Author's Note:

Been a while since I said thank you for reading this thing. I've noticed new readers popping in and so I'd like to say welcome to the party! Others that have been here for the long haul I really appreciate your constant support. It's been awesome so far and I'm so happy to have even one of you around with me to enjoy this.

I was asked recently if this mansion was connected somehow to the canon bunker or if it was the bunker etc. and no, it's a completely different building. That'd be kinda cool to have changed the basement to look like that but I wasn't considering that when I started this thing in October 2015. Good idea though, that'd been cool too xD

Dean was pretty sure his heart was still in his throat as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Michael was in the house now, Castiel's older brother was present and it felt so odd to finally speak to the man with everything on the table. They'd spilled the beans as best they could, Charlie explained a lot of it and Sam did what she couldn't. He was fully informed with all the tidbits that they had available and Dean wasn't sure that Michael was handling it well.

Not that the older Novak could be blamed for that. Michael was mostly quiet, his eyes staring and once in a while his brow would knit together as thoughts forced their way through. Dean wished he could make it easier, somehow just get Michael to their understanding without having to worry about the pain it'd cause. Life didn't have a fast forward button though, and it certainly didn't rewind.

He pushed the door open quietly, just in case Cas was sleeping. He saw Desirae sitting on the corner of the bed, her head was turned to face Castiel who was lying down but awake. Cas sniffed lightly and his wings fluttered before he sat up abruptly, "Dee?"

"Hey," Dean smiled and walked in, closing the door behind him. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired," Cas admitted but hopped out of bed all the same. He crossed the room to wrap his arms around Dean's shoulders and nuzzle his face against Dean's neck. "I feel bad."

"You shouldn't," Dean held Cas happily; glad to have physical reassurance that Cas relied on him a little bit. "You don't have any control over this stuff."

"I know, but I still feel bad." Cas muttered and Dean knew he wouldn't be able to just take that away.

"Any way I can cheer you up?" He asked and moved back a little to try and see Cas' face.

Anxious eyes met his and it was pretty clear Cas wasn't sure if there was a good way to do that or not. "Can you lie down with me?" he asked after a few moments of silence and Dean nodded.

"Of course," he looked up at Desirae with a sheepish smile, "Mind going back downstairs, Rae?"

She nodded, "Got it," and hopped off the bed. She paused by the door and looked at her hand for a second and then gave Dean a thumb's up, "Cas taught me." She said proudly and ran out.

Dean couldn't help but laugh, "You're a good influence on her."

"Sometimes I wonder," Cas sighed and walked back over to the bed, he dropped onto it and burrowed under the covers. Dean remembered the first time Cas was under a blanket and smiled to himself.

"Remember when you had trouble with that?"

Cas peered up at him and looked down at the fabric that laid over him, his expression was as tired as he said he was but in a few seconds it brightened as Cas giggled. "Yeah," he smiled and pushed the blanket around, "You rescued me."

"One hell of a rescue," Dean moved to the other side of the bed and climbed in. "You were losing to linen."

"It was formidable at the time," Cas snuggled up closer; his wings were folded and tucked under the blanket too. Dean just imagined them spreading out suddenly and sending the blanket flying, it'd be a decent revenge if Cas wanted it.

After another few moments of silence Dean realized just how close they were. Cas' face was about an inch away, his eyes closed peacefully and mouth in a very subtle smile. Dean stared in awe for an amount of time he wasn't keeping track of. Cas' hair was messy as always, it was down on his forehead and sticking out in ways that made Dean realize Cas needed a haircut. Or, at least that's how it looked to him anyway.

Dean reached over and gently brushed the hairs aside and away from Cas' eyes that fluttered open. Castiel studied Dean's face then, he didn't ask questions with words or his expression, just looked. Dean unwittingly did the same, watching the little shifts in Cas' features and how intense Cas' gaze was.

What was Castiel thinking? He could always ask but he felt that would ruin something, he wasn't quite sure what that something was but it was delicate. Dean smiled and almost immediately Cas smiled too, small wrinkles forming by his eyes and a soft laugh bubbling in his throat.

"What?" Cas asked softly and Dean wasn't sure he really had an answer.

"Nothing," he kept a playful tone, "Can I not smile at you?"

Cas' cheeks had a slowly growing blush but he didn't move his gaze from Dean's eyes. "I was just wondering if you smiled for a reason."

"I did," Dean leaned forward a little and brushed the tip of his nose against Cas', "Was just thinking how beautiful you are."

"You think so?" Cas remained still but his eyes said everything else. He wasn't sure it was true; he wasn't sure he understood what it fully meant.

Dean nodded once, swallowed nervously and unconsciously licked his lips. He could feel his heart rate picking up but it wasn't his focus. "You're really attractive, but you're more than that. Every new thing I learn about you just brings me closer, draws me in." He cupped Cas' cheek and tilted his head; their lips were a hair's width apart.

Cas blinked slowly, his eyes fell half-lidded and a hitch in his throat. He waited, breath held and anxious fingers slowly grasping Dean's shirt.

Though Dean wanted to drag that moment out he couldn't wait any more than Cas could. The kiss deepened as soon as Dean started it, Cas sunk into and wrapped his arms around Dean to pull one of them closer. It wasn't clear to either of them who moved, maybe they both had, it didn't matter; they were entangled in each other's arms and it was amazing. Dean lost himself in that kiss, they'd been mouth to mouth before but it wasn't quite the same.

It was as desperate as it was calm, Dean felt how badly they both needed it and wanted it but it didn't feel like they needed to rush it. Passion was the next word that came to mind and Dean got lost in that too. His hands had carefully found their way into Cas' hair at one point, not pulling or tugging or leading, just there to caress. Castiel's leg had caught Dean's hip and slipped over it at another point in time, sliding into place like a puzzle piece.

They didn't stop kissing, it was too comfortable and warm; they just wanted to stay where they were. Cas' arms were strong, his legs were firm, and every muscle in his body was built up and made for power. But at the same time he was gentle and delicate. He coddled Dean as much as Dean cradled him. They held one another up despite lying down and though Dean couldn't wrap his mind around that he didn't care.

Heat grew between them as they rolled over in the sheets, Dean felt like his face was burning up and every trace of Cas' hand left a tingling trail he mistook for fire. Dean was happy to forget where he was or how long he'd been there, he felt Cas' strength as they moved around the bed together. Friction picked up and Dean found himself on top of Castiel, their legs intertwined and grinding against one another. Cas' kisses were bruising but there was something else mixed in.

Dean opened his eyes to look properly, he saw Cas' face was flushed but there was something about his expression that didn't fill Dean with as much confidence as he would've hoped. "You okay?" He asked, bringing everything to a stand still.

Cas paused, his first reaction was to say "I'm fine" but the words came out and his tone didn't match. His mouth pulled tight and he tried to cover that up by kissing Dean again but Dean stopped him.

"Cas," he whispered and carefully held the side of Cas' head, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Cas muttered and tears welled up in his eyes again, his breathing was swept up in a shaky intake and interrupted by sharp hiccups that came out of nowhere. "I'm sorry," he said again with closed eyes and an expression that seemed to be in more pain than anything else.

"What?" Dean didn't know what to do; he lied down beside Cas and pulled him into a protective hug. "Why're you sorry? You didn't do anything,"

It took a few moments for Cas to collect himself; it wasn't that long but Dean felt like an eternity was dragging by. He gently ran his fingers through Cas' hair and made sure that Cas was supported in his arms. "I'm not ready," Cas breathed a little more evenly but it was still tight, like he was anxious.

Dean felt like he'd just received a punch in the stomach, "Oh Cas… did I push you? I didn't mean to," he shook his head, "God I'm such an idiot, I should've asked-"

"No," Cas cut him off with a hand to the mouth, "No it wasn't you, I wanted… I want you, I really do but I'm not ready."

"You don't need to explain," Dean smiled and kissed Cas' forehead, "You can if you want, but you don't have to."

Cas sighed in relief, his face looked so many shades brighter, "Thanks Dee."

"You're welcome," he nuzzled Cas' cheek like Cas liked to do.

They settled for cuddling and Dean could feel how much Cas had relaxed. His limbs seemed so much looser and his body more dead weight than being as stiff as it was. "You know," Cas said quietly after a short silence, "I thought I was ready, that it'd be easier if we just started…" his fingers wrapped loosely around Dean's shirt again, "But I don't feel like I should yet. I'm worried I'm not myself yet, like it'd be a cheat to sleep with you."

Dean looked at Cas attentively, he could see the little crease in Castiel's forehead and look in his eyes that suggested more was going on up there. "I don't think you're 'not yourself.' I wouldn't feel cheated at all." He offered a reassuring smile that Cas glanced at but looked away from.

"But I feel like I'm not fully there yet, I don't want to cheat myself either."

"Ah," Dean almost laughed at himself, "Good point, it's not all about me."

Cas smiled at him, "There're parts that are about you too, don't sulk."

"Which parts?" Dean kissed Cas' cheek to which Cas responded in kind and kissed him back.

"You deserve my best as much as I deserve yours." He snuggled up close and rested his head against Dean's chest, "I want to make sure I remember it right."

Dean hummed reassuringly and held on to Cas tightly. He had nothing he could add to that, Cas knew better than him what Cas needed. Dean could guess for hours and assume a hundred things at once but that wouldn't mean shit if it didn't actually help Cas in the slightest. "I'm behind you every step of the way, Cas." He kissed the top of Castiel's head and rested there.

"That means a lot,"

"Hey," Dean mumbled into Cas' hair and a soft, questioning grunt was his angel's response. "I know you don't want me to say certain things until you're certain I mean it, but can I ask you something anyway?"

Cas moved away for a bit and looked at Dean properly, there was a gentle glow like he got sometimes when he felt particularly well. "What is it?"

Dean smiled and felt a wave of nervousness before speaking. It never got easier to ask, didn't matter how old he got because at the end of the day he was in love with Castiel and any answer other than yes would cause him to implode. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Cas' eyes widened and a smile spread in unison, "Are you serious?" He asked with an unintentional squeak.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes!" Cas burst across the tiny space and had his arms around Dean's abdomen in a split second. It was a surprisingly rough impact for the very little amount of time he had to get that speed. "Yes yes yes yes!"

Dean laughed which was cut off as Cas popped up and kissed him fervently.

"For real?" Cas asked again after pulling away, barely giving Dean time to react. "You mean it? You really want to date me even though I-"

"Yes," it was Dean's turn to interrupt Cas for once; he'd placed his finger to Cas' lips to shush him. "I really want to be your boyfriend, and your best friend and a number of other things I'll have to work my way up to."

Cas was crying again but this time because he was overjoyed more than anything else, possibly a bit overwhelmed with everything else that had happened that day too but Dean was pretty sure he was happy.