Chapter 7

"I guess that proves this isn't some Capitol trick," I say, my eyes scanning the long stream of black and white names rolling down the television screen. So many names. "The Capitol would have had better effects."

The girl sitting beside me tilts her head to look into my eyes, her face caught somewhere between offended and amused. "Looks like bread's not the only thing you burn."

"You know it didn't happen like that, not really," I whisper. "Not the bread from when we were kids. None of it." There's a hollowed out loneliness in the pit my stomach and I can't stop staring at the names. Who are all these people that they should know about my life, even this twisted up version?

And about Katniss?

The victor always watches a recap of the Games afterwards, but so much happened to her that we never talked about—fighting with that boy during the bloodbath, the wall of fire that almost killed her. She told me about Rue and about what happened at the Cornucopia, but to see it, even a version of it, had my stomach twisted in knots.

And the movie implied that there was something between her and Gale…and that everything between us in the arena was a plan she cooked up with Haymitch. But there was no way for him to communicate with her, right? Not like the notes fake Haymitch sent in the movie.

I want to ask, but I don't know if I could take the answer. I squirm a little, thinking about the real Katniss and the one Jen plays. How much of what I saw is true?

So much of it wasn't right—the how, the where, the little facts—but it was never completely wrong, either.

Jen picks a circlet of pepperoni off the top of a cold slice of pizza, gesturing with it as she talks. "This is a movie. We're actors. There is no 'really happened.'" She sighs and bends forward to touch her forehead to mine. "It's just you and me on the screen, reading lines and pretending."

"Was Katniss just pretending with me during the Games, like in the movie?" I look into the blue of her eyes. They're an odd shape, tilting down at the corners and I find myself swallowing thickly.

She pulls away from me and gives a breathy laugh. "This is why I don't take characters personally. Josh, we only have a little while together and this isn't how I wanted to spend it."

Jen collapses against me, wrapping her arms around my waist, her head buried against my shoulder. It's intimate and I'm not used to girls, well, expect Katniss, but it doesn't feel strange with her, which might be because everything she does is a little strange.

Not to mention, personal space is apparently a foreign concept to her.

The credits finally stop rolling and the screen turns a faintly glowing black. I look down at the top of Jen's blonde head and try to imagine it the wavy nut brown from the movie and compare it to the straight raven black of the real Katniss' hair. "You didn't answer my question."

"I'm trying to sleep here," she mumbles against my chest. "I can't remember the last time I got to sleep like this."

I wonder exactly how close she and this Josh person are. Close enough to sleep wrapped up like this, close enough for her to recognize the differences between him and me almost immediately. And I have to admit, Josh looks like me. It was strange seeing him answering to my name, knowing he wasn't me.

"Jen…"

"It's complicated, okay? All mixed up with outsmarting the Gamemakers and getting sponsors and keeping you alive."

"Did Haymitch really tell Katniss to kiss me?"

"No, not like in the movie, but he made it clear that's what the audience wanted."

"How?"

"I don't know… with the sponsors' gifts? The timing?"

"And neither of you could have let me in on it? You had to keep me in the dark. Why?"

She sits up, her face inches from mine. "You might have noticed you're still alive! I risked my life to save yours. You think I would have done that if I didn't love you."

We're both staring at each other, breathing hard, eyes huge with shocked awareness, when Jen shakes her head and gives another of those husky laughs, the spell broken. "What am I doing?"

I feel my lips curve a little. "I thought you didn't take characters personally."

"I don't, not usually."

I pause before asking my next question. "You really think Katniss loves me."

"I fucking hope she loves you…I mean if she were real, which she isn't... God, you've got me sounding crazier than you!" Jen yawns and settles back against me, closing her eyes. "Just read the epilogue script."

I pick up the script from where it sits on the end table, weighing it again in my hand. The light is fading outside, but I can still make out the words. It's less scary somehow, after seeing the movie. I take in a deep breath and open the first page to Katniss' words:

SUNSET. MEADOW ON OUTSKRITS OF D12.

A silhouette walks through a field of grass, caressing the tall blades as she goes. The light is soft and the weather is mild.

KATNISS IN VOICE OVER

After everything that's happened—the Games, all the bloodshed—can anything ever be good again? For months, even years this question haunted me.

The person walking through the grass is slowly revealed. It's Katniss, her dark hair hanging down in waves. There is a sense of peace about her movements that hasn't been there before.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

I do know nothing will ever be the same….

In the distance there are small figures dancing around. They are just out of focus, but the voices are high and playful.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

The arenas have been completely destroyed, the memorials built, there will be no more Hunger Games.

The figure in the distance come into focus—a dark-haired girl and a toddler boy with blond hair. They are dancing, smiling, playing.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

But there are too many missing, so many who did not live to see the peace we fought for: Rue, Thresh, all the victims of the Games…

There is an illustrated book laying on a blanket with images of the dead from the Games. The pages flip, highlighting Rue, Foxface, Thresh.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

Victims of the war…

The book now shows images of Finnick, Boggs.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

And Prim, who will never meet her niece and nephew…

There is an illustration of Prim next to a pressed primrose.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

…my children, who don't know they play on a graveyard.

The children are still playing, picking flowers, happy and oblivious to all the destruction that has come before them. The words of the meadow song can now be heard.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

The nightmares will never fully go away. And some days I am so afraid everything will be taken away, that I will never be able to explain to my children what happened without terrifying them, but on those days Peeta is there to help me and, like always, we fight the darkness together.

Katniss, a faraway look on her face, watches the children play along with Peeta, who is sitting with her on the blanket. They are holding hands. Bread, round goat cheese, and the book lay nearby.

PEETA

(puts his arm around Katniss, kisses her)

We'll teach them, make them understand in a way that makes them braver.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

So we live, remembering those we have lost, loving each other, taking pleasure in the sweet, fleeting moments…

Peeta stands up and goes over to his daughter, picks her up and swings her in the air. She's brave, just like her parents. The toddler climbs into Katniss' lap and she holds him close.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

We make it a game, a list of every act of goodness we've ever seen someone do. It's a long game. Tedious. Maybe even boring after all this time, but…

Screen blurs slowly then fades to black.

KATNISS VOICE OVER (CONT'D)

There are much worse games to play.

I calmly nudge the girl sprawled across me, trying hard to ignore the banging of my heart, the prick of tears in my eyes.

"What?" she asks sleepily.

"Is this real… is this what's really going to happen," I ask, completely calm.

Jen squints a little and sits up to look at me. "In the epilogue?"

"Yeah," I say calmly. "And in the book."

"That's basically what happens in the book," Jen says.

"Katniss has my babies?" I do my best to keep the words even.

Jen rolls her eyes. "Yes, Katniss has your babies."

"And she loves me?" I press.

Another eye roll, "Yes."

Before I know what I'm doing, I've rocketed to my feet and Jen tumbles out of my lap onto the floor.

"Ouch!" she yells disgruntled.

"I'm sorry," I say, reaching out a hand to help her up and then I'm turning in circles. "I have to go. I have to find a way back home. Katniss needs me. I mean she's going to need me and nobody ever needs me, but she does."

I know it's not a perfect fairy tale ending. I can tell that the Games were not the end of our problems and that there's probably more pain and bloodshed in my future, but it has to be worth it. Katniss Everdeen loves me and somehow, someway, there are no more Hunger Games and our children are safe.

"What?" Jen asks, she grabs my shoulders and I realize how fast I was talking.

"To District 12," I say slower. "I have to find a way to get back to Katniss. If Prim dies and all the rest of the epilogue is true, I have to be there to help her."

Jen looks over at her bodyguard, who I'd forgotten was even in the room and pulls me into the other room. "I knew letting you see the movie was a mistake…I think I need to call the neurologist." She reaches for the bag she brought with her from the other room.

I put my hand on top of hers. "Please don't. I need your help, Jen. Will you help me?"

Jen closes her eyes and lets out a long sigh. "What can I do?"

"Help me find a way home."

"And if there is no way home?" she asks.

I let out my own sigh and sit down on the bed. "Then I'll admit I'm Josh Hutcherson and I'll be him."

"And you'll do the epilogue in two days?" she asks, sitting down next to me.

I snort softly. "It's only one line."

"Yeah, but it's not the size of the part, but the size of the actor's part that matters."

"What?"

"So how do I help you find home?"

"I need to meet the person who wrote these books."