Giratina

What that phrase again? The one about people who are laze-abouts and do nothing all day except stare at the TV? The people who are so utterly boring and dull in mind that they make most people cringe at the thought of spending time with them, because the person will be half in the conversation and half in the TV... Couch potatoes? Yeah, that's it. That's the phrase I'm looking for.

I'm the world's biggest couch potato.

Now that's not what I was looking to become. Obviously. I mean, who would want to be known as a couch potato? I hadn't and I denied it for several hundred years before I had to admit it to myself. And really, just what is it that I'm doing now? I zone out on the coziest chunk of land in the Distortion World and watch the other side constantly, snoozing through the boring parts and eating junk food like ice cream, soda, and potato chips.

And these aren't the potato chips you're familiar with, little human. These are me-sized potato chips, big enough to roof your puny house with. I've got sour cream and onion flavored ones now. I'd offer you one, but it would probably go stale before you could finish it.

No, this isn't what I envisioned myself doing all that time ago. I was one of the top Pokemon back then, you know. I was the great and mighty Giratina! When I entered the battlefield, other Pokemon quivered in fear. You think you can stop me with your puny Hyper Beam? Hah! I'm a Ghost as well as a Dragon, so eat Draco Meteor, noob! Ah, those were the days. I was near unstoppable.

But then they said that I was too violent and had to go. Too violent? That's utterly ridiculous. I'm no more violent than any other Pokemon. Look at all those Fight Pokemon that pummel their best friends out of kinship. Look at Gyarados, who smashes everything in its path if it loses its temper. I may like, no, love battle, but so do many others and they don't get sealed away in vacant dimensions.

I know the real reason they sealed me: size bias. Everybody thinks I'm too big. Well it's not my fault that I'm the largest Pokemon ever. I was created around the same time Dialga and Palkia were, when space wasn't fully formed. So nobody knew I'd be this much of a giant. Certainly not me.

I did not influence how big I was made! Sheesh. Are you on Palkia's side? They're such jealous Pokemon. Those two twins can't even stand each other. And they both hate me for some reason. Probably because I beat them both all the time in battle.

Can you see my point? It's not my fault that I can squish you into a gooey puddle in one step. And if I could keep my levitating form, nobody'd have to worry about that. I could learn to be careful. It would be an awful pain learning how to battle without flattening the battlefield on accident, but I would try.

So when I first got sealed here, I was furious. And who wouldn't be, shut away on the excuse of being excessively violent? First I tried to smash through the walls of this dimension. This place is on the opposite side of your world. How can it be so when the world is round? Simple; just look in a mirror. That leads to another dimension where everything is reversed. So I thought if I found the right mirror and smashed it, I could escape. But no dice there.

Then I searched for some other people to fight with. I've found that you can get good information by smacking around the right person. However, there is no one here aside from me. Never was... I'd say never will be, but then you're here. You'll have to tell me how you got in here from your world. Once I remove your mouth gag, that is.

As finding that I was truly alone, I got even more furious. I began fighting the landscape for lack of anything else to fight. That's why everything's smashed up like it is. And then, something horrible happened. Something so horribly awful that I never thought it would happen at all. I got bored with battling.

Seriously, that is the worst thing ever. It's like becoming bored with life itself. I got bored with turning boulders into dust. I got bored with pretending my former 'friends' were in the ground and stomping them flat. I even got bored with summoning Draco Meteor. After realizing that there was truly no escape, I got deeply depressed and wept for ages.

Don't go giving me that look. Even the toughest guys can cry in terrible situations. You don't believe me? Fine, but don't go swimming in that big lake over there. It's very salty.

Anyhow, back to my story. After I'd been crying for that long, I stopped and pretended that nothing was wrong. I told myself that if they didn't want me, then fine, I didn't want them either. I pointed out the nice things about living in a dimension all by yourself. There's nobody around to be polite to, so you can belch as loudly as you like. Want to hear that? No? Shame, it's quite impressive.

And as I was a master of dimensions, I could make just about anything I wanted appear. Any food I want, I just use my power to find it elsewhere, and here it is. If I want dummy target for battling, I can have one in the form of any being I want. If I want a trampoline, I've got it in a minute.

What, you don't like trampolines? I admit, it was hard finding one that could stand up to my bulk. But it was worth it when I got one I could use. Such fun. But that phase didn't last. I started up a list of '5000 Reasons I Am Awesome', you know, just in case I got a chance to escape or get that list out. And I got this far:

'1498: I am Grandiose Supreme Emperor King of my own Dimension.'
'1499: And I can do whatever I want in it except escape.'

So close to 1500. But I saw that and started bawling again. See that smaller lake down there? Also very salty.

Another thing I can't do in here is bring in living creatures like yourself. So I've got this list of almost 1500 reasons why I am awesome and nobody can read it. I'd show it to you now, but if it fell on you, you'd probably die. And I've also got nobody to talk to most of the time.

Which became a problem when I finally solved my depression, sort of. As I started to calm down a second time, I had a brilliant idea. Why not bring in a mirror to watch the livelier side of the world? The mirror didn't work out that well, since it always showed one view. Usually a bathroom, and people do weird stuff in the bathroom. But in one mirror, I saw a TV. I summoned that. The first one was incredibly tiny, to me anyhow. I managed to resize it to where I could watch comfortably.

I thought it wouldn't solve my boredom problems completely, but I soon got addicted to watching your world. It's way better than watching your actual TV shows... except maybe game shows. I tune in to those on occasion. Anyhow, with watching real people, there's no staging, no acting. Everyone is natural, who they are and no more. There's no hurrying the scene along, so I'm often hooked into watching one person's drama in order to find out the results of something they chose to do, or not do.

At first, I tried talking to the people on the screen. I would watch battles and yell at Trainers who use dumb moves or bad strategies. I would watch a school and try to call the real answer out to the nervous kid. I would watch a couple and tell her to just dump him already because he's still cheating on her and he isn't about to stop any time soon.

Okay, so maybe I get a little bit passionate sometimes. At least I did then. But I realized that nothing I said or suggested made a difference. You humans never know if I'm watching you. You never hear what I have to say and you keep making dumb choices even though hundreds of your ancestors have suffered for the same mistakes. So I slowed down on my commentaries until I fully became a couch potato, watching passive and silent as you live your lives for the wiser or dumber.

Yeah, so here I am, once the great and mighty Giratina, now just a quiet loser. But I've been seeing things about this group called Team Galactic, that they're trying to manipulate time, space, and dimension. It's silly of them to try. But if you got in here, maybe they can. In that case, I might want to get back into shape.

If I can get the right motivation, that is.

Platinum entry: It was banished for its violence. It silently gazed upon the old world from the Distortion World.

I didn't expect Giratina's story to come out like this. But it's hilarious to me still.