His warm hand gently grabs my arm and I foolishly stop to face his tear-blurred figure as my lip quivers. My muscles are tired and I just want to sink to my knees instead of climbing those stairs up to his bedroom where we were just canoodling and then we fought, and here it continues. He step forwards and snugly loops his arms around my shuddering body even though I don't want to be hugged by him or to even be near him right this second. I relax in his arms and I move my arms to hug him back as my forehead rests on his broad shoulder and I cry into it as I feel one of his hands cradling my red haired head that I've always hated since I was little; it's never any fun being a ginger with tons of freckles that get even worse in the summer due to the exposure of the sun.
"I'm sorry, Court. I didn't mean to make you sad or to yell at you like I did. I would never think of you as an idiot; I actually think you're one of the most smartest people I've ever met. You're so cool too with your mad pottery skills that I couldn't even dream about having and you can't forget how strikingly beautiful you are with your red hair and those brown eyes that look like chocolate," he takes a pause from his speaking that doesn't seem to be really having a point with how I am as I continue to cry and he pulls me over to the couch where he sits me beside him, still with his limbs holding me. "Now how about you talk too so I'm not the only one speaking here."
"I don't want to." I mutter into his shoulder that gives me support and I feel his nose brush against my head.
"Yell at me. Tell me why you're so angry with me. Call me out. Shoot blows at me. Do it." he insists and I sniffle.
"What?"
"I said yell at me. I know you want to do it. I wanna know just how I make you mad," he in a way repeats himself and I look to our laps that are now illuminated by the lamp he turned on when he first confronted me over by the door. "Rant to me about what is bothering you and what's on your mind."
"I feel like I don't belong here and that I shouldn't be here. I'm scared to go home and see my mother who I never want to see again. I know that she isn't going to change and I'm afraid that I'm going to find her dead on the bathroom floor or something one of these days," I inhale a large breath while my fingers pick at the cuff of the dark sweater I wear and one that provides me with some warmth. "I don't want to go to the diner anymore, because now I hate it there. I don't even want to be here because I'd keep wanting to get out. I keep messing things up too. With you and everyone else. I say everything wrong and do everything wrong."
"No you don't." he disagrees and then turns silent as his hand cups my shoulder.
"I didn't mean to say that I don't want to be with you earlier, but I don't know if it's right. I feel like I took you away from Jane, and that was never supposed to happen. But I'd be lying to myself and you if I stayed away from you or said that I don't want to be with you. You make me happy, so happy-most of the time-and I haven't had that for awhile." I tear my eyes away from the sweater to see his sleepy pair to be set on me that look so patient.
"Okay I get that, now tell me just why you're angry at me and say all of that stuff I know that you're itching to say."
I exhale and glance away to look to the coffee table that has its space taken up by empty tea cups, empty as well as full packs of cigarettes, a box of matches, a plastic bag of guitar picks, an open drawing pad with the start of a sentence written on it as a pencil is idle beside it, and more things that are hidden underneath the others, "I'm only a few years younger than you, but yet you sometimes treat me like I'm your little sister. And it bugs me. I can take care of myself. I hate it when you raise your voice too because is it really all that necessary for to get your point across?"
"Again I don't think that you're an idiot or a child-."
"Then why do you act like I am one sometimes?" I demand and he sighs. "You don't need to be so damn protective of me! It's not like something is going to happen to me."
"Yeah for all we know something won't. I'm protective of you 'cause I don't want something to happen to you, 'cause to be honest I don't know how I'd feel if something did. I feel like it's my responsibility to watch over you, and maybe to protect you too," I see the meaning in his sleepy eyes that he rubs before continuing. "You know, I feel guilty for what happened at the diner with Robbie. I feel like I could've stopped it by coming by to say hi so you weren't back there in the kitchen or that I should've convinced you to never get that job in the first place."
"Paul, it's not your fault what happened with Robbie and I. It was his fault by doing what he did." I tell him as he slightly frowns and he brushes his thumb over the small cut that you can still faintly see on my cheek; it's almost gone thankfully.
"I know, but I feel guilty about it. When I came to pick you up I almost left the car to go into the diner to find that bastard so I could put some sense into him; and not with words." he comments and my mind draws a blank on what I should say back or if I should say anything in response.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I guess it's just a guy thing, but I'll try not to again. If you didn't mean that about the whole being together thing then what you were trying to say?"
"Maybe if you would've given me the chance to speak you would've heard it," I retort without thinking and I glance to his deep eyes. "But I meant what I said about that I'm screwing everything up because you marry somebody else and that's not me. I've already changed things." I explain as I toy with the two bracelets on my wrists that I never want to take off.
"Maybe things are changed and messed up for forever," he comments and I look up at him and his joking look fades and his hand takes one of mine into his own. "That's okay though 'cause then maybe things will end up differently and it's fine if they do."
"No it's not, Paul. I might be changing the future and what happens to you. That's not supposed to happen."
"But it has, Court, and it's alright. There's nothing we can do about it," his look changes as we look at each other and he shakes his head after getting something from the look on my face. "No, don't you dare think about it or even say it. You're staying. We're not going to solve this by you leaving. I'm not gonna let it happen. I won't."
"But I have to go back one day, won't I? I can't be here forever, because I don't belong here." I add on and I see the realization cover his face.
"Yeah I reckon you will have to, but lets not worry about that now. You're here right now and I'm sure that something would need to be done for you to go back; the same thing or way that got you here."
"But what if I wake up one morning and I'm no longer here? I'm afraid that that'll happen and that I-I won't see you ever again." I remark and he bites his lip while staying silent and I soon hear the hum of the heat ducts running.
"It won't happen, 'cause I'm not gonna let it." he states and I let my head fall to the back of the couch.
"I know that you don't want to go home and see your parents and that you also don't feel all too welcome here, but it's where you are right now," he comments. "I don't care that Jane and I aren't together now, even though it may be because of you, but if it is I'm happy for it. And sure we have a few years between us, but that's no biggy."
"It's a good thing we're not cousins like Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway, huh?" I remark with a small grin and a smirk appears on his lips.
"I reckon that it is." he replies with a soft laugh ending his sentence and then I yawn and his own shortly follows.
He smiles at me adorably and I can't resist to smile back and he bumps my nose on purpose with his thumb and I smirk. Our smiles fade to serious looks as we look at each other silently with soft expressions, "Are you still mad at me?" he questions and I nod my head and he scoffs.
"What, how come?"
"Because you just have to be so dramatic sometimes." I complain playfully as I hold back a smile that arrives a few seconds later and he shakes his head.
"Nah, I think that you're talking about yourself now." he remarks and I sigh and I close my eyes.
"Do you wanna head up to bed then or talk more? 'Cause I reckon we're not done talking just yet." he questions and our hands leave the other's and I cross my arms over my chest.
"Can we finish it in the morning? I'm really tired."
"Yeah of course. I was actually hoping you we're going to say that 'cause I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep right this second. Lets head up to bed then, love."
"But you always hog all of the blankets in your bed." I comment and I open my heavy eyes to see him grinning at me.
"You're getting quite the attitude, you know."
"I must be getting it from you." I remark and he grins with his eyes locked on mine and I yawn loudly.
"Come on, Ms. Sass. Lets go up to bed and this time I'll try my best to not steal all of the covers from you." he announces and I nod silently and we peel our tired bodies off of the couch to trudge up the flight of stairs to his open bedroom where we fall onto the bed.
"Give me." I whine as we fight over the blanket and he laughs before letting go and I turn over to face the wall as he has the outside. In the simplest of words I'm going to be squished tonight.
"Come on, make some more room." Paul comments and I groan and move my legs to get comfortable.
"You already have plenty, you fatty." I joke and he scoffs and flips me over to look at me and a laugh escapes my lips.
"You better watch it." he scolds with a small grin growing on those lips of his.
"And what if I don't?"
"Oh, you don't want to find out." he replies and I giggle as he pulls the covers up to his shoulders and I move my arm to under the pillow.
I move my hair out of my eyes and I focus back on Paul who looks at me softly with a smirk that I'm confused by, "Why the grin, smart guy?" I ask and he shakes his head and then shrugs his shoulders.
"No reason."
"Paul." I reply with a serious look because of him refusing to tell me this reason and he nods his dark haired head up and down.
"I'm just thinking that I've got a great girl, that's all." I immediately smile at his sweet words and he lifts his head to softly plant a peck on my cheek before he reaches behind his back to shut off the lamp as our legs touch; there is not much space in this bed, I'm telling you.
I yawn and feel his legs touching mine before I let my eyes flutter close and sleep soon takes me away.
AN: Thoughts? Let me know what you think!