Author's Note:
Hope this is good enough guys! Writing Michael POVs isn't something I remember doing before (maybe in Jar of Hearts but that was like 2 years ago...)
Also if you're not checking in on my Zafiction tumblr account you're missing out on my quality banter
Michael followed Dean's lead with a muffled mind. He wasn't entirely sure he understood what the hell was happening or what he was walking into. Part of him thought it was a fever dream, like he'd fallen ill and collapsed. He was imagining that Castiel had been close by this whole time, that Cas looked like a classic angel and wasn't dead. But even thinking that felt like too much to actually be a dream.
Was this really happening?
His feet trudged along behind his new acquaintance, following close behind in a blank state. He barely saw the walls or the stretch of hall that lay ahead. He could only think about the 18 year old kid smiling at him that last time they'd spoken. He remembered Cas' obnoxious singing at two in the goddamn morning because there was 'an important solo' coming up. Cas always had one of those coming up and Michael had yelled at him too many times for it.
Was Castiel really alive?
He'd stared at the walls of his small home regretting being too harsh with Cas on occasions that it might not have been necessary. He sat and recalled every instance he'd ever had to regret when it came to Castiel. He dreamt about the times he was having a bad day and took a small amount of it out on Cas, a snarky comment or wanting 'to be alone' or to not be bothered. He'd stayed up late wishing he could be annoyed by a teenager that wouldn't go to sleep.
Had Castiel really been so close? Was he just outside of town that whole time?
"Michael?" Dean's voice broke up Michael's thoughts and he had to look up at the other man. "You okay? You stopped,"
It was true; he'd stopped walking entirely while lost in thought. "I guess I'm trying to accept all of this."
"It takes more than a few minutes," Dean offered a friendly smile, it almost seemed like everything Dean couldn't explain was hidden in that insecure expression. Michael would have to figure it all out on his own, perhaps with a little advice here and there.
It had to settle in his head that Dean knew more about Castiel's current state than Michael did. He had to accept that Dean had most of the story to something he wished he'd known for four years. "Do I want to know what happened?" He had to ask, it probably came out of nowhere for Dean but the possible answer burned in the back Michael's mind for far too long.
"Are you going to give yourself a choice?" It was a simple answer and simply said. Dean kept walking and Michael felt the reality and the weight of that question. It balanced on his shoulders, slowly feeling heavier despite not growing at all. He felt a scoffing laugh bubble in his throat and he shook his head.
"No, I suppose I won't." He kept after Dean, "How long was he with MacLeod?"
"Until a few weeks ago," Dean glanced back at him, slowing his pace enough for Michael to fall in line beside him. "MacLeod died and left his inheritance to Jet."
Michael's brow furrowed, he had several questions about that and Dean seemed to notice his confusion.
"Jet worked for the old bastard too, except MacLeod really had a hard-on for him. I've got a few theories as to why Jet got the money, the first one is just that maybe MacLeod felt guilty about what he was doing, or he was nervous about it. Cas told me that he was the one who killed MacLeod, was tormenting him every night for quite some time."
There was a look to Dean's face that told Michael there was too much to explain all at once. "What I'm getting here is that you guys aren't really sure what the hell happened."
"Pretty much," Dean laughed and rubbed the back of his head, "I mean MacLeod's got computers downstairs that Sam and Charlie have been taking turns with. We're learning more but as it stands we've got a lot of questions without any real answers."
"And you said that Cas killed MacLeod, except I read in the newspaper that he died in his townhouse, alone, no foul play expected et cetera."
"Well that part's complicated," Dean stopped before they reached the others and folded his arms over his chest. There was a thoughtful expression that overtook his face and Michael could see just little bits of why Cas would take so quickly to this man. "So let me break it down, and try to take it easy with this info, okay?"
Michael nodded. "I'll try."
"Right, so Cas was the source of many scientific experiments. MacLeod has a huge lab in the basement that spreads under his entire estate."
Michael's eyes widened, "Experiments… like his wings?"
"Yeah, MacLeod did a lot of shit including making a special drug for Cas to dumb him down and do who knows what else. Charlie's looking into it more and so far we know that even MacLeod didn't know all the side effects. I'm thinking that had something to do with this next part," Dean took a slow breath and raised his hands a little, "It's gonna sound crazy."
"It all sounds crazy, keep going." Michael caught the harsh tone he held and tried to soften it, "Please."
Dean seemed to appreciate that and nodded, "So Cas connects to us mentally through dreams. Through sheer force of will he wanted to show us what happened to him, that he was human underneath all the strange animal behaviours. We experienced some experiments and moments through Cas' eyes in our nightmares, Cas can't really control it so when he falls asleep at the same time as us he still drags us in."
Michael blinked slowly, it was sounding more and more insane the further he ventured into the rabbit hole. Had he finally lost his mind? Did everything just get too heavy for him and snap suddenly? He'd have to say that he hadn't seen it coming at all.
Dean cracked a smile, "I know that look and yes, this is for real. And that's not all; Cas spoke to me for the first time in a dream. Like, not his conscious self that doesn't remember anything, I mean all of his memories intact and fully aware of himself. Castiel's not able to connect to that part of himself for some reason, I mean I can tell they're the same but memories make up a big part of how you act, right?"
"Wait," Michael gestured for Dean to slow down, "So in these nightmares Cas talks to you?"
"Sometimes, it's really rare and he's only ever done it with me."
"Even though Charlie's here?"
"She hasn't slept at the same time as him; I think she's avoiding it."
Michael didn't really blame her, what kind of horror would that be? Just the idea of Cas living through experiments once was breaking his heart, seeing the real thing would be so much worse. And if Dean's expression was anything to go by he guessed it was a fairly realistic experience. Michael couldn't even imagine what those experiments did. He had different media to reference for it but the kinds of stories that involved those sorts of things were either horror themed or superheroes. He hardly expected that Cas was a superhero.
"Shit," he rubbed his face, he was so tired already.
"Yeah, like I said, take it easy 'cause it's a lot to take in. Charlie hasn't been handling it so well either." Dean turned his gaze away when Michael looked up again.
"She's a tough one," he vouched for her despite not fully knowing what she was struggling with. "I've seen her come out of a lot of tough situations, she'll figure this out." Michael wasn't so sure about himself but again, he wouldn't give himself a choice. He had to be alright for Cas' sake. Sure, Castiel didn't recognize him but that didn't mean it'd never happen.
"Right," Dean nodded down the hall, "C'mon, let's get you acquainted with everyone. I don't think you got all their names."
"I didn't," Michael wanted to say he was more interested in sitting down with Cas but after what had just happened outside he figured it wasn't a great idea yet. Watching Cas now, figuring out new habits and seeing what was the same would be his plan for a while. Michael wanted to see how Cas interacted with the others, he wanted to know for himself what was different and what might just be a bit off. But he knew he had to learn the whole story, or at least what Charlie had pieced together. She'd been looking the entire time Cas was missing, she never quit and now here she was catching up and possibly aware of more details than anyone else.
Dean led him to a sitting room; there was an impressive entertainment set up and a bunch of couches. He noted that the style of the men living there clashed hard with how ritzy everything else looked. Charlie smiled at him when he caught her gaze and he gave a small wave in return. He noticed immediately that Cas wasn't present.
The one he now knew as Jet tilted his head back to see who'd entered, his expression started off pissy at best but it lit up pretty quick. "Mikey's come to join us, has he?"
"He wants to be close to Cas, I told him it was okay." Dean had approached and gave his friend a hard pat on the arm. "Mind if we get another key made?"
"Why not?" Jet shrugged, "The more the merrier, right?" He glanced at Sam to make sure it was okay with him too. Michael understood Jet was the intended owner of the estate now but it seemed that Dean and Sam were equally considered.
"Where's Cas?" Dean asked next before Michael had the chance to. He had to smile a little at that.
"Upstairs," the older man said, "Desirae insisted on helping him and naps were the best thing when you feel upset."
Michael sighed and walked over to where Charlie and Garth were sharing a couch. He leaned against the armrest and pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt like there was stress all over his face and crawling through his skin like an insect swarm. It usually burrowed deeper and made his heart stumble or choked out his lungs but this time it'd just make his skin crawl. It was like fighting a tug of war with himself, knowing full well that even if he won he'd wind up face down in the dirt anyway.
"Did Dean tell you some stuff?" Charlie asked tentatively and he nodded.
"I bet it's just the tip of the iceberg and I already have no idea what to do with this information." He dragged his hand down his face and let it drop into his lap.
Charlie was quiet for a bit, Dean was talking to the others and Michael didn't know where to start listening in again. "I have an idea that might sound stupid," Charlie nudged him to get his attention again. "Just watch him for now."
"I was already planning on doing that."
"Yeah but I bet you'll be looking for something while you're at it. I mean just watch him, take him as he is." She smiled in a way that told him she knew what she was talking about, it was coming from experience. "It's not easy, you get lost in all the 'what if's and the 'what caused that' questions. You'll think about how Cas used to be when you knew him before, you'll compare all those things to how he is now and you'll do it forever."
The others were looking at them now but no one else spoke, Michael stood silently and contemplated what she really meant by that. She was right, he would be looking for differences but he wanted to learn from those differences. He wanted to know Castiel again, they were brothers and yet Cas had become a stranger to him, and he was a stranger to Cas. He wanted to fix that.
"It's not fair to him, Michael." Charlie's tone demanded he listen, eyes focused on her. "Cas is Cas no matter what you hear. Many horrible things happened to him, you're going to hear things you don't want to and you're going to be upset. You'll question a lot of shit but this is one thing you need to remember, he's still Castiel. He's your brother and you need to treat him right, not like some damaged animal or a shell of himself."
He swallowed past a growing lump in his throat and he nodded. He'd done a lot of that already, just nodding when he wasn't even sure his head had wrapped around what was happening. Part of him still thought it might be a fever dream, or he'd fallen into a coma of some kind.
"Do you understand?" Charlie asked a little softer this time but no less determined. She'd scream directly into his ear if she had to, he was sure.
"It's a lot to take in," he admitted instead of answering directly. "I want to say I understand but I'm not sure I do. Not yet, anyway."
"You'll get it," Garth reassured him, he wished he could ask Garth's secret for being so well adjusted but he had a feeling it was just a Garth thing. "It's been like an hour, you've got time."
Michael just hummed an acknowledgement of what they were saying.
Just watch him. It sounded easy but Michael was sure there'd be a thousand questions popping into his head every time something new happened. Hell, there were more than enough to keep him occupied already, he didn't need more. But at the same time, maybe watching Cas would help answer some. He'd have to keep his distance though; Cas wasn't a big fan of his presence.
Keeping his distance? From Castiel? Michael wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the thought. They'd been so close before, or at least he'd thought so. He thought he lost his little brother, four years ago Castiel had gone missing and Michael had to deal with that. He had to deal with thinking of the very last time they'd spoken. He dealt with realizing he'd never hear Cas talk, sing, or laugh again. He had to deal with the grief of losing a loved one brought on, he always said he'd moved forward and could continue with his life but… Castiel wasn't dead. He'd grieved and obsessed and tried to heal for four years. It never stopped aching whenever he thought of his baby brother, never.
And Castiel wasn't dead. How on earth could he keep his distance?
"I'll try," he said aloud as if it were an answer to anything they'd said. He had to try, drowning before the shore was not an option. Dean said that Cas just wasn't able to connect, and maybe it would never connect again. Maybe it would but only partially. It didn't matter. Michael knew he had to stay, he wouldn't give himself any other choice.