a more legitimate source of money. At least something where she might be able to say 'I made enough to live on in tips' when explaining how she got the money she had stolen.

Charlie found that holding onto an upbeat attitude was all that had gotten her through the years while she searched. Deep in her mind she knew how tired she was, how ragged she'd become, but she couldn't fail. Castiel had always been such a ray of sunshine in her life and if she wanted a chance to find him she'd have to do everything she could to keep her head above water.

With a smile on her face she walked into the big chain restaurant, there were three people waiting to be seated and they were talking amongst themselves. She would've ignored them and waited for Michael but something burned in her ears, a simple tail end of a sentence nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"We'll tell him when we think Cas is ready."

She hurried from the door; her heart was in her throat as she attempted to keep it calm. "Did you say Cas?"

A/N:

And so the scene continued in chapter 22