Castiel loved being above ground. He loved being in the house with the others, feeling the carpet or linoleum under his feet. He loved being able to stay in bed with Dean, wrap himself in a blanket and pretend he hadn't had a moment where he didn't know how to use them. Cas loved being there with them, but he also loved it outside.

The sky was so big and the ground stretched forever. He enjoyed the feeling of the earth below him, the grass getting caught up in his feathers and the soil between his toes. Desirae was as ecstatic as he had been the first time, he didn't remember it as well as he'd like but the haze over his mind was lifted enough that he knew what she must be thinking.

Cas looked up from his spot in the grass, "You ready?" he asked her and Desirae caught his gaze.

"Flying?" She asked excitedly, her eyes were bright and eager. Cas smiled, his expression enough of an answer that she just started nodding enthusiastically.

Castiel hopped up to his feet and cupped his hands around his mouth, "Dee!" he shouted and watched Dean's head crank up to look at him, "I'm going to fly now, okay?" He didn't want to just take off despite already getting permission. He understood the basics of Dean's fear and if he could do as little to aggravate it as possible he might get a chance to fly more often.

Scooping Desirae into his arms he spread his wings, it felt good to stretch them as far as they'd go. He took a breath in slowly, letting the air around him soothe him and ready his mind. To him it felt like a long moment, taking in the scent of the outdoors and feeling the breeze on his face. To others it probably only lasted about a second. As soon as he exhaled it he burst forward and one powerful motion of his wings sent him up. Cas didn't second-guess himself, he hadn't had a lot of experience flying like this but it felt natural.

That was something he knew wasn't initially human about him, how normal it felt to be flying wasn't a human trait at all. But he didn't really care; after all he wasn't exactly human anymore anyway. That implication was something he'd have to sit down with, think over and figure out what it meant for him. But right then, flying high and feeling the wide spread freedom was all that mattered.

Rae had a tight grip on him, she was silent at first but as soon as she regained her breath she cheered. Her claws were dug into his arm, he didn't mind but it was a good indication that she was still a little freaked out. Her excitement was mixed with fear, all of it adrenaline and he knew exactly what it was like.

Cas felt the immense control he had over his wings, they were strong, far stronger than he thought they really should be. His body had been altered from human limits, and apparently whatever animal he'd been mixed with wasn't as pure as it once was either. He was an entirely new species; that thought made him smile.

A new species, a new creature. He didn't have to conform to one side or the other; he could set new parameters for himself. He was his own being and as far as he could tell that meant he had full reign to decide for himself what was inherently right or wrong. That didn't mean slotting himself into society would be easy, but maybe with that mindset he could be kinder to himself when he inevitably failed the first times.

"This is amazing!" Rae cried with a laugh, she was settling down, feeling safer and stable again. Her claws had unhooked from his skin and left just a firm grip of her hands. Cas knew he shouldn't go full speed with her, or at least he figured he shouldn't. Her body was small, he didn't know what her strengths were or if she could handle that kind of pressure like he could. She wasn't built like him.

"I love it up here," Cas told her as he slowed to a glide, a more gentle kind of flow for both of them to just stare at the world below them. "It's beautiful, I didn't understand how much I missed seeing all of this."

"I don't remember it, I don't remember anything before being in my cage." she responded casually, to Cas it sounded like a sad statement that should've had more feeling but to her it was normal. She didn't know what she was missing; she didn't know she should feel more upset about losing that kind of normalcy. Castiel had old memories, tidbits of his original life seeping into him and affecting his emotions. He felt bad that he couldn't remember Charlie; he remembered aching for the outdoors, and he knew that he should've had more in his life than what he got.

He thought that Desirae's memories would coincide with his, that she'd feel the same but maybe she was too young to understand what she knew. Maybe his emotions didn't translate for her, it might've just been within him to be human and not his clones. That was part of the problem in the first place, wasn't it? That's why MacLeod needed Desirae in the first place; a clone wasn't good enough to function like a human.

"I'm sorry it took so long to get to you,"

She looked up at him, he wasn't sure if she could see it in his face but it broke his heart more than he thought it would.

"It's okay," she said and smiled, it was genuine and he wasn't really sure he understood how it could be. "I had enough food so I wasn't worried. Just bored, but I…" She blinked and showed a little more stress behind an upbeat exterior, a look Cas could recognize. "But I'm glad I'm out, I wanna be free too."

"Yeah," Cas smiled in return and nuzzled her cheek, "Same here."

They drifted around, curving and circling back to make sure they stayed around the property. Cas could see the road so clearly; it led further to a highway one way and in the other direction it went back to town. His chest panged and he felt a weight inside, he knew that town though he couldn't get any details. There were things he knew that Charlie had said, things that came up in a blurry dream, but he couldn't put focus on his own thoughts around it.

"Hey Cas," Desirae's tone was questioning, "can we land over there?"

He looked to where she was pointing, it wasn't quite on the property but it was pretty close. There were trees all around and an opening where a pond was sitting; from where he was Cas could see there was some kind of bird floating around on it. He felt excitement rush up in him too, he hadn't seen an animal in person from what he could remember and he really wanted to catch one.

"Yes, let's." He agreed with her and angled himself to take a swirling dive toward it. He loved the feeling, that rush of air past his face and the odd vertigo that swarmed his senses. Cas wasn't afraid though; he knew how to control his landing.

Above the pond now they were diving straight down, Desirae held tightly onto him and he held to her, she didn't scratch him and he knew it meant she trusted him. Cas didn't disappoint her, he didn't wait until the last moment to open his wings and circling them around and down more gracefully. Their feet touched ground and they both looked up at the pond, there were surprised and startled ducks swimming about, some had flown off though.

"Wow," Rae breathed and dropped onto her butt, staring at different life with wide eyes.

Cas' were just as bright, amazement filling him to the brim. He curled in his wings to seem smaller and very slowly stepped to the edge of the water. The few ducks that were left started to settle down and drifted along the surface, mostly ignoring him. One, however, paddled over to the edge he stood at. It honked at him and he mimicked the noise, more of a reflex than honestly trying to communicate.

"That was a pretty good duck call!" A strange voice shouted from the trees, Cas looked up to see that there was a small trail there and someone was approaching. The guy kept talking and Cas wasn't sure what to do, he wasn't paying attention at all to the duck facts the guy was spouting. He froze up and Desirae stumbled to her feet again, both watched as a stranger appeared from past the trees. The stranger had an opaque bag labeled 'Duck food' crudely written with a permanent marker, as well as a folded chair and book. The guy was slim, average height, and the most prominent part about his head that Cas noticed were his large ears.

The man's eyes widened when he rounded the corner into the pond clearing and he dropped everything he was carrying. "Oh my god," he said breathlessly, Cas' nerves were on fire but he found the ability to move again. It wasn't much but he cautiously took the few necessary steps to be at Desirae's side again, curving a wing around her protectively.

The stranger's eyes watered and he blinked a few times as a choked and disbelieving laugh bubbled up in his throat, "Castiel?" He asked so tentatively, Cas knew the look of recognition the stranger gave, it was the same one Charlie had. But Cas had remembered the emotion Charlie brought him, this person didn't bring anything.

"Maybe," he answered defensively, part of him had wanted to deny it to try an attempt at shaking the guy off the idea of looking for him. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't deny to himself that he was Castiel when he was struggling so hard to be that in the first place.

Cas didn't stick around any longer, he didn't want to risk anything happening to Desirae or himself and so he picked her up again.

"Cas, wait," she tried to protest but he wouldn't listen, his wings were strong enough to take off in one push and so he did.

"Cas!" the stranger's voice grew distant and faded as Castiel flew away from there.

"He knew you, don't you want to talk to him?" Rae asked as she tried to look over his shoulder, back at the new person.

"I don't know him, I didn't feel anything and I don't trust it." Cas replied, a little out of breath from the rising panic in his chest. "Maybe Charlie could tell me who it was but I don't want to risk anything like that."

Fear of a new person, that wasn't something he'd experienced before. At least not until that Rufus person and the gun. Cas had become conscious enough that he could understand he should be wary of strangers. He didn't know who was involved in his imprisonment, he didn't know who knew about it or who knew him before hand. With no immediate feeling involved he wouldn't risk it. Especially not with Desirae, he knew that the others wouldn't forgive him for that.

"I think he was safe," she continued as he hurtled his way back to Dean.

"You don't know that for sure," he held her tightly because she didn't make as much of an effort this time.

"He had a bag of food!"

"That doesn't mean he's a good person." His heart was racing as he dove back to the property, the mansion stood tall and though Cas expected to see Dean in the same spot that wasn't the case. Dean had moved to the car, gesturing wildly at Jet who pointed up at Cas.

Dean turned around and looked up, Cas landed close and put Desirae down before he rushed to surprised but open arms.

"Cas?" Dean sounded almost as panicked as Cas felt.

Castiel buried his face against Dean's shoulder and tried to take steadying breaths. He was afraid, he'd met someone who knew him from somewhere and couldn't figure out what it was. "Dee," he gasped and Dean held him close, it was warm and comforting. Cas felt like he could fall into it completely. "Someone's… in the trees."

"What?" Dean's expression creased with worry and a hint of anger. "Did you go down to them?"

He nodded and flinched when Dean demanded to know why. It came from a part of Dean that cared about him but was as worried and scared as Cas was. He looked up at Dean who's gaze softened as soon as their eyes met.

"Sorry," Dean apologized gently; his hand found Cas' cheek and wiped away a tear that had escaped. "I'm just… I don't want to lose you, Cas. You scared me."

"I know," Cas whispered, "We saw ducks… I wanted to get closer."

"And some dude saw you?" Jet asked, surprisingly calm as he put Rae on his shoulders.

"Yeah," she stated before Cas could answer, "He had a big bag with words on it and I could smell food in it. I think he was gonna feed the ducks."

Jet raised an eyebrow, "A dude feeding ducks in the middle of nowhere? What the fuck?"

"I could see why Cas was scared," Dean nodded; his arms had a protectively tight hold that Cas appreciated immensely. He could feel Dean was a little calmer and it helped eased Cas' own anxiety. Maybe he'd overreacted but he couldn't be too careful, at least not until he regained most of himself. Dean meant safety and Cas would much rather meet new people while Dean was at his side.

Jet looked up at Desirae, "Was he old?"

"No -wait yes! …Maybe? I dunno."

Her response was short and left much to be desired, or so Cas read in Jet's expression. "'Kay… So how old did he look? Like Bobby or more like Dean?"

"Uhhhmmm… Dean I think."

"Alright, did he know either of you?"

"Yeah, he knew Cas."

Jet nodded, Cas didn't know him that well but he could tell he was thinking. "So we're expecting a guy around our age then…"

"Expecting?" Dean and Cas both asked, they shared a quick look that brightened Cas' entire day so far.

"Yeah, don't you think this dude would go to the closest inhabited place? He recognized Cas; he's either someone who was part of the experiments or someone who knew Castiel Novak. Either way we're gonna have company."

Cas' wings drooped and he looked at Dean worriedly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," Dean reassured him immediately, that little phrase that lifted his spirits just enough to make him smile. "You can hang out inside or on the roof or something, we'll meet this dude."

"He sounded nice," Desirae insisted, "he knew a lot about ducks."

"Yeah?" Jet smiled up at her, "Guess that means we won't have too much trouble with him then."

"Yeah," she agreed with a laugh. Cas wished he could be so carefree for a moment but he knew what that could cost. He'd choose to be riddled with worries if it meant he could keep consciousness.

Jet looked over at Dean and gestured toward the door, "I'm gonna get Charlie in on this, she might know the dude. If she does then he's probably trustworthy."

"Good call." Dean waved him off and turned his attention back to Cas who hadn't let go of him yet. "You okay?" His tone was so gentle and caring, Cas wondered what he'd ever do without him.

"Yes, I feel better now." He nuzzled Dean's cheek and kissed right by his ear. "Thank you, Dee."

"You're welcome," Dean said through a shiver, his cheeks were flushing a light pink. "Don't worry, we'll sort this guy out for you."

"I know you will."

Author's Note:

So I took a very needed break. I'm sorry it took me so long to climb out of that state but I'm glad to be back. I hope I can update as frequently as before but it might take a bit to recover still. Please be patient with me.