June 20, 2017
Annie had one final stop to make after the florist. She arranged for a Taxi take her to the cemetery and wait for her until she could say a proper goodbye. The grave site was neat and trimmed. She paid well to make sure it was always pristine. After placing the flowers, she sat on the bench. "Andy, it's done. I got rid of the she whore and her minions. They won't hurt anyone else. I know that mom's illness was hard on you. That's when the drinking started; the anger; staying away for days at a time. I should have known something else was going on but I ignored it, too caught up with graduation and getting ready for college. I was selfish.
I'm so lonely Andy. I miss you everyday. You were my other half. Clutching her chest, she continued. "After you, you left me, I found your journal. I know all about what she did to you. I sent the devil woman a copy of a book, The Submissive's Revenge, just because I liked the title; fitting don't you think? Please forgive me Andy for not protecting you but I have saved countless others in your name. You did not die in vain. I have to go away for a little while. But please know how much I love you. I have to say goodbye to Mom and Dad, you know that's going to be rough. I'm not sure I can make them understand. Wish me luck. She kissed her fingers and then touched the stone.
Unable to find Christian or Taylor, Ana and Luke headed to the last known address of Analise Stone. She wasn't there and the land lord reported she hadn't lived there for two months. They didn't have a phone number, credit cards hadn't been used, and her bank account was closed about the same time she moved out of the apartment. There were hundreds of hotels in and around Seattle that accepted cash without an ID. She could be anywhere. At two AM, they called it a night.
The next morning over pancakes and sausage, they discussed what they knew. Ana periodically checked her phone for any word from Christian or Welch.
With his mouth full, Luke looked up to Ana, "I think I might know where she could be. It's probably a long shot but"…..
"Go ahead Luke, what is it? I don't' have a clue where she could be."
"Just grab your bag shorty and come on".
An hour later, they pulled up to a beautifully manicured, park like setting of The Bridges Cemetery.
"Confused, she asked, "What are we doing here Luke?".
"I don't know Ana, I thought she might want to say goodbye to Andrew in case she's leaving town.
They walked quietly towards the final resting place of Andrew Stone. So engrossed in their search, they nearly collided with a petite blonde with a sharp bob hair cut and large dark glasses. She was carrying a single blood orange rose.
A few steps later, they found it. The headstone lay in front of a marble bench. Some one had indeed been there; a fresh bouquet of sun flowers on the grave. "We missed her Ana whispered". They scanned the cemetery looking for any trace when they spotted, just a few rows over, a bouquet of blood orange roses. Realization dawned on both of them at the same time. "The girl we ran into, it was her"!
Ana and Luke made their way over to the double headstone of Angelina and Paul Stone; Luke pulled up the information on Andrew Stone on his phone. 'Damn Ana, how did we miss this? The mother died of cancer a year before Andrew committed suicide and then the father is killed by a crazed ex-employee less than a year after Andrew."
Tears streamed down Ana's face as she thought of the lonely young woman losing her entire family in such a short span of time. "She's all alone Luke".
They ran out of the cemetery searching the street. There was no sign of her. She was gone.
July 2, 2017
Bronchial Pneumonia and an acute respiratory infection brought him to his knees and two weeks in the hospital. He hadn't felt for well several days, but brushed it off as lack of sleep, anxiety over the serial killer, Elena, and over indulgence in 100 year old bourbon. Much to the distress of his family, the doctors suggested a medically induced coma to give his body a chance to rest and heal. He awoke to his mothers red rimmed eyes, asleep at his side. Her excitement at seeing him awake was evident when she lunged at him and held him in a tight embrace. After a few moments, he returned her embrace for the first time; which only made his mom hold him tighter. That is how his father found them. Mia and Elliot arrived later in the day.
The conversation was light and jovial thanks to Elliott. Christian allowed himself to enjoy the easy banter, smiling appropriately but without really participating. He indulged the fluffed pillows, inquiries of his comfort, and kisses to his forehead. He wanted to remember this, certain they wouldn't have anything to do with him once they knew everything. He was well aware of the worried exchanges and grateful they were evading the elephant in the room.
Christian was accustomed to presentations, negotiations, and hostile takeovers. Nothing in his repertoire prepared him for the conversation he was about to have with his family. Regret and loss permeated his soul. After today he would be alone. The good doctor tried to convince him other wise. Flynn kept his word and sat just to Christian's left; his family, tension marring their faces, waited anxiously in front of him. He observed each one of them and slowly began his story. His voice cracked several times, especially when his mother and sister broke into a fit of tears.
Of course they already knew that Elena had abused him. The FBI informed them that his name was among the files found in her home. Thankfully he was a minor at the time so his name couldn't be released to the public. They didn't know about the BDSM and his submissives. His father was anguished, his brother homicidal, Mia in shock, and his mother was inconsolable.
Carrick, holding his heart broken wife, was the first to break the silence, "Christian, I know a little something about pedophiles and child molesters; more than I ever wanted to know in fact. I've prosecuted my fair share. They are predators. It is their life's mission to prey on the innocent and isolate them their families. " This only made his mother cry harder. In her grief, she exclaimed "it's my fault, I'm a doctor, trained to recognize the signs of abuse and I failed you."
By now, Christian was up pacing the floor, copper locks in disarray. He dropped to his knees in front of his mother. It's not your fault, or dads, its all on me. Don't you see I'm fifty shades of fucked up?
Flynn cleared his voice and stood to address the very distraught, emotional family. He was confident they would get through this. It was the first step towards eradicating the venomous poisonous bite from Elena.
"Mr. Grey, Dr. Grey, we could spend the next hundred years rehashing and reviewing every conversation, every glance, every action, and reaction and it wouldn't change a thing, We are here today mostly because Elena Lincoln took advantage of a very troubled, impressionable young boy. She was an Academy Award winning actress, but most psychopaths are. She acted without conscience and wrecked havoc on lives of dozens of children and their families. The repercussions of her actions may be felt for years.
Christian and I will work on all of his issues. There will come a time when we will want to include the entire family in the sessions. The family needs come together and heal. Together we will get through this.
Ever the jokester, Elliott yelled for a "group hug".
Christian sat in Flynn's office ready to put his chapter behind him. For a brilliant businessman, he'd made some foolish mistakes. "Why didn't it see her for what she was John? My God, I make hundreds of decisions a day, affecting thousands of lives, in a dozen countries. I make my living reading people. My business depends on it. I'm so fucking stupid."
"Christian, the brilliant business you are today, would never have fallen into her web of deceit. She preyed on the innocent, vulnerable boys and girls of Seattle. She was a psychopath, without any moral qualms or conscience about using or abusing those children including you. She insinuated herself into your life at every turn. Your mother unwittingly provided Elena the tools necessary to aid in her seduction. Grace is no fool Christian, yet she too was bitten by the snake.
Christian groaned considering the burden of guilt Grace carried. "John, I'm ready to move forward. I have hurt so many people and missed out on having a life with my family. I don't want to continue down that road.
John clapped his hands together. "Good, that's what I want to hear. Shall we get started"? He handed Christian a single sheet of paper with a four bullet outline. "Christian, these will be our talking points for as long as it takes.
Solution Based Therapy
Birth Mother/Elena
Anger Management
Touch Therapy
The doctor gave Christian a few minutes to review. "Any questions so far Christian?"
Christian just shook his head and waited for the doctor to continue.
"Very well", he continued. "Let me begin by saying I am very excited and hopeful that what we discuss in this office will set you on the road to recovery. It may be difficult and overwhelming at times but the reward is you being able to live a full and rewarding life."
Christian skeptically viewed the doctor "Just tell me where and how to start".
"It has long been my professional opinion that you are suffering from PTSD. In fact, you are the text book definition of a PTSD sufferer. Before you could have been diagnosed and successfully treated, you met Elena. She used your disorder to her advantage and added a new one; Stockholm syndrome. She abused you and made you think is was acceptable. That woman isolated you from your family, convincing you that she was your only friend; the only one that would ever understand you. She taught you a warped, cruel version of BDSM as a coping mechanism."
Christian was listening intently and wondered if he would ever be normal. He wanted to object but based on what he now knew, there was no point. For the first time in all the years John had been his shrink, he was open and willing and desperate to change.
"Christian, the first thing we are going to do is develop a two year plan, which is the basis for SBT. Visualize where you want to be and we will develop a road map to get there. You do this everyday when acquiring new businesses for GEH. It's basically the same thought process."
"I want you to see that Elena isolated you from your friends and family by convincing you that they didn't really love, they couldn't love you; you are unlovable. Think back to your early years with your family and give me three examples, hell give me one, where Grace or Carrick mistreated you or were unkind". Flynn sat back and waited.
Christian stared out the window. Certainly there must something, some moment that made him question their love. He came up empty. "I don't know John, there wasn't just one thing. I wasn't something they did or didn't do, but I felt it."
Flynn nodded, "yes, you may have felt it but that is a symptom of the PTSD. Negative feelings about yourself or other people, Inability to experience positive emotions, Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior. On top of all of that Elena essentially held you hostage for nearly fifteen years, rewarding and punishishing you and manipulating you until you identified with her and acted like her.
Over the next several months they talked about the vicious Pimp-John-Prostitute cycle that had controlled more than two thirds of his life; first with his mother and then later with Elena procuring his submissives. All except one he thought. It repulsed him when he acknowledged that he had become a John, with Elena his pimp.
During this time, John arranged for him to meet with practicing Dominants and Submissives. Again disgusted that he had taken Elena at her word, he was tempted to offer an apology to a few of his former subs. He paled thinking about a particular brunette.
John broached the subject of forgiving his birth mother and Christian exploded. "Forgive her"? He screamed, ripping his shirt open to expose his scars, "Are you fucking kidding me?" I live with a constant reminder of her neglect. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of what she allowed to happen".
Flynn waited for his patient to calm down. "Christian, your mother was sick and unable to care for you or her. By your own admission, she would hide you as best she could to keep you safe. She did not want harm to come to you. If she hadn't wanted you, she could have given you away or worse yet sold you to the highest bidder. Christian, she was human. She made horrible, life altering choices. She deserves to be forgiven. We all deserve to be forgiven. Don't you want to be forgiven?"
Together they tackled his road map while simultaneously working in on his PTSD, affects of Stockholm syndrome, touch and anger issues. Flynn advised that he take a two month leave of absence to work with various specialists in touch therapy and anger management. "Christian, look at it as taking a full load of classes your first semester of college. I would suggest an inpatient clinic, but now that you are keenly focused, I don't believe that is necessary.
You will learn that many of your challenges are intertwined. Your self loathing and belief that you can't love or be loved; makes you angry. Your fear of abandonment and inability to be touched; makes you angry. The loss of control makes you angry. It is all tied to PTSS and Stockholm syndrome. The good news is that with hard work and determination, we can turn everything around.
Christian could only nod in agreement. He had been angry his entire life about, well everything.
Together Flynn and Christian discussed empathy. He finally accepted that his charity was because he didn't want others to go hungry, homeless, or uneducated. Once again Elena had tainted his reasoning, reinforcing his inability to feel, convincing him that it was just good business. Flynn had suggested that he could have simply written a check if he didn't have a heart.
Christian scoffed at that "No John, I couldn't just right a check. There were too much at stake. I had to make sure the money, food and materials fell into the right hands. Some of the progress the agricultural department at WSU is on the cusp of making scientific break thoughts and the long term implications…He stopped when he noticed the smirk on the doctor's face.
"What are you grinning about?" he asked thru gritted teeth.
"You Christian. You care about feeding the hungry and you enjoyed the challenge. You should see your face describing breakthroughs on techniques I'll never understand. Not only that, but there was a sense of pride in your voice. Stop telling yourself you don't have a heart".
"Bullshit it was just..."
"Yeah, I know just good business. Still not convinced eh? Let's talk about your mother and Mia", the doc continued. "All they have to do is mention something in passing and voila, they have it; anything from cooking school in Paris to a new radiology equipment for the hospital. "
"That doesn't prove anything John. They wanted it. I had the money. I bought it."
"But why do you care? Could it be that it made them happy and you wanted them to be happy?"
Christian sighed, about to reveal an act that had plagued him for over two years. "If I had a heart I wouldn't have treated Anastasia the way I did. I should have followed my instincts and not listened to Elena. She was so beautiful, kind loving and I treated her horribly.
A shocked John Flynn finally asked "who is this Anastasia Christian?" I haven't heard her name before. When were you with her? Was she a submissive?"
The remainder of the session, Christian unloaded his guilt and remorse for the way he had mistreated Anastasia, the way they met, what he'd felt, Elena's influence, the last time they were in the playroom, and finally her ending the contract.
"Looking through my notes, it appears that you started having a difficult time keeping submissives about that time. Why do you think that was?"
"They weren't Anastasia. It took me a long time to realize that but I looked for her in all of them. They were all petite, pale, and brunette but they didn't have her heart, her soul. I can't even put her in the same category as any of them. She was so much fucking more and I punished her because I didn't deserve her. How sick is that?"
"So Christian, this number two on the SBT goal setting exercise; First on the list is to repair the relationship with your family, second is to have a Normal Relationship, does that have anything to do with your Anastasia?"
"She won't want anything to do with me John. More than anything, I broke her trust. I know now that BDSM is all about trust. I didn't know it at the time of course. It seems my teacher left that lesson out. Why didn't I listen to you years ago when you suggested that I do my own research into the lifestyle?"
"Remember Christian, you can't live your life with what ifs. Why not reach out to her, to apologize if nothing else. Maybe one day you can be friends. Now, what are your plans for the holiday?
'Sheepishly, um, I'm taking the family and Ros and Gwen out on the Grace and then over to Bainbridge Island. We'll be back on Monday early enough for Elliott and dad to join me for a Sea Hawks game".
"That's great Christian; we still have a lot of work to do but you've come a long way".
Standing to shake the man's hand, "your right John, I never would have imagined a year ago that I would actually be looking forward to a weekend, on my boat, with the family.
February 2018
Ana was comfortably seated in her favorite coffee shop sipping her new favorite drink, chi tea latte. She loved it here. It had the feel of and old world library with the walls stacked high with books, vintage, over stuffed chairs, a barista and bakery. What was not to love? It was her private sanctuary.
Now that the search of "dominant killer" was in more capable hands and her 3rd book was quickly climbing the best seller list, she had the luxury of taking a few days for herself. She and Kate were planning a girl's trip; a combination vacation and pre wedding getaway before Kate's and Elliot's big day.
Reflecting over the last year still sent shivers down her spine. Never in a million years would she have even considered the possibility of being caught up in the madness of chasing a serial killer. Jason told her that a copy of her book was delivered to Elena along with the list of the eight men. That was how she came to be involved in that whole clusterfuck.
She and Luke occasionally wondered where Annie might be and how she was doing. They hoped she was able to find peace. It's not that they condoned murder, but they understood. That was also the reason Luke waited a few days before he turned over the folder on Andrew and Analise Stone. His organization was unable to find anything. He questioned whether it was ability or priority. Regardless, she had simply disappeared.
The case stirred up memories that were uncomfortable. Immediately after the events, the old nightmares plagued her but not like before. She was much more comfortable with her sexuality and was learning what she liked and didn't like. She also knew that she was no ones submissive, in or out of the bedroom. If a man was going to spank her bottom, he better be ok with getting spanked.
With the support of Cecelia, and her therapist (yes she did decide to see one), she accepted that she had been involved in a toxic relationship; one, that over time had chipped away at her self esteem and everything she thought she knew about love, and relationships. She had become a submissive simply because she wanted what so many before her had wanted...Christian Grey's love. It had taken her mothers death to remove the proverbial blindfold from her eyes. "Mom, thank you so much for opening my eyes. I don't know where I'd be now if you hadn't encouraged me to be true to myself".
Ana had yet to find the love of her life but she was no longer afraid. She dated often and had enjoyed one relatively long relationship. It ended only because she didn't want to leave Seattle when Brandon's firm moved him to NY. Sighing deeply she closed her eyes resting her head on the back of the chair. When she opened them, someone was standing in front of her. She looked up and was met with nervous Grey eyes.
For a moment they stared at each other, neither sure how to proceed. After what seemed like hours, but probably only a minute or two, Ana's southern manners won out and she gestured him to sit. Tilting her head to one side, she waited for the man in front of her to speak. "Should I even ask how you knew where to find me? I swear Grey, your stalker tendencies know no bounds"
"Anastasia" he began, rubbing his hands thru his hair and over his face, "damn it, you have refused every effort to return my calls and emails". I wanted to reach out to, to thank you and to apologize. Christian held up his hand when Anastasia attempted to interrupt. When she sat back in her chair, he continued. Over the next several hours, he told his story from early childhood, thru adolescence, introduction to BDSM, Elena, subsequent and on going therapy.
"I now know that the way I treated you was despicable. It was so very wrong. I knew that you were falling for me and I took advantage of that. I had been taught that a virgin submissive was a right of passage, a privilege, an honor; BDSM Elena Lincoln style. God forgive me." A lump formed in his throat as he remembered her tears and the damage he'd left on her emotionally and physically. "I abused your trust." He shook his head and reluctantly looked into her eyes for the first time since he began telling his story. Clear blue eyes stared back at him, her face unreadable.
"So we have Elena to blame for what happened to us? I never thought I would say this about anyone, but I'm glad she's dead. I get it Christian, I really do. She was an experienced child predator. Once you were under her spell, she filled your head with lies, alienated you from your family. She had you under her thumb for six year, well twelve really if you include the "escort business". Shaking her head, she imagined a young, awkward, sullen teenage boy. She hurt for him.
Christian, your history is difficult to hear and my heart breaks for the child and teenager that suffered so much. I am happy that you are receiving the therapy you needed so long ago. But seriously Christian, a right of passage? You treated me like a dog, ejaculated on me, fucking me from behind on my knees, and then telling me good girl? You did everything but pet me on my head for Christ's sake! The memories flooding to the surface had her practically hyperventilating. Alarmed Christian didn't know what to do. He rightly sensed that touching her was out of the question.
Slowly she raised her head and observed the object of her pain. "I spent a long time enduring nightmares and afraid to become involved with any man. I questioned my judgment about everything. How the hell did I let myself get to agree to a contract for Christ's sake web? Was I that stupid, desperate, and naive? What vibe did I give off that you so easily picked up on?
I fear, that my mother died disappointed in the life I was living. She thought I was in an abusive relationship. She was so sad for me and it breaks my heart to know that I brought that pain to her in her final hours. I hated myself and woke up screaming in the night, dreaming of my mother turning her back on me. Don't you get it? I don't want to relive any of that shit Christian. I was the darkest time of my life. I want to move forward and your presence just brings me back to that cesspool.
Christian bowed his head in shame. This is not what he wanted for her. Finally she added, "I share some of the responsibility for my involvement with you. I ignored your warning because I thought you could love me. It was my choice to stay. I signed a contract allowing all of it. I don't hate you for that but for a long time, I didn't like me. Even after I agreed to that….arrangement, there were times when we were almost like any other couple. Well other than me calling you master" she finished with a wry chuckle. But when it was bad, I questioned my sanity when I would return the following weekend. But I did return."
I was angry because you used my love against me. I was just a number to you. You never loved me; you took advantage of my youth and inexperience. BDSM, as you practiced was cruel and demeaning. I'd like to think that chapter is behind me and if you continue to practice BDSM, you are practicing it the right way. This, pointing to her chest, "Submissive's Revenge" is to simply be happy; no contracts, no NDA's, no rules, other than my own, to live life to its fullest, and to make my parents proud. Regardless of everything Christian, I want you to be happy too.
He didn't know if what he had to say would make things better or worse, but he had nothing to lose. He leaned over the table, placing his hands flat on the table. "You're wrong about part of it Ana". He hurried on, it was now or never. "First of all, I've given up the life style. I no longer need or want it. I don't have a problem with BDSM but I used it inappropriately and as a coping mechanism.
Secondly, I did love you; I just didn't know how to embrace that emotion at the time. I'd been taught that love was for fools; that I was neither capable of giving or receiving love. It made me so angry that I couldn't have a normal relationship with you that I took my anger and frustration out in the play room. I'm not making excuses and I don't expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I am so very sorry. I will never forgive my self for the way I treated you."
Ana stared at him for a long time. It brought her a small amount of relief to know that she hadn't been totally wrong. "Christian, I forgive you; in fact, I forgave you a long time ago. The person I struggled to forgive was me. I let myself down and I let my family down. I deserve more than a relationship based on a contract. But I settled for that. So if you want absolution from me, you have it. The rest of it is on me. You need to forgive yourself so you can move forward."
Christian smiled inwardly for the first time since he'd entered the book store. She had forgiven him and she did not hate him. He wanted to make this right somehow. Anastasia was different, and always had been. The only time he came close to being happy, it was with her. He knew that at least for a while she was happy with him too. Ana had always been the light to his darkness even though he hadn't realized it at the time.
He was not delusional enough to think she would fall into his arms today or ever but he had hope. "Anastasia, I've had a lot of time to think about what I want in life. I took some time off to work on myself, and spend time with my family. Up until now it's been void of any real joy. I realized sadly, that I've never taken the time to cultivate friendships. I'd like to try to make amends and perhaps we could become friends."
This time Ana looked like a deer caught in headlights. Gazing into gray eyes he looked so hopeful and sad at the same time. "Christian, I don't know if that is even possible. It's taken me a long time to grow into the person I am and I like me. I'll never submit to you or any man. We have an ugly, sordid history and"
Christian cut her off "just think about it Anastasia. I'm not in the lifestyle anymore and I don't want that for you. I should never have lead you down that rabbit hole. I was selfish. There are very few people in this world that I trust and I trust you. More importantly I want you to trust me again.
Ana looked down at her phone and realized she was late for dinner with Cecelia. "Christian, I want to thank you for finding me today. This conversation was enlightening and long over due. I will give it some thought. This is my favorite spot. Maybe I'll see you here again", she said, raising an eyebrow with a smirk on her lips.
Together they stood to leave. He walked her to her car. Just as the door was closing, her name a whisper on his lips, "Anastasia". She turned to him with a barely there smile, "Christian".