"Cas?"

Cas felt his heart jump and his stomach tightened with anxious thoughts, he knew the reason was because his own confusion and his own doubts. Something else triggered tears behind his eyes, just a name didn't bring up enough emotion but hearing Michael was an entirely different story.

"Cas is that you?"

He took a deep breath and dared to peek from behind Dean. Michael was still quite a distance away but Cas had better vision than everyone present. He could see the look on Michael's face, the torn up expression that was so familiar to him now. But still, there was more familiarity to Michael's presence than Cas would have thought. It brought up a similar rush he felt when he saw Charlie the first time. He remembered being overwhelmed then, her face made his heart flutter in recognition and his mind race. He remembered the confusion and the pressure in his chest. This was just like that, except now he could speak and now he could comprehend more of his own mind. This time he wouldn't circle around the new person and sniff at them like the stranger they seemed to be.

The biggest difference between seeing Charlie and seeing Michael was how fast he recognized their faces. Charlie's had taken a few minutes, his mind was too distracted and foggy to really hang onto any old memory. Michael's immediately struck a chord in him, something rang out in his head and he wished he could remember anything else that came with knowing that face.

Michael's expression became more strained the more he tried to hold himself back. The realization that Castiel stood in front of him was sinking in and tears fell without permission. "Cas," he whispered and took shaky steps forward, almost as if he didn't believe it yet. "Castiel, where have you been?" His tone wasn't strong; it was trying to be scolding but failed as his voice broke along with any illusion of solidity.

Cas exhaled slowly and stepped out from behind Dean, his eyes darted to see Dean was watching him carefully, trying to read him.

"You don't have to talk to him," Dean whispered protectively, "No one's gonna stop you from going back inside, okay?"

"I can't," Cas replied simply and walked forward to meet Michael. He didn't know what he would say, everyone else explained for him up until then. Michael was supposed to be his older brother, Cas wished he could drag those memories up to call on, to tell him something, but it didn't seem like he'd be so lucky.

Michael's pace was staggered at first, Cas could see the shock hadn't settled yet. Michael stumbled into a run as soon as he could make sense of enough of what he was seeing; he rushed up to Cas who opened his arms to it. Michael held on tight, desperately like Castiel might just evaporate or disappear in a dream. Cas noticed how heavy Michael felt against him, how it seemed like Michael could barely keep himself standing. It broke Cas' heart knowing he couldn't connect the way he should be able to. It was just like Charlie all over again.

"Michael?" he uttered the name correctly the first time, his tone questioning the very origin of it. He didn't know for sure that this was Michael, or who Michael was. He knew that they were related but that didn't tell him much; there were such things as terrible siblings. Then again, the way Michael was acting… it couldn't be anyone else, could it?

His brother couldn't quite answer, his shoulders trembled and a shuddering breath was the initial response. Cas lifted his arms up to hug Michael back, tears falling down his own cheeks despite his unknowing disposition. No one said anything; Cas could hear the tense breathing from Charlie, like she was unsure of what would happen next. He heard Dean's increased heart rate, worry growing in his beloved's mind like a cancer. As well he heard Garth's unsteady feet as he adjusted a few times, unable to keep still.

Michael didn't let go, he didn't loosen his hold and he didn't stop crying for some time. Castiel remained there for him and felt an increasingly dense empathy growing. "I'm sorry," he muttered by Michael's ear, "I know you're my brother but that's all I remember." Cas had to tell him, he couldn't let Michael just cry without understanding what he should be crying about.

Michael's attempt at hiding his sobbing was slipping away from him but he managed to choke out a laugh to interrupt the swelling agony, "You go missing for four years," he said as he lifted his head, a dismal smile on his face, "god knows what happened to you to give you wings, or what kind of shit they did to cause you forget everything, and you apologize to me?"

"Uh," Cas' eyes widened a little and he looked down for a moment, "I… I guess so."

"I don't know what's happening," Michael hugged him again, holding Cas with a strong grip but not smothering. "I have no idea where you've been, or what you went through. I don't know anything, but right now I'm just happy to see you."

Castiel listened and felt his worries slip away. Any fear he had about Michael, about the way the name had sparked something in him before, it was all fading. He knew why he was so emotional about Michael; he could hear the answer in Michael's tone. It was protective and loving, like whatever Cas had become wouldn't change his older brothers feelings about him. Or at least that's what he was starting to understand.

"I thought you were dead," Michael said shakily, his hold tightened again and Castiel squeezed back.

"I'm not," he answered gently, "but I'm not the same either."

"I couldn't imagine that you would be," Michael choked on a forced laugh as he let go again, his eyes trailed over Castiel one more time to get a better look at him. Cas could see the confusion on his brother's face, the look that said more than his words could. Michael had no idea what to say, Cas could relate. "I can't believe you're really here…"

"I had help," Cas smiled back at Dean who waved sheepishly.

Michael glanced at them, a skeptical expression at best. There was an accusing look in his eyes, Cas didn't know who he was accusing of what exactly but he knew what it was.

"This is Dee," Cas said next as he motioned to Dean who raised his hand to indicate himself, "he found me in the basement, he saved me."

Michael's eyes shifted to Dean's face and gave the other man a quick once over, "I have a lot of questions," he didn't particularly address Dean so much as the statement was for everyone present. "But first," Michael turned back to Cas, he hesitated for a moment before putting his hand on the side of Cas' head. His eyes were so expressive; Cas could swear he saw the hundreds of questions and concerns floating around in a hazy confusion. Michael was just looking at him, like it'd been decades since they'd seen one another. Cas didn't want to imagine how his own face looked to Michael in that moment, clueless and unrecognizing in the worst kind of way.

"You look well," Michael admitted softly, an almost relieved smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"I am now, mostly." Cas nodded, he knew that his speech patterns weren't right just yet, his sentences were still broken up and he could tell that Michael noticed too. Cas knew that he must've been speaking much slower than Michael was used to, he could see the pain fluctuating in his brother's face.

"Michael," Charlie spoke up as she walked closer, her tone was tentative, like she knew talking to him was like walking on thin ice. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." She bit absently at her lower lip as she watched the older Novak's face.

Michael's features had tightened, Cas sensed a certain bitterness but it was fleeting. "Can I ask why you didn't?"

"Because…" she fidgeted with her sleeve ends and dropped her gaze, she couldn't find a good answer.

Cas touched her arm gingerly and smiled when she looked up, "Because I'm different." He explained for her and Michael exhaled somberly.

"Cas-"

"It's true," he made eye contact with his brother again, "I couldn't speak when she found me, I barely recognized her at all. I was more animal than human. She didn't know if it was me, how could she tell you? What would she tell you? She thought she found Castiel but it could be a clone or something with his DNA, who knows."

Michael's demeanor was shaken; he clearly didn't know how to take any of the information he was getting. But how could he, really? Cas didn't blame him for being confused and frustrated, or dumbfounded and silent. It really was too much to hear all at once, even more so if the things had happened to a loved one.

Cas felt his eyes stinging again and he wiped the tears away. His chest had tightened and he could feel a growing sense that he was losing control of his emotions too. He could see a blue glow on things in his vicinity; he knew it was coming from his eyes, connected to his emotional stability. He knew that he was upset but he couldn't control it. Tears fell faster and he realized too late that he was overwhelmed with everything happening. Michael's presence brought on old feelings that Cas didn't know the source of within himself. Being told 'this is your brother' didn't connect the dots internally; he was lost at sea without a map to an island he knew should be there.

Michael was supposed to be someone important but he couldn't remember properly.

Charlie was supposed to be his best friend but all he could see when he looked at her –or Michael- was a blurry picture and a swell of disconnected feelings.

Part of him could tell that those feelings should've been happy ones. Nostalgia maybe? But the weight of memories he couldn't see tore at his mind. It left wounds uncovered.

He didn't know who they were, not really. He knew their names and their faces rung bells that gave him a headache. He didn't know them but they knew him. He didn't know him. He didn't know if he'd ever remember Castiel Novak or if that person would come back.

Cas felt his chest heave as his lungs struggled to take air in. A whine escaped him and he covered his mouth, he shouldn't make those sounds anymore.

Or should he? He knew he wasn't human, he was his own being now. He already decided that wasn't so much a bad thing, but then… the looks he got for it weren't anything like what he wanted to see. People who used to know him, people like Charlie, Garth, and Michael, they always had a certain look in their eyes.

He could see it. He knew the expression, it was subtle but it hurt like hell. They expected something else from him, they saw what he'd become and it wasn't a 'new being.' It was a broken Castiel. He was a mangled human to them, wasn't he?

What was he supposed to be? He couldn't find Castiel, not the way he was. Everything was wrong.

"It's wrong!" He cried out as he stepped away from Michael and Charlie, he could feel his legs shaking.

"Cas," Michael reached out and he slapped the man's hand away with his wing.

"NO!" He screamed, it barely sounded human. Michael and Charlie's faces were washed in blue light and they had to squint to see him. "I'm not Cas!" his voice broke as he yelled at them. "I'm different! I'm not Castiel!"

"Cas you need to calm down!" Sam called to him and Cas covered his ears, eyes squeezed shut.

"No!" He shrieked, tears fell from his eyes and down his cheeks in streams. He heard the sound of glass cracking from his pitch and the power in his voice. It didn't comfort him.

Someone approached him from behind, they were running and he tried to beat them back with his wings but he missed. Familiar arms wrapped around him and pulled him in, a tight grip that wouldn't let go despite how much he fought against it.

"Let go!" he demanded and struggled to break free but they wouldn't, even despite his wings swinging around and beating against their back. They only held on tighter and waited for the blows to stop.

He recognized the scent as his face was pressed against their chest; it was Dean. Cas' wings froze and he held completely still as he tried to understand what was happening.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean whispered to him and it brought his mind back to reality. "It's okay, I'm here. I've got you. It's okay." He repeated softly over and over, it made Cas' limbs loosen and he slumped against Dean's embrace.

"Dee," he whimpered through quick, shaky gasps as he tried to breathe right. "I'm so confused," he couldn't stop breathing in like short hiccups and exhaling was becoming more difficult. In a pained attempt to force himself to breathe out he coughed and sobbed and wound up wailing. His face pushed hard against Dean's torso as he slipped and his legs gave out, but he didn't fall. Dean held strong and lifted him up like nothing, like he didn't have extra pounds of muscle on his back.

"It's alright to be confused," Dean said sweetly, Cas could practically hear the smile. "We're here for you, no matter what."

Cas grabbed onto Dean's shirt and held on for dear life.